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Another Foggy Moment
These are the continuing adventures of a typical resident
of the self-proclaimed center of the Pugetopolis universe -
Seattle. Most are true stories but some are made of whole-
cloth. I ain't the Mayor, the Governor or a Big Shot. Just
another Working Stiff with a Bad Attitude.
------------------------------------------------
WARNING: This is not a Child-Proof Neighborhood.
If you're a kid - scram!, beat it! you little
punk before your Old Lady catches you and calls
the cops. They'll throw you in the Big House in
Walla Walla and won't let you out until you're
89 years old. There. Don't say I didn't warn you.
-------------------------------------------------
- 164 -
Mid-September 2002...The neighborhood rings with the chants of sorority
girls luring new members into their houses. The Husky Marching Band will
soon resume their Friday-Nights-Before-Saturday-Home-Games party runs as
they serenade the Frats and Sororities. The rowing shells cut through a
fine foggy mist hanging over the Ship Canal waters early in the morning.
Soon the salmon from the Class of 1997 will be returning to the spawning
pool on campus. It is the time of Moon Cakes in Chinese bakery shops to
help celebrate the Luminar's birthday. President Yellowbelly's dirty
little Iraqi war seems a million miles away in another universe far, far
away.
Primary elections on Tuesday. Our starving political Joboise will be
lining up for a place at the feed trough. Like they say in Chicago,
where even the dead vote with regularity: vote once, vote often.
BACKWOODS KING-CO JUSTICE...
Amazing the bullshit that passes for justice in this Hicktown. The King
County Corner's Inquest continued its astounding perfect record this
week. Never in the entire history of that institution has a cop ever been
found unjustified in a killing. EVER! That's a statistical impossibility.
Such a thing is forbidden by the laws of nature. The King County Coroner's
Office truely belongs in the Guiness Book of World Records. An even
bigger mystery is why Uncle Sammy allows such a clearly dysfunctional
legal institution to exist as part of our system of jurisprudence? It
belongs in the backroom of a bar, not in our hallowed halls of Justice.
KingCo Prosecutor Norm "The White Avenger" Maling picked himself up a few
more KKK Frequent Lynching points from the whitewashing of the murder of
a black man committed by a KingCo Deputy. Deputy Quick Draw, out of uniform
and off-duty but armed, aggressively approached his victim. and shot him
point blank without ever once identifying himself. He had no cause beyond
vague suspicion. His victim unfortunately warned the threatening Deputy
that he had a weapon while demanding to know what in the hell he wanted.
That became the justification - the threatening Deputy suddenly felt
threatened himself. Almost makes fucking sense don't it?
No comment from our favorite Michael Jackson impersonator in the King Co
Exec chair. He knows when to keep his mouth shut. He didn't get where he
is sassing White Folks. He, afterall, wrote the goofy rules for this
sham and is ultimately responsible for how inquests are carried out.
This is his baby. BTW - Prior legal experience? Nada.
One has to wonder what it feels like to be a black man in Seattle knowing
any cop who feels so inclined can just up and shoot you dead in front of
tons of witnesses and never be held to account for his actions. Such a
state of affairs seems grossly un-American. Since when are cops
authorized to carry out summary executions on a whim? Better for a citzen
to be tried by 12 than carried by 6. Shoot first, ask questions afterwards.
It worked for the Deputy, why not us? But he ain't going to have as easy
a time of it in civil court. Unlike KingCo Coroner's Office, they got
standards. He'll likely get his clock financially cleaned. Our News Nazis
don't cover civil court - too complicated and confusing for them.
NOT ONE OF OUR FINER MOMENTS...
9/11 quietly came and went. Despite the considerable official effort to
generate a great public outpouring of weeping and wailing, it was pretty
much a non-event. Most Americans did not morn. At work we tried to get
KING-FM's special Mozart Requium. But it didn't happen. Thanks to their
wimpy signal and all the bitty-boxes we had going, we just got a faint
whisper. I put on Bruce Spingsteen's old "Born in the U.S.A." live album.
Between the failure to communicate and Bruce's anti-war hymns from days
gone by, it seems like a proper metaphor for the day. Besides, "Darlington
County" must be the only rock song that actually mentions the World Trade
Center. "Hey little girl. I own one of the World Trade Centers. For a
kiss and a smile I'd give it all to you."
My feelings about 9/11 are very ambiguous. Yes, it was a tragedy. Duh!
But in the general scheme of things, it didn't amount to much: two
ugly, poorly-built, poorly-designed office towers leveled more by our
own greed and corruption than the terrorists efforts. We have often
killed many innocent civilians in our various military escapades. We
slaughtered off over a million Vietnamese to save them from Communism.
And I'm sure there isn't a day of their Eternal Rest goes by that they
don't thank us for our compassionate concern for their fate. Ditto for
the million or so Japanese civilians in Tokyo that General Doolittle
valliantly incinerated and the many thousands of German civilians fried
in our fire bombing of Dresden, all in WW-II times. Add in our nuking of
Hiroshima and Nagasaki, neither of which had any military significance.
These obscenities were done not to accomplish military objectives but
to simply terrorize civilian populations. So it's not like we hold any
high moral ground. We're indistinguishable from the terrorists who hit
us on 9/11. We're just too phony and chickenshit to admit it. As usual,
we ain't fooling anybody but ourselves. Our psycho-hillbilly insanity,
so long a source of amusement to the world, has started to worry them.
It's taken on a vaguely Nazi stink lately.
I kept running into people all day who felt that they were supposed to
say something significant but just couldn't think of anything. It clearly
bothered them. There was an implied expectation that the significance of
the event would turn us all into inspired poets that day. The worst were
the idiots who rejurgitated whatever BS they heard on TV and pretended
they thought of it themselves. I didn't run into anyone who actually
tried to act depressed and sombre. The only conspicuous patriot I saw
all day was a guy on a bike with flag t-shirt and a big flag waving
behind him as he rode. He didn't look depressed about anything. Hell,
it was a beautiful day just as it was on 9/11/01 - the sun was out, the
sky was clear and it was cozy warm. I passed by the memorial display set
up in the fountain basin at Seattle (off)Center. The crowds were very
light but the News Nazis were out there milking it for all they were
worth. 9/11 is money in the bank for those Boyz. It sells Eyeballs.
Eyeballs = $$$$$$$
Fact is, not everybody was memorializing on 9/11. Many people both in
America and outside its borders were Whooping it up. Celebrating the day
Uncle Sammy got knee-dropped in the balls. The day he got a little of his
own medicine. Frankly anyone who celebrated the event was as sick as the
pathetic jerks who glorified it. It was not one of our's or humanity's
finer moments.
ROYALTY ON ICE...
Her Majesty Freeloading Liz, the old Billionaire biddy from Limmeyland,
will be up in Vancouver, BC the first week of October. On October 6th
she will be in attendance at the Canuks v. San Jose game and will even
be dropping the puck at the opening faceoff! I assume they'll sterilize
it first to remove any lingering commoner bacteria. She don't actually
give a hoot about hockey. This is just part of her Grand Strategy to
appear comfortable amongst commoners. As usual, she'll be bringing her
Royal Biffy (a portable outhouse) and water jugs. For Heavens sake
whatever you do, always stick out your Pinky when drinking tea and DON'T
TOUCH HER. She hates it when common people press her flesh. Her Common
Touch is merely a turn of phrase. I wonder if her retarded husband
Phillip the Royal Concubine is along for the ride? He's always good for
a few bigotted remarks about the local Wogs.
CONTRA CABAL UPDATE...
Mr. Trummel, fresh off his recent unanimous decision in the State
Supreme Court forcing the State Appeals Court to hear his previously
rejected appeals, has added a new essay to his website:
Cruel & Unusual Punishment
Our News Nazis have supremely Goofed on Mr. Trummel with one of their
classic smear campaigns. Their deliberate lies and obfuscations about
the details of his case in support of their Hooterville Yacht Club
buddies were bad enough in themselves. We know our News Nazis are not
reliable sources of information but the world doesn't know that.
Mistaking them for reputable journals of record, they picked up on
the disinformation and spread it all over hell's half acre. In his new
essay, Mr. Trummel sets the record straight.
My impression is that operations like Inferior Court function a lot
like Old Boys Clubs. Everybody is very cozy. You don't even get nominated
for membership unless they know ahead of time you're willing to Play
Ball. It's called getting endorsed. Even a bureaucratic flunky with
lousy qualifications can get endorsed if he knows how to kiss ass.
For a $120,000/year Inferior Court judge's paycheck, puckering comes
easy for someone like former Family Court babysitter Judge Jimmy the
Token Twinkie. Once he has his foot in the door, he is rubbing shoulders
with many guys who can vastly enhance his career potential. If he plays
his cards right, he can skip many steps on the Ladder of Success. From
Catholic Bishops to Corporate Gnomes, Old Boys Clubs all work the same
way - dirty old men jerking around ambitious young men.
It just so happens that a director at Council House, Mr. Trummel's
former home and the Geezer Joint screaming for his head, happens to
be married to one of the Inferior Court Good Old Boys. Is that a crazy
co-incidence or what? One of Judge Jimmy's new buddies. A senior member
of that bench who would have much to offer him if Jimmy were willing to
do him a 'favor'. Such a thing would be highly illegal and no judge in
his right mind would think of risking it. But a crazy and ambitious one
might. Besides, in a small town like Hooterville, who's to know? Judge
Jimmy takes all the risks; Mr. Trummel takes all the grief; our News
Nazis bury all the details; the taxpayers cover all the bills and Judge
Big Shot just sits back and smiles at it all. No wonder they want to
deport Mr. Trummel. The sooner he's outta here the safer their little
racket will be. All this international attention must have them a little
nervous. They didn't anticipate that.
I can't wait for a book on this deal. Too bad Alec Guiness kicked
the bucket. He would have made an excellent Mr. Trummel for the
movie. Judge Jimmy, Judge Wartnik and the director of Council House
could be the Three Stooges. Call it "The Stooges Do Inferior Court".
Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
ISLAMIC GOLD DINAR...
How fortuous. Just as we're grabbing and stealing any assets we can
label as Islamic and ergo Terrorist, the Muslims are well into the
reintroduction of their ancient gold dinar. Malaysia is leading the
parade, making it coin of their realm and strongly encouraging other
Islamic nations to do the same. Unlike our western paper money with
little more than the vacumn of space behind it, their gold dinar is
backed with real gold. They have been buying up gold like crazy in an
effort to boost their reserves. Many of them see it as the key to
Muslim economic independence from Western economies. We just gave
their effort a major boost and the incentive to get their Loot as
far from our greedy, grasping claws as they can get it. And given
Yeller's Luser Economy, America is increasingly becoming a bad
investment anyways.
GOOGLE: Islamic Gold Dinar
THE GIL & GREG SHOW...
Over my smoke break I watched this cop across the street. He sits in
the garage entrance to a car dealership all day reading a porn mag or
something. Every once in a while a car comes down the ramp and he runs
out into the street to stop the traffic. Then he resumes his seat and
his 'reading'. That's all he does all day long. Amazing eh. Why not
just deputize one of the sales-people and let them do it. It would be
a damn sight cheaper that supporting that useless bum in uniform.
It brought to mind the Media Event of the Week...
It was hard to tell which one was the Dummy and which one was the
ventriloquist this week when Mayor Greg and our Pollock Police Chief
appeared together. Superfically it was to announce a reorganization of
the Coppe Shoppe but really it was to show that Mayor Greg had control
of his inherited Chief. Gil keeps contradicting and challenging nearly
everything coming out of City Hall like he figures he runs the place
now. Greg was pretending to publically yank on his chain. But if you
looked real close you could see that it was Chief Gil who had his hand
up Greg's ass, not the other way around. He's calling the shots. Mayor
Greg ain't calling anything. He wouldn't know how.
NB - Have you noticed? Our cops are doing their best to sabotage the
Taser guns. Either their too stupid to know how to properly use them
or they are deliberately misusing them. When that kind of juice is
hard-wired into a muscle, that muscle goes spastic. It's like sticking
your finger in an electrical socket. No matter how cranked on adrenaline
you might be, it'll knock you on your ass. Funny how Tasers seem to work
everywhere but in Seattle. Fact is our donut-munching freeloaders find
guns more emotionally satisfying than Tasers. I wonder when they're
going to stage another Polish Firing Squad routine? Maybe they'll be
luckier this time. I'd pay to watch that.
THESE NERVOUS TIMES...
That Boeing engineers vote says it all: the contract sucks but they
can't afford to go out on strike. They're screwed no matter what they
do. This confusing interlude will give them time to retrain as line
cooks.
Everybody is a bit uneasy these days. With house prices shooting up like
4th of July rockets while incomes decrease and foreclosures are running
at record levels, all the babble about whether or not it is a housing
bubble seems a bit moot. Fannie Mae is sucking up every risky mortgage
the banks can throw at her. Banks that are themselves eating tons of bad
loans from the corporate crooks who recently checked out of the market.
But then they live in a Magic World. Whenever money goes out the door in
the form of loans or whatever, the Treasury simply replaces it. No need
to sell off assets or bring in replacement money in the form of new
accounts. Sweet deal huh? While all this is going on, Mr. Greenspan's
Magic Money Machine keeps spewing out billions and billions of additional
national debt every week. Debt sold off as T-Notes to stock market refugees
in search of a safe haven. Once interest rates begin inching back up,
they'll take a second gut punch. Thanks suckers!
They tried taxing us to death and quickly learned we wouldn't stand
for it. So now they just magicallly print new money hoping the whole
thing doesn't explode in their faces before they have a chance to
retire to Costa Rica and the Cayman Islands on their fat government
pensions. The government numbers say employment is holding steady.
Yeah sure. What they don't tell us is that all those jobs created
were government jobs, not real jobs. Jobs that will have to be paid
for out of tax revenues. About the only guy hiring these days is the
Repo Man. He made over $105.3 TRILLION Bucks in repo trades just in
the first half of this year. We're like a nation of Welfare Queens
buying tons of stuff on credit, enjoying it until the Repo Man comes
and takes it away. The upside is: that's all that's holding the
economy together right now. We'd be in deep recession otherwise. Try
not to think about the trillions in pension contributions Congress
allowed our corporations to defer. A lot of well-earned pensions ain't
gonna be there when people retire. My, won't they be surprised!
Move over Japan. Company is coming from America.
*
I noticed the old Hooterville Hillbilly out on College Parkway scrapping
posters off power poles early Tuesday morning. A little on the senile
side, he missed a few. No matter. New posters were popping up faster
than he could take them down. Some ugly old Skank joined the ranks of
the grandad's Poster Nazis. She was scrapping away on Sunday morning
giving Pops a break. Lusers are so entertaining.
.........................................................................
This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible.
This was terrible with raisins in it.
- Dorthy Parker -
.........................................................................
THE BEES KNEES
I think me and Hank the Crank, America's most dangerous gardener, are
going into the bee business. His little green buddies are suffering for
lack of good pollination and he figures Mason bees would do the trick.
There's no up-keep to them like there is for honey bees. You just plunk
them down and let them do their thing. In a 'sink or swim' world, they're
good swimmers. There ain't no honey in it but they help the plants grow.
Years ago I always had an observation hive in one of my windows. They
are a single-frame 'hive' with glass on one side so you can watch the
little buggers do their thing. Bees are fascinating little critters.
Without the benefit of managers and policy papers, every one of them
acts constantly with great initative and purpose. Being the kind of
guy who loves work - I can sit and watch it all day long - I find
this very entertaining. Their job descriptions must include about 50
or 60 different tasks that they are expected to perform when the need
arises. Aside from the forgers who go out everyday to russle up some
pollen, you got guards who keep out enemies and no end of utility guys
who make comb caps or stand at the entrance flapping their little
wings to create some ventilation. Their cleverness and ingenuity is
a wonder to behold. And they do it with nothing but that scrawny
excuse for a brain. Makes you wonder what our excuse is. Most amazing
of all, nearly every little bugger you can see in there is a girl bee.
A bee hive is truely a Woman's World. As every guy knows, human girls
sting too. They just hypnotize you first.
Honey bees need attention. When you're sitting on a pile of honey,
everybody wants some. A fact we Americans are particularly sensitive
to. They got wasps, moths, fungii and no end of other pests constantly
trying to swipe their Poontang. Sometimes they got too many Queens
vying for turf and workers, other times they ain't got any. Often at
the peak of summer the court of the strongest Queen grows to such a
size that they swarm off to form their own hive somewhere else - like
your neighbor's eaves. If you're paying attention, you will have
another hive ready for them so you can reap the interest on your
entomological investment. An organic 2-fer-1 deal.
While you can't get much honey off an observation hive, you can get
a little. You put a half frame on top of the main frame for this
purpose. When they fill it up, you sneak the top off and snatch it.
Before they know what hit them, their honey's gone and they got to
start all over again. You replace it with a new empty half frame of
course. They waste little time filling it back up though it does
take a while.
Wintering over is a reasonable possibility here in Western Washington
where the weather is mild enough. In colder climates they usually
lose their bees in the winter and have to buy new bees in the spring.
While their activity level drops considerably, they don't hibernate.
You got to help them along by feeding them. A jug of sugar-water
usually does the trick.
To get into the commercial end of the Bee Biz you gotta get a Bee
Licence off the government and get Bee insurance. I wonder if there
are lawyers who specialize in Bee Law? Bet there is.
Neither one of us knows much about Mason bees. But there's a lady
nearby who's been using them for pollination for a couple years.
We will go in search of wisdom from The Master soon bringing along
suitable enticements. She's the same lady who used to keep a caged
bunny in her front yard. Sadly, one of the neighbors kidnapped it.
She don't do that no more. It's hard to keep anything nice in the
city. There are too many jerks around itching for a chance to trash
anything that looks worthwhile. Just for the helluvit.
GOOGLE: Observation Bee Hives
GOOGLE: Mason Bees
.........................................................................
"Some writers have so confounded society with government, as to leave
little or no distinction between them; whereas they are not only
different, but have different origins. Society is produced by our wants
and government by our wickedness; the former promotes our happiness
positively by uniting our affections, the latter negatively by
restraining our vices. The one encourage intercourse, the other creates
distinctions. The first is a patron, the last a punisher."
- Thomas Paine -
American Revolutionary
"Common Sense"
.........................................................................
'OL YELLER'S TWAT
(aka The War Against Terrorism)
Yeller's Electoral Invasion of Iraq claimed it's first political victim
this week. The Germans are in the midst of an election campaign. The
incumbent Chancellor, pseduo-socialist Gerdie Schroeder, looked like a
sure loser up until he started dissing Yeller's Invasion while his
opponent guardedly defended Yeller. Now Gerdie's ahead in the polls for
the first time and heading for the wire as the predicted winner. Thanks
Yeller!
It really does amaze me that people seem to imagine President Yellowbelly
actually gives a damn what Congress, the American people, the U.N. or
world opinion has to say about his impending electoral invasion of Iraq.
He's going to invade. It's as simple as that. He's never had any other
intention but to invade. And nobody is going to stop him. He is Supreme
Ruler now, not some piddly Presidente. He calls the shots. He can and
will wage war regardless of what anybody thinks. Supreme Rulers don't
need no steenkin Congressional declaration.
His present deferment to the U.N. is little more than a scam. He's still
got lots of time before the November elections and, with a little luck,
he'll make a 2-fer-1 deal out of it: Iraq and the U.N. He'll do his best
to sabotage their effort then start screaming his head off in a couple
weeks about being tired of waiting. Like the U.N. has nothing better to
do with its time and effort than drop everything to kiss Yeller fat ass.
Then having proven that they are ineffective at dealing with 'terrorist
nations ', he'll have a ready excuse for skipping that step when he goes
after Iran, Syria, Lybia, Ireland, Indonesia, whatever. The Supreme
Leader bows to no one. It's his way or the highway. Amerkia ueber alles
y'all!
It's like trying to convince Hitler not to invade Czechoslovakia. He was
officially on a revenge trip too as you may recall.
*
What do you do when your country has been taken over by unelected thugs
who disassemble your system of laws, imprison dissenters without even the
most primitive of human rights, openly torture prisioners of war and
carry out their agenda in secret? While many small Banana Republics have
had such a thing happen to their country, the only western industrialized
nation to experience it was Germany in the 1930's. Aside from the
arguably less significant Spanish dictatorship of Generalisimo Franco in
Spain and the Greek generals junta in the 60's, no other major western
nation has gone through the experience we are presently enduring. The
Soviet dictatorship was almost a special case since Russia was only
marginally European and still largely an agrarian, not industrialized,
economy at the beginning of its run.
The people of Spain and Greece openly rebelled against their thugs. But
the people of the politically more sophisticated and larger Germany and
Soviet Union didn't.
There always seems to be a tendancy to blame the population of the thugs.
It's their fault that the bastards are allowed to rule. We're about to
use that as an excuse for the wholesale slaughter of thousands of Iraqi
men, women and children. In fact, the massive State security and
intelligence apparatus in both Germany and the Soviet Union very
effectively culled out any dissenters. It either shipped them off to
secret camps or outrightly murdered them. So what if many of those
imprisioned or killed were completely innocent? It's better to be safe
than sorry. The only people allowed to pursue a more or less normal
existence, were the properly intimidated and passive. If you weren't
a Good German, you were a dead German.
Still, no system is perfect. Germany had its Weisse Rose, Poland had its
Warsaw Jewish Ghetto Uprising, Russia had its Underground and France had
it's legendary Resistence. All were officially branded as unpatriotic
traitors. Good Citizens got Brownie Points for betraying them but most
people just didn't want to get involved. Many of their cadres were
summarily executed without even the ruse of a Kangeroo Secret Court. Yet,
today, all are considered heroic while their tormentors will always be
historically remembered a the scum of the earth. True, these resistance
movements did not bring down their respective regimes. Hitler was
destroyed by Red Army Marshall Zukov. And the Soviet System simply died
of natural rot and bureaucratic stupidity.
Will there be an active resistance in America too? Of course there will!
There are many patriots who would never mistake America for those buck-
sucking political whores in DC. America is us, not them. There are plenty
of people in America who are motivated and capable of kicking Sammy's ass.
And there is now enough of a Black Economy to allow people to live and
function completely outside of The System. Hell, a third of the people
working in L.A. are off the books.
From the right-wing, religious-nut Militias with their ready access to
our military arsenals to the Tree-Hugger animal-rights people with their
dazzling ability to infiltrate and penetrate even the most sophisticated
of security systems - Sammy's got lots of nephews who are fully capable
sabotaging his military and armament facilities. But don't be waiting for
news of their exploits. Our News Nazis will keep them out of sight and
out of mind. Like they did with that 1993 Militia attack on a northern
Michigan National Guard training camp that left a few dead Guardsmen
with bullet-holes in them. The Milita people who did this got away free
and clear. Never got caught. It took two years before a report about the
incident finally surfaced in the distant San Francisco Chronicle.
Sammy can invent all the Secret Courts and Death Camps he likes. But it
don't mean squat unless he catches you. He ain't too good at that. The
Walkers made a multi-generation family business out of selling our crypto
secrets to the Rooskies right under the nose of Naval Intelligence. The
Weather Underground of the 60's successfully evaded the FBI for nearly
30 years. They even broke into a federal prison to rescue Tim Leary and
whisked him out of the country afterwards. The Unibomber mailed off
deadly bombs for over two DECADES without the FBI ever catching him. The
recent anthrax killer has easily evaded detection despite a huge FBI
effort. Osama bin Laden and the Taliban's Mullah Umar still haven't been
caught. Warlord Aidid in Somalia not only evaded a concerted effort to
capture and try him, he ran a daily radio program while doing so. On and
on it goes. Sammy's fat, stupid and arrogant. A few prudent, common-sense
precautions and he's easy to avoid. Besides, you can always buy a few
high-up FBI agents to give you a warning. They're for sale - cheap.
........................................................................
To call war the soil of courage and virtue is like calling debauchery
the soil of love.
George Santayana
........................................................................
- MONDO VATICANO -
Knock it off! Stop with the begging already. Cardinal Martini, formerly
of Milano, absolutely refuses to become the next Pope. It's final. It
will do you no good to whine and cry. His mind is made up.
For about the fifth time in the past year, Cardinal Martini, has once
again put out the word that he is not available for the Papacy. Like
anyone in their right mind would even think of imposing such a burden
on the Church. I've never even heard any rumors that he was under
serious consideration for the job. Supposedly this phony-baloney excuse
for a Vatican 'liberal' has retired to the Holy Land to pray. I guess
with all the bombing and shooting it's a little hard to concentrate so
he's cranking out press releases until it quiets down. Or maybe he's
just a little jealous that his nemesis, Cardinal "Ratso" Ratzinger the
head of the Holy Inquisition and reigning Vatican butt-kicker, didn't
retire as expected. Ratso did smirkingly mock Martini when the later
issued his retirement announcement, stating that he too would like to
find a quiet place to pray and retire. Guess he couldn't find one.
+
Mel Gibson, American-born Aussie-raised star of the silver screen, is
a Catholic. He even had a chapel built into his California home at
which he has Mass said in Latin every Sunday. Better yet - his only
daughter has decided to become a nun. But like a growing number
of Catholics, Mel draws a distinction between the institutional Church
embodied in the Vatican and the living Church embodied in the People of
God. He's a-gin the former and for the latter. The Pope and Curia are
irrelevant to his Catholicism. Which explains why such a high-profile
Catholic never gets any invites to drop by the old Pollock's luxury
apartment complex in Vatican City for some pirogyies and vodka eh.
+
British Monsignor John Barry is very concerned about what is going on
at the Ministry of Defense Porton Down facility. Concerned enough that
he has asked the police to investigate allegations that the elderly
and ill are being used by the British government in secret germ warfare
experiments. PD has a history of such goings on. It ain't far fetched
conspiracy-nut stuff. From the 50's right up to the 90's, members of
Britain's Armed Forces were involuntary human experimentation subjects
for the testing of a wide variety of often deadly gases as well as drugs
like LSD. The MoD lied to them to get their participation. Over 400
official complaints have been filed by former service members over the
matter. PD denies it all. Except the part about their experiments on
leukemia patients. They invoked the Hutchinson Cancer Center Protocol
for that one: what the hell, they're as good as dead anyways. I guess
you could say the same about the old and infirm eh. Go get the evil
bastards Fr. John!
+
Fr. Mauro Simpson (77) and Fr. Montalvo (58) are cooling their heels
in the U.S. Navy brig at Vieques Island in Puerto Rico. They joined
nine others who were grabbed by the Squids for tresspassing in protest
of continued Navy practice bombing on the island. Both priests are
from Sweet Name of Jesus parish on the main island of Puerto Rico.
What a K00L name for a chuch eh.
+
Bill Gaede of Fresno, California knows what to do when a bunch of
superstitious Mexican religious-nuts started claiming they saw a
vision of the Blessed Virgin in one of his trees. Screaming, "You
Catholics! Here's your virgin!", he whipped out his chain-saw and
cut the miracle tree down. This left the Mexicans with nothing but
a tree stump to worship. Sigh. The Fresno Virgin Chainsaw Massacre.
What this stupid Mexican superstitious BS has to do with Catholicism
is beyond me. I thought Mexican men were supposed to be big tough
hombres. Instead they turn out to be a bunch of gutless wimps who
let old women lead them around by the nose. No cojunes at all.
+
I thought it was too good to be true. The U.S. Conference of Bishops
and Pedophile Hiders recently told American Catholics to back-off
and leave Jews alone - they're already saved. Roma with its long
history of torturing and persecuting Jews wasn't about to let the
U.S. bishops spoil their fun. Cardinal "Ratso" Ratzinger, the Chief
Executioner at the Vatican's Holy Inquistion piped up with his 2-cents
worth this week. He says Catholics shouldn't strong-arm Jews into
conversion to Catholicism but it's still okay to trick them into
it. He then goose-stepped back into his rubber room in the basement
of the Sistine Chapel.
+
Three months after the U.S. bishops meeting in Dallas formed a new
protocol for dealing with pervert priests, the Vatican is still
too busy jerking-off to decide whether it's legit or not. They've
been hemming and hawing over it for ages. And the old Pollock is
still sleeping off his recent tours. It's a bit of a moot point.
The bishops are free to ignore the US Conference's recommendations
anyways. The Vatican will never make up its mind. So just go ahead
and implement the damn thing. Ultimately it all depends on the moral
integrity of the bishops. As we've seen, very few of the lying
bastards have any.
+
Voice of the Faithful, a Church reform group that grew out of the
current pervert priest scandal, is running into a bit of rough water.
Predictably enough, the clergy are aghast at such interference by
the laity. We're supposed to keep our mouths shut and pay the bills.
That's our role. We don't own our churches; we don't choose our
bishops; we don't get to choose our priests; we aren't even allowed
to see the Books and find out what financial shenanigans the bishop
is up to.
I like VOF. I think they are a healthy sign. But given the present
corrupt and moraly abject state of the institutional Church, groups
seeking reform often seem to get swallowed up by the immensity of
it all. The Vatican is a filthy, stinking mess. Where in the hell
do you start? So they try to do too much. They lack specific focus
and therefore degenerate into do-nothing debating societies.
I would like to see VOF take it one step at a time. Focus on the
financial state of the American Church first. Employing the threat
of an economic boycott of uncooperative bishops, much needed reform
of diocesean finances could be effected - annual audits, periodic
release of a balance sheet, etc. It's our money, not the bishop's.
That bum don't work for a living and he doesn't pay taxes. We do.
We got a right to know where it's all going. Particularily with the
sorts of abuses we've been treated to lately: bishops buying race
horses as an investment, others paying off former lovers under the
table, secret settlements of clergy abuse claims, etc.
Democratizing the Church and other doctrinal vagarities should
not be a priority. We can talk about stuff like that later.
----------------------------------------------------
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I'll let you know if it's enough. You want to steal it,
I'll sic my lawyer Yoshi 'The Proctologist' Rasmussen
on you baby. He'll teriyaki your sorry butt and turn
it into Lutefisk.
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