__
                    __ _ / _|_ __ ___
           _____   / _` | |_| '_ ` _ \   _____
          |_____| | (_| |  _| | | | | | |_____|
                   \__,_|_| |_| |_| |_|
                   Another Foggy Moment

 These are the continuing adventures of a typical resident
 of the self-proclaimed center of the Pugetopolis universe -
 Seattle. Most are true stories but some are made of whole-
 cloth. I ain't the Mayor, the Governor or a Big Shot. Just
 another Working Stiff with a Bad Attitude.

    ------------------------------------------------
    WARNING: This is not a Child-Proof Neighborhood.
    If you're a kid - scram!, beat it! you little
    punk before your Old Lady catches you and calls
    the cops. They'll throw you in the Big House in
    Walla Walla and won't let you out until you're
    89 years old. There. Don't say I didn't warn you.
    -------------------------------------------------

                          - 136 -

 109 years ago this week if you were looking for a smoke in
 Seattle, you were outta luck. The City went off on another
 of its periodic puritanical binges and banned the sale of
 cigarettes. I wonder if the Mayor and Police Chief got a
 percentage of the take in the black market they created?

 It was 83 years ago Sunday that the first international 
 airmail letter went flying off into the wild blue yonder.
 Bill Boeing took off from Seattle and flew it up north to 
 Vancouver, BC. That was back when Canada was a foreign
 country.

................................................................

                      CHINA VILLAGE

 I recall once walking along 1st Ave downtown when a young
 Chinese guy, obviously a visitor whose English was limited
 but adequate, approached me. "Where is China Village please.",
 he asked smilingly waving a small map around. Huh? China 
 Village!? "Oh. You mean China TOWN", I said. "Yes! Yes! 
 China Town!", he replied mildly embarassed but too excited 
 to feel bad about it. Turned out he was visiting from Hong 
 Kong and was amazed to discover that there was a section of 
 Seattle that had this intriguing name. He just HAD to see 
 this!

 Come to think of it, it is kind of amazing. No other ethnic 
 group in the world likely has that sort of nearly universal 
 presence. There are Chinatowns far up in the Canadian north 
 and down near the headwaters of the Amazon River in South 
 America; they're in the heart of Paris and likely in downtown 
 Bagdad as well. They're frik'n everywhere.

 I've been working around Chinatown for the last couple weeks. 
 While it isn't often I get in that neighborhood, it's one I've 
 always found interesting. Most of Seattle's Asian community is 
 Southeast Asian - from Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, etc. - the 
 refugees from the ass-kicking the Vietnamese gave us back in 
 the 60's. Our Chinese community is small and much older by 
 comparison. Little Saigon up the Jackson Street hill tends to 
 be more modern, active and busy than Chinatown.

 Up in Vancouver, BC it's just the opposite. The Chinese
 community there is huge. Well over half of that city is
 now Asian and the biggest chunk is made up of Chinese
 from Taiwan, Hong Kong and the People's Republic. The
 Vietnamese community is a distant second. Their Chinatown 
 is much larger, richer and more active than ours. The
 sidewalks are always stuffed full of people shopping the
 many funky little fruit/veggie/fish markets and bakeries.
 The nearby school playgrounds are loaded with exercisers 
 of all ages every morning. Festivals tend to be citywide
 occasions. And there are hundreds of tongs, music 
 associations, political groups, Taoist temples, Buddhist 
 temples, and at least two daily newpapers in Chinese.
 It is, in fact, a fully-independant piece of China, with
 its own TV and radio stations, newspapers, banks and
 supermarkets. They are visible, wealthy, confident and 
 largely self-contained.

 The difference between our Asian community and the Canuks
 can be summed up in one word: tolerance. Where 'cultural
 diversity' is just another government bullshit buzz-word
 here, it's a physical fact up there. In America we don't 
 tolerate anyone who isn't 100% homogenized, pasteurized
 American (whatever the hell that is). In Canada, as long as 
 you pay your taxes and keep your nose clean, they really 
 couldn't care less how you live. American Asians have to 
 put American flags up in their shop windows for self-
 protection: to reassure the local hillbillies so they don't 
 get rocks flying through those windows as has happened in
 the past. Canadian Asians don't have that problem. Seattle's
 Asian community, thanks to our bigotted News Nazis, is all 
 but invisible. Vancouver's is a normal part of the local
 scene. Since they have their own independant Media outlets, 
 they don't have to rely on the local News Nazis anyways.

 Intolerance begets intolerance. And few people on this
 earth are as racially conscious as Asians. While you most
 certainly would encounter some Chinese in Vancouver who
 simply won't have anything to do with anyone of European
 background, it's pretty rare that they would let it
 interfere with making a Buck. Not here. I was kind of 
 surprised at lunchtime that very few Chinatown restaurants
 are patronized by the many Amazonians and other Dilberts
 working nearby. The food's great and prices are more than
 reasonable. I found out why when I tried a couple of places.
 Some simply ignore any Whites who come to their place of 
 business. They pretend you're invisible. There are only 
 a few who are like that mind you, but who wants to fart 
 around trying to guess which ones? It's easier just to 
 pass them all by. Which is apparently what most do.
 
.......................................................................

                     THE BLONDE FOR MONTREAL

 A flight had departed for Montreal, Canada when a very shapely
 young blonde in Economy Class got out of her seat and moved to
 First Class. A stewardess noticed this and went to investigate.
 She asked to see the blonde's ticket and, sure enough, it was for
 Economy Class. "I'm sorry little Missy but this ticket is for the
 cheap seats. You'll have to go back and sit there.", said the
 stewardess. "I'm blonde. I'm beautiful. I'm going to Montreal
 and I'm staying right here.", said the obstinant blonde with the
 cutest little poutey face.

 The stewardess went to the cockpit to speak with the co-pilot
 and explained the situation to him. He and the stewardess then
 went back and spoke to the blonde. "We have to insist madame
 that you return to Economy Class immediately", said the stern
 co-pilot. "I'm blonde. I'm beautiful. I'm going to Montreal
 and I'm staying right here.", repeated the blonde with a sweet
 smile on her intolerably cute little face.

 The stewardess and co-pilot went to the cockpit to inform the
 pilot about the uncooperative blonde passenger and ask him to 
 have the police meet their flight when it arrived. Instead, the 
 pilot said, "Not to worry. I'll take care of this. I'm married
 to a blonde. I speak their lingo.", and had the stewardess
 take him to the offender.

 The pilot bent over and whispered something in the blonde's ear.
 She said, "Oh my goodness. Thank you.", and immediately gathered 
 her purse and walk-ons and, smiling at everyone, politely moved 
 back to her seat in Economy Class.

 When they got back to the cockpit, the amazed stewardess asked
 the pilot what in the world he said to the blonde. He replied,
 "I told her First Class wasn't going to Montreal."

.....................................................................

                          RETRO CHIC

 Today's modern business world is of such enormous scale and
 complexity that a lot of transactions either fall through the
 cracks or get otherwise botched up without any follow-up. It
 isn't unusual for large companies to lose millions annually 
 this way. Though of course they don't talk about it publically 
 and tend to strongly resist even informing stockholders of their
 failings in this regard. Often understaffed and overworked, 
 their accounting departments are also often inexperienced and 
 poorly trained. They're pressed hard just to deal with the day-
 to-day stuff let alone taking on a whopping huge task like 
 reviewing every transaction done over previous years. It's 
 easier, and for the foot-loose Exec - cheaper, to just leave 
 that stuff behind and write it off on the theory that you 
 don't get rich saving money, you get rich making money.

 Most of these transactions are perfectly legitimate, but some 
 aren't. A company in California recently got nailed by the Navy's 
 SUPSHIP office (looks after new ship construction as well as 
 active ship renos and maintenance) here in the Puget Sound region 
 for sending them bogus billings for services and material they 
 never delivered on and had no intention of ever delivering on. 
 They were just hoping to 'get lost in the crowd'. When a SUPSHIP 
 auditor called the company up in all innocence trying to figure 
 out just what it was getting billed for, the guy they talked to 
 told them to just forget it - he was a big patriot and didn't 
 mind taking a multi-million dollar bath. That made their antennae 
 quiver. It got sent to the Investigation Office. The company made 
 a 'business' of such bogus billings.

 I recently worked with what might be called a retro-audit 
 company. Companies hire them to go back over the books and 
 fish out this sort of thing. It used to be the specialty of
 retired company accountants. Old Hank from the accounting
 department would spend his Golden Years as a consultant who
 went fishing for lost money instead of bass or salmon. Then 
 one of those guys got a bright idea and figured, with the 
 right software and tools, this could be a big thing. And he 
 made it so. The one I worked with was an international 
 company with branches all over the world. It didn't even 
 exist 10 years ago. There's a lot of money in it.

 We basically went back through all our client's accounts
 right from the very beginning - year by year - looking for 
 anomolies and loose ends. It's a tedious business. The kind 
 of stuff that gives you daily headaches. Software eliminates 
 a lot of the drudgery and these guys had some pretty nifty 
 data-mining stuff to find likely canidates. The newness of 
 this industry is undoubtably tied to the reality that it would 
 be impossible to do on a large scale without powerful software. 
 They invested heavily in programmers and software who could 
 get the job done. Even so, the effort is largely limited by 
 the usual computer illiteracy at the top. The Boyz in the 
 Executive Boxes really haven't got much of a clue about this 
 stuff. There's plenty of room for improvement and each year
 sees more and more competition.

 Some people went back over tax-laws to see if their client 
 overpaid (underpayments were ignored) or missed any obscure 
 write-offs/grants/incentives. Various levels of government
 offer a bewildering number of such deals to attract businesses
 or keep established ones. With a big international company
 operating in a multitude of jurisdictions, the task of keeping
 it all straight is an enormous one. It's easy to miss stuff.
 If the retro-people find something, a letter was dashed off 
 to the appropriate federal, state, county or municipal tax 
 authority notifying them of the monies and/or refunds owed. 
 
 Still other people did things like going back through trade-
 journals looking for product discounts that existed at the 
 time of the transaction (but no longer) which the company's 
 buyer had somehow failed to get. Sometimes 5 to 6 years after 
 the fact, a letter was sent off to the vendor asking for the 
 missed discount. Pay up or risk losing a big client. They 
 paid up. For deceased individuals or defunct companies, they
 had to pursue everything from probate to bankrupcy courts to
 get the money. They always pursued. It's their business to
 pursue.

 The records of buyers were closely scrutinized to find any 
 who had been cutting 'sweet deals' with vendors on the side. 
 Things like buying from a top-price vendor when a lower-priced 
 vendor was available at the same quality level and getting a 
 little kick-back for their courtesy. There are lots of vendors 
 who are willing to pay the right person to swing some business 
 their way. Scrutiny makes buyers sweat a lot. Honest mistakes 
 by a newbie can look real bad in a different context years later. 
 Dishonest transactions brought legal action and demands for 
 reparation. Not to mention the attention of the IRS for 
 unreported income.

 The key to nabbing any sleezy buyers was simple. In a word -
 paper. If the deal involved paper, they could be caught if
 anyone went to the bother of looking through catalogs to 
 make comparisons and putting the other pieces of the pattern 
 together. The auditors went to the bother. They simply recreated 
 the buying environment that existed at the time of the buy -
 a trivial thing to do. But take away the paper and they were 
 home free. No records = no evidence = sucking air. All they
 could do was try to bluff. Which they always did of course.

 After all was said and done, the 'lost money' we found was
 anywheres from the hundreds of thousands to the millions.
 I worked with one guy who had just finished working on the
 account of a huge national department-store chain. The pay 
 off from just one year on that one was in the millions. The 
 bigger the client, the bigger the finds. All money they
 had written off as Lost In Space. To say the least, they were 
 all very delighted at this turn of events - free money. 

 A curious spin-off was that the company I worked with had
 gradually accumulated the entire accounts-paperwork of
 their clients. Anything we got our hands on we were told 
 to immediately copy and send back to the Home Office. Truck 
 loads of stuff went out every week. Ditto for computer data. 
 This company proudly declared that they had a huge Data Mine. 
 They didn't mention that it was filled to the brim with 
 confidential data from their customers. Warehouses full of 
 the stuff.

 The companies involved had happily handed over all the most 
 minute details of their operations just as easy as pie. Ditto 
 for whatever chunk of their vendors accounting records that 
 related to them. All now totally beyond their control. I had 
 to laugh when I noticed this. Corporate spies would kill to 
 get their hands on this stuff, and here these guys had it 
 handed to them on a platter. Heaven only knows what the Home 
 Office did with it. The possibilities were mind-boggling. In 
 effect, their clients had traded off the chance to collect 
 a few bucks now for the keys to their corporate Mother Lode
 forever. Execs don't stay in one place for long. Anybody who
 can make them look good right now at the expense of tomorrow
 is considered a friend.

 BTW - everything you've ever heard about accountants is true.
 They are the most absurdly timid, mousy and boring people in
 the world. Unbelievably so. Days before going on an unannounced
 'raid' of a buyer's records the 'raiders' would all be wringing
 their hands in fright constantly telling one another how much
 they hated this part of the job. But come Raid Day, they were 
 all smiles and friendly and polite with their target. Once 
 safely back in the privacy of their cubicle surrounded by boxes 
 of evidence, they transformed into Tigers of Revenge looking for 
 Perps to bust. Weekend banter mainly involved good TV shows they 
 saw. These guys had just gotten stock options from their employer 
 via a rather odd route. All the top execs 'donated' big chunks
 of their personal portfolios - after the price dived to half of 
 its previous value. But it's all it took to schnooker them into 
 putting in 10-hour days and weekends. It's the thought that 
 counts eh.

......................................................................

     TO BE ADDED TO ATTORNEY-GENERAL ASHCROFT'S LIST OF TERRORIST 
                              GROUPS

  1. Animal Rights groups
  2. People who talk on their cellphones while driving
  3. People with more than 11 items in the supermarket Express Lane 
  4. People who fail to signal before turning
  5. People who fart in elevators
  6. Jaywalkers
  7. Bus drivers who fail to keep to the schedule
  8. People who jog down busy sidewalks
  9. Telemarketers
 10. Skateboarders
 11. Anybody who asks for spare-change/a-smoke/the-time/directions
 12. Anyone who speaks a foreign language in public
 13. People who double-park anywhere at any time
 14. Geezers who plug up the fast lane on the Interstate
 15. All truck-drivers, cab-drivers and courier bike-kiddies
 16. Anyone who fails to begin a conversation with the appropriate
     time-of-day greeting e.g. Good Morning, etc.
 17. Radio talk-show hosts
 18. Losers who call into radio talk-shows
 19. People with unreasonably large collections of 'action-figures',
     stuffed animals or cute doggie/kitty/monkey/baby pictures in 
     their cubicles at work
 20. jerks who empty the coffee pot at work and fail to start a new pot
 21. People who take their shoes off in confined public spaces
 22. People who eat in confined public spaces i.e. on buses, in work
     cubicles, etc.
 23. Anyone who fails to flush a public toilet after use
 24. Anyone who uses the phrase "Have a nice one." 
 25. fat guys with visible butt-cracks
 26. old guys who wear their ball-caps 'Dewd Style'
 27. Frat Boys
 28. Dot.commie Posers
 29. Bimbos in SUVs
 30. perverts who are chipper and cheerful first thing in the morning
 31. guys with Harley-Davidson shirts who obviously couldn't afford
     to buy the gas-cap off a Harley
 32. retards who wear corporate-logo clothing ie. Nike, Old Navy,
     Gap, etc.
 33. pompous pricks on bikes 

 All these people are guilty of interfering with the smooth and
 free flow of social commerce in America and, as such, are aiding
 and abetting the terrorist cause. Round 'em up and string 'em up!
......................................................................

                      'OL YELLER'S TWAT
              (aka The War Against Terrorism)                 

 Hey! I thought the War in Afghanistan was over - we won. The Taliban
 and Al Qaida were wiped out. The world is once again Ours For The
 Taking. So how come we're still fighting the Taliban? You mean to say 
 we ain't actually won bugger all? You mean to say all that stuff was 
 just more bullshit from the Pentagon and their News Nazi pals? You 
 mean to say we have to go back and do the job all over again? Pshaw!
 Say it ain't so.

 It was bad enough our chickenshit, lard-ass military failed to protect
 and defend us when we came under attack. For them now to screw the
 pooch in Afghanistan after slaughtering thousands of innocent people
 completely unconnected with the attacks, after sacrificing the lives
 of some 200 American soldiers whose deaths went unacknowledged, after 
 blowing nearly $100 GigaBucks on their Operation Jerk-Off over there, 
 for them now to try faking a victory they've failed to attain is too 
 goddam much. Time for our politicos to take out the trash at the 
 Pentagon. Those buck-sucking bastards are starting to stink the place 
 up. We need a military that is first and foremost AMERICAN. Our present 
 Professional Military is merely FOR SALE to the highest bidder and bears 
 little or no resemblance to the Citizen Armies that preceeded it. 

 Wanna find out how popular Yellowbelly's TWAT is? Call a draft. Neither
 he nor they got the guts to try that one. Their little fantasy would
 crumble to dust.

                              !

 Rumor has it Attorney-General Ashworth is going to establish a new
 federal law-enforcement agency to join the alphabet soup of FBI, BATF,
 CIA, NSA, etc. This one will take care of airport security: the Airport 
 Security Service. They'll be identifiable by their agency initials on 
 the backs of their team-jackets.

                              !

 This week the Grand Wizard of the White House, our own cowardly
 Yellowbelly, revealed the existence of a 'shadow government' that
 would stage-direct Armaggedon from their bunkers. What he didn't
 mention is that it is unlikely anyone would listen to them. If
 you were the Skipper of a post-nuclear-exchange Trident sub 
 carrying enough firepower to annihilate whole continents, would 
 you pay any attention to some snivling bean-counter in a bunker?
 Of course not. There isn't a thing in the world they could do to
 you and you could stay 'at sea' literally for years.

                             !

 While President Yellowbelly and his Yahoos superstitiously cast
 Evil Eyes at Al Qaida and are forever running for cover from
 imaginary follow-up terrorist attacks that never seem to materialize,
 our tormentors quietly bide their time. Why should they risk a
 follow-up attack? They got what they wanted:
 - our economy is in the toilet, as it has been ever since the 9/11
   attacks, and sinking deeper every day - many tens of thousands
   of Americans are now out of work and thousands more are joining
   them practically daily;
 - one of the nutcases Uncle Sammy hired for his military chemical
   weaponry program has engaged in a little 'freelance' research by
   anthraxing the nation's Post Offices, causing death and panic
   while pretending to be a Muslim terrorist;
 - we're now preceived as The World's Biggest Crybaby thanks to our
   constant Pissing and Moaning as we seem bizarrely unable to drop
   our obsession with 9/11 and Get A National Life;
 - Uncle Sammy obligingly torments and pesters his own patriotic 
   nephews and nieces with an absurd campaign of mindlessly stupid 
   and highly-ineffective bureaucratic tricks and, with the help of 
   the Democrats and Republicans in Congress and the Senate, has 
   trashed the very Constitution our freedom and liberty was based on;
 - once we got our Blood Revenge in Afghanistan, Yellowbelly's TWAT
   quickly lost direction and has been wandering aimlessly around
   like a Friday Night Drunk, pissing off our neighbors and friends;
 - and, pretty much everybody in the 3rd World now thinks we're a bunch 
   of arrogant, blood-thirsy assholes.
 
 No need to destroy America. We're perfectly ready, willing and able
 to do the job on our own. All we need is a little boost to get
 started.

......................................................................

                            DA MUTTS
 
 It was a cold but clear March evening when Coach Knutson's Purple
 Puppies opened the 2002 baseball season. Hell, it was colder than
 a witch's left tit. I damn near froze my Noogies off. Overhead, the
 ravens and Canadian geese squalked in derision. They've become rather
 cocky since Eddie Erikson, the Yakima Yiant, graduated back to the
 Real World. They learned to fear his long balls ripping unexpectedly
 through their air-space back in those days. But no more.

 After taking 2 of the 3 games in Santa Cruz earlier in the week,
 Da Mutts blew a close one to the University of Portland in mid
 week as they ventured home for the opener. They were off to a good 
 start. Not great, but respectible.

 You'd think with those low temperatures the Woodinville Wonder,
 Shawn Kohn's fingers would have been a bit stiff. Unh unh. He 
 reached down deep and came up with a career-topping 11 Ks against 
 the Mighty Missionaries of Utah as Da Mutts rudely slammed the
 door in the faces of the visiting varmints. They appeared to be
 on their way to an easy-win weekend.
                 
 But that's about all she wrote. Da Mutts went all to pieces and
 blew the other two games in the series. By large margins at that.
 Oi! Against freak'n Nobody Utah. Double Oi! So now they're 6-5
 which really sucks. Baseball can be such a cruel game eh.
 
......................................................................

 "The synagogue is worse than a brothel...it is the den of
  scoundrels and the repair of wild beasts...the temple of
  demons devoted to idolatrous cults...the refuge of brigands
  and debauchees, and the cavern of devils. It is a criminal
  assembly of Jews...a place of meeting for the assassins of
  Christ...a house worse than a drinking shop...a den of theives,
  a house of ill fame, a dwelling of iniquity, the refuge of
  devils, a gulf and an abyss of perdition...I would say the
  same thing about their souls...as for me, I hate the 
  synagogue...I hate the Jews for the same reason."

                    - St. John Chrysostom -
                     "The Golden Mouthed"
                 A Venerated Father of the Church                 
........................................................................
                   
                      -  MONDO VATICANO -

 Dr. Anthony Olubunmi Okogie, the Archbishop of Nigeria's Lagos
 diocese has made an extraordinary offer to his nation's Islamic
 court - he's offered to die in place of a Muslim lady who was
 to be stoned to death for adultery. Her final appeal doesn't
 come up until March 18th which should give the Bishop plenty of
 time to say his goodbyes. Unless of course, he didn't really mean
 it and was just showing off for the publicity. I think they should 
 call his bluff and make him put his money where his fat mouth is. 
 Bishops are a dime a dozen but a Good Woman is hard to find.

			+	+	+

 While the old Pollock, Future-Super-Saint JP-2, was off amusing 
 the World Press with his bizarre psychotic mental drool about 
 abortions causing dictatorships, Pope Ratso I (aka Cardinal 
 Ratzinger), the official Papal Ventreloquist and Reichsfurher
 of Doctrinal Purity, launched his Ultimate Solution to the 
 Vatican's Jew Problem. Those old Germans sure got a thing about 
 Jews don't they! 

 Vatican State is a little too small to accomodate concentration 
 camps like they had back in Der Vaterland. Just as well - Jewish
 tourists are few and far between anyways. It'd take forever to
 fill them up. So Pope Ratso I had to be satisfied with a somewhat 
 more subtle approach against the Christ Killing Yids for the time 
 being. With Blitzkrieg-like rapidity, he struck two devistating 
 "No More Mr. Nice Guy" Pantzer Division blows:
 (1) The Vatican Library will be closed to Jews for the next 3
     years. Pope Ratso I, as you recall, was originally going to
     open it wide in a few weeks for those Jews who were curious 
     about Pope Pius XII's unusually affectionate relationship 
     with Adolph Hitler in WW-II times and his odd habit of yelling 
     "I don't hear nuth'n! I don't hear nuth'n!" whenever his clergy 
     told him about the Death Camps his buddy Adolph was running. If 
     the Jews behave themselves over the next 3 years, and if they 
     kiss Ratso's butt, they MIGHT be allowed back in.
 (2) The canonization of the Nazi Pope - Pius XII - will go ahead
     as planned. They intend to make him the patron saint of gas
     plant workers, beer-hall owners, dictators and crematoria. 
 
 None of this comes as a surprise to anyone. The Vatican's word 
 has never been worth the garlic breath its made out of. And since
 Ratso is pretending to retire this month, this will likely go down
 as his parting shot at posterity. But then we all know he ain't
 go'n anywheres. Only a German could survive JP-2's pyrogy-farts.

 			+	+	+

 Contrary to what the Vatican Spin Doctors say, the Vatican 
 doesn't declare people saints. It merely confirms the cults that 
 form around individuals whose memories are revered. It made quite 
 a business out of this for many centuries as it sold sainthood to
 various kings, queens, princes, princesses, emperors and other
 Royal Twits. Just as the Papacy itself was a negotiable commodity.
 And just as you used to be able to buy Reserved Seats in Heaven.
 Dioceses could buy a sainthood for their favorite Bishop who had 
 kicked the bucket as well. Many of these people not only weren't 
 vaguely saintly, many were perverts of the worst sort. No matter - 
 a deal is a deal. Most of the people in the Roman Martyrology are 
 little better than Trailer Trash.

 Guys like Pope Pius XII who don't have and never have had anything 
 like a popular cult around their memory, are simple Inside Jobs -  
 Roma just manufactures an imaginary popular cult to 'legitimize' 
 the effort. Guys like JP-2 canonize predecessors in hopes of being 
 canonized in future themselves to perpetuate their bloated egos. 
 The proceedings are totally secret and couldn't be easier to rig. 
 And utterly meaningless. With the stroke of a pen, any of JP-2's
 successors could easily have him, his teachings and his actions
 declared anethma - null and void. They might even get nasty like
 that one Pope who had his predecessor dug up out of his grave,
 propped up in the Sistine Chapel and summarily excommunicated
 before having his corpse hung and quartered. Never get a Wop mad.

 Anyone, in fact, can be a saint. You just need a group of people
 who revere your memory and derive spiritual sustenance from your
 life. Nothing to it. Miracles are optional and not even really 
 desireable - magic tricks only impress superstitious idiots and 
 young children.
 
			+	+	+

 Father Franco Barbero in Pinerolo, Italy ain't buying any of the
 Vatican's Gay Bashing crap. He's been marrying off gay and lesbian
 couples for years. But his Bishop yanked his chain this past week
 defrocking him and giving the 63-year old a boot out the door.
 Diddle parish kiddies for decades, screw the nuns over at the
 local convent for years but don't be marrying off gays. They got
 a real sense of perspective over in Vatican City eh. Looks like
 they're off on another one of their Homophobic binges again.

        		+	+	+

 Thursday will be the feastday of St. Thomas Aquinas under the old
 calendar. Roma keeps switching everyone around so much it's
 becoming difficult to keep up with them so, screw it, I'll stick
 with the reliable old calendar.

 Thomas is remembered as probably the greatest systematic theologian
 of all time. He's like the Plato of the Catholic church. Not only
 are his own prolific thoughts on theology recorded, but indirectly
 through the Socratic dialog he often used, he caused those of many 
 others to be simultaneously recorded. His massive 3-volume Summa 
 Theologica remains the ultimate reference for Catholic thought many
 centuries after it was written. They built things to last back then.
 And there's been a severe shortage of brain-power in the last few
 centuries to boot.
 
 Despite this reputation for scholarly, philosphic learning, he was 
 at heart, a deeply mystical man. Born into enormous wealth and power, 
 his lot in life was cast early. At the tender age of 5, his parents 
 shipped him off to the legendary monastery at Monte Cassino where he
 was trained in the natural sciences, logic and rhetoric. Despite its
 religious pretentions, it was an exceptionally corrupt and perverse
 environment for a young man to grow up in. But, perhaps because he
 was alone in a strange place, he found great solace in the interior
 life of books, learning and prayer. By all accounts he was utterly
 disinterested in money and power. Instead, he kept asking his 
 teachers, "What is God?" Strange boy.

 At the age of 19 he went off on his own and joined the Dominicans -
 at the time, an order known for its poverty and piety. His parents
 were sufficently abhorred that they had him kidnapped. No kid of
 theirs was going to grow up to be a religious bum. For 2 years they
 worked on him to bring to his senses. They brought him whores,
 bought him neato toys, and tried everything else they could think
 of. None of it worked. Thanks to his sister, the Dominicans were
 able to sneak in some books to him - Aristotle's "Metaphysics",
 Lombard's "Sentences" and the Bible of course. Meanwhile, Pope
 Innocent IV and Emperor Fredrich were twisting Ma & Pa's arms and 
 making threats to his family in an effort to cut him loose. They 
 finally did.

 Off he went to Cologne where he became a student of Albertus Magnus.
 Thomas was a typical Geek. His social skills were so lacking and 
 his personality was so flat and bland, many thought he was stupid. 
 His fellow students called him the "Dumb Ox". But when Albertus 
 heard his defence of a difficult thesis, he knew what the score 
 was - he had a Live One on his hands - a true genius.

 A short while later, he was ordained a priest and set a torrid
 pace of preaching, teaching and writing. He was all over the the 
 place and quickly became highly regarded. Interestingly, he 
 claimed much of the inspiration for his sermons and books came 
 from a "Heavenly Visitor". He said he got lots of such visits. 
 While he felt compelled to engage in the active life, his deepest 
 wish was to go quietly off to a monastery and pray his life away. 
 Words, thoughts and ideas were never adequate to express the vision 
 of Godly union he had in his head. He yearned to take the Great 
 Leap off the top of the pole. But he sacrificed his personal 
 wishes for the demands of his Order and the Church. Thank Heavens 
 or we would have missed much.

 He scared the hell out of the superstitious Curia Wops in the
 Vatican. They kept him on a very tight leash and did their best
 to torment him with doubts about the correctness of his ideas.
 Just their way of keeping him in his place. The names of those 
 Curia Wops are long forgotten. Thomas is remembered. 'Nuff said.

 It wasn't until near the end of his life after he became very 
 ill that that wish for monastic peace was finally granted. He 
 entered a Cistercian monastery and died shortly afterwards at 
 the age of about 50.

         		+	+	+

 Cardinal Law's Pedastry Side Show in Boston rambles on as he 
 digs himself ever deeper into The Pit. After a couple decades 
 of ignoring the pervert priests on his payroll and allowing 
 them to assault literally hundreds of children in Catholic 
 schools and parishes, he's had the whistle blown on his ugly 
 little Freak Show. His response? A shabby display of Stonewalling 
 and a Weasel Word campaign worthy of Congressman Gary Condit. 
 That didn't work any better for him than it did for Condit so 
 he's gone to Plan B: throw ALL his priests to the wolves. 
 Anything to save his own worthless ass. My! How spiritually
 edifying eh.

 This, understandably, has many of his priests pissed off. Tons 
 of them are being summarily suspended and smeared as perverts 
 with little or no cause. Years of seminary and faithful service 
 in the parishs up in smoke - just like that. Whole parishs thrown 
 into chaos. Some of his priests are apparently talking about suing
 the diocese for its actions. When Bernie fucks up, he fucks up 
 Bigtime. Right on the freak'n front page of Newsweek.

 Rather than just admit the obvious: (a) he's in way over his 
 head and (b) he really has no business at the head of diocese,
 and honorably bow out, the raving egomaniac is instead going
 to drag Boston Archdiocese and the Church through the mud. 
 He's the Kenny Lay of Catholicism. What a schmuck!

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