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                   Another Foggy Moment

 These are the continuing adventures of a typical resident
 of the self-proclaimed center of the Pugetopolis universe -
 Seattle. Most are true stories but some are made of whole-
 cloth. I ain't the Mayor, the Governor or a Big Shot. Just
 another Working Stiff with a Bad Attitude.

    ------------------------------------------------
    WARNING: This is not a Child-Proof Neighborhood.
    If you're a kid - scram!, beat it! you little
    punk before your Old Lady catches you and calls
    the cops. They'll throw you in the Big House in
    Walla Walla and won't let you out until you're
    89 years old. There. Don't say I didn't warn you.
    -------------------------------------------------

                          - 124 -

 On Saturday Ramadan comes to an end and on Sunday Eid begins.
 Many area Muslims will be flowing into the Convention Center 
 downtown. You aint' seen Sharp-Dressed until you've seen a 
 Muslim dressed for Eid. They don't just look good, they look 
 spectacular. There is nothing even vaguely routine about the
 way they dress up for this thing. Between the eye-popping colors 
 and the expensive fabrics, it truely is an extraordinary sight. 
 Every man, woman and child of them is dressed to the teeth 
 especially for the occasion. Hopefully SPoDe and their buddies
 at the FBI will leave them alone and let them celebrate. It's
 been a tough year to be a Muslim in America. Friends have been
 few and far between. They need to feel happy about something.

			      *
 
 That FBI Muslim Fishing Expedition turned out to be a major 
 flop when they announced charges this week. It resembled the 
 sort of thing you'd expect out of an INS raid on a Wennatche 
 apple orchard - failure to report change of address, expired 
 visas, illegal possession of a firearm, etc. etc.

 Where are the goddam terrorists they were supposed to find? 
 Where are the suitcase-nukes? Where are the weapons of mass 
 destruction? They round up over a 1,000 people and stick them 
 in detention for months on end without charges or even anything 
 to suspect them of; they harass, intimidate and scare the hell 
 out of perfectly innocent and law-abiding citizens and immigrants 
 for what? Bugger all! The useless bastards blew the run up to 
 the 9/11 attacks and now they're blowing the aftermath. And they
 want more money and authority?! Screw them! We ain't getting our
 money's worth out of them as it is. Throwing more at them would 
 be a waste. Give it some agency that knows what it's doing. That
 definitely would not include the FBI.

 After assuring us that they'd collared all the Al Qaida boys
 in America, what happens? The entire tail-section falls off
 an Airbus departing New York City. Only the second time in the
 entire history of air travel that has ever happened. Opps!
 Looks like they missed a couple suspects eh. Don't even mention
 the anthrax attacks. They gave up on those ages ago. 

                                *

 U Dub Medical Center just keeps setting medical records like 
 a house afire these days. A short while ago you may recall, 
 they diagnosed a lady as having lung cancer. She in fact was 
 in perfectly fine health. But by the time they finished giving 
 her 'the cure', she was near death. Ripping out major organs 
 and irradiating the hell out of what was left while pigging 
 out on her health insurance like there was no tomorrow, they 
 came close to doing her in. Likely the only thing that kept 
 them from killing her outright was their desire to continue 
 milking her insurance for the maxium amount of time. Certain 
 that she was on death's door, she went through the agonizing 
 process of settling her affairs with those close to her. Then 
 she found out she didn't have cancer afterall. She rightfully 
 sued their asses off but she'll never be a healthy person ever 
 again. UWMC doctors took her health away forever.

 Their latest trick involves leaving stuff inside people they 
 have operated on. That guy from Lynnwood made international
 headlines this past week with his $100k award after they left
 a 12-inch metal retractor inside him. Apparently they are
 averaging about one of these incidents a year. What's scary
 is that his operation came after they had altered the rules
 in their surgeries to ensure that a count was done on the
 instruments to make sure nothing was left behind. I thought
 that was a standard proceedure in surgeries everywhere. It's
 reassuring knowing UWMC's doctors don't know how to count.
 Oi Gevalt! They always brush it off a 'no big thing' - just 
 slice the victim open and retrieve the tool. Nothing to it.
 I wonder what would happen in an MRI machine if you had a
 12-inch piece of metal inside you. Would you explode or would
 the powerful magnets merely rip the metal out of your guts?
 Yuck. Pretty messy either way.

                              *

 They've been vigorously sucking on the editoral Bong at the
 Seattle Times ever since Sheriff Dave came up with a Green
 River suspect. Having no apparent confidence in our courts or
 our system of laws and lacking the intelligence to understand
 such complex legal concepts as 'innocent until proven guilty'
 and 'due process', they are all for skipping this crap about a
 trial and staging a good old-fashioned Neck-Tie Party KingCo
 style right now. String the bastard up!

 While everyone else obsesses about such trivial matters as A-G
 Ashcroft's assault on the Bill of Rights and events in Afghanistan,
 the Times has been firmly focused on the Real Issue of the day -
 the Green River Killer. They been dying to posse up a lynch mob
 for a long, long time. That Spacecadet Governor Stinky snuffed
 a short while ago who thought they were only going to kill the 
 Evil part of him, hardly fit the bill. That's not demonic, that's
 just pathetic. After blowing off their big mouths during the
 trial of Mr. Ressem, the Mad Canadian Bomber, forcing the Feds
 to move the trial to L.A., they kind of restrained their Snuff
 fantasies out of embarassment for a short while. But they got
 their rope out now. No Feds involved with this Dog and Pony Show.
 Just our Dour Death Dwarf, Governor Stinky. The sky's the limit.

 That headline about Vancouver (BC) hookers recognizing the suspect
 was interesting. Whoring is a civic industry in Vancouver. They
 offer an international sexual cornucopia that draws in Johns from
 all over the world. Their specialty is kiddie hookers. Pedophiles
 from Germany, Japan and all over America can and do have a field 
 day up there. Vancouver is considered competitive with Thailand
 for this particular perversion. Just to make it a little easier 
 for the tourists, the City disbanded Vancouver Police Department's 
 Child Porn unit this week. Take a little of the pressure off and 
 make the perverts feel at home. What'll it be Boyz? An 8-year old 
 or is that a little too mature for you? Canadians really love their
 kids eh. They make such an effort to protect them. 

 It's just as well. The VPD generally ranks hookers somewhere below 
 stray dogs on their list of priorities. Someone has been whacking 
 hookers for years and, until very recently, the VPD studiously 
 ignored the matter. A statistician they hired to find crime patterns 
 zeroed in on the whore killer too. They fired him immediately after 
 he made it an issue. You think maybe the killer is a Cop? Me too. 
 Bet they even know who he is. Dumping his dead on KingCo's suspect 
 will likely buy him some temporary relief.

 Having a couple of the VPD's donut-munchers go around asking the
 Ladies of Joy if they recognized KingCo's suspect likely involved
 a choice between saying 'yes' and getting busted for prostitution.
 The gals up there know how the game's played. Anything to help out 
 a pal eh. 
 
.......................................................................

                   THE FORGOTTEN PRESIDENT

 On Friday evening, Jimmy Carter was signing his latest book at the 
 University Bookstore. Entitled "Christmas in Plains", it's an overpriced
 little family affair which the Old Man wrote and his daughter Amy did
 the illustrations. I don't know for sure if the proceeds are going to
 one of Jimmy's favorite charities but that'd be a reasonable guess.

 On the one hand, I figgered him being an ex-president and all, they'd 
 put him in Kane Hall on-campus so he could say a few words before he
 commenced to signing. On the other hand, I was anxious to see if he
 could top the humongous crowds for Hell's Angels founder Sonny Berger
 and supremo punkster Johnny Rotten. In fact, he beat 'em both hands
 down. The line-up snaked from the balcony, down through the bookstore
 proper, across the foyer almost to the back-wall of the gift-shop 
 where it hooked around a bit to accomodate late arrivals. A couple 
 Seattle Cops stood at the foot of the stairs leading upstairs amiably 
 chatting with the slowly moving crowd. Fortunately they refrained from 
 any unsightly gun play.

 Having been in that other line-up on election night in 1980, in which
 he conceeded before our polls closed, I was a bit worried about getting
 schookered again by an early exit. Especially since it would involve
 getting stuck with an otherwise useless $20 book. I was intending to
 give it as a Christmas present to one of my favorite Republicans. It
 was rumored that Jimmy was signing fast and furious up there wasting
 little time with chit-chat. But the crowd appeared to be growing
 faster than he was rattling them off. It looked kind of iffy to me.
 Still, I really wanted to ask him what in the hell that Killer Rabbit
 thing was all about. During his presidential years, he whacked the
 daylights out of a swimming rabbit with his canoe paddle while on a
 day trip in Georgia. The matter aroused my scientific curosity.

 U Dub Bookstore made up my mind for me. They ran out of his book about
 15 minutes into the signing. Thud! Though the publisher who set up this
 little operation likely screwed up by not shipping out enough copies
 beforehand. All those years of Slade Gorton as Senator must have given
 them Easterners the wrong impression about us. As an alternative, I
 figgered it'd be nice to have him autograph a copy of his book of 
 meditations for my old Ma. Unh unh. The Bookstore people said to forget
 it - he was only signing the Christmas book and there weren't any more
 of them. Fine. They convinced me of the futility of trying to buy a
 book there. I kept my money and they kept their books. Fair deal. I 
 just watched.

 He had just come north from a big conference in California where he
 had expressed his concerns about President Yellowbelly's military
 tribunals and his disgust at the FBI's racist Muslim Witch-hunt. 
 Despite the fact that he was due here the next day, the local News 
 Nazis totally ignored his comments and, for the most part, totally
 ignored his presence here. I guess they didn't approve eh. So they 
 just pretended he didn't exist. They do like to pretend a lot.

 The beer-gut/butt-crack Hitch'n & Sniff'n crowd usually write Jimmy
 off as one of them Lib-ruls. The snake in the grass who let those
 damn Draft Dodgers back in here after the Vietnam War. But most people,
 including our News Nazis simply write him off as a nice guy who couldn't
 hack the politics of the job. 

 I've always felt he got a Bad Rap. He assumed office shortly after the
 humiliating and embarassing end of the Vietnam War. Almost immediately
 after Tricky Ricky "I Am Not A Crook" Nixon was forced to resign under
 threat of criminal prosecution for, in fact, being a crook, liar and
 otherwise contemptuous of our system of laws and common morality. The
 nation was pissed, disgusted and utterly cynical about anything to do
 with politics. Totally sick and tired of the entire stinking mess. We
 really wanted to kick somebody's ass but targets were few and far 
 between. And with the Rooskies still around, we couldn't just throw a
 tantrum and bomb the hell out of any convenient target. We had to eat
 our angst. Aside from Bubba's first two years, it had to be one of the
 worst times to become President.

 In the absence of a functional presidency, Congress had assumed the 
 reigns of Power and wasn't in any mood to hand them back. Not even to
 a squeeky-clean new president. Our own "Scoop" Jackson, one of the most
 powerful of the Senate Democrats was still smarting after Jimmy kicked
 his butt in the Convention to get the nomination. Our economy had gone
 into a Death Spin of high inflation as we began to pay the price for
 LBJ's and Nixon's refusal to finance the Vietnam War through taxes. The
 resulting stink would certainly have forced them to fold up their tents
 a lot earlier than they did. Our infrastructure was in an advanced state
 of decay from years of deferred maintenance on account of the War. And 
 the Pentagon was in full Cry Baby Mode whining about how it was all the 
 politicians fault that they lost the War. They, of course, are incapable 
 of doing wrong or taking any responsibility for their screw-ups. 

 Predictably, things didn't go well with Jimmy. Congress was aggressively
 uncooperative and the economy continued its downward spiral beyond his
 control. The Arab Thing kicked in with a vengence with the OPEC oil
 embargo that led to huge panicked line-ups at gas-stations and a mad
 scramble for alternatives. In addition, the Iranian revolutionaries gave
 the boot to our political whore there and grabbed all the staff in our
 Tehran embassy, holding them hostage. Jimmy quickly came to resemble more
 a sacrificial lamb than a Messiah as he stood where the buck stopped. We
 nailed his ass to a cross. He took it reasonably gracefully though little
 of it was of his own doing.

 He refused to negotiate with the Iranians who held our embassy staff.
 But the Republicans did. During the lead up to the 1980 campaign, they
 secretly met with the Iranians and arranged a deal whereby if they held
 onto the hostages until after the election, Ronny Ray-gun would keep 
 hands off when he assumed the presidency. The Iranians couldn't lose
 either way. For good measure, our Paycheck Patriots in the Pentagon 
 sabotaged their rescue attempt, leaving their own people stranded in 
 the desert outside Tehran. If the rescue had been successful, it would 
 have screwed up their Republican buddies deal. Sure enough, even as 
 Ronny was taking the oath of office, the Iranians released the hostages. 
 And while he clobbered A-rabs left and right during his 8-years of power, 
 he oddly never laid a hand on the Muslim extremists in Iran. A deal is 
 a deal, afterall. Instead, he made buddies with Iran's neighbor Mr. 
 Saddam Hussein in Iraq. Yep. The very same. Wrapped an arm around him 
 like a real pal and encouraged his territorial ambitions.

 Jimmy was a fascinating study in contrasts. Born and raised deep in
 the Red Neck heart of Georgia, he was a retired Naval officer, a
 nuclear engineer and a successful businessman. He was also a moderate
 liberal, confirmed integrationist and life-long Southern Baptist. He
 took over the Georgia governor's mansion only a few years after the
 unrepentant bigot Lester Maddox had served as governor. He was decent,
 honorable gentleman in a racket notorious for it's back-stabbing,
 narrow-minded bigotry. And he survived not through cleverness or
 deception but by appealing to the electorate's finer sensibilities. 
 You have got to have a lot of personal integrity to get away with
 something like that. A rare political bird indeed. And unlike most of
 his collegues he wasn't reliant on the Public Trough for his living.
 He was perfectly capable of supporting himself.

 Never the less, few presidents have been so openly ridiculed and
 treated with such blatant disrespect in such a personal way by our 
 News Nazis. Because of his open Christianity, they labelled him as
 a Goody Two Shoes. Because of his wacky relatives, they labelled 
 him as a hillbilly. Because of his insistance on honesty and openness
 in his government, they labelled him as a weak politician. He 
 patiently bore it. I guess somewhere along the line he realized 
 there was just no way he could win with them. His strength was in
 his quiet, reasonable and forthright relationship with the electorate.
 The News Nazis were merely a means to speak to that electorate, not 
 a constituency in itself to be appeased. He didn't hide from Press 
 conferences like Yellowbelly does but neither did he BS his way 
 through like Bubba did. But, as always, the News Nazis got the
 final word. They led the charge to dump Jimmy.
   
 In retirement, unlike Bubba and our other ex-presidents, he hasn't
 travelled the Rubber-Chicken/Suck-for-Bucks circuit. Instead, he's
 been building houses with Habitat For Humanity and overseeing foreign
 elections to ensure some minimal level of democracy in the world.
 His integrity wasn't an act during his presidency and it ain't an
 act now. He's also always been a real outdoorsman and often indulges 
 himself in enjoying God's Creation. I think this was his second 
 trip to Seattle in the past year. Bubba, Yellowbelly and our pal Al,
 on the other hand, haven't been back here since the election campaign. 
 
.......................................................................

                     'OL YELLER GOES TO WAR

 "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! They're back! They're back! And they're going
 to kill everybody they missed the first time around. RUN! RUN!
 They're EVIL. Warm up Air Force One and get me back to the Nebraska
 White House. I don't wanna die!", screamed Ol Yeller as he ran
 wildly down the White House halls arms flaying and eyeballs rolling.

 "Now, now Mr. President. Just relax, sir. Well take care of this
 little cocaine paranoia flash-back in a jiffy.", said the nice 
 Secret Service agent to our distressed Chief Executive, "Hey Frank!
 Give me a hand will ya. Goofy's freak'n out again." The other agent
 ran over and quickly put Ol Yeller in a disabling head-lock while
 the first agent whipped out a large syringe. He pumped it a little
 to dispell any air bubbles, then firmly wacked it into Yellowbelly's
 thigh, right through his pants. "OUCH! That hurt! But I'm start'n
 to feel better already. Oh listen. Can you hear the birdies singing
 in the trees. Ain't that sweet?", said our Commander In Chief just
 before he collapsed like a WTC tower. "Quick. Let's throw him on
 his couch and get the hell outta here before he wakes up.", said 
 the Secret Service man.

 "Weeelll Doggies! If that don't beat all.", said the Executive
 Ball and Chain as she strolled through the Oval Office door and
 noticed Yellowbelly lying on the couch snoring to beat the band
 with a big smile on his puss. "Looks like the State Department
 issued another warning." She was familiar with the scene from 
 times gone by. In their pre-presidential days, she used to
 administer the 'anaesthetic' herself with a cast-iron frying 
 pan, though for reasons too personal to discuss in public.

 She yanked a Lone Star out of the six-pack she was carrying, 
 pulled the tab off and emptied it on Ol Yeller's face. "Wakee 
 Wakee Sugar Plum. Earth call'n Duhbya. Come in Duhbya." she 
 cooed. "Huh?...Wha?...mmmm...beer?...have I died and gone to
 heaven?", said our groggy Chief Exec. "No Honey Bun. You were 
 scaring the hell outta of the hired-help again with your Chicken
 Little routine. The security guards had to knock you out. When
 will you ever learn Duhbya?", asked the First Darl'n with just
 a hint of despair in her voice.

 Gosh I'm sorry Sugar Dumpl'n. It's them Gol darn paranoia
 flash backs. Am I doomed to forever suffer from my youthful
 transgressions? Is there no relief?" moaned The Prez as he
 rubbed that sore spot on his leg, "Hand me that Bible on my
 desk would you Lovey Dovey?" The First Lady reached over and
 did as he asked. He opened it up and ripped a few pages out
 of Deuteronomy with which he wiped the beer off his face. 
 "This ol Bible sure comes in handy for emergencies", said our
 deeply-religious Prez. "I almost used up the one in the
 bathroom. Guess I'll have to grab another Gideon next road
 trip."

                              -

 Yellowbelly's terrorist-honeymoon is all but over now as he
 comes under increasing domestic attack. Everybody's getting
 sassy with him again, asking sharp questions and causing him
 no end of anguish. You can see it on his face. Mind you none
 of this distress is being caused by Congress. Both the Senate
 and the House happily play along with whatever hair-brained
 scheme he comes up with. Even the Democrats are scared to
 death of him. Neither do the News Nazi give him any cause for
 concern. They're running interference for him like pros. We 
 are his problem - the Little People. The ones who didn't 
 elect him.

 If A-G Ashcroft is bringing back the old spirit of J. Edgar
 Hoover, does that mean he's going to be a cross-dresser too
 and shack up with his Number One Man? I'll bet he'd look cute
 in one of those pink chiffon jobs with the frilly lace around
 the neck eh. Maybe get him a Victoria's Secret catalog to
 choose his wardrobe from. It'd sure spice up those Congressional
 hearings. Add some much needed Pazzaz.

 Add Chicago, San Jose and San Mateo to the growing list of
 cities whose police departments refuse to assist the FBI
 with their racist Muslim Witch-hunt. Despite a royal suck-up
 routine from Oregon's A-G, Portland's police chief still
 insists that unless the FBI can come up with definite charges
 or at least potential charges to harass and intimidate these
 people with, he wants nothing to do with their goof-ball idea.
 Our own former DoJ employee and happy recipient of so many
 judicious FBI winks and nods in recent months, Chief Gil,
 seems to be a team player. Though he's discretely quiet about
 the matter.

 I wonder what the Pentagon Paycheck Patriots tell the families
 of our Army Rangers and Special Forces soldiers who died
 unrecognized in Afghanistan? Lying to us is no big thing. We
 have come to expect it of them. In fact many of us derive
 great solice from their fantasies. Do they lie to the families
 too when they tell them how their son or husband died? Or do 
 they tell them the truth?  Do they screw the families out of 
 the compensation due them for a soldier who died in action to
 preserve their lie and save a few bucks? Or do they find some
 surreptious way to slip the money to them? Enquiring minds
 want to know. Mostly though, I want to know why no one ever
 asks them about the consequences of their lies.

 It was entertaining watching the CIA get their shorts in a
 hypocritical knot this week when they attempted to defend
 their showboating by naming the agent who got whacked in that
 prison riot in Afghanistan. Of course none of the names up
 their Wall of Shame were revealed until DECADES after their
 deaths, not hours. Nice try though. They got all the sincerity
 of used-car salesmen.

......................................................................

                        MONDO VATICANO

 That Holy Land dispute between the Vatican and those pushy Muslims
 over a new mosque being erected in Bethlehem right next to one
 of Roma's star attractions is taking on a decidedly Italian flavor.
 The Curia Wop who's in charge of the facilities over there slyly
 suggested that the Muslims better back off or they could get hurt.
 What's this jerk gonna do? Send in those killer nuns from Rwanda?
 Or maybe an Opus Dei SWAT team? Will Yassar Arafat wake up with a
 horse's head next to him in bed? Will the Vatican Air Force attack
 Holy Land mosques with Daisycutters? Enquiring minds want to know.

			+	+	+

 Sister Elaine McInnes was awarded the Order of Canada this week.
 She's a little bit different than your regular nun in that she
 is also a Zen Buddhist Roshi (teacher/master). Ratso finds out
 about this she could be in trouble eh. After 20 years of study
 and practice, a Japanese Zen master invested her as a roshi. But
 then Sister Elaine has a reputation for coloring outside the
 lines. She has been a hockey goalie (on her brother's college team)
 and played violin with the Calgary and Edmonton Symphony Orchestras.
 The British actor Jeremy Irons who is active in the Phoenix Prison
 Trust in Britain talked her into bringing Zen meditation into the
 prisons there where she became a big hit. She's done the same in
 Philipino prisons as well. But now, after many years abroad, at the 
 age of 77 she has returned to her native land - Canada - to continue 
 her Good Works. Nice to see her get recognized.

                  	+	+	+

 The Curia Twinkie who was responsible for hearing appeals from
 Pervert Priests got discretely canned this week. He's the little
 jerk who kept over-ruling bishops who were trying to get rid of
 priests who were diddling their altarboys and other parish kiddies.
 Time after time he insisted the priests had to be re-instated.
 
 Since nobody else was interested in the job, the Vatican's Grand
 Inquistor and answer to Richard Nixon, his eminence Cardinal 
 Ratso Ratzinger, the Greasy Eminence and Master Ventriloquist
 behind Future-Super-Saint JP-2's papal throne, had himself 
 appointed to the job. Will he be any better at dealing with real
 perverts than he was at dealing with imaginary heretics? Nah,
 probably not. He'll likely go off on a Fairy-Hunt looking for
 Queers in Cassocks under every pew. Offer nice promotions to 
 any priests who are willing to turn in a pal or an annoying
 collegue. That's more Ratso's style. He's strictly a production
 man. Quality control is somebody else's job.

 He also will head up a new Ecclesiastical Tribunal instituted
 just this week that will deal with otherwise embarassing clergy.
 That's right, the Inquistion is back. But lacking any secular
 power, it's victims will strictly be from amongst the clergy.
 I'm sure Ratso's thinking that with a little luck he can kill
 two birds with one stone - just brand any suspected heretics as
 Queers and summarily dump them. It'd be a lot faster and cleaner
 than the old way. Cases drag on for years, sometimes centuries.
 Krauts really go for that efficency thing eh.

			+	+	+

 Amongst the four winners of the Right Livelihood Award in Sweden
 this year was former priest and Liberation theologian Leonardo
 Boff from Brazil. Cardinal Ratzinger, who is no fan of liberation,
 hounded Leo's butt for years until Fr. Boff had enough and resigned
 the priesthood. He continues to be a Catholic and continues his
 theological work nonetheless. The award was worth $47,000 to him.
 It was started about 10 years ago by a German-Swedish stamp
 collector who cashed in his legendary stamp collection to finance
 recognition and support for the many individuals and groups who 
 get bypassed by the Nobel Peace Prize committee.

--------------------------------------------------
 The above is copyright material. You want to use it,
 ask. You want to make money off it, gimme some first.
 I'll let you know if it's enough. You want to steal it,
 I'll sic my lawyer Yoshi 'The Proctologist' Rasmussen
 on you baby. He'll teriyaki your sorry butt and turn
 it into Lutefisk.
~--------------------------------------------------
 MAIL:    tofoggymoment@yahoo.com
 ARCHIVE: http://www.geocities.com/tofoggymoment
--------------------------------------------------