__
                    __ _ / _|_ __ ___
           _____   / _` | |_| '_ ` _ \   _____
          |_____| | (_| |  _| | | | | | |_____|
                   \__,_|_| |_| |_| |_|
                   Another Foggy Moment

 These are the continuing adventures of a typical resident
 of the self-proclaimed center of the Pugetopolis universe -
 Seattle. Most are true stories but some are made of whole-
 cloth. I ain't the Mayor, the Governor or a Big Shot. Just
 another Working Stiff with a Bad Attitude.

    ------------------------------------------------
    WARNING: This is not a Child-Proof Neighborhood.
    If you're a kid - scram!, beat it! you little
    punk before your Old Lady catches you and calls
    the cops. They'll throw you in the Big House in
    Walla Walla and won't let you out until you're
    89 years old. There. Don't say I didn't warn you.
    -------------------------------------------------

                          - 143 -

 Standing at 45th and The Ave yesterday I noticed a rose taped
 to the power pole with a couple hand-written notes next to it.
 "Dimitri Andrews - You will be remembered and missed." or 
 something of a similar sentiment was written on them. One had 
 a wish that people would be kinder to one another.

 One of the 3 little pukes involved has been charged with 
 2nd Degree Murder. He's not originally from Seattle, but 
 then not much of anyone here is. It's just the Hooterville 
 Yacht Club's snobish little way of diverting attention from 
 the fact that 3 guys were able to beat a man to death in 
 front of tons of witnesses without anyone intervening or 
 even following the killers when they fled. Something like
 that might lead auslanders to believe this is a cold-hearted,
 selfish little bitch of a town - which of course it is. 
 For unknown reasons, the other two jerk-offs who not only 
 fled the scene but helped the killer get away, get to walk. 
 No charges. That tells you something right off the bat: 
 they're all white guys. If they were black, the County 
 Prosecutor's Office would have them and all their relatives 
 up on murder charges. It's amazing that our normally inept 
 and useless parasites at the Cop Shoppe managed to nab the 
 little felons. Somebody must have squealed on them. Surely 
 our Donut Patrol didn't break a sweat finding them on their 
 own.
                              *
 Speaking of inept and useless parasites...
 Paul Trummel's http://contracabal.net is still up and running.
 I guess that means he's still enjoying free room and board 
 over at the King County Heartbreak Hotel courtesy of Judge 
 Jimmy, the Inferior Court's Token Twinkie. This is a good 
 object lesson in why our lawmakers have stripped judges of 
 almost all of their discretionary powers. Because there are 
 too many Judge Jimmys out there whose only real judicial
 qualification is that they give good political Head. You
 really don't want people like that thinking too much. They 
 ain't qualified or equipped for the job. 
                             *
 Tis the season for Open Houses at U Dub. The Artsie Fartsies
 had theirs a couple weeks back. The Astronomy department had
 a stealth open-house this past weekend. The only indication
 being chalk marks and arrows on the sidewalks. Really! Didn't
 even bother putting up any banners or posters. The engineers 
 will be this coming weekend. Oceanography isn't far behind. 
 
 Except for the Astronomy department, they usually put on the 
 dog for these deals. No sluffing stuff off to the undergrad 
 flunkies. Full profs show up to show off their goodies and 
 answer questions. Our News Nazis always totally ignore these 
 affairs. Too stupid to understand any of it I guess. Thinking 
 makes them dizzy. Crowds tend to be light. I'd think this 
 would be the perfect deal for a family outing - it's free and 
 there's lots of neato gizmos around. I got an Extremely K00L
 rock off the oceanography guys last year. It was from an 
 undersea volcano, a mile down, off the Oregon coast and stunk 
 to high heavens of sulphur. Smells like a piece of Hell eh. 
 Sometimes at night I can hear faint moans and screams of pain 
 coming from it. Just kidding.
                             *
 Last Monday was the 68th anniversary of the Blue Moon Tavern
 in the U District. At the time of its founding back in the
 Dirty Thirties Depression Years, it was the only place within
 walking distance of the university where you could get a 
 beer. It instantly became the unofficial student cultural
 center. Through it's grungy old doors have passed the likes
 of Beat Cats Jack Kerouac, Neil Cassidy and Allan Ginzberg. 
 Poet Ted Roethke was a regular back when he was on U Dub's
 faculty. And the legendary Welsh poet Dylan Thomas even 
 dropped by to bend his elbow when he passed through town. 
 It's had its ups and downs over the decades and has often 
 been the target of the prissy sissies of the Hooterville 
 Yacht Club. But its still there, grungy as ever, on 45th 
 next to I-5. Just ignore the Gay bar next to it.
                          *
 That's 3 times now in the past month that we've had multi-hour
 power outages. The shortest was 2 hours, the longest 4-hours.
 One of them was caused by a construction crane operator screwing
 up by hitting a powerline. The other two just kinda happened for
 no particular reason. Those crane operator bums get 6-figure 
 salaries believe it or not. Real bunch of pros eh. Seattle City 
 Lights had the usual group of suspects out to fix the last one 
 (4-hours). Looked like the same 3 fat guys who did the big 12-hour 
 pre-Y2K outage. Zipping up and down the street in their company 
 truck like clowns in a circus. Welcome to Hooterville eh.
                             *
 As the Israeli slaughter of Palestinians in Jenin Concentration
 Camp finally begins to wind down, it's worth remembering a
 similiar event that occured 59 years ago this past Friday -
 the Warsaw Uprising. The 50,000 Jews left in the Warsaw Ghetto
 in Poland, realizing just what fate the Nazis had in store for
 them, rose up and fought back in what became the only sizeable
 resistance of the Shoah. Like the Palestinians, the Warsaw Jews
 had little more than a few rifles and handguns to fight with, 
 but they gave their tormentors a run for their money. Shocked 
 by the revolt, the Nazi SS temporarily withdrew to regroup then 
 returned with over 2,000 heavily-armed Stutzstaffel troops with 
 tanks. Gross overkill similar to that employed by the Israelis. 
 When you're fighting 'terroristic minorities' as the Nazis and 
 Israelis were, there are no moral limits. And once again, Uncle 
 Sammy just stood on the sidelines and watched. In fact General
 Powell had a front row seat.

 It took a few days of fierce fighting for the Nazis and the
 Israeli Defense troops to work their way to the uprising's HQ 
 in the heart of their respective ghetto/concentration-camps. 
 Surrounded, the 100 Jewish fighters inside chose to commit 
 suicide rather than surrender. The Palestinians surrendered.
 Sound familiar? Wanna bet those Warsaw Jews wouldn't have 
 been more than happy to strap on some dynamite, if they'd had
 it, and take a few Krauts with them? Damn rights they would
 have. Only 75 Jews of the original 50,000 managed to escape 
 the slaughter. They slipped out through the ghetto's sewer 
 system. The other 49,925 died. The Israeli's body-count has 
 yet to be determined. The mass graves haven't been dug up yet.

 And once again it's the Spin Doctors turn to make shit smell
 like roses. Tell me there's a difference between an Israeli
 apologist and Herr Goering. Pshaw! Birds of a feather.
                              *
 Many are attributing the reversal of our CIA's coup attempt in
 Venezuela to the Internet. Mainstream News Services both in
 Venezuela and in America were firmly in the CIA's back pocket 
 and were an integral part of the coup. They deliberately blacked 
 out all news of Chavez's enormous grassroots support and the 
 forming street battle that was to return him to office. If 
 they were your only News source, you would have thought the 
 coup was a 'done thing'. But many South and Central Americans 
 following events on the Internet, where accurate information 
 was available from independant sources, got the true picture 
 and acted accordingly in support of the Venezueleans. The 
 mainstream Media is now completely distrusted. It's the same
 ones that are now trying to pretend there is some doubt about
 the CIA's involvement. 

 Remind you of anywhere you know - like the good 'ol U.S. of A.
 maybe? From their pumping up of Yellowbelly's phony Presidency
 to their sucking up to the Pentagoon Generals over Afghanistan 
 to their rigged polls, it's got those same familiar fingerprints 
 all over it. The chickens have come home to roost once again.
                              *
 The Summer Meet began out at Emerald Downs on Friday night. Doo
 dah. Doo dah.
 
.....................................................................

 "I heard the crack and ran, dude. I ran the whole way home."

                  - Tim "The Dewd" Strano -
                  on killing Dimitri Andrews                  
......................................................................

                    LITTLE STETL IN SEATTLE                   

 Seattle has an old and highly varied Jewish community. Jews
 have always been active in the City's life since back in the
 earliest days. From the legendary Depression-era Congressman
 Marion Zioncheck to Mayor Baily Gatzert in 1875 to The Human
 Prune, Mark Sidran, a recent canidate for Mayor, they've been
 mixing it up with local Goys. The venerable old Longacres
 Race Track was created by a prominent local Jewish businessman
 as were many local businesses and banks. And Seattle was home
 for many years to one of the finest Klezmer bands in America -
 the Mazeltones. They sadly retired from the glitz and groupies
 recently. The eloquent and elegant Wendy Marcus, their lead, 
 is now belting out ditties as Cantor at one of the local 
 synagogues. 

 But for all their individual involvement, they've been nearly 
 invisible and low-profile as a community. They seem to be very 
 evenly dispersed around the city and I've never seen anything 
 like a traditional 'Jewish neighborhood' in Seattle. The lovely 
 old kosher delis that used to be downtown have all evaporated 
 much as they have everywhere else in America. Sigh. There isn't
 even a big Hadassah bazaar here like you find in many other
 places.

 Still, it's a lot more interesting than the Jewish communities 
 I grew up around in Detroit. MoTown has the peculiar distinction 
 of being home to one of, if not THE largest, Arabic community in 
 America and has always had a huge Jewish community. Despite 
 practically bordering on one another, they've managed to refrain 
 from any uncivilized activity over the years. I ran into my first 
 bagel at a high-school football game in Oak Park and my first 
 stuffed Pita at a coffeehouse next to the Jesuit's U of Detroit.
 (That was back in the days when coffeehouses had entertainment.)

 Where Detroit's Jews were almost exclusively Ashkenazic from
 Eastern Europe and Russia, Seattle seems to have a little of
 everything. The oldest community is the Sephardic Jews south
 of downtown. They were centered in Spain up until Queen Isabella,
 of Christopher Columbus fame, gave them a choice of converting 
 to Catholicism or moving elsewhere. They were royal counsellors 
 and held many prestigious positions up until then. None of that 
 "Fiddler On The Roof" farmboy stuff for those guys. They didn't 
 speak Yiddish either. They developed their own Spanish-Hebrew 
 dialect called "Ladino". To hear it, it sounds just like Spanish 
 but apparently many of the words and expressions used are very 
 old and arcane. Hispanics might find it difficult to understand. 
 Many of them ended up scattered through northern Africa as well 
 as Turkey, Cyprus and places like that where they formed enclaves
 within the Muslim majority.

 Seattle's high-rolling Rich Jews congregate at Temple de Hirsh 
 up on Capital Hill. It is undoubtably one of the strangest 
 churches I've ever seen. You look at it and know beyond a doubt 
 that it definitely IS a church of some sort but you won't be 
 able to find a sign or any other indication of just what KIND 
 of church. It's like a stealth synagogue. First time I wandered 
 up that way I wasn't sure I had the right place until I noticed 
 a nice Hebrew library tucked away underneath it off a side 
 street. It's fair to say they've likely had a few threats. The 
 Pacific Northwest is, afterall, rather well known for its right-
 wing fruitcakes, militia-types and Neo-Nazis. But then too, 
 rich people are pretty paranoid to begin with. It does seem
 like overkill. TdH also enjoys the distinction of having a 
 branch office - TdH East in Bellevue on the other side of the 
 Lake for those who don't feel like slumming it downtown to do 
 their Shabat davening. 

 Things are closer to normal up in View Ridge north of the 
 U District. There are a couple clearly identified temples up
 there: a little storefront job and a big new one. It's also
 home to Seattle's best Jewish bookstore (Tree of Life on 65th)
 and someone is even running a nice little Jewish lending 
 library out of their ground-level apartment there. It's a 
 neat family-oriented neighborhood of older houses, dotted 
 with alternative businesses (coops, etc.), old houses, fat 
 family cats, big fuzzy barking dogs and lots of kids. They 
 lean more towards 10-speeds than SUVs around that place. 
 Otherwise, it looks like a pretty normal/typical middle-class 
 Seattle neighborhood of people who work for a living.

 The U District has a small synagogue at Hillel House on Frat
 Row. I thought it might be sort of student-oriented center 
 but it seems to be mostly old alumni. They rent parking space -
 a rare commodity in the U District - at the big Christian 
 Scientist church across the street. There are plans in the
 works to build a big combo student-center/synagogue soon.

 Chabad, the ultra-traditional, communally-oriented Lubavitch
 (loo-BAH-vitch) group has its state HQ in the U District. 
 They're the guys in beards and forelocks who dress like
 it's winter year-around and heavily favor the color black. 
 Eastern European in origin, they follow particular rabbis.
 and make a concerted effort to literally live the 613 
 mitzot/commandments as a lifestyle. Most Jews figure they're 
 doing pretty good if they manage to do each mitzoh once in 
 a lifetime. There are tons of the Lubavitchim in Brooklyn,
 NYC. (It's just a coincidence I'm sure, but the U District 
 was originally known as Brooklyn)

 Lots of times passing by there in the morning or evening 
 I often see a young Rabbi and/or a group of kids davening 
 with their phylacteries on. The kids always look like they're 
 wearing their dad's clothes. I've never seen them around the 
 neighborhood so I guess they're a little shy about mixing
 with the locals. I did see them once with the Chabad-Mobile
 parked out front of the University Bookstore passing out
 literature. They must have got a hard-time because that was 
 a couple years ago and they ain't been back since. They used 
 to set up a big Chanakah minorah in Westlake Park downtown 
 around Christmas time. It often got trashed by Hooterville's 
 pious, tolerant Christians.

 Their center has got to be one of the most homey religious
 facilities going. Located in an old brick building with
 pealing paint just off-campus, the "c" in their name mounted 
 on the front is hanging off at an odd angle and the front 
 'yard' is a chaotic mess of kids stuff from the day-care 
 center they run. They fit right in with the informality of 
 the neighboring frats and sororities. Just the opposite of
 the anal-retentively spic-n-span new Catholic center a 
 block over. Chabad also has a couple communal houses nearby. 

 I get the impression it ain't easy being a Jew in Seattle.
 To most Seattlites it doesn't make any difference, but to 
 those whom it does - they're real nasty bastards about it
 and there isn't much of anybody with the balls to stop
 them. What the hell - we're talking about human beings here
 not extraterrestrials. Jews have their own ancient way of
 being human but otherwise they all carry the standard
 equipment. While they aren't any smarter than anyone else, 
 the respect Torah-study gave them for learning has very
 nicely translated into other areas. And the nonsense about 
 Jewish financial/media/entertainment conspiracies seems a 
 bit misplaced. Catholics run everything. We're everywhere 
 baby. Best of all - we're going to Heaven and you're not.
 You got a problem with that we'll send a couple of them
 Swiss Guards with their pointy-sticks over to have a little
 talk with you.
 
 I have no such affection for Israel. It is the "Vatican" 
 of Judaism: a profane, corrupt, racist, completely secular,
 self-appointed guardian of Jewish traditions. It sells 
 itself as the Israel given by God millenia ago to the 
 Jews. It more closely resembles an Anti-Israel - more the 
 antithesis of Judaism than its embodiment. After generations
 of betrayal and defilement, after the desecration of King
 David's temple and the obscenity of King Herod's temple,
 2000 years ago God closed up the Heavens and took from the 
 Jews the good land He had given them and caused that nation 
 of people to disappear from it. What has now emerged is a
 disgusting imposter more Gentile than Hebrew in thought and
 deed.

..................................................................

 PLEASE NOTE: Some quantum physics theories suggest that when
 the consumer is not directly observing this product, it may
 cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and undetermined
 state.

 from "Consumer Physics Warnings"
..........................................................................

                      'OL YELLER'S TWAT
               (aka The War Against Terrorism)
                             
 "Weelll doggies! If that don't beat all!", said Ol Yeller as
 he watched General Powell depart his State Department DC-3
 returning from his highly dubious Peace Keeping tour of
 the Holy Land. 

 "What the hell are you doing back so soon General?", Yeller 
 asked in a noticeably miffed tone of voice. "I'm sorry Mr. 
 President. King Solomon's Revenge. I don't know what the 
 Israelis put in those knoshes but it shot straight through 
 me like molten lead, destroying my digestive tract in the 
 process. My bung-hole's sore as hell at the moment. I had
 to stand up the whole flight back. They kept calling me a
 'schwartze' something or another, whatever the heck that 
 is, and wanted me to shine their shoes. They sure picked 
 up a lot of bad habits from the Germans! I couldn't take 
 it any more. I HAD to get outta there.", replied our General 
 Failure. 

 "So how're things with Jinine?", asked Yeller. "Oh she's 
 fine sir. Said to say hello if your wife wasn't around.", 
 General Powell replied. "Gol dang it Colin! I said JININE, 
 the concentration camp, not Jennine the Hottie from Haifa,
 you dang fool. I KNOW she's alright. Talked to her last 
 night on the Hot Line after the ol Ball and Chain hit the
 sack." 

 "Sorry sir. I'm such a hopeless moron. Why in the heck did
 you ever pick me for a job like this as Secretary of State?
 I got no idea what the hell I'm doing.", said Colin. "The 
 whole world can see that plain as day General. Just leave 
 the thinking to me and Kenny Boy. Everything will be Okee
 Dokey. Don't worry if you feel stupid. Happens to me all
 the time. Trust me. You get to like it after a while.", 
 sagely counseled our Executive Retard.  
 
 "Oh. Mr. Mubarek in Egypt wanted me to pass a message to 
 you.", perked up our SecState. "Got it right here in my
 back pocket. Yeah. There it is. [clears throat] 'Yo Willy! 
 Coming to DC soon. Line me up with that tall redheaded Babe 
 with the big Hooters will you. Your Bud, Moo'" Yellowbelly
 went all red in the face and squinty-eyed then exploded,
 "That ignurant A-rab Raghead! He thinks Bubba's still 
 calling the shots around here. Stupid Muslim bastard can't 
 tell one hillbilly from another!", exploded the First Putz.
 
 "What the hell...", continued the Commander in Chief, "I 
 want you to get down on your knees and join me in a prayer 
 to our Blessed Savior. 'Thank You Lord for bring'n General 
 Powell home safe and sound even if he is a worthless jackass 
 who's dumb enough to screw up a one man rock fight. He's 
 the only Nigra I could find who'd work for me aside from
 that little Bimbo work'n security. He's been an invaluable 
 help in hastening the coming of your Rapture and the 
 destruction of them Jew Boys and Evil Muslim Infidels over 
 in Izrul. Won't be long now. Soon it will become the Sacred 
 Christian Homeland - JesusLand. Thank you Lord. A-men. Your 
 Bud, Duhbya.", intoned our pious Prez. "Now git ur Red
 Heifer outta here General afore I sic the dogs on you."
                             !
 With all the Osama bin Laden videos that have come out in 
 the past few months they've almost got enough to start his 
 own cable-TV show. Maybe throw in a few guest appearances 
 by his ex-business partners like President Yellowbelly and
 his daddy just to spice things up and they may be looking 
 at a Boffo Boxoffice smash hit eh. I'm sure the Carlyle 
 Group, Anderson and whatever's left of Enron would be first 
 in line for sponsorship. 

 What happens when the bombs are smarter than the pilots 
 who drop them? Four Canuks found out this week - you die. 
 Much is made of our military's technical superiority. 
 Little is made of our soldiers and sailors generally low 
 level of intelligence. Put retarded monkeys at the controls
 of sophisticated Death Machines and the results are very
 predictable. That, basically, is what the Department of 
 Defense is doing. With its crapola pay and benes, its 
 Micky Mouse training and its crack officer corps of Juice 
 Heads - it can't attract anything but Bottom Feeders. But 
 fear not! They are working hard to robotize everything so 
 they don't have to rely on the sheep-dips we got for soldiers 
 and sailors these days. General Lard-Ass will be able to 
 deploy his RoboGrunts, AutonCarriers and AttackDrones from 
 the comfort of his Pentagoon bunker right at his work- 
 station. It is their Big Dream. Ain't no joke about that.

 They're playing the Numbers Game again in DC. Our Afghanistan
 Snuff Fest was originally tagged at $60 BillionBucks. They've
 now downgraded it to $10 BillionBucks. I don't blame them for
 being embarassed. It is a waste of money at any price. It's
 just like the WTC body-count. In the previous truck-bomb 
 attack on the WTC years before, they tagged the population 
 of the two towers at 100,000 people during a study of how 
 people reacted during the bug-out from that. On 9/11 the 
 towers population magically dropped to half that - 50,000 
 people - in the original body-count estimate. A day later 
 they were miraculously down to 5,000. They've now got them 
 weaseled down to 3,000. Obviously they're lying their asses 
 off. 

 A recent Euro poll of Americans found that exactly half of
 us believe the White House knew about the 9/11 attacks in
 advance and didn't do anything to prevent them. Odd. Our
 News Nazis never mentioned anything about this.
 
.................................................................

 "We are all giants, raised by pygmies, and trained to walk with
  a perpetual mental crouch."

                   - Robert Anton Wilson -
.................................................................

                          DA MUTTS

 Screw Da Mutts! There were too many other interesting things going 
 on this past weekend to bother with a bunch of Lusers who roll over
 without trying. Beating #1 rated Stanford in their first game here 
 Friday was just rubbing it in. 

 President Chavez of Venezuela, the guy who popped in and out of 
 the Presidental Palace last week, is a big baseball fan. He used 
 to be a pitcher in pro ball down there.  A lot of our Big Leaguers
 do winter ball in Venezuela. In a rather hilarious encounter last 
 year when his buddy Fidel Castro was visiting with the Cuban 
 National ball team, the two old pitchers took to the mound against 
 each other for a few innings. They both could generously be call 
 Geezers but, since both are Boss Hoss of their respective countries,
 there was nobody around to stop them from making fools of themselves 
 and having a little extra-political fun. I couldn't see President
 Yellowbelly doing that. As if it isn't bad enough he throws like 
 a little girl, he'd likely trip going into his windup and fall 
 flat on his stoopid face. In fact I can't think of any modern U.S.
 president who could have taken to the field. They were all a bunch 
 of spastic wimps.

.....................................................................
  
                    -  MONDO VATICANO -

 Bernie the Pimp's off the hook thanks to Future-Super-Saint JP-2. 
 The old Pollock took Bernie's resignation and stuck it in his top 
 drawer. You know what that means? That means that anybody wants to
 lean on Bernie about taking a hike will have to talk to the Pollock
 from here on out, not Bernie. And the Pollock don't speak English
 too good. Worse than that, there's some question about which planet
 he's residing on these days. That means Pope Ratso the First (aka
 Cardinal Ratzinger) and the Curia Queens are running the show. You 
 can see how relieved Bernie is. He knows his paycheck is safe now.

 But Bernie's got new cause to worry. Judging from the number of
 Grand Juries that are being convened and the blow-off the Pope
 got from Secretary of State Powell over the stand-off at the
 basilica in Bethlehelm, the Church seems to have lost much of
 its political immunity and clout. Too many pervert priest 
 headlines with a smiling picture of Bernie the Pimp or Eddie 
 the Shadow underneath. Election year or not, no American 
 politican of any persuation wants to be seen in public with 
 a Catholic bishop these days. The Catholic Vote will just have 
 to fall wherever it may. And the Bishops will have to fend for
 themselves. Dang! After all the sucking-up they did to President 
 Yellowbelly! Made regular asses out of themselves.

			+	+	+

 Seattle's ArchBishop Brunett entered the pervert priest fray
 this week courtesy of Fr. John Cornelius, the assistant pastor
 at Immaculate Conception in Everett. Five men have come forward
 with accusations of sexual assault against him, most dating from
 his seminary years in Oregon. They all exceed the statute of
 limitiations for criminal charges. But Fr. John has a number of
 more recent escapdes that the Archdiocese handled in questionable
 fashion. He was demoted to assistant-pastor because of complaints 
 made to the ArchBishop's office in '89 and '97 and ordered to
 stay away from kids. 

 If there was an indication of a problem, the obvious question is 
 why wasn't he yanked outta there? It seems a bit strange to stick 
 him in an environment where he's going to be encountering kids 
 daily and then tell him to stay away from them. Especially when 
 it was doubtful he was able to control his sexual 'urges'. And 
 did our Bishop bother informing the parishoners of Immaculate 
 Conception about Fr. John's 'little problem"? I'll bet he didn't. 
 Both the Idaho diocese Fr. John originally came from and the 
 Oregon seminary he attended 20-years ago claim they informed the 
 Archdiocese of Seattle about his behavior 'problems'. The 
 Archdiocese denies they did. It's Early Times and everybody 
 just lining up their lawyers for the coming fight. Get out your
 checkbooks. It's gonna cost a few bucks before this is over.

 No point in even mentioning Fr. Bob, the chaplain at the Navy's
 hospital in Bremerton. Twice he got fingered for sexually
 assaulting young sailors he lured into his home for 'spiritual
 counseling' and twice he walked away with little more than a
 slap on the wrist. In the Navy, rank determines guilt and
 innocence, not evidence. Fr. Bob was a commander and his 
 accusors were little E-3s and E-4s.

                         +	+	+

 Saturday was the death-day of the Holy Maid of Kent - Elizabeth
 Barton. King Henry VIII of England had her hung. She was the 
 maid of a rich guy, who got sick and began having religious
 visions of the BVM. She became locally quite famous for these
 visions and attracted many pilgrims. Eyewitness accounts of her
 visonary trances were rather bizarre: her tongue would be hanging
 out and she made her eyeballs pop out of their sockets. Then a
 voice could be heard issuing from her stomach. Quite a show! If
 she had stuck with religious themes she could have lived to a 
 ripe old age doing that stuff. But she unfortunately ventured 
 into politics. Somehow she managed to finagle a personal audience 
 with Henry VIII and she used it to warn him against dumping his 
 wife in defiance of the Pope. He didn't appreciate her input. 
 She incorporated this anti-royal-divorce routine into her regular 
 vision performances and finally got arrested. After she admitted 
 she was making the whole thing up, Henry showed his appreciation 
 for her honesty by hanging her. 

			+	+	+

 People say, "Foggy. You're such a smart ass. How would you handle
 this pedophile thing if you were Pope?". Despite being in the
 severely disadvantageous position of not knowing exactly how
 deeply the problem runs, as JP-2 does, I don't think it's really
 all that hard. Catholic traditions offer all the guidance the
 Pope and Bishops need. They of course don't actually believe
 in any of that superstitious religious MoJo and prefer to make 
 public asses out of themselves pretending they're clever Bigtime 
 movers and shakers instead of moral examples to both Catholics 
 and the world that is watching this spectacle unfold.

 The Church, from Rome to the parishes, is run like an old
 Italian family business right now. Like the Sicilian mafia.
 It is not run in either a spiritually or technically competent 
 or edifying manner. This clearly doesn't work. It's good for 
 the 'Don' at the top and no one else. And it's utterly lacking 
 in moral accountability. It is not a democratic institution and 
 should not become one. It therefore is absolutely imperative 
 and essential that its decsion-makers be men of EXTRAORDINARY 
 intelligence, spirituality, morality and competence - not 
 merely political butt-kissers, as the criteria presently are. 
 There's no excuse for a useless old fart-catcher like Cardinal
 Dulles being chosen for anything. He got chosen for his family
 name not for any of his personal virtues. He has none. Choices
 like that are dysfunctional.

 1. The top priority is the kids who got raped/assaulted/molested.
    They aren't just going to grow out of this. It is going to
    stay with them for the rest of their lives. Time will dull
    some of the emotion but not all of it. The courts can remove
    the priest involved from society so he doesn't hurt anyone
    else and they can impose a certain level of reparation and
    compensation, but they can't 'make it all better'. These kids
    had their childhood stolden from them when their trusted
    parish priest used them for his own sexual gratification.
    It may never be 'all better', ever. 

    This is a child of God that has been violated. God made 
    this child. It is His.  When one of their priests is found 
    guilty, I would instruct all my Bishops to personally visit 
    each victim with the offending priest (if possible), get
    down on their knees and sincerely beg their forgiveness. 
    No letters. No phonecalls. No press releases. In person. 
    Face to face. Refusal or insincere effort (judged by the 
    child's parents) would be grounds for severe punishment.

 2. The priests involved are sick men. They need to be removed
    from circulation and provided with proper and appropriate
    care. Being a priest is forever by Canon Law regardless of
    what the Curia Queens say. The Church had years to carefully 
    scrutinize these men and find out if they were appropriate 
    for the task. If it failed to do so, the fault is entirely
    its own. When it ordinated them as priests it assumed an 
    eternal responsibility for them. Take care of them; don't 
    defrock them. Recognize their illness and deal with it in 
    a compassionate, Christian manner. Priests who can't do 
    parish work still have many useful roles to fill. If the 
    Church can afford to pay out billions in secret payoffs, 
    it can afford to invest a few thousand in its priests. There 
    is no excuse when you're hauling in $82 BillionBucks a year
    tax-free like the U.S. church is.

    Priests in each diocese need to have an organization of 
    their own to represent their mundane/operational interests. 
    Call it whatever you like: a union, association or whatever - 
    as long as it is theirs. There is no reason why this wouldn't 
    be possible within their vow of obedience to their Bishop. 
    Diocese are so huge now and their workings so complicated 
    that the old personal touch is no longer practical. Priests 
    need a formal way of being heard. And their opinions need to 
    be formally respected by their Bishop. The Bishop can pursue 
    his own course but he must explain his rationale when that 
    course conflicts with the general opinion. Consider it a 
    'teaching' responsibility. The Bishop remains the ultimate 
    authority on clearly religious matters. 

 3. The Butts In The Pews need to be included in this process.
    Represenatives of the laity should be solicited from any
    parish involved in an incident. ANYONE who wants to be on
    such a body should be included. They should meet frequently
    and regularly to assess the progress of matters and have
    direct input. Indeed, their ideas should be solicited and
    employed whenever appropriate. They have far wider personal
    experience to draw from than the clergy does and they are,
    afterall, paying for this. The clergy aren't paying for 
    anything. The laity have a natural right and a religious
    responsibility to participate directly in their Church.

 4. Bishops are supposed to be the embodiment of Catholic 
    traditions. Not only must they have demonstrated spiritual 
    interests/activities but they must also be technically 
    competetent to fulfill their role. I would require them 
    to attain proper management skills. They are Chief Executive 
    Officers of multi-million dollar enterprises that have 
    enormous potential for Good Works. Yet few of them have the 
    management credentials of a 7-11 assistant-manager. And much 
    of the wealth they oversee is irresponsibly wasted on 
    secret sex-scandal payoffs and various other questionable 
    matters (like Bishop Remi de Roos' race horses) instead of 
    feeding and sheltering the poor, caring for the old and sick 
    as well as burying the indigent.

    Needless to say, I would also require an annual audit of the
    diocese's finances and make it available to the laity. At
    present there is no accountability at all. That's asking for
    trouble.

5.  An omsbudsman office of some sort, independant of the Bishop's
    influence, needs to be established. It's responsibility would
    be to ensure than any problems occuring at the parish level
    that aren't being responded to by the Bishop, do get official
    attention. It's records must be auditable. It's investigations
    must be conducted in a professional manner with properly
    qualified people and properly documented. There are any number 
    of existing lay and religious organizations within the Church
    who could handle the job.

 That's good for starters. But, that being said, I can guarantee
 you nothing even vaguely like it will ever happen. The Boyz at
 the top ain't about to surrender the enormous power they now
 have - not for God, not for Church, not for nobody. Just as with
 the Vatican's former temporal power in Italy, it will have to be
 taken from them by force. It's the only language they understand
 or respect. Maybe we'll get lucky and Osama will evaporate the
 Vatican so we can start over from scratch. It'd be a shame to
 lose all that nice art though.

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 on you baby. He'll teriyaki your sorry butt and turn
 it into Lutefisk.
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