Sex.

--Sermon by Dr. Bob Benchoff, 4/20/2003

Madonna wanted to rule the world. Yet in a television interview aired 4/18/03, Madonna said, "In the movies, you're not in charge anyway."

The Christ child obeyed his Mother, The Madonna, even though Christ ruled the world. Christ respected the fact that sex brought us here and so respected his worldly Mother and Father, while he also respected his non-worldly heavenly Mother and Father.

Worldly thought is about taking, non-worldly thought is about giving, such as giving respect. Parents respect teens, that is why they don't allow teens to do certain things (to read A Sermon For Teens, click here).

Usually, parents aren't bad. But horrible sitations and disagreements can occur because teens start to grow stuff in their bodies that can make them crazy beyond their control. That's why parents have to help by saying no when appropriate, although the teens may expect the parents to say yes (for a Sermon on Abortion, click here).

Sex before marriage in worldly activities mainly involves submission to society's culture of preferring abstinence, with some areas of particular strictness such as involving age, clothing, and deviant behavior.

Sex before marriage in the non-worldly realm is submission to religious purity (mainly meaning not given-to worldly pursuits) typically meaning complete abstinence, although many religious groups encourage limited flirting.

Sex within marriage is nearly required in the worldly sense, in that having sex consumates the marriage with legal implications. In non-worldly regard, sex within marriage is implied as required as the two become one.

So we see with regard to marriage, worldly and non-worldly mores, norms, and standards about sex are largely very similar: generally premarital sex is forbidden and post marital sex is required.

That is a drastic change a person is expected to suddenly make in their life, going from no sexual relations, to plenty of sexual relations sufficient to satisfy their mate.

Anxiety, urgency, peer pressure, and love, are each serious concerns that can seem to be in conflict with each other and with what people have learned (for the Logic Of Emotions Sermon, click here).

You are normal. If you didn't feel those things and if you didn't experience the contradications and if you didn't find questions among what you have been taught and if you didn't have seemingly random chemicals and energies coursing through your body, then you can be concerned about whether you're alive.

Post marital sex is less of a problem than premarital sex, even though the divorce rate is high, because having sex relieves tension typically, due to natural physical changes and due to thought changes.

It seems that divorce is likely due to two things. One is frustration (likely nothing to do with sex): such as a spouse not paying attention to the other spouse, or spouses having different views of how to raise children, or a spouse buying while the other is trying to save, and so on. Frustration can be overcome through prioritization, as through Christ, and giving time for that purpose. If you can spare an hour to fight about it, you can certainly spare five minutes to plan and avoid a fight. When a spouse comes home (or when you arrive home), don't pounce on them: instead, plan what you'll say and start with a bit of good news.

The other divorce problem is after frustration a spouse might stop caring. It takes two to make a marriage and it takes two to cause a divorce. When frustration is the fault of one spouse, then the counter part of that amount of frustration would be not caring as the fault of the other spouse.

In other words, let's pretend you and I were married and let's say I am at blame for frustrating you (my fault), then you give up on me and don't care (your fault). A separate matter is that in the first place, my not caring (my fault, caused by frustration) caused your initial frustration.

While a small amount of applicable frustration can involve the spouse, much of the frustration can stem from other sources. For a marriage to work, it can be very important to look at those possibilities of the situation. Frustration and giving-up can stem from hardness of heart due to matters having little to do with your spouse.

Marriage is about love, procreation, and family responsibilities. Two single adult people in love with each other, including deep devotion, sexual yearning (for the benefit of the potential spouse), and a willingness to have permanent commitment responsibilities, may choose to ask Christ for establishment of their marriage.

More than two people cannot enter into the same marriage since that is not commitment to the one spouse only. The exception being the future potential for overcoming of the body as applicable, such as via technology and/or via New Heaven.

As the Bible (and as nature) indicates, part of commitment is providing a family head, the Father. So it is typically unreasonable to have same sex marriage. In addition to meaningful procreation concerns, it is typically unreasonable to lack one spouse with permanent leadership responsibility; and it is unreasonable to expect a male human to never try to lead or to expect a female human to never try to follow: either would typically diminish the unity.

Extreme care should be in consideration of any exception, since exceptions alert people to the greater likelihood of unsound mind(s), and the lesser likelihood of new and improved thinking.

So multiple spouses and/or same sex spouses are not normal and therefore require extra effort to more thoroughly examine and normally thwart, or to possibly find acceptable as unlikely as that is. Read Jeremiah Chapter 3 verses 18 and 23 to see how perventing wrongful marriage can help prevent those people from making a big mistake which may cost them their heritage, for generations to come.

Compare how a taxi works. Let's say a guy has a taxi and looks for a fare, a date. The gal gives instructions that she wants to go to a fancy restaurant. Instead of paying a fare, the gal pays attention to the guy, while the guy points-out the sites along the way, and they talk. Later, they go separate ways, or arrange other meetings possibly leading to marriage. Perhaps with dowery, they share cab costs, and perhaps have children that could use the car.

Other than car pooling for less personal purposes, such as special group activities and business purposes, a cab is less often initially shared with a stranger; and unplanned coincidental repeat cab sharing with that third party is rare. Planning to fail is not an option.

Natural selection is about securing a healthy and wise spouse of proper behavior. Christian selection is about securing similar to some degree, yet with the addition and emphasis on Christian ethics, as two should not be unevenly yoked together.

Dating is a good preparation for revealing family values and goals. Christian ethics studies help a couple predetermine their plans for the future, such as church matters, religious events, and so on.

If the dating relationship may possibly become permanent, there's no need to offend the partner's family and friends, so good and proper dating topics include many of the mysteries of life. This is not to say that interesting facts are not important. Yet facts can be repeated by a parrot.

Common interests are important and discussions would normally revolve-around such topics, including the topic of sex if both are anxious to discuss same. Yet the dating process is clearly already about sex, so discussion of same, especially initially is usually redundant to the point of being callous and offensive when raised by the leader, the guy.

The leader doesn't lead by force, that's slavery. The leader must use good principles to entice the follower, the gal, to follow via reliability and excitement.

The follower must not follow simply by losing principles, that's wreckless. If those principles are sound, the follower may follow when the leader meets these principles.

Can the leader follow, and the follower lead? Not so much, but possibly depending on the situation prior to marriage to help the other toward establishment of good principles. This might apply after marriage, but not to the extent anticipated in the concerns of the above other than the one man one woman relationship.

To really discover more about your date or potential date, their reactions to facts, and their approach to incomplete information or unsolved information can reveal much.

What to say on a date, an interesting topic of conversation, how to impress your date, and how to build a good reputation, can all work together for you. Let's first consider how to help your date find romance, thrills, and respect, through considering what Christ, the true meaning of life, would do on a date.

Christ wants honor for the principles of God and so seeks marriage with followers [followers as one] who consist of conquering lovers [as one]. Then new heaven will exist.

Taking it one step at a time, Christ planned. Christ did not use force or secret manipulation, but even allowed himself to be spurned so completely by so many as to perish from worldly pursuits, for heavenly pursuits.

Christ chose not to date particular people, as Christ is not a respecter of men, but of God. So you don't have to date and marry.

For most people, that was not enough. Most people wanted to have worldly marriages and families. Most people wanted sex, and per God's plan sex was acceptable and permitted: being a gift from God.

Note: Just because we receive a gift, that doesn't mean we have to run out and use it. For instance, some or all believers have the gift to be able to tread on scorpions without harm; but that doesn't mean we should try to find scorpions.

With most people anxious about sex, a gal caught having immoral sex was brought before Jesus, to see if she should be stoned, or to see what else Jesus would have. Jesus chose not to destroy. Openly, Jesus offered respectful instructional guidance.

Punishment should not be greater than the crime. Guidance should not be less than the need. The sex offender was wrong, those seeking to destroy were wrong: Jesus is right.

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