If you use a ‘Rhett and Scarlet kissing as Atlanta Burns behind them’ print as your Beltane fire ritual invitation… If your may pole is held upright in a spare tire.... If all your circles are triangular because ya flat out refuse to call the North quarter… If your altar has ANY pictures, statues or crocheted dolls of Elvis… If your chalice is a Mason jar… If your tarot cards are baseball cards of the Atlanta Braves starting lineup... If for ritual cakes and ale, you serve Little Debbies and Budweiser… If You carry your ritual staff in your trucks gun rack…. If The bell on your altar was once worn by a farm animal… If your altar cloth is camouflaged... If your ritual robe has a white pointed hood… If Your response to "Blessed Be" has ever been "Hay'ell yeah!"… If You found that a 'possum was your familiar, but you still hunt ‘em…. If you have ever used a cigarette during a ritual because the convenience store was out of wintergreen inscence... If You have ever considered doing a love spell on livestock… If your ritual candles are snuff scented… If you change into your clogging shoes for your spiral dance… If You have ever called the quarters by hollerin’ "Hey y'all watch this!"… If you have ever dismissed the quarters by hollerin’ “Y’all come back now, ya hear?”… If your Athame is a bowie knife…. If your favorite ritual chant is “I’ve got friends in low places…”….. If you covenstead has wheels…. If you have a replica of Stonehenge made out of bales of Hay in your back yard…. If you call Her ‘Ole Ma Nature’….. If you have ever said ‘is it hot enough for ya’ during a sweat lodge…. If you have ever slipped up and hollered ‘Yeah boys’ instead of ‘So mote it be.’… If your altar to the Horned one is your hunting trophy and taxidermy collection…. If you have a coon dawg named Aphrodite… If you have ever made a yule log cake out of moonpies… (actually this is the quickest and easiest ‘recipe’ for a Yule log cake…you lay them in a ‘roll’ and ice with chocolate icing and spinkle with powered sugar snow’) If your familiar is a chicken named Daisy Duke… (or a chicken named anything else for that matter…) If your altar pentacle is a photo of John Wayne's star on the Hollywood "Walk Of Fame"..... If you have ‘so mess it be’ carved on the door of your out house…. If you have a tribal tattoo of Celtic knot Letters that spell out ‘Nascar.’ If you worship The Father Sun God by installing a tanning bed in your trailer… If you buy your ritual wine at the same store where you buy your bait…. If you are kin with everyone in your coven…. If your wand is the part you sawed off your shotgun… If your book of shadows has a needlepoint of the rebel flag with all the stars as Pentagrams on the cover…. If ‘out yonder’ is how you give directions to your circle. If you have ever held a seance in order to contact Dale Earnhart If your ever used fried chicken leg as a wand… If your outside circle has a hay bale representing North…… If your outside circle has an old air conditioner representing East…… If your outside circle has a rusty Bar-B-Q Grill representing South…… If your outside circle has a dead washing machine representing West…… If your outside circle has a still representing Spirit…… If your ritual attire is overalls and a flannel shirt and a straw hat with a pentacle painted on it……
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