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You know you're an Asian American if . .
1.You get a kick out of reading this cuz you know it's true.
2.When you eat rice with just about anything...including American Food
3.When everyone thinks you know kungfu or karate
4.When you think you know kungfu or karate
5.You think 5'6" is tall
6.You look at your Asian friend and see that he has the same haircut as you
7.You're so caught up in name brand stuff, your pocket lint is labeled Calvin Klein
8.Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you when you were really 15
9.You ask your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later they're still lecturing
10.You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry
11.The arcade is the place to be
12.Everyone thinks you're "Chinese" no matter what part of Asia your ancestors were from
13.You've had a bowl haircut at one point in your life.
14.Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends' kids.
15.You found yourself watching Asian television station (korean, japanese, etc.) and enjoying it
16.Your parents say, "Don't forget your heritage."
17.You only drive Japanese cars and probably have a "got rice" sticker on the bumber.
18.You've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom.
19.Your bangs are either long enough for you to touch with your tongue, or your hair is gelled up in spikes hard enough to impale small mammals.
20.At least once, you've started a joke with "Confucius say . . . "
21.You understand the message in the fortune cookie.
22.You've probably dyed your hair brown one time or another in your life.
23.Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back and closet doors.
24.You hear (your name + eee (optional) + yah!) every time someone calls you.
25.You don't throw away anything in fear you might need it one day.
26.Idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian languages, like the ever-so-popular: ching chong woo bok chi, etc .
27.Your parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin.
28.The Bio lectures on marine life (seaweed, sea cucumbers, octopii) was last night's dinner
29.Your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher.
30.At least one family member wears black wire/plastic frame glasses
31.Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, "In (native country), we studied even more"
32.Your parents expect you'll be best friends with any one off the street in any given area as long as they are Asian
33.An Asian woman comes on campus and people ask: "Is that your mother/sister?"
34.Your relatives' houses smell like incense, mothballs or both
35.Your parents say, "Calculus? I took calculus in 8th grade!!"
36.Everyone thinks you're good at math or just plan smart
37.Your parents' vocabulary is filled with "Ai-yahs and Wah's"
38.Your family owns some kind of hi-fi system with a karaoke machine.
39.Teachers mispronounce your name from the first day of school till the last day of school
40.Your parents tell you to turn off all the lights in your house in order to save money
41.Your parents insist you marry within your race. Asian guys really like Asian girl
42.You know the many ways rice can be prepared. And you can tell the difference between 'em.
43.You either really, really want to go to UCI or really, really want to stay away from it.
44.You're at a restaurant, people ask you "How do you use this chop stick?"
45.People think you're a communist.
46.You learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents
47."You want a stereo!?! When I was your age, I didn't even have shoes!!"
48.People see a bunch of scribbles on a chopstick and ask you to translate
49.Your grandparents have a funky medicine smell
50.You have lots of aunts and uncles and half of them you don't know
51.At expensive restaurants, you order a glass of water as a drink and NEVER order dessert
52.You carry a pager in your right pocket, flipped inward, whether it's activated or not
53.The vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses
54.You will most likely be taller than your parents
55.Your parents have either made you play the piano, the violin or both
56.You get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don't
57.When going to other peoples' houses, you always have to bring a gift
58.When ever you celebrate any event you go to an oriental resturant
59.Your family owns a tennis racquet, golf clubs, or both.
60.Your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV (i.e., Michael Chang)
61.The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, or any of the other furniture.
62.You have sticks, leaves and strange-smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine.
63.You own a rice cooker or two
64.You buy soy sauce by the gallon. Hey, it's good stuff!
65.Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head
66.Your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school, how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how much they still appreciated going
67.Your parents buy you clothes sizes too big so you can "grow into it" and wear it for years to come."
68.If you save plastic bags and use them as garbage bags after they go shopping
69.You probably like tea, grass jelly drink, or some other asian drink
70.Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends' kids
71.You're part of the Asian mafia in your school
72.Your family takes pictures everywhere they go
73.You have a box of noodles or ramen in your house.  Actually you store lots of them in the back closet
74.You have a pair of sandals or "tsinelas"
75.Your parents or grandparents have some sort of a garden
76.You only have Asian doctors/dentist
77.You make fun of your parents when they speak English and you correct them all the time.
78.You still remember wearing shirts with the little alligators on them
79.You e-mailed/read some of these cool jokes
80.You have those little ketchup bags from McDonalds or any fast food restaurants in your fridge
81.You have one of those cool paintings of birds/bamboo/cliffs with Character writing on it
82.If you drive a car and inside you have a Oriental stringy ornament
83.Somehow teachers expect you to be smart
84.You go to Asian parties, and you can't find your car since it looks like every other Civic or Integra
85.You pick up chicks who wear shoes 2 inches away from stilts
86.Your parents are racist against black people even though they deny it
87.Complete strangers ask, "Do you speak English?"
88.World War II veterans have flashbacks when they see you walking down the street.
89.Your mother never shops unless there is a sale or if she has coupons.
90.You know how various insults in your language.
91.You know where the local Sanrio boutique is.
92.People expect you to drive your car fast.  Because you do.
93.You remember eating Botan Rice Candy as a kid, or you still do.
94.And you remember the candy used to come with a cheapy plastic toy instead of stickers like now.
95.Ice is a dessert.
96.You think the back yard is a waste of room.
97.You either speak an oriental language or at least know enough insults in the language to get by.
98.You learned the insults in an oriental language because your parents said them all the time.
99.99 Ranch market.  Nuf said.