| Vol.1 No 9 |
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Edited by Clarke Kent |
Many Rugby League fans walked away from the game forever this week after the South Sydney Bunnies got their marching orders from the competition.Justice Paul Pindick said the Bunnies had no grounds on which they could claim the decision to boot them out was unfair."After looking at all the evidence,I am convinced the NRL were unfair in applying the criteria,rigged it in favour of other clubs and had a vendetta against Souths from day one.With the way Rugby League has now become,this should be expected."Souths President George Piglet was not happy afterwards,but vowed that his club would fight on."We have been here from day one,so we should stay.I mean,we were the ones responsible for creating a game based on money and leaving the established sides to die,so why should we be booted out?"NRL CEO Allan Moffet said that the decision was based on what the fans wanted."The fans have told me themselves taht they wanted Souths out.Yes,the fans of Auckland and North Queensland,the two sides which generate the most passion in our competition,said Souths should go."When quizzed about Auckland's crowds,Moffet said that they were excellent."Auckland's crowds are brilliant!!People just put them in comparison with other League clubs,instead of NSW club rugby crowds!"Souths coach Gary Coleman has meanwhile told the Souths local juniors that they should play AFL.In his new gravelly voice,Coleman said,"If the kids can't play for a club who represents our upper class background,they should break their balls in AFL shorts instead."Coleman then raced off to try and save his Datsun as a junior he had been speaking to minutes before had hotwired it.News Ltd puppet Peter Frlliness and Lachlan Poorcock said Souths being punted was for the good of the game."Souths have morals,ethics,produce juniors,are independent and have good supporter bases.They aren't a true Rugby League club!"Poorcock then went off to convince Robert Ians the decision was a good one,before Ians put on his best black dress.
Aussies dominate World Cup
The World Cup appears to be a 2 horse race,with Australia and New Zealand looking like the only possible combatants for the final.Australia began their campaign with an unconvincing 22-2 defeat of England,in which Buck Kinnardly was well below par.Aussie coach Chris Amsterdam said 'Buck is a bit of a stickler for beauty,so he didn't want to strech himself.'When asked about Even Stevens' antics with one of teh English players testicles,he simply replied 'Maybe some people are inclined that way.' The calim prompted Robert Ians to make a comebcak to the International scene,but was soon stopped by news that this sort of thing wouldn't continue.Australia then went on to beat Fiji 66-8,with Brisbane and Fijian flyer Lotsa Tequila claiming 2 tries,one a 100 meter effort.'Obviously,with me coming up against Wendell Popeye I was gonna try a bit harder.2 tries against Australia is pretty good.I think I might go back and smash a few coconuts on George Speight's head in celebration now!'Chris Amsterdam again refused to give Newcastle half Joseph Andrews a run at halfback,insisting Kinnardly was the ideal choice.'I keep telling you guys,Buck has screwed the most board members,so he should be the one playing.Not some loser whose groin always plays up.'Australian centre Ryan Girly set a new point-scoring record in Australia's 110-4 demolition of Russia,with Russia's try coming from winger Bruce Farkofuvic.New Zealand meanwhile,have beaten Lebanon 64-0,with the Lebanese employing peculiar tactics of throwing hand grenades at the Kiwis each time they scored a try.New Zealand coach Frank Endabed said he was happy with his sides performance.The Kiwis have also beaten teh Cook Isands 84-10,and Wales 58-18, with a closed roof in Cardiff.Welsh coach The Prince of Wales,cousin of England coach Sir Snobby Arsehole,said he was satisfied with his sides performance.'Well,I suppose we did buy off the ref this time,plus we closed the roof to help our style,plus we posioned the Kiwis water supply and tried to kill 3 of them,so I think we've done well.'
Great coach wants old CEO back.
The NRL board has been rocked by comments made by former Can'tuburyme,Penrith Pussies and Sydney cocks coach Gus Fooled that John Wail should be reinstated to his position as head of the National Rugby League body.Fooled sai that Wail had done all he needed to do to prove his worth,by being venue manager for the Olympic and Paralympic Games.'He did a great job!It takes a magnificent man to show such intelligence to put soccer on a hockey ground.The idea used to cram everyone into one bay of the Olympic stadium while the ends were completely free and say the ground was full was also a stroke of genius!'Cocks chairman Nick Politics said that the decision would be a good one.'If Wail gets his spot back,Rugby League will once again be the people's game,where the people of Bondi and Manly will be able to dictate what path the game takes,not some snobby rich prick.'When told that his club and Manly were considered snobby rich pricks,he repsonded 'We are not snobby rich pricks!!!!Just because we earn millions each year,only mix with people as rich as us and sneer at anyone who doesn;t earn at leats a million a year doesn;t mean we're snobs!'NRL CEO Allan Moffet and board members Michael Dill,Denis Fitzgerald(and Gerald Fitzdennis) and Malcolm Toad said the current board was perfect and there was no need for change.'The entire point of getting the NRL up and running was to kill the game of Rugby League,so we are doing fine' said Toad. Fitzdennis said that as long as Parramatta was allowed to live off their leagues club,they had no problem with the board.Moffet said that Rugby League was dying and it was on par to merge with Rugby,so he was happy as well.'I've spoken to Rupert and he said that he is having wet dreams over the possibility of League and Union getting together,so I better not disappoint him.'He then took on a strange appearnce not unlike former CEO Neil Bumlicker and went to Poorcock's dinner meeting and sat under his seat......
