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                         Another Foggy Moment

      These are the continuing adventures of a typical resident
      of the self-proclaimed center of the Pugetopolis universe -
      Seattle. Most are true stories but some are made of whole-
      cloth. I ain't the Mayor, the Governor or a Big Shot. Just
      another Working Stiff with a Bad Attitude.

                     THIS AIN'T NO STINK'N BLOG

         ------------------------------------------------
         WARNING: This is not a Child-Proof Neighborhood.
         If you're a kid - scram!, beat it! you little
         punk before your Old Lady catches you and calls
         the cops. They'll throw you in the Big House in
         Walla Walla and won't let you out until you're
         89 years old. There. Don't say I didn't warn you.
         -------------------------------------------------

                             - 178 -

 Looks like it will be a classic NorWest Christmas: rain.

 Forget all that "It's A Wonderful Life", "Miracle of 54th Street"
 crap. The very best Christmas story ever written was Henry Mencken's
 "Stare Decisis" or...

                  A Bum's Christmas

 Tis the week for bosses everywhere to bugger off until after New
 Years. I always refer to it as National Slack Week. For a few 
 brief days, sanity and good-cheer are restored to the workplace 
 and not a helluva lot gets done. Inquiries are made - "Sorry, 
 the Boss ain't here. Be back next week." Decisions are demanded - 
 "Sorry, the Boss ain't here. Be back next week." Reparations are 
 sought - "Sorry, the Boss ain't here. Be back next week." Life 
 is easy. Life is good. Life becomes one long lunch break.

 On Thursday morning as I shuffled off to the salt mine, the smell
 of smoke was heavy in the air as the sounds of sirens continuously
 wailed nearby and Media Death Choppers hovered above. Looking out
 my window earlier, I thought that was just fog out there. Nope. 
 That was smoke. Seems the small U Dub Outreach building near 
 University Village, way down at the bottom of the ridge, went up 
 in flames. 

 OH CHRISTMAS TREE...

 For the past couple weeks the U Dub Bookstore on The Ave has had
 a series of singers/musicians playing live Christmas music. Not
 seasonal music - Christian Christmas music. The performers are 
 quite good but somehow their presence seems terribly inappropriate. 
 Like a Klu Klux Klan choir in lovely white robes singing beautiful 
 hymns at a church service. The music is nice but...

 There's this Jewish guy I've been working with for the past couple
 weeks. Being of the same generation, we have a lot in common and
 we've been yakking up a storm. The conversation drifts to Christmas.
 I jokingly wonder why no Klezmer band has ever made a Christmas album.
 Hey, I got a weird sense of humor. You got a problem with that? He
 clearly did, but being a gentleman, just registered his disagreement 
 with silence. It still surprises me that Kinky Friedman and his Texas
 Jewboys didn't cut a Christmas album. Kinky would have known how to
 handle it. 

 Anyways...

 Out of the blue I ask this guy, "When was the first time you actually
 realized you were a Jew?" It struck me as an intriguing question. I
 couldn't help myself. He just looked at me for a silent moment as if
 trying to read my intentions then said, "Christmas when I was five 
 years old. I asked my parents why we didn't have a Christmas tree like
 everyone else and they said because we don't do that." They briefly
 explained to him in simple terms why things were that way. Whatever
 it was they told him, it worked. He said the lack of a Christmas tree
 never bothered him again. In fact he took a certain amount of pride 
 afterwards in not having one.

 Isn't that amazing? This man learned he was a Jew not from any of the
 traditional ceremonies meant to introduce him to his 'tribe' as a
 Hebrew, but from a Christmas tree. Oi vay! But it must be much the
 same for many American Muslim, Buddhist and Taoists kids. Christmas
 trees are their first introduction into what they are not: Christians,
 and what they are: something else. It makes sense to me that something
 as childish as a Christmas tree would be the vehicle for such a
 discovery by children. And it seems an oddly un-Christian thing for
 Christians to be inflicting on children. But Christians seem to get
 something of a kick out of abusing kids eg. the Pervert Priest thingee.

 I am of course a Christian and a Believer. However unconventional, 
 it is an indisputable fact and my baptism a matter of ecclesiastical
 record. More so, I'm a Catholic. Sorry. I'm going to Heaven and you
 aren't. Direct all inquiries to Cardinal "Ratso" Ratzinger c/o Office 
 of the Holy Inquistion, The Vatican. It was his idea. The Pope is too
 old, sick and feeble-minded to even know what planet he's on any more
 let alone who is and ain't going to the Glory Land. If it were left 
 up to me I'd happily let all of you in. Which explains why I'll never 
 be Pope.

 I celebrate Christmas. It means a lot to me. Most of my fellow Christians
 and their churches claim it means a lot to them too. Yet, not only do 
 they expend far more time/energy/money on the non-Christian aspect of
 the holiday, they also insist on shoving it down everyone else's throat.
 They imagine this sort of religious chauvanism to be not only Christian
 but a normal part of the Christmas Spirit. They're just clueless enough
 to imagine we'll all thank them for it. No wonder Church People have
 such a bad reputation for hypocracy and intolerance. No wonder they
 generate no end of resentment wherever they go. They got bad attitude
 and bad manners.

 Even the greediest of money-grubbing corporations now is shifting to 
 a more generic way of celebrating the season in recognition of their 
 many non-Christian and non-religious employees. U Dub hasn't yet quite
 evolved to that advanced stage yet. As the reigning seat of White
 Kulture in this state, it imagines it can ram whatever it likes down
 whichever throat it feels inclined to stuff. If they lose money 
 because of it? No problemo...the taxpayers will cover the difference.

 JUDICIAL CAPRICIOUSNESS...

 The recent decision to stop the Macaw whale hunt was sort of good news.
 I think the hunt is stupid and has about as much to do with Macaw
 culture as Monday Night Football does. But I find little consolation
 in the decision. The rule of law has been replaced by the capriciousness
 of judges. They seem to make up the law on the fly and according to
 personal whim. They use our systems of laws to suck-up to their 
 political masters, inflict personal vengence and push personal 
 aggenda. They've made a mockery out of our courts. This is the 
 result of appointing political flunkies to our benches. They 
 don't what in the hell they're doing.

 CHOP SUEY, STINKY STYLE...

 Looks like The Little Stinker, our gubnatorial dwarf, finally got at
 least part of the message. Faced with what he calls a $2 BillionBuck
 deficit (likely MUCH larger), he's cutting before taxing. No automatic
 reaching for the honey pot. That's the Good News.

 The Bad News is his cuts are about as dumbass and superficial as they
 come. He ain't even vaguely getting serious about it. The "Education
 Governor" once again nailed his favorite little buddies - the teachers -
 by screwing them out their hard-won recent raises. He seems to think
 he OWNS their asses the way he screws them over virtually on whim.
 And why not? The Saps meekly and timidly take whatever crap he dishes 
 out to them. No wonder nobody has any respect for teachers. They have
 no self-respect.

 His stewardship of our lovely ferry system has been consistently 
 abusive right from the get-go. He's allowed WSF's aging fleet to
 further age which has raised maintenance costs right through the
 roof. And he's not only made no worthwhile additions to the fleet,
 he's failed to replace the ships that desperately need replacing.
 A move that is about as stupid as UPS trying to run its delivery 
 service with a fleet DC-3s and 1965 trucks. He's allowed the whole
 thing to go down the toilet. 

 Now he's throwing the ferries potentially lucrative cross-Sound 
 commuter business to his buddies at Mosquito Fleet, et al. to 
 allow them to cash in on it while strapping WSF with a fleet of
 retro/slow/polluting Beluga whales designed for the tourist trade. 
 Wanna bet Mosquito fleet et al. kicked a few bucks into his last
 campaign? Of course they did. Stinky's for sale. Like the teachers, 
 the ferry workers union is about as gutless and Candy Ass as they 
 come. The leadership will happily sell out its membership for a 
 song and a dance.

 Untouched are the Olympians gourmet restaurant at the state capital
 and the generous pay raises and Golden Parachutes they've kindly
 apportioned for themselves. They intend to Slice & Dice their way
 through the budget in comfort. He's asked state bureaucracies to
 find about 1,000 freeloaders to dump per year for the next three
 years. That should be no problem. But it will be as phony as his
 hiring freeze. They just go out and fill many of the positions 
 with Temps and hide the budget item for them so they're off the 
 books as paid employees. And many exisiting state employees will
 be encouraged to join the many who have already transitioned to 
 Contract Worker status. Bingo! Another phony staff cut. What they 
 need is a thorough audit of state operations department-by-department 
 to rationaize their operations and clean out all the useless inlaws 
 and hungry uncles he's stuffed them with over the years. But that 
 ain't gonna happen. He isn't capable of doing an honest job of it 
 and would likely just screw up the effort. Dog & Pony Shows are 
 cheaper and easier for Retardos like him to implement.

 Stinky don't know anything about running a large enterprise of any
 sort. He's a legal mediocrity who couldn't get a job with anyone
 but the government. Riding into office in Good Times, he just 
 frittered away the opportunities those times presented as if they
 would last forever. He allowed Boeing to walk away from our state
 without making the slightest effort to convince them to stay. He's
 still failed to interface his government with one of the region's
 top employers - the U.S. Navy. While our transportation infrastructure
 went down the tubes, he rammed America's smallest/most-expensive/
 ugliest baseball park down our throats. He's been a crummy Governor 
 who has served us poorly. His legacy is one of state deteriorization. 
 We didn't become better off because of him; we became worse off. The
 evidence is right there in your paycheck.

 The taxes will come in their own sweet time. Don't doubt for a
 second that we will soon have a new state income tax if he has 
 anything to say about it. He just realizes he can't treat us all
 like teachers and stuff it down our throats at will. We will 
 require at least some schmoozing first.

 BERNANCKE'S BIG MOUTH...

 How about that new Fed Commissioner Bernanke? Whatta guy! Thanks to
 him and his big mouth, our dollar has taken a major dive while the
 price of gold has skyrocketed. As you may recall, he's the idiot 
 who boldly bragged that the Fed would start printing up as many 
 new dollars as it took to keep the economy afloat. New dollars with
 nothing whatsoever behind them but the vacuous emptiness of outer
 space. Now the many foreigners who own a significant chunk of our
 action are dumping their Greenbacks while they can still get something
 for them. They ain't gonna sit around waiting for Bernacke and his
 buddies to trash it first. They're outta here now.

 CONGRESSMAN JIMMY'S SILENCE...
 
 Hear that? That's the sound of JimmyMac, our very own Congressman from
 Pluto, protesting our impending mugging of Iraq AFTER being safely
 re-elected. As you may recall, BEFORE the election he was making a lot
 more noise and running off on no end of showboating tours. But you won't
 catch him in Baghdad now. Watta you crazy? He don't want no bomb dropping
 on his head. So he just quietly and safely keeps his head down and his
 fat ass at home - just to be on the safe side. You still want to believe
 this phony bastard is 'progressive' or 'anti-war'. Pshaw! He's just
 another pig at the Public Trough milking the suckers. Just thank your
 lucky stars you aren't some poor, hapless and helpless Iraqi schmuck
 whose only hope for survival is this bloated slob and his ball-less
 buddies.

 Well at least Senator Murray has timidly picked up JimmyMac's slack a
 little. No need to be cautious sweetie. Just tell it like it is. People
 respect honesty a helluva lot more than cautious weaseling. They might
 even get the idea that you actually believe what you're saying.

 QFC - WHERE QUALITY COUNTS... 
 
 If you happened to be in the produce section of the QFC at the south 
 end of Broadway on Capital Hill on Saturday night about 7:30pm you would 
 have witnessed something quite remarkable. A recent buddy who plays sax
 decided out of the blue he'd take a crack Busking the supermarket trade.
 Call it one of those wild and crazy inspirations. He has regualar gigs
 throughout the Northwest at various clubs but he's always looking for a
 new market to tap. Figured he...why not a supermarket? He looks and acts
 like a rather harmless person. I told him he should at least try to 
 look a little crazy and dangerous. Security guards tend to become 
 fearless when confronted with docility, feeling that it gives them a
 green-light to beat the crap out of such a person. He had an eastern
 flight to catch Sunday night so I hope they didn't throw his ass in the
 Drunk Tank downtown. He's a good guy. And it is a good idea. Atta Boy!

............................................................................

                     What Would Ernest Tubb Do?

                 - bumpersticker seen on The Ave -
............................................................................

                        'OL YELLER'S TWAT
                 (aka The War Against Terrorism)

 Here comes Yeller Claws...Here comes Yeller Claws

 Uncle Tom Powell, the Official White House Shoe Shine Boy, announced
 this week that the Iraqis have no weapons of mass destruction, ergo,
 it's about time we clean their clock. Don't try to make sense out of
 that old Cotton Head. It's like his promise to provide proof that Al
 Qaida was really connected with 9/11 - we're still waiting for him to
 make good on it. He'll never make good in the Common Sense department.
 Funny how Pat Robertson, Trent Lott, President Yellowbelly and the rest 
 of those right-wing religious hillbillies like keeping House Nigras
 around. Just like in the Good Old Dixie Days back on the family 
 plantation. Yeller probably rubs Colin's kinky head for good luck 
 too. Way down yonder in the land of cotton, old times there are not
 forgotten...

 President Yellowbelly can hardly wait until after Christmas to mug the
 Iraqis and steal their oil. Gonna have him a little Mooslem BBQ - Texas
 Style. Ragheads roast'n on an open fire. Good Christian that he is, he
 is gonna let the Baby Jesus do His thing first though. It wouldn't be
 proper etiquette to be slaughtering Darkies off on the birthday of the
 Prince of Peace. Besides, all that war threat doom and gloom is making
 a mess out of the Christmas Cash Rush. It's bumming everybody out and
 putting them off their feed. That's bad for business.

 Admiral Poindexter got a little surprise this week. As you may recall,
 he's the Department of Defense pervert who wants to snoop into every
 American's private life. He got the tables switched on him. Someone
 on the Matrix posted his personal e-mail address and home phone number
 all over the place. Result: his email box had to blocked-off to keep
 it from overflowing and his home phone number has been disconnected.
 Admiral Pointyhead's as big a retard now as he was in the 80's.

 The FBI's "Chicken Little Prize" this week goes to a single posting by
 the imaginary group "Every Day A Circle Day" on Infoseek's chat board.
 They've somehow managed to turn this solitary cry of pain into a major
 national threat against Corporate Amerika and have issued an official
 G-Man Secret Decoder Ring Warning. Whoever wrote the posting has 
 threatened to Rage Against the Machine. Next to p0rn spam, the most
 common sort of posting that exists on the Net. So far no sign of any
 Walk to go with their Talk. But the G-Men have limited all donut breaks
 to 30-minutes and lunch breaks to 2-hours until further notice as they 
 intensely beat the undergrowth for the Perp. Needless to say, they aren't
 going to find anybody mainly because there's nobody to find. They likely
 wrote the posting themselves to look useful and feel wanted. Just like
 they used to do back in the COINTELPRO days. It was illegal back then.
 It's legal now.

 The FBI raided the wrong Mike Moore's home in search of his email
 and other goodies. They mistakenly raided the home of retired U.S. 
 Navy Chief Petty Office Michael Moore. Doh! Geez what a bunch of
 dumbasses eh. No warrant, no charges - just...curious is all. Now
 VoxFux (www.voxnyc.com), an outspoken critic of the government, has
 suddenly disappeared. Could Uncle Sammy's Gestapo be on the march?
 Kinda looks like the start of something interesting.

 Once things start rolling, World Domination wise, we can expect a few
 White Rose type groups such as popped up in Nazi Germany to pop up
 here, to sabotage our Wehr Macht and hit it where it hurts. It is
 inevitable. We can bullshit ourselves otherwise until the cows come
 home but the simple fact of the matter is: we have become the most
 significant threat to humanity to emerge in the past five decades. 
 Sooner or later the world will be forced either to destroy us or be 
 destroyed by us. Nothing personal - but if they don't hand over
 everything they got, we'll kill them and steal everything they've 
 got. Our new motto is: "Stick 'Em Up!" Our new creed is "Might Makes 
 Right". The rest of them haven't quite got the message yet. Same as 
 all the other times a thug like us came down the pike, they were sure 
 it could never happen to them. Once again, they're about to find out
 otherwise - the hard way.

 Meanwhile...true Americans loyal to our democratic and constitutional
 traditions are also slowly beginning to learn that government is their
 enemy, not their friend. Uncle Sammy means to also rip us off and enslave
 us, not help us. Being an American citizen means less than nothing to
 him these days.

...........................................................................

 By virtue of creation, and still more of the incarnation, nothing here
 below is profane for those who know how to see."

                     ex-Fr. Tielhard de Chardin

...........................................................................

                       -  MONDO VATICANO -
 
 The first Exorcism of the Vatican came off as planned on Saturday.
 Despite being officially ignored, a respectible crowd ringed the
 Vatican in Roma and performed the prescribed ritual. Some present
 claimed that screams and strange cries were heard from the Papal 
 Apartments but no tapes or audio files have yet appeared to confirm
 this. No word either yet on the exact date of the next planned
 exorcism ceremony. Stay tuned. Cleaning out that nest of vipers 
 is gonna take a while.

                                 +

 Rumor has it that Boston Cardinal Bernie "The Pimp" Law is heading for
 a monastery to think things over. That's Vatican code for 'disappear'.
 Newly-wed Bishop Milingo was also said to have gone into a monastery
 just outside Roma after his faux-pas. In fact, that was a lie. The 
 Curia Wops shipped him to Argentina to hide him from prying Media eyes.
 Emmanuel has a bad habit of sticking both his feet in mouth when talking 
 to reporters. And there are fewer flights to Korea in Argentina so as to
 lessen the temptation for him to visit his wife.

 Ten-to-one Bernie's packing his bags for Roma. The Boston archdiocese 
 may no longer be his but the DA still has an abiding interest in him. A
 little too abiding. Look for Bernie to skip out to the safe confines of
 Vatican State where the long-arm of American justice won't be able to
 touch him. I'm sure the Curia Wops can slap together some ponderous new
 title for him and let him pretend he's doing something useful. Anything's
 better than leaving him back in America where he stands an excellent
 chance of getting his ass thrown in jail.

                                   +

 Speaking of amorous bishops...

 Bishop Raymond Dumais, formerly of the Gaspe Diocese in Quebec, Canada
 is outta here. He formally asked to be laicized so he could get hitched
 to the Shack Job he's been living with for the past few years. He has
 pretty much had a bellyfull of the Vatican's malarchy anyways and was
 ready to return to civilian life where they have no control over him.
 Cardinal "Ratso" Ratzinger had to get out the rubber suits and thumb
 screws a while back and force a Loyalty Oath out of Ray after he joined
 other bishops in opposing one of the old Pollock, Future-Super-Saint 
 JP-2's more clueless encyclicals about birth-control.

                                 +

 Fr. Jerry Boland had no choice, he had to turn safecracker. Nope.
 His parish isn't going so broke he's got to break into banks to
 make ends meet these days. Rather, he had a big old saferoom at 
 Holy Family church in Chicago whose combination had long ago been
 lost/forgotten by his predecessors. Curiosity got the better of
 him and he hired a locksmith to come in and drill it open. It
 turned out to be a virtual gold mine inside - old chalices, crowns
 for the church's statues, 19th century French vestments, candle
 holders, etc. Stuff even the oldest of his parishoners have 
 never seen before. Nobody remembers when the old saferoom was
 last opened. To celebrate his newly-found treasures, he's going
 to put them on display at an open-house soon.

                                 +

 Very often when the topics of Media and Information come up with 
 mention of guys like Marshall "The Medium Is the Massage" McLuhan 
 and Harold Innes, the name of the Jesuit theologian Fr. Walter Ong, 
 S.J. also appears. For the past 60 years he has been considered one 
 of the best and brightest minds in American intellectual circles.
 Amazingly he's even more highly regarded in the secular world than 
 he is within Catholic circles. The world has certainly paid more
 attention to him than the Vatican has. The Vatican's loss not Fr. 
 Walt's or the world's. He certainly doesn't hide his Catholicism.
 He wears it boldly and proudly.

 Fr. Walt has been a generalist in a world of specialists. You 
 will find his thoughts citied in fields as widely dispersed as 
 English Lit and the natural sciences. His focus is on human 
 communication and consicousness. Most specifically - the massless,
 weightless word. In it's spoken, written and published forms. For
 many  decades he has explored the impact and ramifications of 
 these media on the respective human cultures they formed. 

 For instance, did you realize that the 'self-examination prior 
 to confession' didn't come into existence until the printing 
 press was invented? Somehow the introduction of this technology
 unexpectedly spawned a brand-new dimension in everyone who had
 access to it. We suddenly gained the ability to step outside
 ourselves to examine/scrutinize our actions in far greater 
 detail than ever before. The ability to 'remmember' and easily
 refer to a large body of complex details that previously had to 
 be committed to memory.

 Though he wrote many books, arguably two of his best known are:
 "Orality and Literacy: The Technologzing of the Word" (Methuen,
 1982 translated into ten languages) and "Fighting for Life: 
 Contest, Sexuality and Consciousness" (Cornell UP, 1981). It
 is not light reading. Fr. Walt's thoughts were as deliciously
 complex and intricate as a Bach fugue. And every bit as 
 intriguing. Enjoy.

 I'm not sure if he's still around. I saw mention of him being 
 very ill back in May but no further mention of his health since.
 I do hope he is well.
    
----------------------------------------------------
 The above is copyright material. You want to use it,
 ask. You want to make money off it, gimme some first.
 I'll let you know if it's enough. You want to steal it,
 I'll sic my lawyer Yoshi 'The Proctologist' Rasmussen
 on you baby. He'll teriyaki your sorry butt and turn
 it into Lutefisk.
~--------------------------------------------------
 MAIL:    tofoggymoment@yahoo.com
 ARCHIVE: https://www.angelfire.com/nb/afm
--------------------------------------------------