Ok, so on this messageboard: http://handalf.proboards10.com/index.cgi there are a bunch of lord of the rings fanatics who get together to perform numerous spin offs and other random acts of sillyness. This is one of them. It's a collection of things said by lotr characters that are contrary to what they would normally say. Naturally, we try to make up most of them by ourselves, but there are some we have taken from other online places that we thought were really funny. I hope you enjoy this collection!! The ones in bold are my own creation.
Orlando Bloom: When I think of Legolas, I think of a lizard...
Gimli: Elves are so much cooler than dwarves. Honest!
Elrond: ...and most of all I name Peregrin Took of The Shire as the leader of the Fellowship of the Ring!
The hobbits: Eww, gross! Mushrooms!
Eowyn: I don't want to go anywhere. I would rather sit in my room and knit than fight in a war. That's Arwen's department.
Frodo: What are you talking about? I totally do not flirt with Goldberry.
Gollum: It's time I start learning some good English...
Aragorn: *sniff* I'll be over in the cornor sulking if anyone needs me which I doubt because everyone hates me...
Pippin: Now let's consider this situation carefully...
Sam: aww come on mr. frodo, give the little smeagol a chance!
Bilbo: I am so tired of this wretched ring! Here Frodo, you take it. I never want to see it again.
Sean Astin (when asked what movie he wants to win at the oscars): A Beautiful Mind, A Beautiful Mind, A Beautiful Mind, A Beautiful Mind....
Elrond: Welcome to my humble home! Stay as long as you like! Eat as much as you want! Bring a friend! Bring a pet! Bring a dwarf!
Gimli: Hey Legolas, how do you say "How much do those peaches cost?" in Sindarin?
Wormtonge: If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!
Theodin: *clap! clap!*
Gandalf: I dont know. What do you sugest, Pippin?
Treebeard: Does anyone have a match?
Mouth of Sauron: Hi, my master wants to invite you in for some tea! No need to get testy here...
Faramir: How bout a "father-son barbeque" dad??
Sauron: Give me the stone! I mean the Shoes! I mean...I mean...I am your father!!!...Oh I give up....*throws scripts out the window*
Treebeard: come on hurry up!! Hurry up I tell you!!
Haldir: The dwarf gets to go first! stand aside, you "king".
Aragorn: *at the paths of the dead* err, on second thought, the other way is much more scenic!
Legolas: *as a bunch of elven girls flutter their eyelashes at him* you know....we can always stay more time here in Lothlorien. I mean, think of Frodo. Frodo has had it hard. More rest would do him good......*to himself* it would do me good!
Any hobbit: Let's go to Payless Shoes!
Gimli: *runs over to Balin's tomb* Good! Finally that old coot is dead! Now I can finally get what he left me in his will!
Legolas: I think I'm going to cut my hair!
Gimli: I think I'm going to brush my hair!
*Elendil gets wiped out by Sauron* Islildur: YES! Now I am finally king! Muhahaha!
Gollum: We must get out of this nasty cave, my preciousss! Into the sun we must go. Yesss! Into the big, bright, beautiful sun, my preciousss.
Boromir: I really dont want to be the Steward. Neither does Faramir. Do you wanna rule, Pippin?
Gimli: Hey Glad, can I have one of your leg hairs?
Galadriel: *SMACK*
Celeborn: *SMACK THRASH WHACK*
Legolas: The only good tree is a chopped up tree.
*a hobbit bilboard* WARNING: smoking kills 2 hobbits every minute. truth is contagious
Gollum: "Hullo, my name is Precious. You stole my ring. Prepare to die."
Aragorn: *chops off both of lurtz's arms*
Lurtz: come on then! *rams into Aragorn*
Aragorn: I just chopped your other arm off!
Lurtz: No you didn't.
Aragorn: LOOK! *points to the arms on the ground*
Lurtz: merely a flesh wound.
Aragorn: You're a loony
Legolas: What? a ranger? tuh. You can't be Isildur's heir!
Aragorn: but -
Legolas: King indeed. who made you king? I didn't see any ceremony and I certainly didn't vote for you!
Aragorn: well -
Legolas: I mean, how do I know you're a king? You certainly don't smell like one...
Aragorn....
Legolas: oh shutup already!
Any hobbit: No thanks, I'm trying to cut back on my fats and mushrooms.
*Legolas in a suit leading tours of caves*: and over here we have some nice staglimite. look at the formation. Man, I love it down here!
Faramir: Woe is me! I hate my life! There is nothing left for me! I think I'll go burn myself....*sniff sniff*
Treebeard to Gandalf: Halflings taste like beefsteak. Hoom hoom...
Theoden and Wormtongue's duet: OH what a beautiful moooorning! OH what a beautiful day! I've got a beautiful feeeeeling EVErythings GOing my waaaaay!
Peter Jackson: I think I'll make a movie without anything gross or violent or bloody...
Frodo: I know the way, but I'm stayin right here.
John Rhys-Davies: I am currently taking elvish lessons...
Smaug: Yard sale at my place next saturday from eight to one.
Saruman with palantir: Can you hear me now? Good!
Elijah Wood: Smoking kills
Orlando Bloom: Skydiving is WAY too dangerous for me. I've already broken my back once!
Billy Boyd: I hate my fans!
Viggo Mortensen: Who in their right mind would wanna PAINT and WRITE and dabble in PHOTOGRAPHY? You wont catch ME doing something so dumb...
Coneys: Cook me! Cook me!
Gandalf: FOOL OF A BAGGINS!!!
Gandalf after Frodo volenteers to take the ring: Score! Bagend is mine!
Boromir going over the falls: Boooyaaa-ha ha ha
stolen
Aragorn: We will stop for our mid-day meal now.
Aragorn on the mountain: The snow is too deep to make it back down. The hobbits will have to carry us.
Wormtongue: It's time for my morning facial!!!
Gandalf: *blinks* Oh my giddy aunt....
that one was stolen
Sam to the Gaffer when he returned to the Shire: Well that was a big waste of time...
Pippin: Aww, do we have to? I'm still digesting my breakfast. Can't we just keep walking for another 3 miles before we stop again?
Eowyn: Hold on wormy, I'll be right there!
Wormtongue: awww you're such a sweety, honey.
