__
                    __ _ / _|_ __ ___
           _____   / _` | |_| '_ ` _ \   _____
          |_____| | (_| |  _| | | | | | |_____|
                   \__,_|_| |_| |_| |_|
                   Another Foggy Moment

 These are the continuing adventures of a typical resident
 of the self-proclaimed center of the Pugetopolis universe -
 Seattle. Most are true stories but some are made of whole-
 cloth. I ain't the Mayor, the Governor or a Big Shot. Just
 another Working Stiff with a Bad Attitude.

    ------------------------------------------------
    WARNING: This is not a Child-Proof Neighborhood.
    If you're a kid - scram!, beat it! you little
    punk before your Old Lady catches you and calls
    the cops. They'll throw you in the Big House in
    Walla Walla and won't let you out until you're
    89 years old. There. Don't say I didn't warn you.
    -------------------------------------------------

                          - 133 -

 It was at precisely 10am 83 years ago this past Wednesday
 that America's first General Strike began when 65,000 
 working people in Seattle walked off the job and declared
 nothing would move. For the next 5 days nothing did. They
 shut this town down tighter than a drum. Never before had
 working people anywhere in America flexed their considerable 
 muscle in such a wide-scale fashion. Nor was it to happen 
 again until the Dirty Thirties. The Big People were too 
 stunned and scared to react until it was over. Even today 
 their News Nazi flunkies spook at the ghost of the event, 
 continuing to characterize it as 'folly' as if afraid it 
 might return. It announced in clear fashion that the union 
 movement had arrived in America. And if THEY didn't get
 their fair share of the pie, NOBODY would be eating pie.
  
                            *

 Wednesday will be Ash Wednesday, the beginning of the sombre
 Lenten period of fasting and penance for Catholics. We'll all
 be sporting little ashen crosses on our foreheads that day. 
 To get in the mood, Catholics around the world like to whoop 
 it up in the days preceeding this sombre time to ensure they 
 have plenty to atone for. The Frenchies have Mardi Gras, the 
 South Americans have Carnival. Being a multicultural nation, 
 we ain't about to get left out of something like this. Down
 South especially, they've embraced the French Mardi Gras in 
 a big way. While the one in New Orleans is well-known and 
 widely emulated in America, the smaller ones that occur in 
 every little town of the South aren't nearly as well known. 
 But the Mother of All Wild Parties is the Carnival in Rio de 
 Janario, Brazil. They've raised drunken debauchery to a fine 
 art down there. It makes the New Orleans Mardi Gras look like 
 a Catholic Youth Organization sock-hop.

...................................................................

 QUESTION: What's the difference between a horse's tail and a
           politician's tie?
 ANSWER:   The horse's tail cover the WHOLE asshole.

....................................................................
                    
                        TINY TIM

 Say what you will about Tim Eyeman, he's is far and away THE
 most significant and effective political figure in this State. 
 At a crucial time when we are suffering a chronic lack of
 anything like political leadership, he's stepped to the fore
 and maintained some semblance of sanity. None of our elected 
 politicians enjoy even a fraction of the confidence of the 
 electorate has in Tim. He routinely out-polls and out-manouvers 
 their best efforts. Far more than our Governor or any of the
 lard-asses in our State House or our Blubber-Buns King County
 Exec, he determines Washington's political aggenda and sets the 
 pace. They can't make a move without dealing with him and - as 
 the Seattle Times put it - his 'peasants'. 

 Gosh! What a cruel blow Fate dealt the Times: Bellvue becoming
 the Glamour Capital of Washington instead of Seattle. After all
 those years of Hickish pioneer penance their just reward goes
 floating off across the lake to a bloody former cow town. Dang!
 And here they sit with their vastly superior intelligence and 
 refined moral sensibilities, a pearl amongst the peasant swine - 
 stuck wallowing in the mud with Hooterville's backwoods denizens.
 The Horror! I thought those hillbillies were going to move that
 stink'n Rag to Tukwila or Seatac?

 I digress...

 The reasons Tim enjoyed this confidence are simple. Our pols 
 do their best to ignore the electorate; Tim listens to them
 and translates their concerns into solutions. Our pols do their 
 best to subvert and undermine the democratic process; Tim uses 
 it to give the electorate a voice they would otherwise be denied. 
 Our pols peddle their asses to the highest bidder; Tim peddles
 his ass to his fellow peasants. And that is his secret weapon:
 he's just another peasant like the rest of us.

 But in the eyes of the Hooterville Yacht Club, Mr. Eyeman is a
 usurper and an apostate. Annointed by Our Creator under Natural
 Law to govern this realm and it's peasant horde, the Old Boys
 at their clubhouse (the Rainier Club) have been livid with envy
 and absolutely turgid with political constipation ever since Mr. 
 Eyeman appeared on the scene. Like a massive political bowel 
 obstruction, he's given them a severe case of ruling-class 
 gastroentritis far worse than when that pushy Broad Dixie Lee 
 attempted to invade their privacy. While the gals in the Ladies
 Auxillary have obediently clucked their tongues, the HYC Public 
 Affairs Committee (aka our News Nazis) have dutifully foamed at 
 the mouth at the mere mention of Mr. Eyeman's name in hopes of 
 providing the peasants with a responsible example and clear 
 direction. All apparently to no avail as the Unwashed Hordes 
 have flagrently ignored this sage counsel and traitorously 
 persisted in encouraging the rogue with their majority votes.

 With the assistance of their loyal flunkies at the State House, 
 KingCo HQ and KingCo Inferior Court, HYC has painfully probed
 up its flabby, pink rectum with the legal equivalent of a clothes 
 hanger in an effort to pry the scoundrel loose and regain regularity. 
 Though it has required super-human patience, the effort has finally 
 paid off. Soon they will once again be able to enjoy the perks of 
 their natural superiority unhampered by unruly peasant uprisings.
 Or so they imagine.

 What Tim did was obviously dishonest and spectacularily stupid. 
 Much like President Bubba's blowjobs in the Oval Office. And 
 certainly sex and money are probably the only two elixirs in this 
 world that can reliably lead otherwise sensible and reasonable men 
 to abandon common-sense and grinningly step right off a cliff to 
 their doom. Remorse and regret both belatedly intervene only after 
 gravity has made its presence felt - too late. All that money 
 pouring in and nobody watching - that's just asking for trouble. 

 I believe Tim Eyeman is an honorable, honest man. But he's only 
 human. We all have our limits to how much temptation we can endure 
 before breaking down. Say $150,000 in cash just laying around. 
 That would easily exceed the limits of most of us. His closest 
 supporters did a poor job of looking after him and protecting 
 him. Shame on them!

 Our News Nazis humorous overkill spent itself quickly. First of all,
 the entire universe beyond Seattle's City Limits completely ignored
 the story. Second of all, King County is not Washington State - it
 only thinks it is. In fact its the only county in the state that 
 didn't consistently support Mr. Eyeman's initatives. Polls showing 
 the local peasants reluctant to support Mr. Eyeman in future are 
 meaningless. They would have shown the exact same sentiment a week 
 earlier before the scandal hit.
 
 While AG Princess Christy and Nattering Norm in the County Prosecutor 
 office lustily begin rolling their little legal shit balls to pelt
 Mr. Eyeman with, it will be as nothing compared to the encounter
 he's about to have with Uncle Sammy's IRS.  He presumedly didn't pay
 taxes on any of that under-the-table income. They tend to be very
 unsympathetic with people like that. In fact they often get downright
 nasty. Uncle Sammy usually insists on being first when it comes to
 Public Spankings too.

 Now that you're convinced that I'm a raving Eyemanite out to disrupt
 the prevailing order, understand that there is likely little he and
 I would see eye-to-eye on politically speaking. Nonetheless, he's a
 man I respect and admire greatly. We all owe him for what he's done
 with his initatives. But, while many people likely voted AGAINST
 those initatives because they were 'Eyeman Initatives', nobody voted
 FOR them because he wrote them. They did so because they are sick
 and tired of being taxed half to death by incompetent politicians
 who don't give them anything back for their money. And that will be
 as true WITHOUT Tim Eyeman as it has been WITH Tim Eyeman. You can
 bet your ass on it. The Boys down at the Rainier Club better keep
 the Roto Rooter Man on a retainer and buy a hefty supply of 
 Preparation-H. They'll be needing them soon.
 
......................................................................
 
   RECENT ADDITIONS TO THE AMERICAN DIALECT SOCIETY'S WORDLIST:
   -----------------------------------------------------------
 
 theoterrorism         attacks on civilians in the name of religion
 misunderestimate      Bushism of unknown meaning
 assoline              methane used for fuel
 burka blue            color of garment worn by Muslim women
 Osmaniac              women sexually attracted to Osama bin Laden
 cuddle puddle         pile of Ecstasy users on the floor
 women of cover        Bushism for Muslim women
 sneakers-up           Dot.com that has gone bankrupt
 weaponize             adapting clothing and footwear as weapons/bombs
 pop-under             Internet ads that appear under browser windows
 facial-profiling      scanning video face-prints for terrorists
 second-hand-speech    cellphone conversations overheard by others
 linguistic-profiling  using linguistic patterns to reveal ethnicity
 weapons-grade         to designate the potency of salsas and other foods
 annoyicon             logo in bottom corner of TV screen
 overconnectedness     being connected everywhere all the time
 shuicide bomber       terrorist with bomb in shoes
 orthorexia nervosa    obsession with eating correct foods
 so September 10th     petty or oblivious to possible danger
 Netwallah             website administrator
 impeachment nostalgia longing for superficial Clinton-era news
 E.C.                  emotionally correct response to a tragedy
 desk rage             tantrum in the office
 dot-orging            switching from a Dot.com to a non-profit Dot.org
 an interruptable      someone who traded power interruption for cheap 
                       rates
   
......................................................................

                      MOSHE & JACOB

 The recent refusal by Israeli reservists to serve in the Occupied
 Territories & the Gaza Strip reminded me of a couple Israeli guys 
 I once knew years ago. They were two Army buddies who had served 
 in the Israeli military and decided to seek their fortune elsewhere.
 So they came here. Both were native born Israelis and Hebrews. 
 Like many Jews, their religious sensibilities were very closely
 woven in with the cultural side of being Jewish. They didn't go 
 to Temple much except on the High Holydays but you'd never mistake
 them for anything but Jews.

 They were a study in contrasts. Moshe was a big, happy-go-lucky,
 laid-back, hairy ape of a man who preferred physical work - 
 housebuilding, carpentry, etc. He drove Babes totally bananas. 
 Women truely found him irresistable. And he, in turn, found women 
 completely irresistable. This mutual admiration society of theirs 
 wasn't entirely physical as he had a great deal of respect for 
 the opposite sex and was a highly unpretentious guy. None of that 
 wham-bam-thank-you-mam stuff. None of that look-at-these-muscles
 crapola either. He truely enjoyed and valued the company of women. 
 But only for the moment. He wasn't the marrying type. Life was a 
 big, funny, highly fascinating Game for Moshe and he played that 
 game to the hilt loving every minute of it.

 Jacob on the other hand, was a scrawny, intense, happily-married
 little hussler. He was forever looking for an Angle into some fast 
 cash. He liked money. His every waking moment was devoted to finding 
 more of it. But he was utterly uninterested in the 9-5 workaday 
 lifestyle. He liked being an independant agent - his own boss. 
 There was no such thing as 'a day off' with that guy. When he 
 wasn't hustling real estate, he was selling cable TV subscriptions 
 door-to-door. He just kept moving. He read the newspaper in a way 
 most people would never think of doing - on the lookout for money-
 making possibilities. A car crashes into a house. Bingo! He's over 
 there in a flash offering the still-in-shock homeowner a helluva
 deal on repairs - 20% below any other offer, cash deal, no receipts. 
 That kind of thing. 

 Their lifestyle was a bit unusual. Where for most Americans, 
 their home is their Castle, these guys lived On The Road. If
 you wanted to call them on the phone, you would definitely 
 not call them at home. They were never there. You would call
 them at any of the handful of restaurants, bars or clubs they
 hung out at. They in fact lived in those places. The owners
 and managers, the waitresses and barkeeps were close personal
 friends of theirs. The clientele who patronized these joints
 made up the bulk of their social life. They nutured and valued
 those relationships. That's the way they did it back in Israel.
 Naturally, that's the way they chose to live here.

 Anyways, I digress. During the Yom Kippur War way back when,
 both of these guys were drafted into the Army to fight the
 war. Little, scrawny Jacob went eagerly and proudly. Between
 the opportunity to shoot somebody and the captured audience
 of potential customers his fellow recruits represented, he
 was in his element. Big, hairy Moshe, on the other hand, 
 told the Army to get lost. He would have none of it. He told 
 them he was a Lover not a Fighter and he would be just as
 happy Boinking Muslim women as he was Boinking Jewish women.
 He actually told the Army man that.

 At this point in America, Moshe would be arrested and thrown
 in the Hoosegow. But they did things a little differently in
 Israel at that time. They were still sensitive to the concept
 of people 'just following orders' - the old Adolph Eichmann
 schtick. They respected anyone who refused to follow orders. 
 So they respected Moshe. While he wasn't arrested, he was 
 still a draftee and legally a soldier in his nation's Army -
 a nation that just happened to be at-war at that moment. He 
 wasn't allowed to just wander around free as a bird. He was 
 taken to a special camp that was full of other Israeli young 
 men who had been drafted and also refused to serve. And that's 
 where he and they spent the Yom Kippur War.

 Moshe liked the camp. The company was amiable and there was
 plenty of Weed and Hash available to pass the time. There was
 always a  Poker game or soccer game going on. On the weekends 
 anyone who wanted to, could catch the bus into town to do their 
 shopping, have a beer, tend to lonely 'war-widows' whose husbands 
 were off fighting the Good Fight and catch up on the latest War 
 News. They fed him well and the guards were a friendly bunch -
 mostly guys who were too old for the front-line and/or otherwise 
 not anxious to get shot at anyways. One big happy family of 
 slackers. As much as he  enjoyed camp-life, he was anxious to 
 get back to civilian life and trade War Stories with his friends. 

 Unlike most people I guess, I don't have any special respect
 for the Israeli military. Daring raids on Ugandan airports 
 just don't impress me. My grandmother could do a daring raid
 on a Ugandan airport and likely kick ass on them as well as any
 Israeli commando. And I have no respect at all for that fat
 ass screwball Sharon. Honest to God, that man has the fattest
 ass I've ever seen. Did you see the size of that caboose he's
 got? You could park a car on it. 

 Israel itself, despite being a religious state, is hardly what
 you would call 'religiously edifying'. Particularily recently,
 it's often been pretty disgusting. The Zionism that begot modern
 Israel is the sort of pathetically pseudo-intellectual garbage
 any sane, rational person would dismiss out of hand. The only
 Jerusalem that counts, is the Jerusalem in every human heart;
 the only Temple that counts, is the Temple within every human
 soul. But there is also no doubt whatever in my mind that the
 Jews have to have a place of their own. The world has dealt very
 harshly with them and refuses to just live-and-let-live. They
 would not physically survive as a people without a homeland of
 their own. If not Israel? Where? I don't see any simple solution
 to the present Troubles. An uneasy equilibrium is probably the
 best we can hope for. And thanks to the idiot in the White House,
 we don't even have that anymore.

......................................................................

                      'OL YELLER'S TWAT
              (aka The War Against Terrorism)                 

 Now that we've turfed our ancient democratic dream of Freedom,
 Liberty and Equality, sooner or later we'll have to get around
 to changing the names of a few things. "U.S.A." can stay - it
 doesn't mean anything in particular. It doesn't even mention 
 form of government. But "President" will have to go. According
 to the dictionary definition it's a chosen leader. Yellowbelly
 wasn't chosen by anyone. He chose himself. You may recall he
 lost the election. "Reichsfuhrer", while anatomically correct,
 still has some unpleasant historical connotations. I kind of
 lean toward "Grand & Exalted Poobah of the American Pootang".
 It fittingly sound a bit absurd - just right for a nation of
 Third-Rate Men, Mommy's Boys and bullshit artists. The kind of 
 helpless, timid schmucks who need somebody else to wipe their 
 asses for them. It's got an appropriately "Banana Republic" 
 ring to it. I'll have to give more thought to the rest.

                             %

 GEPAP Yellowbelly can call those POWs in that Cuban Death Camp
 anything he chooses but as far as the Red Cross and the rest of
 the world is concerned - they're Prisoners of War. They ain't 
 buying his bullshit at all. And they're taking notes for future
 reference in case they need to know just whom to invite to any
 future International Court proceedings. Given the evolution of
 the present situation, that possiblity becomes more and more
 likely with each passing day.

                              %

 Dion Rich, the notorious Super Bowl Gate Crasher did it once 
 again - he snuck into his 35th Super Bowl for free. In his
 70's these days, he said that despite the outrageous security,
 it was the 2nd easiest crash he's done. Second only to the
 very 1st Super Bowl. He said he just walked right past all the
 security people and soldiers without ever being asked to even 
 show ID let alone a game ticket. There, now don't you feel so 
 much more secure knowing our Grand Poobah's Homeland Security 
 is on the job?

                              %

 That "high-ranking Al-Qaida official" the CIA recently bombed
 with a missle, rumored to be Osama early on, turned out to be 
 6 mountain villagers stooping down to pick up metal scrap at
 a former Al-Qaida stronghold according to the conservative
 British "Daily Telegraph". Oh well. We all make mistakes. At
 a million-Bucks/peasant, our cost-effectiveness seems to be
 improving. And, aside from our drooling News Nazi retards, is
 there really anybody left who's stoopid enough to believe 
 anything the CIA says?

                              %

 Gol Dang it to Tarnation anyways! A couple months ago our Grand
 Poobah Yellowbelly, self-annointed leader of these New American 
 Fascist States (NAFS), had the full sympathy and acquiesence of 
 not only the American people but much of the First World's 
 politicians. To the point of blind stupidity, both happily and 
 thoughtlessly trailed along after him even as he cluelessly 
 wandered precariously close to the cliff's edge. But no more. 
 That's history.

 Once again the Democrats have become traitorously Sassy even as
 previously loyal peasantry mock his Hickish ways and bizarre Brain
 Farts. After his failure in Afghanistan - Osama remains free,
 Mullah Omar and his Taliban remain alive and active - alliances are
 not to be taken for granted. Nobody likes a Loser. Especially not
 a Loser who's a Crybaby forever whining about everything. It's
 annoying. Gets on people's nerves. And no amount of All-American
 bullshit can cover that distinctive stink Losers give off.

 After the Iranians loudly condemmed the attacks on NYC/DC and let
 us use their air space during our recent Afghani Snuff Fest, what
 did Ol Yeller do? Stabed them in the back calling them part of some 
 bullshit "Axis of Evil". First rule of life: never trust anybody who 
 stabs a buddy in the back. When Yeller started whinning about going 
 after Iraq, everybody backed away. So he tried the Philipines. They 
 told him to find somebody else to do his bleeding. So now it's Iran. 
 Same story - everybody's got better things to do. The Euro Parliment
 has warned Yeller that he better get his act together if he expects
 their support in future. And he knows where he can stick that bullshit 
 about Uncle Sammy saving Europe from itself. Wise up Grandpa - it was 
 the Russians who kicked  Hitler's ass, not us. We just showed up in 
 time to watch.

 Yellowbelly blew it. Hardly six months old, his TWAT is already 
 starting to stink like dead fish. And, judging from the weekly 
 stories of people who easily sneak guns and knives aboard flights, 
 his efforts on the home-front have fallen far short of the mark. 
 As Fascists go, he ain't real well organized is he?

......................................................................

          DON'T LEAVE IT UP TO YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL.

                the message to be printed on
                condoms that Catholics for a
               Free Choice will distribute in
                 Toronto during next year's
                  World Catholic Youth Day 

.......................................................................

                    -  MONDO VATICANO -

 The priestly body-count is mounting in Boston after Cardinal Law
 got caught lying in public about there only being 10 old, inactive
 priests even suspected of pedastry. They're up over 50 as he plays
 catch-up trying to correct two decades of sloth and indifference
 in two weeks. Nobody's buying his Weasel Words anymore. And he's
 doing his best to stonewall any attempt to oust him from his job.
 A massive Pedophile Witchunt unequaled since the original witch 
 hunts back in Salem, is in progress. ANY priest who has EVER at any
 time been suspected of diddling kiddies is getting yanked out of
 his parish and put on desk-duty back at HQ. The existing shortage
 of priests has been catapulted to near crisis levels. Many, no doubt, 
 are totally innocent. But that's beside the point as Cardinal Law 
 pulls out all the stops to save his useless ass. That is, afterall,
 why God made Little People like priests.

 But the Butts In The Pews ain't buying Law's Dog and Pony Show. 
 Faced with picking up the tab for his screwups, many are now 
 talking about giving up donations to his diocese for Lent. Whoa! 
 Thems fight'n words! The Curia Wops back in the Vatican don't 
 care how many altarboys, nuns and parish kiddies you diddle, 
 just don't mess with their Cash Flow. They'll cut your balls 
 off if you do. Cardinal Law may soon find himself singing 
 'castrato' in the parish choir if his BITPs carry through on
 their threat.

 These idiots ain't guided by the Holy Spirit, they're guided 
 by the bats in their belfries.

			+	+	+

 While everybody was looking at Boston, the diocese of Tucson quietly 
 settled 11 lawsuits involving child molestation by 4 priests. In the
 new spirit of openness and frankness, all details of the terms and
 amount of the settlement are strictly confidential. The good Catholics
 of Tucson are instructed to keep dumping their money in the collection
 baskets. Their Bishop will tell them when its enough. The offenses
 occurred over a 22 year period during which the Archdiocese largely
 ignored both the victims and the problem. Now that it's cost them Big
 Bucks they are of course very sorry. No criminal charges were brought 
 against the priests involved. Two are now dead and the other two are 
 in the process of being drummed out so they can wander around in public. 
 One of them was a Monsignor - the step before becoming a Bishop.

			+	+	+

 That was a little strange! Last week, for no apparent reason at all,
 Future-Super-Saint JP-2's favorite Twinkie and devoted Wheelchair 
 Boy, the enigmatic Navraro-Valls, issued a pouty and rather hauty
 denial that Pope Pius VIth ever considered selling Michaelangelo's 
 legendary "Pieta" so he could donate the proceeds to feed the poor 
 of the 3rd World. 

 Coming as it did just Out of the Blue, the obvious question was: 
 who said he ever did? It was like getting an answer before hearing
 a question.

 Turns out the guy Pius VIth negotiated with did - Daniel Wildenstein.
 He's a wealthy art collector who secretly met with Pius VIth in July
 of 1978 to discuss the sale of the "Pieta". He left the details in
 his memoirs. And an heretical French art book made mention of the
 little get-together much to the Vatican's dismay. It seems that Pius
 VIth only a month from dying, started getting cold feet about all
 that wealth he lived in - sitting on Peter's Golden Throne while 
 so many in the world went without even rudimentary food and shelter. 
 With the Grim Reaper breathing down his neck and his name in St. 
 Pete's appointment book up at the Pearly Gates, Pius VI got ahold of 
 Mr. Wildenstein to lighten his conscience. He died before completing 
 the negotiations. Hopefully God didn't hold it against him eh.

 None of this made it into the book's Italian edition on account of
 the Vatican intervened with the Italian publisher to have that
 section censored out. But it appeared in all other editions. Hence
 the Vatican's Prize Twinkie having to issue yet another annoying 
 denial. JP-2 of course has no such scruples. He counts his Geld 
 every night before going to bed. He LIKES being stink'n Rich while 
 the babies of the world die of starvation. Makes him feel like a
 Big Important Man. It's not like he actually believes in God.

			+	+	+

 Last Sunday was the feastday of a rather amazing near-saint:
 Blessed Odoric Mattiuzzi. He joined the Franciscans in the
 early part of the 14th century and became a hermit. It was 
 common at the time for many hermits to retire to the countryside 
 to live in huts or caves, periodically dropping in at their 
 home monastery for 'spiritual refreshment'. Many others had 
 themselves sealed-up in small cells adjoining cathedral walls 
 where they were fed and consulted by the locals through a 
 small window, never again emerging into the World.

 But there was a less well-known variety  of hermits who simply 
 hit the road and began walking. Odoric was one of the latter. 
 And quite a prolific walker he was too. Starting out from his
 native Italy, he headed north to Eastern Europe, passed through 
 Armenia and then swung east, visiting Bagdad and Persia. On a 
 roll, he continued on to India and Sri Lanka before heading 
 north to Tibet where he temporarily set up housekeeping, making 
 side trips to China and even Indonesia from there. It's thought 
 likely he sailed over to Japan while he was in the neighborhood 
 though it's not certain. If so, he would have preceeded St. 
 Francis Xavier by over a century. 

 He kept a journal of his adventures. Oddly he made no mention 
 of any missionary activities. After 16 years in the far east, 
 he set out on the return trip home. It was while traveling to 
 Avignon, France to report to one of the many reigning Popes of 
 the time that he died. How's that for timing!?

			+	+	+
 
 Fr. Serombe, formerly of the Rwandan parish of Nyange in the
 western province of Kibuye, finally turned himself in to U.N.
 authorities. He's been hiding from them in Italy of all places.
 He's charged with 4 counts of engaging in genocide. He is said
 to have personally participated in the torture and murder of
 thousands of ethnic Tutsis who sought refuge in his parish 
 church. He nailed over 2,000 in a single shot when he bulldozed
 his own church as they were huddled inside for protection.

 Future-Super-Saint JP-2's comment? Z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z

             		+	+	+

 It started with him wearing an earing and then he dyed his hair
 blonde. His parishoners took notice and began whispering behind 
 his back. Then Father Jose Mantaro in the Spanish port city of 
 Huelva came leaping meerily out of the closet this week with a 
 rose between his teeth announcing in a local Gay magazine that 
 he's a Homo. "I give thanks to God for being Gay. I am not exactly 
 celibate.", he's quoted as saying. Opps! Worse, he said he had no 
 intention of resigning either his ministry or the priesthood. Double 
 Opps! One of Fr. Mantaro's older parishoners said, "Everyone is as 
 God made them." But Fr. Jose's Bishop aint' buying any of that crap. 
 He said the incident was regretable but 'necessary measures' would 
 be taken. Oh oh. I hope he's not going to hire some Hit Men to 
 kill him like Blessed James the Almsgiver's Bishop did.
 
 Late Word: Fr. Mantaro was stripped of his priesthood by his
 Bishop 3 days after his magazine announcement. No hearings, no
 meetings, no effort to even find out if any of it was true. They
 pull bullshit like this then wonder why no one wants to be a
 priest!? Who in the hell would want to have a jackass like that
 for a boss? At the slightest excuse he's ready to throw everyone
 and anyone to the wolves to save his own useless ass. He don't
 even give a damn if any of it is true. This Bishop is a disgrace
 to our Church. He should be ashamed of himself. You can bet your
 ass he wouldn't have moved this fast on a pervert priest diddling
 kiddies.

			+	+	+

 Retiring Cardinal Martini of Milano pulled himself out of the 
 non-existent Pope Race this week. He don't wanna be Pope no more. 
 Nope! No use trying to change his mind. He doesn't even care if 
 the College of Cardinals unanimously choose him on the first 
 ballot - he ain't available no more. Even if the Holy Ghost 
 personally descends from Heaven accompanied by a Heavenly Host 
 to beg him to take the job - he ain't available. So all his
 adoring fans can stop already with the crying and gnashing of 
 teeth. It won't do them any good whatsoever. He just wants to 
 quietly go someplace peaceful, like the Middle East, and pray. 
 Why not Pluto? It's quiet there too.

 This demented egomaniac is one of the Vatican's 'liberals'. To 
 be a liberal in the Vatican you don't actually have to DO anything 
 liberalish, you merely have to SAY liberalish-sounding things like: 
 feed poor people, write-off 3rd World debt, help old ladies across 
 the street, and stuff like that. That's good enough. Start doing 
 any of that stuff and you'll quickly end up in Future-Super-Saint 
 JP-2's dog-house. He hates people like that. Nothing but Commie 
 troublemakers. Hanging's too good for those bastards. He wants to 
 bring back Burning At The Stake like in the Good Old Days. That's 
 the Ticket - have a giant Papal Wiener Roast and fry all those 
 stink'n liberal do-gooder bums like Martini. JP-2 just ignored
 Martini's announcement this week. Yawn. Like he cares.

 			+	+	+

 Anthony "Fat Tony" Scalia, an ultra-conservative Catholic on our
 Supreme Court jumped up outta nowhere this week and kicked ass 
 on those whimpy Catholic judges out there who are squeemish about 
 invoking the Death Penalty against the accused in their courts. 
 Like maybe they're Queers or something eh. He told them all to Kiss 
 His Fat Italian Ass. Being a Good Catholic Boy and 'in communion 
 with Rome' and all that crap, he's all in favor of Fry'n every 
 Scumbag on Death Row. Apparently the dumb Wop bastard hasn't been 
 reading his parish bulletin lately - the Pope's against the Death 
 Penalty. Doh! Maybe Tony wants to call him a Queer too. At least 
 we now know how it was that the Supreme Court stuck us with a 
 retard Prez - it was a sympathy vote. They're all retards too.

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 The above is copyright material. You want to use it,
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 I'll let you know if it's enough. You want to steal it,
 I'll sic my lawyer Yoshi 'The Proctologist' Rasmussen
 on you baby. He'll teriyaki your sorry butt and turn
 it into Lutefisk.
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