Title - The Wretched
Author - Lady Disdain
E-mail - The_Lady_Disdain@mailcity.com
Rating - R
Category - Story
Summary - The unhappy version of Mulder's abduction.
Spoilers - seventh season finale
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, Fox does 
and I'm just borrowing them. I also do not own Nine 
Inch Nails or their lyrics.

Author's Note: This is a sad story. In fact it is so 
sad I don't know how I can bring myself to write it. 
But it is a possibility that Mulder's abduction was 
like this and I think we need to recognize that. 

ATTENTION: this NOT part of the "Thy Summer's Play" 
series!
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"The Wretched" by Lady Disdain 
<The_Lady_Disdai@mailcity.com>

"just a reflection
just a glimpse
just a little reminder
of all the what abouts
and all the might have
could have beens
another day
some other way
but not another reason to continue
and now you're one of us
the wretched

the hopes and prays
the better days
the far aways
forget it

it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to
it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to, did it?

now you know
this what it feels like
now you know
this is what it feels like"
- Nine Inch Nails "The Wretched"

The light draws me in. I don't want to go. I have a 
feeling that if I go I'll never come back. I don't 
want that. The light is greedy and takes anyone its 
want. It wants me.

All of the others are in the light too. They smile 
and nod at me. But I know it is not because they are 
happy to see me. I am the man who wanted this. The 
man who asked them so many questions and tried to get 
to the bottom of this. I tried to save them from 
this. And now I am just another fool in this cruel 
joke. So they smile at me.

The ship passes over us and as I look up into the 
light. It is painfully bright and it hurts my eyes. I 
know that it is only the beginning.
*****************************************************
I wake up on a table in an operating room. They are 
doing tests. Horrible tests. I want to tell them to 
stop but no words come out.

Pain begins to shoot up my spine and out to all the 
nerves. Every cell erupts with searing pain. I want 
to scream and writhe and curl up into a ball but I 
can't, the restrains won't let me. I am forced to 
just lie here as they do their tests and feel the 
pain.

It goes on for what seems like hours. And then it 
happens. Scully told me about this once; sometimes 
when people are in such great pain their body all but 
shuts down because otherwise they wouldn't be able to 
function. I feel my heart rate slow and my eyelids 
begin to get heavy. Unfortunately my nightmares 
aren't much better.

In my dream, I am sitting on the floor playing some 
stupid game with Samantha. I hate babysitting it's so 
boring. Then I feel frozen. I can move. The light 
comes in through the window and it latches on to 
Samantha. She's screaming, "Fox! Help me! Fox!" but 
she really means, "Why aren't you helping me?" I 
don't know why I can't move. I can't even get up. So 
I watch them take her.

"Mulder!! Help!!" Those are the Scully's cries into 
her phone as Duane Barry abducts her. And again I am 
helpless. I might as well be frozen because I can't 
stop them from taking her.

I see all of the people in the blue that I could not 
stop from ending up here. I couldn't even stop 
myself. 

There are so many others who have been sacrificed for 
my blind search. All of their deaths are replayed in 
my mind over and over again as I sleep.
*****************************************************
I wake up in a room with the others. We all are 
strapped on tables with restrains. Bright lights 
above glare into my eyes. 

I turn my head to the left and see Billy lying on the 
table next to me. I look into his eyes and see 
nothing. His eyes are blank, they have robbed him of 
everything. They tortured his mind and his body. They 
have taken his soul. 

I look around the room and see that everyone else has 
the same blank eyes. The others all stare, not 
focusing on any object. They are not thinking any 
thoughts, they have no feelings. 

Perhaps I am the only one left. I don't have much 
time to consider that thought before two men with 
crew cuts approach and unstrap me and lead me down a 
long hallway. 
*****************************************************
They throw me into my cell, which reminds me of the 
one the Russians held me in. Only this time I know 
there is no hope of escaping. I sit on the concrete 
floor and I wait for whatever they are bringing me. 

Minutes later I hear a key in the lock. The door 
slowly creaks open and a woman walks in. I recognize 
her. This time I know it is finally her. Samantha. I 
say her name out loud as I get up and approach her 
with my arms wide ready to hug her. 

I am so blinded by happiness that I do not see the 
hate in her eyes. I do not see her right hand slowly 
turned into a fist. I am caught off guard when she 
hits me. I land badly and lay sprawled on the 
concrete. Again I say her name. Samantha.

She kneels down beside me and grabs my shirt and 
violently pulls my head up, forcing me to look at 
her. "Bastard." She releases her grip and lets my 
head hit the floor.

She rises and begins to pace back and forth from wall 
to wall of the cell as she screams at me. "Do you 
*realize* Fox, that if you had just left the whole 
thing alone they were going to return me? But no, you 
has to put up missing signs all around the city for 
years after they took me, you had to publicize the 
abduction, you had to open the fucking X-Files to 
investigate it." 

I tried to speak but the words wouldn't come. She 
kept on, ignoring my attempts at speech, "The tests 
were over but they had to start them again, all 
because of you! They drilled me for hours asking me 
why you did this and did that. They fucking cloned me 
just to screw with you." 

She paused in mid-stride and kicked me in the 
stomach. "I had to watch them make more of me like I 
was a fucking toy. Like I was some freaking product! 
I had to spend what was left of my childhood living 
with the Spenders. The SPENDERS! I had to sit there 
and watch mom and dad fall apart just because you 
wouldn't let it go. You wouldn't admit it that you 
let the family down. You had to prove yourself. Right 
the wrong." 

She paused and kicked me again. "Now *I'M* righting 
the wrong, Fox. Now *I'M* ending your stupid search. 
You'll get your answers, Fox. Ignorance is bliss, 
Fox, remember that. Now *you* get to watch the world 
crumble and be completely helpless to stop it!" 

She pulled out her gun and I stared into her blank 
eyes. I felt what was left of me go. 

She pointed her gun at me between my blank eyes, 
"Didn't turn out like you wanted it to, did it?" 

"the clouds will part and the sky cracks open
and god himself will reach his fucking arm
through
JUST TO PUSH YOU DOWN
JUST TO HOLD YOU DOWN
stuck in this hole with the shit and the piss
and it's hard to believe it could come down to this
back at the beginning
sinking
spinning

and in the end
we still spend
not knowing when
you're finally free
and you could be

but it didn't turn out the way you wanted it to
it didn't turn out quite the way that you wanted it

now you know
this is what it feels like
now you know
this is what it feels like

you can try to stop it but it keeps on coming
you can try to stop is but"
- Nine Inch Nails "The Wretched"
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Thanks :-)