__
                    __ _ / _|_ __ ___
           _____   / _` | |_| '_ ` _ \   _____
          |_____| | (_| |  _| | | | | | |_____|
                   \__,_|_| |_| |_| |_|
                   Another Foggy Moment

 These are the continuing adventures of a typical resident
 of the self-proclaimed center of the Pugetopolis universe -
 Seattle. Most are true stories but some are made of whole-
 cloth. I ain't the Mayor, the Governor or a Big Shot. Just
 another Working Stiff with a Bad Attitude.

    ------------------------------------------------
    WARNING: This is not a Child-Proof Neighborhood.
    If you're a kid - scram!, beat it! you little
    punk before your Old Lady catches you and calls
    the cops. They'll throw you in the Big House in
    Walla Walla and won't let you out until you're
    89 years old. There. Don't say I didn't warn you.
    -------------------------------------------------

                          - 144 -

 Bummed out by the morning news? Bored with all those stupid
 Howard Stern clones on the morning radio shows? Looking for
 a literary, funky and subversive way to start your day? 
 Give "The Daily Bleed" a try. The best thing of its sort on
 the Net, I was amazed to discover it's put together by the
 Recollected Books people who used to be on The Ave right
 here in Hooterville. I think they're over in Greenwood now.
 I wonder if my old pal "Bucky" - a big, hairy mutt named for 
 Bucky Fuller - is still hang'n with the Blood over there?

       http://www.eskimo.com/~recall/bleed/calmast.htm

 A lot of times early in the morning as I pass U Dub's little
 salmon pond, there's a blue heron helping itself to some
 breakfast. With that long, skinny beak - the fish net over
 the pond presents no significant barrier. But the salmon fry 
 are so tiny it must be a bit like trying to pick up moving
 mites with a pair of tweezers. Just to rub it in, the little 
 buggers are jumping out of the water all around Mr. Heron
 taunting and teasing him. He of course is unable to walk on
 the netting and has to restrict his activities to the near
 shore. No wonder he never seems to have a smile on his beak.
 That's the only place that I've ever had hummingbirds slip
 alongside me. Particularily at this time of year, there are
 lots of flowery bushes around that they apparently like.

 As the morning weather warms and dries out, the Yuppie Pig 
 Boats on Montlake Cut by Union Bay are now being joined by 
 the fat, long Hawaiian outrigger canoes. Those racing shells 
 are very narrow and tippy. Good for speed but hard on the 
 nerves of the newbies. Though I've never seen one take a 
 spill. Since none of them ever wear life-jackets and that 
 water is colder than King Neptune's balls, there's plenty of 
 incentive to stay upright. The Hawaiian boats, on the other 
 hand, are almost impossible to knock over. The occupants 
 can let it all hang out. They like to shout "Ugh!" when 
 they switch paddling sides, like they imagine real Hawaiians 
 do. They really seem to enjoy yell'n and splash'n around.

                            *

 Paul Trummel's webpages still seem to be up and working:
         contracabal.net [Washington state edition]
         contracabal.org [International edition]
 I assume Judge Jimmy, the Token Twinkie on the King County
 Inferior Court bench, still has Mr. Trummel locked up in
 the King County Pen. It's hard to tell in this town. Our
 News Nazis have brains marginally superior to parakeets.
 Anything over 2 minutes old qualifies as ancient history
 to a parakeet. Anything over 2 days old qualifies as
 ancient history to our News Nazis. So what if an old man
 is indefinitely incarcerated for nothing more than speaking
 his mind? So what if he's a fellow journalist?

 Meanwhile, back in the land of Real Judges, Federal Judge
 Jed Rakoff of the District Court in New York state issued
 an 11-page report explaining why he was ready to declare
 the death-penalty unconstitutional. You mean we still got 
 a Constitiution? Basically, he wants to know why so many
 death-row inmates turn out to be innocent. Me too. If they
 screw up the important life-and-death stuff, you can just
 imagine how badly they screw up the less life-threatening
 stuff. Not to mention the judicial screwballs like Jimmy
 who abuse their courtrooms to settle personal vendettas.

                            *

 An odd thing has happened since those three skateboarding
 Dewds beat that guy to death in the U District. It reminds 
 me a lot of the time after that bus driver, Mark McLaughlin, 
 got shot. You'd think something like that would kind of 
 chill people out. Give them cause to think. 

 Unh unh. Just the opposite. Mark's death seemed to embolden 
 the sizeable contingent of local big-mouth jerks. They upped 
 their game a notch or two. It suddenly became almost a daily 
 thing to see some jerkoff threaten a bus driver. It was weird. 
 They were like cockroaches coming out of the woodwork. It took 
 a considerable effort by the King County Sheriff's office 
 and most of a year before things settled back down to a dull 
 roar.  

 Much the same is occuring with the skateboarders now. I see 
 a lot of them going out of their way to provoke an incident. 
 Riding in the street and deliberately obstructing traffic
 used to be a pretty rare thing but not any more. Plowing 
 through pedestrians on the sidewalks is a standard part of
 their repetoire. Ordinarily, Boardees get no respect. They 
 look like Lusers and most of them I've encountered, act like 
 they got their head permanently stuck up their ass. Few of 
 them can even ride worth crap. Now that they got a killing
 under the belt, a lot of them are coming on strong expecting
 the world to fear them. Pshaw! To say that they are highly
 vulnerable would be an understatement.

 The inept and useless parasites we got for Cops around
 here finally got off their butts and put some uniforms in
 the U District. Not really having anything useful to do,
 they've been rousting the bums and punks for entertainment.
 It's just a temporary Dog and Pony PR show and the wiser
 heads know enough to steer clear for a couple weeks. The
 Cops will be gone and things will be back to normal again.
 Meanwhile...The Ave continues to empty out. Venerable old 
 Porter & Jensen's jewelry store, from which generations of
 U Dub college-sweethearts got their rings, is clearing out.
 Taco Bell finally joined MacDonald's and Burger King by
 throwing in the towel too.

                              *

 The Israeli Knesset this week authorized millions of Scheckels
 for the hiring of German consultants and the construction of 
 unspecified facilities adjacent to Palestinian concentration
 camps that will employ some sort of gas system. And they've 
 ordered the government expropriation of all high-temperature 
 incinerator facilities in Israel. Nobel Peace Prize winner 
 Shimon Peres, recently named as the coordinator of this new 
 and very hush-hush project, refused to reveal any details. But 
 when pressed at a news-conference recently, suddenly exploded
 with, "I've had it up to here with those goddam Palestinians. 
 Time for an Ultimate Solution. We're bringing in some people 
 with experience who know how to get the job done." 

 This don't look good. 

                              *

 Strange how the Canuks have hardly reacted to the deaths of
 those four Canadian Forces soldiers when one of our retard
 pilots accidently bombed them. Everybody seemed to want them
 to be sad or pissed off or SOMETHING. But they just wouldn't
 budge. Their News Nazis made the usual pious noises about
 national-service, damned irresponsible Yanks, dying in service
 to Canada, blah, blah, blah. But Joe Canuk just yawned and 
 went back to chug'n his Molson while watching the Stanley
 Cup playoffs. Even taking a peek at van.general and bc.general 
 there was only one thread about it and it was stale as old 
 pizza crust. The Queen Mum's death drew far more attention, 
 interest and debate.

 I think there are two large forces at work producing this
 remarkable apathy: slavish admiration for America and hatred 
 for their own military. 
 
 Canuks generally think of themselves as 'honorary Americans'.
 They really do. Their news is mostly made up of U.S. news
 items. In Vancouver, you'd have an easier time getting a copy
 of the New York Times or Wall Street Journal than you would
 a Victoria Times-Colonist. Victoria is B.C.'s capital city.
 Come Presidential election time in America, the Canuks jump
 in, hotly debating the issues and canidates as if they had 
 a vote. They of course do not. Canadians imagine themselves
 to be plain boring. That's what their News Nazis have been
 telling them for decades now and they've come to take it for
 granted, though there is little justification for the idea.
 They have in fact put together a number of very unique and 
 exceptional programs over the years. Stuff Uncle Sammy 
 wouldn't have the balls to try. Part of the problem comes
 from living next door to a large family of well-to-do, 
 mentally-unstable hillbillies like us. We'd give any sane 
 person the Willies. Hell, we scare the Dickens out of 
 ourselves most days without even trying.

 Canuks really do hate their military. They don't like having
 guys in uniforms around. Part of the problem is that the
 Canadian military, in its entire history, has never lifted 
 a finger in defense of Canada. It's gone to war for England,
 America and a host of others, but never it's own people. 
 During the Cuban Missle Crisis, the Canadian Prime Minister
 ordered his military not to scramble to high-alert until he
 knew what the situation was. They just ignored him and took
 their orders from our Pentagon. So it's not too surprising 
 that Canadians naturally feel like they owe the drunken, 
 bigotted, freeloaders bugger all. And if a few of them get
 Whacked playing soldier for somebody else, well, tough luck.

 BTW - being the legislative dawdlers that they are, Canuk 
 Members of Parliment in Ottawa who were still working on 
 their own Anti-Terrorism Bill, finally decided to throw in
 the towel this week. The whole thing was too stupid for 
 words so they chucked it.

                              *
 
 Speaking of the Canuks military...
 The Canadian Navy learned this week that it got ripped off by
 the Limmies when it bought a few used subs off them. One of 
 them, HMCS Victoria, was scheduled to be deployed to CFB 
 Esquimalt outside Victoria-BC. Turns out the Limmies 'forgot'
 to tell the Canuks about an unreported collision she had that
 serverely damaged her hull. To cover up the damage, they slapped
 on a Mickey Mouse patch. If she had been taken to her maximum
 depth on her trip across the Atlantic from Britain, her hull 
 would have ruptured and all aboard would most definitely have 
 perished. Neither the Captain nor the crew were aware of this
 awkward detail. Since the Canuks can't afford to do a proper 
 repair and the Brits refuse to own up to their BS, they'll 
 only be able to take the Victoria to half her rated max depth. 
 A genuine piece of Limmie Crippleware. Now you can see why 
 they ain't got no friends and have to suck up to Uncle Sammy 
 all the time.

 The Limmies try that kind of crap with us we'll load the 
 sumbitch in one of those Antonov cargo-planes and drop it 
 on Number 10 Downing Street in London. Teach that Poodle 
 Blair to screw around with Uncle Sammy.
                              *

 How long would it take your stolden credit card to begin 
 circulating on the Internet? About 15 minutes. The FBI set
 up a sting operation a while back floating a number of phony
 credit card numbers on a web page. About 15 minutes after 
 they planted links to the page in some chat rooms, they got 
 takers.

...................................................................

 WARNING: The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent
 of 85 million tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.

 from: Consumer Physics Warnings
...................................................................

                    STINKY'S MAGIC KINGDOM

 Once again I ventured into the Little Stinker, our Guv's, Empire.
 It is always something of an adventure. One that I normally avoid
 like the plague but there are just some times when you can't avoid
 it. Setting my Phasor to 'stun', I ventured forth into the belly
 of the Beast.

 This being my first post-9/11 venture into the Magic Kingdom, I
 was amazed to see just how far our civil service types have now
 taken their Fear of the Taxpayer. Aside from the metal-detectors
 and armed-guards at the Federal Building entrances, you now also 
 need some sort of ID or they ain't let'n you in. I guess I 
 shouldn't have been quite as surprised as I was upon visiting the
 mailroom in one of Governor Stinky's facilities one fine morning 
 to dash off a UPS envelope. Everybody was dressed up in full-body
 Personal Protective Suits, complete with goggles, nitrile-gloves,
 face-masks, etc. They were about to open the day's mail and told
 me to take a hike - come back in an hour. That explained why 
 every stinking piece of mail was pre-opened when I got it. The
 staff insist on it to avoid being anthraxed by their many fans.
 Screw FBI advisories: EVERYTHING is suspicious as far as they're
 concerned. Junk mail gets treated as gingerly as personal mail
 or business replies. Even magazines get the once-over.

 One of the distinctive features of government service is the 
 need to spend vast amounts of their work day 'screwing the pooch'. 
 Our Guv never hires one guy when he can get away with three. Not 
 only are the lucky paper-shufflers eternally grateful but they 
 also now have all the incentive they need to vote for Stinky next 
 time around come election time. Managers like it too. It allows 
 them to build up vast, bloated departmental empires. The bigger 
 the roost they rule, the more they get paid. While it is true 
 that the staff tend to be considerably more ethnically-diverse 
 than the average commercial workplace, that diversity is much 
 more narrowly defined. You'll find plenty of African-Americans 
 but no Injuns and fewer Asians and Hispanics than usual; plenty 
 of Baptists but not many Jews or Muslims.

 Pooch-screwing is a fine art. The ordinary person cannot do 
 it for an entire work career. The burden of imagination and 
 creativity required would leave them exhausted within a year's 
 time. I think that is the real reason why government gives 
 such high priority to people who are ex-military. Having really 
 nothing whatsoever of any socially redeemable value to do all 
 day, your average soldier or sailor quickly learns to acquire 
 basic pooch-screwing skills or goes AWOL/crazy/drug-dependant,
 possibly all three, in quick order. Those with years of work 
 experience in such an environment become highly-skilled pros
 at it. Many are capable of sleeping while standing up with 
 their eyes open, thus achieving Bureaucratic Nirvana: there 
 in body, but not in spirit. The lights are on but nobody's 
 at home.

 But even they need the occasional direction. While working 
 at U Dub once, I drove along with one of their truck drivers 
 back to a storage warehouse. There taped to the dashboard was 
 a typed directive from the manager warning the occupant that 
 it was illegal for employees to sleep in a prone position in 
 their vehicle. I asked the driver if vertical was okay. He 
 matter-of-factly said, "Yep. It's easy once you get used to 
 it." 

 The atmosphere is decidely far more relaxed in these places 
 than it is in the ordinary commercial work environment. They 
 don't have concerns about being Downsized with 5-minutes 
 warning after 20-years of service. Government agencies never 
 get downsized and they never disappear. They just keep bloating 
 up bigger and bigger year after year, forever and ever. People 
 don't often get fired in government bureaucracies either. 
 Though, as the Post Office so well demonstrates, plenty of 
 them go crazy or otherwise have cause to run screaming from 
 their workplaces. It's an occupational hazard. There is a 
 definite survival value in going utterly brain-dead and 
 becoming invisible. People happily remain stuck in the same 
 job for decades and consider themselves fortunate for having 
 done so. It is truely a Slackers Paradise.

 You'd think with all this slack and ambiance, bureaucrats 
 would be cheerful and happy people. Hell no! I don't really 
 understand why it is, but they are far and away the most 
 thin-skinned boogers I've ever worked with. A lot of it is 
 the tension of not really having much to do but still having 
 to 'look busy' for the many prying/snooping eyes in the 
 neighborhood. Most of the rest of it is the feedback loop 
 that results from having to deal with many other like-minded 
 thin-skinned workmates all day. It isn't just that they don't 
 work well together, they often go out of their way to stick 
 it to one another. Sneeze in one of those Joints and no one 
 will say "God Bless!" or even "Gesundheit!". [That, by the
 way, is my Workplace Geniality Test - the sneeze.] So if 
 they seem kind of bitchy over the phone rest assured its not 
 personal - that's the way they are with everybody. There are
 exceptions and, considering the amount of crap they have to 
 overcome, they are indeed exceptional exceptions. 

 I should mention that many of them really resent us - the
 taxpayers. They seem to feel we're a bunch of skin-flint
 ingrates who would deny them common pleasures they imagine
 all other workplaces enjoy - like free coffee. Actually only
 about a third of the companies I run into give their employees
 anything whatsoever for free. Many of them would dearly love
 to charge them for the water and use of the toilets if they
 could find an unobtrusive way of doing it. From what I've 
 seen of Stinky's Magic Kingdom, we're not extravagent but
 we're certainly aren't tight-wads either. A happy-medium is
 the rule. Whatever they lose on coffee they more than make
 up for with office supplies.

 Management is also a bit different. They often exist remote
 from the 'factory-floor' up in their Heavenly Temples. 
 Working around Amazon at PacMed, you kind of get used to 
 seeing Bezos wandering around unexpectedly dropping in on 
 departmental meetings. While its not something you'll see 
 every day, it isn't rare or unusual. The dogs all seem to 
 know him by sight and automatically sit up and beg as he 
 goes by. It's easy to get people to do that, but it takes 
 a real Master to get dogs to do it. For the most part he 
 just quietly sits and listens. But if anyone needs an 
 authoritative clarification or a basic question answered, 
 he contributes. That's his style. He's an accessible,
 personal, hands-on kind of guy but not an interfering 
 micromanager. You'll never see that in a bureaucracy. 
 People had to seriously kiss-butt to make it up to the 
 hushed/carpeted/salons of the upper-floors. Don't be 
 expecting them to slum it with the Hired Help on a 
 regular basis. Addressing monthly meetings of the 
 Unwashed Masses - sure; but no regular walk abouts.

 So there you have it. If you're an aggressive Cracker Jack, 
 like me for instance, you'd find life on Stinky's Farm 
 exasperatingly boring and tedious. But if you're a typical 
 mediocre, clock-watching, overtime-hating, schmuck like 99%
 of the American workforce is, you'd feel right at home. The
 pooch-screwing might prove to be a bit overwhelming for
 some but you never know until you try it. You just might
 discover you have a natural-born talent for it.

 If you're a Cracker Jack from a racial/ethnic minority who 
 needs to get some practical experience, it's likely one of
 your best shots. It's a good, low-intensity place to learn 
 organizational ropes and how bureaucracies of all kinds
 work. They'll never let you try anything new, but after a
 couple years you'll have enough of a leg-up to ease the
 transition to the Real World where innovation is welcome.
 No matter how dark your skin is they always need their 
 Tokens. Go with what you got. Just don't forget to leave
 the Magic Empire. It's real easy to doze off and suddenly 
 wake up 25 years later to realize your life is over. I've 
 seen that happen to people and it is not a pretty sight.

.................................................................

 "I don't see the relevance. Is Osama bin Laden in the wedding
  pictures or what?"

                  - Judge James H. Alesia -
                ordering Federal prosecutors
               to return the wedding pictures
               of Enaam Arnaout of the Muslim
              charity Benevolence International

.................................................................

                      'OL YELLER'S TWAT
               (aka The War Against Terrorism)

 During the recent visit of the Saudi Crown Prince...

 "Shall I put your call to Israel through Mr. President?", asked 
 the White House telephone operator. "Why sure Sugar Plum.", 
 said President Yellowbelly. "Okee Dokee...ONE ringy dingy...TWO 
 ringy dingies...he-he-he-hello Maxine? This is Mildred in DC! 
 How's everything sweetheart? I got my Old Fart on the line for
 your Old Fart", said Mildred. "Oi gevalt! Milly! You meshuge
 shiksa! I love you darlink. How vunderful to hear your voice
 again! Just a second I'll get my Ari.", replied her counterpart 
 in Jerusalem. 

 There is a clicking of buttons and finally - "Hello Ari darlink! 
 Did you put on clean underwear this morning dear?", said Maxine's
 voice. "Yes mother. Of course I did. Now what the hell do you
 want?", returned the voice of General Sharon. "It's Milly in DC
 on the line with a call from President Whats-His-Face. You know.
 The simpleton from Texass. Shall I put it through?", asked the
 General's mother. "For cry'n out loud! Not that idiot again! 
 I'm in the middle of a goddam war here dammit. I haven't got
 time for that retard Ma! Look. We do the same thing as the 
 last few times. You know - that 'bad phoneline' schtick, okay?", 
 said General Sharon. "Okay darlink. Here goes." 

 "Hello Ari? This is Duhb-ya here. How's my favorite little Jew
 Boy this morn'n?", said the Prez with a smiling wink at the 
 Saudi Prince sitting next to him.

 "Jew Boy?! Who you calling a goddam Jew Boy you igorant goddam
 hillbilly?", replied General Sharon. 

 "Now don't get huffy with me Buster. I didn't mean nuthin by it, 
 gol dang it all. It was just a..just a...a compliment.", said Ol 
 Yeller, "Yeah. That's right - a compliment." 

 "Compliment my ass. What the hell you want?", returned General 
 Sharon.

 "It's about that little War on Evil Muslim Terrorist Bastards 
 you're run'n over there. I want you to pull back a bit.", said 
 Yeller. 

 "You want me to pull what? [phony vocal imitation of sputtering] 
 I think we got a bad connection again Georgie Boy," said General 
 Sharon. 

 "Ah shucks! Not again! OKAY. I'LL HOLLER THEN DANG IT. CAN YOU 
 HEAR ME OKAY NOW?", asked Yellowbelly. 

 "Hearing aid? I don't have a hearing aid. You called me to talk
 about hearing aids Mr. President?", replied General Sharon mixing 
 in the more phony vocal imitations of sputtering. 

 "DANG IT! I DIDN'T SAY NUTH'N ABOUT HEARING AIDS. I ASKED IF YOU 
 COULD HEAR ME OH-KAY.", yelled Ol Yeller. 

 "Is our war on the Palestinians going okay? Yeah sure. It's going 
 great! At this rate they'll all be dead inside a couple weeks. 
 Thanks for asking.", replied General Sharon, sputtering like 
 crazy now.
 
 "TARNATION! I AIN'T CHEER'N YOU ON BOY. I'M ASK'N YOU TO HOLD
 OFF A BIT, DANG IT!", screamed Yeller in exasperation into the 
 mouthpiece.

 "Cheering us on? You don't have to cheer us on Georgie Boy. 
 Just stay the hell outta the way. And send some more money. 
 I'm running low.", chuckled General Sharon, clearly getting 
 a kick out of this exercise as he continued to spit and 
 sputter. 
 
 "Look, Georgie. This phone connection really sucks dude. I'm 
 afraid I'm going to have to cut this short. I still got a few 
 Palestinians left to kill off. I'm hanging up. See 'ya.", 
 snickered the General, leaving nothing but a dial tone on 
 the line.

 "OH YEAH? OH YEAH? NOW LISTEN TO ME YOU GODDAM SON OF A 
 BITCH'N JEW BASTARD. I GOT ONE OF THEM SAUDI PRINCES A-SIT'N
 RIGHT HERE NEXT TO ME. I TOLD HIM I'D CALL YOU UP AND YANK
 YOUR CHAIN. NOW I'M A-YANK'N. PULL YOUR BOYS BACK PRONTO OR 
 I'M A-COME'N OVER THERE AND KICK'N YOUR FAT BUTT PERSONALLY. 
 CAPICE?" said Yeller into the disconnected line. "YEAH THAT'S 
 RIGHT! YOU BETTER KISS MY BUTT! I'M THE LEADER OF THE WHOLE 
 DANG FREE DANG WORLD AND YOU BETTER NOT FORGET IT. WHEN I SAY 
 JUMP BUSTER, THE ONLY QUESTION I WANNA HEAR OUTTA YOU IS 'HOW
 HIGH'. SHALOM YO MAMA!", barked Yeller in his best Tough Guy 
 voice before dramatically slamming the phone down.

 "There! I guess I told that sumbitch where to get off eh. See. 
 I told you Ragheads I got them Jew Boys eat'n right outta my 
 hand. He said they'll pull out right quick. Scared the pants 
 off them boogers.", muttered Yeller with false bravado to the 
 Saudi Prince sitting next to him deeply absorbed in his new
 Gameboy. "Praise be Allah. Whatever. You got the new Star
 Wars game for this thing?", responded the Prince. 
  
.................................................................

                          DA MUTTS

 Gimme a break eh! After trashing their season early on and 
 totally eliminating any chance of going beyond the regular 
 season, what do they do? They took two games of a 3-game 
 series against the the Numero Uno team in American college 
 ball - Stanford. Then, to top it off, they hit the road for
 UC Berkeley and whoop their butts in another 3-game series. 
 That definitely confirms that the Purple Puppies have plenty 
 of Stuff. So why the diving act? Whatever. They still got 
 UCLA and Arizona coming in here for weekend series, plus
 a couple small fry like Gonzaga, before they retire for 
 the summer.

 I've noticed the lacrosse guys practicing over at Husky
 Stadium some nights. Their old playing field is now a
 construction project. I'm not sure where they play but
 I'm a-gonna find out. 

 Vancouver-BC joined the National Lacrosse League this year
 with their "Ravens" team. Most of the league's teams are
 back east but they've been gradually establishing a presence
 in the west. Vancouver has a long and venerable lacrosse
 tradition going way, way back. Teams like the New Westminster
 Salmonbellies, Vancouver Burrards, Coquitlam Adanacs and
 Victoria Shamrocks date back to the 50's. Like the Ravens,
 they play in hockey rinks - without the ice of course - not
 on an outside field. It's a fast, tough game. The Ravens 
 had a terrific first season in the NLL. Not only did they 
 make the playoffs but they were 3rd highest in the league 
 in attendence. Off to a great start. 

.....................................................................
  
                    -  MONDO VATICANO -

 Come on! Admit it! Aside from the tragedy of the kids who 
 had their lives totally bagged by their friendly parish 
 priest, this whole Pervert Priest scandal is a delightful 
 hoot. It's great watching another pompous, pretentious 
 slimeball improbably attired in a red dress, lie his ass 
 off in front of God and everybody, ain't it? I know I sure 
 am enjoying it. I love watching people's Dogma get run over 
 by their Karma. The Church is secure in Her traditions. 
 There isn't anything these scumbags can do to seriously
 hurt Her. If She relied on the Vatican for her survival
 She would have evaporated over a millenia ago. Those
 freeloading bums are just along for the ride.

 I hate to say "I told you so" but I told you so. That little
 BBQ over at the Pollock's place in Roma turned out to be 
 just another cheap Dog and Pony Show. A Media Spin-Fest. 
 If you weren't previously convinced that Future-Super-Saint 
 JP-2 is presently residing off-planet you sure are now.
 Drooling a string of meaningless 'sound bites' he showed
 to one and all just how thoroughly out-of-it he truely is.
 Back in the Good Old Days they used to be able to whip out
 the Magic Pillow about now and 'retire' guys like him. But
 everybody's looking for it nowadays. They've got to wait
 until, like the Energizer Bunny, his batteries run out. If
 he gets much more embarassing those Curia Queens may just
 throw caution to the wind and 'Do' him anyways.

 Obviously the Vatican is incapable of dealing with its 
 pervert priest problem. Their whole 'moral authority guided 
 by the Holy Spirit' schtick has fallen apart. The secular 
 authorities in England and Ireland have had to intervene and 
 impose basic moral values on the churches there without the
 benefit of guidance from the Holy Spirit. Germany is thinking 
 about it as are others. The Aussie Bishops tried to clean out 
 their pervert priests but the Curia Queens in Roma kept 
 insisting that they had to keep their perverts even while
 JP-2 was declaring there was no room for them in the Church. 
 Doh! They got a little right-hand/left-hand problem eh.

 Back in the U.S.A. the fun just never stops. Bernie the Pimp 
 in Boston faces depostion even as at least one known Grand 
 Jury (possibly other secret ones), is convened to peek into 
 the contents of his secret Canon Law safe. Eddie the Shadow 
 in NYC seems to be practically begging local prosecutors to 
 nail him for aiding and abetting known felons. As Roger the 
 Dodger in L.A. tries to Spin himself as Mr. Clean, he's having 
 a few problems with that lady who says he sexually molested 
 her and those malcontents in Stockton who won't shut up about 
 the pervert priests he's been hiding there. Francis the Fairy-
 Prince in Chicago managed to stick his foot in his mouth yet 
 again with a dumbass statement about how preferable it is to 
 have priests Porking little girls than little boys. Not a 
 single one of these arrogant idiots seem to be capable of 
 honesty, intelligence or even basic human decency. Moral
 leadership my butt.

 The Church is a large, complex and rather dysfunctional family 
 that is difficult to characterize with any degree of accuracy. 
 It contains within it a vast host of contradictions. Even the 
 anger some Catholics feel about this pervert priest scandal 
 varies wildly. Many are pissed off simply because its giving 
 Catholics a bad name. Others are pissed off because of their 
 moral outrage at the Church's indecent and often obscene behavior 
 in handling the situation. The only thing you can safely assume 
 is: anybody who thinks they got us pegged is dreaming. We're 
 unpeggable baby.

 Catholics are like Church People everywhere. It's mainly a 
 social club that offers inexpensive, wholesome family 
 entertainment and amenities like schools, retirement homes 
 and well-kept cemetaries. The spiritual stuff comes somewhere 
 much further down the list. Few Catholics have the vaguest
 idea what the Sacraments are about or find much of any
 personal relevance in them. As long as it isn't their kid 
 getting Porked by Father, as long as it isn't them getting 
 the Cold Shoulder from the Bishop, they really couldn't care 
 less. Sure they sympathize with the victims of the pervert
 priests and feel sorry for them. But it doesn't go much 
 beyond that. Life goes on Oob-La-Dee Oob-La-Dah, yeah,
 la-la-la-la life goes on.

 It pretty much ditto for most priests. They are as totally
 materialistic as any other American. Give them a new Jeep
 Cherokee once in a while, a modest house, enough money to 
 get the latest PDA and they're pleased as punch. Few of 
 them have a single spiritual bone in their body. It's 
 generally much easier than working for a living like most 
 people have to do. That's why they're doing it. Obviously
 the celibacy thing is unofficially discretional. It's a
 pleasant, respectable, leisurely life. And if you're 
 willing to kiss the right butt, you can really go places
 and get to wear sexy red clothes too.

 One of the funny little anomolies of being a Catholic is 
 the contradiction inherent in the proposition that our
 traditions insist on a rigerous personal responsibility in
 how we conduct our daily affairs, but the Vatican insists 
 on total irresponsibility on the part of the laity when it 
 comes to the Church itself. The clergy own, manage and 
 operate all the churches. They call all the shots. And many 
 Catholics like the Church specifically for that reason - we 
 have complete deniability for anything the Vatican does in 
 the Church's name. We don't ask; they don't tell. Simple, 
 neat and clean. Sure it's a Cop Out. But it's a comfortable 
 Cop Out. Complaints are few and avenues to register them,
 virtually non-existent.

                               *

 The Israeli siege of the Basilica of the Nativity in Bethlehelm
 continues into its fourth week now. The Israelis shot the bell
 ringer and watched him slowly bleed to death for two hours. They
 jackbooted one of the doors in and murdered an unarmed monk.
 Their snipers on surrounding roofs pick off anyone and anything
 that moves near the church. General Powell, our Secretary of
 State couldn't be bothered intervening with the Israelis on
 behalf of the Vatican during his recent visit to Israel. Rumors
 have it that some Israeli soldiers have even taken to using the 
 Basilica as a toilet - defecating inside the parts of it that 
 they control. The Mayor of Bethlehelm begged JP-2 to visit but 
 the old coward ain't got the cojunes for that kind of action. 
 Jesus can fight his own birthplace battles. JP-2's going back 
 to Poland to visit the wife and kids instead. It's safer there. 
 Nobody will shoot at him.

			+	+	+                       

 Fr. Mike Harris, formerly from Cardinal Roger "The Dodger" 
 Mahoney's Los Angeles diocese before he got canned for diddling 
 kiddies, picked up the perfect gig. He's now a consultant with 
 a number of L.A. area college fraternities. He hosts meetings
 with young men in his home. Oh boy oh boy oh boy. Some guys 
 are like cats - they always seem to manage to land on their
 feet eh. 

			+	+	+

 Bishop Jerzy Mazur of a Russian diocese in Siberia seems to
 have run into a few problems taking up his new post. The
 Rooskies have declared him 'persona non grata' and won't
 allow him to legally enter the country. He flew into Moscow's
 Sheremetyevo Airport this week from Warsaw and got put right
 back on for the return trip to Warsaw. The Rooskie customs
 guy even ripped up his visa right in front of him to remove
 any doubt. He joins Fr. Stephano Caprio from Italy who had
 much the same thing happen to him the week before when he
 was informed he was on a list of undesireable foreigners.
 The Russian Orthodox Church, with its intimate ties to the
 government, is pissed about Roma horning in on their turf.
 
--------------------------------------------------------
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 it into Lutefisk.
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