It was four days later and I swear I had become just as depressed as Amy. “Taylor!!”
“What!?”
“Phone!” I climbed over my bed to Amy’s side and picked up the phone.
“Hello?” I said emotionlessly.
“Hey.” She said quietly.
“Amy! Hey! How are you!?” I asked excitedly. I hadn’t talked to her since she left and I was dying to hear her voice.
“I’m ok, slowly getting better. I still feel like shit. I’d like for you to come visit me. And the rest of the family. Please?” I could picture her sitting there…scared that I’d say no.
“The whole family?” I asked thinking about Zac.
“If you could. I know no one under 12 can come in though so Jess would be the youngest.”
“That’s ok. Are you sure you want me to visit?” I asked.
“Well, not if you don’t want to.” She said quietly. I could picture her head hung low, hurt by my words. I instantly regretted saying it.
“No, I want to. I miss you Babe.” I said softly. It was weird how when I talked about everything with the family I got so angry with her but now that I hear her voice everything’s fine. Like nothing happened.
“I miss you too. So will you guys come visit?”
“Of course baby.” I said wanting to be there so I could just hug her tight and never let go.
“So I’ll see you in a few hours?” She asked hopefully.
“Yep. I love you Amy.”
“I love you too.” You could hear her starting to cry. I felt my own eyes welling up with tears and a lump forming in my throat.
“Please don’t cry.” I said as my tears started to fall.
“I’m sorry. I have to go.” She said. I barely got to say good-bye and she was gone. I quickly wiped my tears away, got up and showered then made my way downstairs. “Hey guys, you have to get ready to go.”
“Where?” Beth said with obvious attitude. To say the least, we still weren’t on good terms.
I didn’t feel like arguing with her so I just answered, “Amy wants us to visit today.” As I dug in the fridge.
“Really?” Care and Mom asked excitedly. I even saw Beth’s eyes light up.
“Yeah all of us. Except those under the age of 12.” I said.
“I can’t go.” Zac said.
“Why not?” Mom asked.
“It’d be too…difficult..and..weird.”
“No, Zachary, you ARE going.” I said sternly. He looked at me in shock. “She wants everyone there. Even you. This has nothing to do with what happened between you two.”
“I can’t!!” He yelled.
“You WILL!! She was there for you everyday that you were in your coma. And you will do the same for her. She needs her family. And YOU ZACHARY, are part of her family.” He sat silently. “So are you coming?” I asked. He looked up at me. “And don’t you DARE say no.” I said, my eyes burning into his.
“Yeah I’ll come.” He said quietly. I sat for two more hours waiting for everyone else to get ready. My stomach knotted as the minutes went by. I was actually nervous about seeing my own…fiancé. It felt so weird saying that she was still my fiancé. I mean she was and I loved her but it just felt…weird because we were, I guess you could say, fighting.
“Ok, let’s go.” Mom said grabbing the van keys.
“Can I drive myself? I’d like to stay a little longer—alone with her.” I said.
“Of course.” She smiled. We drove to the hospital and made our way upstairs to the psychiatric ward. Everyone was quiet and Zac and Jessie actually looked scared. I figured Jess was because she had never been in a psyc ward. And Zac, I figured he was scared to see Amy Lee again. I mean we all knew that all of the fighting that had been going on was because of the “Amy and Zac” situation. We got buzzed into the unit and we spotted Amy sitting on a couch in the lobby area.
“Amy!” Jessie yelled excitedly as she ran to her. Amy grinned and grabbed her in a big hug.
“How’ve you been?” Amy asked.
“Good. I’ve missed you.” Jess said quietly.
“Oh, I’ve missed you too. You’ve been staying out of trouble right?” Amy asked tickling her sides. Jessie squirmed under her fingers and laughed.
“Yeah.” She giggled. The rest of us then approached. Amy looked up. She looked at all of us and smiled. Until her gaze fell on Zac—he smile faded instantly.
~My P.O.V.~
“Hey.” I said quietly still looking at Zac.
“Hi.” He said just as quiet.
“Amy, honey, how have you been?” Mom asked trying to break the awkwardness. I snapped back into it, tearing my gaze from Zac to look at Mom.
“I’ve been ok I suppose. I’ve missed everyone.”
“We’ve missed you too.” Mom said as she hugged me. I then hugged Dad, then Isaac.
“Tay’s miserable without you.” Isaac whispered as I hugged him. I swallowed the sobs choking my throat.
“I know.” I whispered back. I let him go and hugged Beth.
“It’s horrible at home. I wish you’d come home.” She whispered.
“I will.” I choked. I then turned to Care. We didn’t say anything in words. Our eyes talked for us like always. My apologies, her understanding, our love. I let a couple tears fall as I held her close to me. I didn’t lose it until I faced Taylor.
My lip started to quiver and a couple of tears slid slowly down my cheek. His eyes also talked to me. They said, “I love you, I need you, my life is falling apart without you.” I read his eyes over and over for what seemed like forever until I finally lost it. I threw myself into his arms as I cried uncontrollably. He held my tight and comforted me by running his strong hands over my back. “Shhh…it’s ok….” He whispered. After about ten minutes of crying hopelessly I got off Tay’s shoulder and had a good two-hour visit with my family. The guys didn’t talk much. Zac didn’t talk at all. He and Ike played pool most of the time. And when Isaac wanted to actually visit with me Zac just watched TV. I noticed that no one was talking to each other like that usually did. There was a lot of awkwardness and tension. I was really worried but didn’t say anything.
“Well I suppose we should get going.” Dad said.
“You’re staying a little longer right Tay?” Mom asked. Taylor looked at me and smiled.
“Yeah.” I gave a few more hugs in the hall and they started to leave.
“Wait, Zac, can I talk to you?” He looked shocked that I even asked then slowly came over to me. Everyone was still watching so I walked down the hall a little bit.
“Amy, they might think something if we’re alone.” He said nervously.
“They can still see us, they just can’t hear us.” I assured. I sat down in a chair against the wall. “Zac, why’d you ignore me today?” He didn’t answer. “Zac, I asked that my family come visit me. That included you. You as in my soon-to-be-brother-in-law, you as in the uncle of my baby, you as in the family member that I would do anything for.” I said looking straight into his eyes. He was in so much pain and so very scared. “What’s wrong?”
“The family is falling apart Amy. Taylor told me I destroyed the band. And I feel…or felt that if I talked to you it would just cause more problems. And it’s just weird now that everyone knows. I don’t know if things could ever be the same between us.”
“No, it can’t be the same. And Zac, I’m sorry that you felt that way. But I’m sure they want us to talk and to see each other. We’re still family.”
“Yeah, Taylor yelled at me until I said I’d come today.” He laughed slightly. I smiled.
“See? And we’ll all talk eventually.” I got up and we walked back to the rest of the family. “So I’ll see you all next week?”
“Sooner if you want.” Care said.
“Zac?” I asked looking over at him.
“Yeah, you’ll see me.” He smiled. I walked over to him and he pulled me into a warm hug.
~Taylor’s P.O.V.~
I felt so many different emotions as I watched Zac hug Amy. And it confused me. I felt an amazing amount of anger but also a feeling of relief. Like something was put to rest. The family left and she turned to me. “I love you.” She whispered as I hugged her tightly.
“I love you too.” I said not letting go of her.
“I’m so sorry for what I’ve done.” She said without releasing me. “But please don’t let it destroy the family. It’s not worth it.” I broke the hug and looked at her.
“I can’t help it. And we all know it’s not just my fault.” I said. She turned and went into her room. I followed.
“You’re the one not forgiving us.” She said as we both sat down. “Care pretty much did.”
“I forgave you. But—“
“No, you have to forgive US.” She said looking straight into my eyes. I always found it amazing how Amy always knew what was going on. No matter how hard you tried to hide it. “And you can’t just forgive me because I’m in here.”
“It’s too hard. I am so angry at you when we all talk at home but once I see you or hear your voice it’s ok. Why is that? And why can’t I do that with Zac?”
“Taylor, hun, the reason you’re angry when you talk about it is because there is a lot of anger there, you have a right to be angry. But the reason it’s ok when you see or hear me is because love its stronger than anything. It overcomes your anger.”
My brow creased in confusion. “But I love Zac too.”
“There are two reasons it’s not the same. One—he’s always there. He’s a constant reminder of what happened. And two—we have a different kind of love. We have a bond.” She said letting her gave fall to her stomach.
“My baby.” I whispered as I walked over to her, knelt in front of her, lifted up her shirt and kissed her exposed stomach. I raised my head, stood up and brought my face to hers. I kissed her softly. “I don’t know what’s going on anymore.”
“I know.” She said as she held me close to her.
“I mean, we’re supposed to go on tour but I can’t even stand to look at Zac. And you know how our music suffers when we aren’t getting along.” She nodded. “The family doesn’t talk anymore and when we do it always turns into a fight. Like a few days ago we were talking and New Year’s came up.” She sighed. “Beth said the reason that you slept with Zac was because I cheated on you with Sarah. Amy, is that the reason?” I looked up at her. She had tears in her eyes. “Is it?” She got a confused look on her face and she broke our embrace.
~My P.O.V.~
~Was that the reason? Why DID I do it?~ “Maybe.” I said slowly.
“Maybe!?” He said with an obvious edge in his voice. I could tell he wanted answers.
“I mean I’m sure that was part of it. That hurt me Tay, it really did.” I said glaring at him. He lowered his gaze. “And I was so angry. But more than that there was always a wondering deep inside me of what it would be like to be with someone else.”
“So you fucked my brother!!? Why him!? Why not Ashley? Or Matt?” God he was pissed. This was the last thing I needed.
I cried. “There was just a mutual attraction between us.” I looked up into his revealing eyes. I could see that he was angry, hurt, confused, depressed but amazingly still in love with me. “But it was mostly because this kind of deep love and commitment scares me.”
He shook his head. “I don’t understand Amy.” He said quietly. “How does our love and commitment—if we had one—scare you?”
“Of course we had a commitment.” I said as I took his hand. And surprisingly he didn’t pull away like I expected him to. He only held my hand tighter. “It scared me, and might still scare me, how well you treat me. No one has EVER treated me that good. And I was so scared to get attached because I just KNEW that you’d leave me like everyone else. And I couldn’t let myself get hurt like that.” I started to cry more.
He released my hand and pulled me to his chest tighter than ever before. “Oh God baby…Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked as he stroked my hair and rubbed my back.
“I was scared.” I whispered, muffled as I cried.
“You could’ve told me anything and I wouldn’t leave you.” He said still holding me tight.
I sucked up my courage and whispered, “Even if I told you I slept with Zac?” His hand stopped rubbing my back and stroking my hair and he didn’t say anything. It was almost as if he froze. “Tay?” I said barely audible.
He sighed. “Even if you told me you slept with Zac.” He hugged me tight again. “I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you…No matter what.” I lifted my head to look at him. He had tears built up in his eyes but they didn’t fall until he saw mine fall. He kissed me softly.
“I love you so much.” I sighed.
“I love you too. But I have to go.” He said getting up. I didn’t want him to leave me but I knew he had to and I knew he was coming back.
“I’m glad we talked about this.”
“Me too.” He smiled. He kissed me once more then left.
Chapter Fourteen: My Best Friend