We’d been talking about what we were going to do about my depression for about an hour. I told them that I needed to be hospitalized and we were deciding when to leave when we heard Care and Zac arguing. I couldn’t make out what they were saying but I had a feeling I knew what it was about. Care then came running down the stairs with Zac not far behind. Before Care reached the door Dad stopped her. “Listen, I don’t know what’s going on nor do I want to know. We’re having a serious problem with Amy. She’s going into the hospital as soon as possible.” Care nodded and Zac had a look of shock and concern.
“What’s wrong with her?” Zac asked looking from Dad to me. They were near the kitchen and I was in the living room with everyone else. Except Tay, he went to get a blanket for me. Mom, Beth, Leesha, and Tay were crying. Ike and Dad were just really concerned.
“She’s really depressed and suicidal.” Dad said quietly.
“Oh no.” Zac whispered. I watched as he made his way towards me. All I could think was ~God no, I don’t want him here. Go away~ “Amy I know how—“ He started to sit next to me. I cried hysterically to myself. ~Please someone save me~
“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH HER!!” Taylor yelled as he saw Zac sit down. Zac was shocked.
“I—“
“Fuck you!! Get away from her!!” He yelled as he grabbed Zac by his neck and pulled him off the couch. Taylor then sat next to me. I pulled him close to me as I started to cry. The whole family was in shock by Taylor’s outburst.
“Taylor! What the HELL was that for?!” ~WHOA! Mom never swears~
“He deserved it!” Taylor yelled back.
“I doubt that. He cares about Amy too.”
“A little too much.” Taylor said under his breath.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Dad asked. Coming into the living room. God he had good hearing.
“He’s the reason she’s like this.” Care said shooting Zac the death glare.
“What?” Ike, Mom, Dad and Zac asked all at once.
“He fucked her in MN. She tried to end it afterwards but he wouldn’t let her. And now it’s destroying her relationships with me and Tay.” Care said never taking her eyes off of Zac. The room fell silent. Mom looked over at me, silently asking me if it was true. I answered with my tearful eyes. Then cried more.
“I want Zac to leave.” Taylor said sternly.
“Maybe it’d be for the best.” Mom said quietly.
“I can’t fucking BELIEVE this!” Zac yelled angrily as he stormed out of the house.
~Zac’s P.O.V.~
~Oh shit oh shit~ Was all that I could think. I could already tell I was getting the shaft of this whole thing. It didn’t seem that they were the least bit upset at Amy. ~How did they find out? And when? And if Care knew why’d she give her virginity to me?~ I continued to walk though I didn’t know where I was going. ~Am I going to lose Caroling because of this?~ I couldn’t lose her, I loved her too much. But I didn’t know how to prove it. ~How do you prove you love your girlfriend with all your heart after she finds out you slept with her best friend?…You can’t.~ I found myself at the inlet of the river. Just where I wanted to be. ~Wonderful memories here.~ I thought sarcastically. ~And Taylor. Jesus he seemed to hate me. But I’d hate him too if he had sex with Care. This is going to ruin the band I just know it. I just destroyed all of our lives. There’s no way we’re going to be able to tour after this. No way. I wonder what everyone else’s reaction to this is. I knew Care’s, Tay’s and Amy’s…Oh God Amy. I wonder if she’s ok.~ I was really worried about her. I knew what it was like to want to die. And it killed me inside to know I caused that pain. I wanted to go back to check on her but I knew I wasn’t welcome. What kind of fucked up shit was that?! My own home I wasn’t fucking welcome. ~And it was all because we couldn’t keep our hands to ourselves. Remember that. It was both of you. Not just you alone.~
~Isaac’s P.O.V.~
I couldn’t believe what was going on. Was I hearing this right? Did I just hear that Amy and Zac had sex? I know Beth told me before but it just didn’t sink in. I was worried to see the hatred in Taylor’s eyes when he looked at Zachary. I wasn’t anger in his eyes. It was beyond that. It was actual hatred. We were the three brothers that were best friends; we were supposed to make it through anything. But watching Tay’s eyes I got the feeling we weren’t going to make it through this. And that literally scared me.
~Beth’s P.O.V.~
I was happy all of this was finally in the open. Though the majority of us weren’t taking it that well. I mean Amy wanted to die, Taylor wanted to kill Zac, Zac got kicked out of the house, Ike looked like he was in shock, as well as mom and dad. I couldn’t quite tell what was going on in Caroline’s head and Alicia just looked upset that she even had to deal with this, but of course also worried about Amy.
And me…as I watched everyone else I got more worried. I was afraid it was going to rip the family apart. I don’t know why but I felt absolutely horrible. Mostly for Amy. But also for Zac. Everyone hated him now. I wanted to ask if they had all forgotten about HIS suicidal tendencies. I’d have to check on him earlier. ~No, Beth, you should do that now.~ But I couldn’t just leave. Plus I had no clue where he might have gone.
~Alicia’s P.O.V.~
I really didn’t want to be here for this but I knew I had to be there for Amy. Even though I had my own problems, me relationship with Ashley wasn’t going the greatest and I was thinking about going back to Mora. God, just let me leave. I didn’t want to seem cold hearted but I couldn’t watch this anymore. I went downstairs to my room. I’d visit Amy in the hospital later this week. Maybe then I would have some of this figured out.
~My P.O.V.~
After the Zac incident everyone was quiet. Especially mom, dad and Isaac. Taylor was still quietly cursing Zac under his breath. Leesha had gone downstairs. She never could deal with my depression very well. But I wasn’t just depressed. I was angry. Angry that these people were still here for me. They should be just as angry with me as they were at Zac. Just because I couldn’t handle what was going on right then did NOT mean I didn’t know what was going on when I slept with him. Why were they blaming him? Blame me dammit!!
“I can’t believe he did that.” Isaac said suddenly and surprisingly angry. That was it. I got out of Taylor’s arms and stood up.
“Can’t believe he did what? Slept with me!? Well think about it. It takes two people to fuck. It was just him. It was me too dammit. Me too!!” And I ran upstairs and locked myself in my room and cried. ~Why can’t they be angry at me?~
~Care’s P.O.V.~
I was shocked to see that Amy reacted in such a way but she was right. We shouldn’t just be mad at Zac. She fucked him too and she knew damn well what she was doing when she did it. We all sat there silently thinking about what Amy just said.
~Taylor’s P.O.V~
~Why did she just say that? I thought she wanted us to forgive her?~ I was seriously confused. “Guys do you think I should talk to her?” I asked searching the faces in the room for an answer.
“I don’t think so Tay. I think she was directing that mostly at us.” Care said. And deep inside I knew she was right.
“I’ll go. I’m the one that said it.” Ike said.
“Be gentle.” I said quietly looking down at my shaking hands. He nodded and was gone.
~My P.O.V.~
I was curled in a ball silently cursing everyone for being so nice to me. I didn’t deserve it. I heard a soft knock at the door. I didn’t really want to get it but I figured I should answer it so they know I was ok. It was Isaac. “Can I come in?” He asked.
“I answered the door didn’t I?” I walked over to my bed and snuggled with Tay’s pillow, smelling him.
“I’m sorry I said that earlier.” He said. I looked up at him pointedly.
“Do you even know why you’re apologizing? Do you have any clue why I got so upset?!” I snapped. He looked down.
“No I don’t.” He said quietly. I almost felt bad for yelling at him. He sat down. “But I figured someone needed to talk to you. You’re obviously very angry and we want to know why.”
I sat up still holding Tay’s pillow. “I’ll tell you but I don’t want you to go and tell everyone else.” I started as I got up and began to pack.
“Ok.” Isaac said. “I’m just concerned.”
~Taylor’s P.O.V.~
“Ok, now what do I do?” I asked anyone that would listen. “I mean do I still stay by her side and let her know I’m still here? Or do I give her the cold shoulder that she wants? I started to cry. Mom sat down next to me and pulled me into a hug that only moms can.
“Honey…shh…it’s ok. She’s confused. She doesn’t understand why we still care. And I’m sure she’s upset that we’re so mad at Zac when she did the same thing. She doesn’t want special treatment because she’s depressed.”
“But I know from past experiences with her that if we don’t she’ll feel like we’ve abandoned her.” Beth said.
“Then what the fuck do I do!?” I yelled.
“Don’t say anything about it. Just ask her when she wants to leave.” Beth said. “Avoid the thing that caused the conflict. Make her see that you’re still there for the Amy Lee you love, just not the Amy Lee that slept with your little brother.”
“I suppose.” I said as Isaac came back downstairs. I looked up anxiously. “How is she?”
“Angry.” Was his one word response.