We were on our flight home, I hadn’t told anyone about my encounter with Zac and the guilt was eating me alive. I talked to Zac and the same was happening to him. I was definitely beginning to think that what we did was a bad idea. But you can’t change the past.
“Hey Amy, are you ok?” Alicia asked interrupting my thoughts. I shook back into reality.
“Yeah I’m fine--why?” I asked trying to cover up my nervousness.
“You just seem kinda distant.” She said concerned. I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Alicia can I talk to you?” I asked as I got up and took her hand to lead her out of the aisle. We walked towards the back of the plane. “Leesha, I have to tell you something but you have to SWEAR ON YOUR LIFE that you won’t tell ANYONE.”
“Ok, ok Amy, what’s wrong? You can trust me. I swear.” She said as she took my hand.
“I slept with Zac.” I said quietly. Alicia’s jaw fell about three feet.
“You slept with him?” I nodded. “As in you had sex with him?” She asked quietly. I swallowed and nodded again. “Oh my God, Amy how could you?”
“Alicia it just happened. Please don’t put a guilt trip on me. I feel bad enough. The guilt is eating me alive. That’s why I told you. I need some support from you, ok?” I said upset and nervously.
“Ok Amy I’m sorry that was just a shock for me. What are you guys going to do?”
“I don’t know. I mean I love Taylor I really do. And I want to stay with him. I wish I could just take it all back. Or I wish I could tell him and he’d forgive me. But I know he wouldn’t. This is beyond forgiveness. I mean, Jesus, I had sex with his brother.” I said almost in tears. Alicia pulled me into a hug.
“Shh it’s ok. Just put it behind you and don’t let it happen again.”
“I can’t.” I mumbled. Alicia let me go and gave me a confused look.
“Why not?” She asked
“Because I love Zac too.” I said quietly and looking down.
“Amy...that makes things worse. You can’t love him. Think of Care and Taylor.”
“I know that and I DO think of them. All the time. That’s what makes this so hard.” I said, my eyes welling up with tears.
“Amy what about Zac? Does he love you?”
I nodded but managed to say, “But he still loves Care too.”
“Jesus Amy how’d you get yourself into this?” She asked leaning up against the wall shaking her head.
“I don’t know. All I know is that I need out and that it helped me a lot having you here for me.”
“No problem Amy. Just call my name and I’ll be there for you ok?” She said hugging me.
“Thanks.” I said letting go and grabbing a cappucinio. “I suppose we should head back though before Ashley and Tay think we died.” We walked back to our seats quietly. I sat down, Taylor took my hand and I laid down on his shoulder.
“I love you.” He whispered. I looked up into his crystal blue eyes.
“I love you too.” Taylor then pulled me to him and kissed me sensuously. I glanced over at Zac who had a very tired Care on his shoulder. He looked at me, still involved in my kiss with Tay, and got an almost heartbroken look in his eyes. I felt another pain of guilt as I ended my kiss with Taylor. This emotional stress was too much for me so I just laid down on Tay and fell asleep, feeling his heart beat with mine as one.
~Zac’s P.O.V.~
Amy seemed really stressed out. But I could understand why, I was too. Our sleeping together changed everything--like we knew it would--but I still didn’t regret it. Well ok, so I did kinda. I loved Amy though and I knew it was wrong for us to love each other but we couldn’t help it. At least I knew I couldn’t. But then there was Care--my sweet Caroline. God, I loved her so much. And it felt so good to have her in my arms sleeping so soundly. But I also felt bad that she had no clue what was going on. There was no way I was going to tell her though. It would kill her.
I was too absorbed in my thoughts to see Amy leave but I saw her come back. She seemed somewhat relieved but also a little more upset but in a different kind of way. She sat down next to Taylor, held his hand and rested her head on his shoulder. I looked away and I heard him tell her he loved her. She said she loved him too and I looked over again just in time to see her kiss him. The way she kissed me that afternoon. And it hurt. It practically riped my heart out. She was supposed to be with me, kissing me like that.
~Why does this hurt so much?~ I asked myself. I didn’t know why then and didn’t think I ever would. Amy looked away and fell asleep with Taylor. I stayed awake, wondering to myself how things got so fucked up.