| Vol.2 No 3 |
 |
Edited by Clarke Kent |
Players from all NRL clubs have lodged an official complaint that the season is too long and it should be shortened. Disgraced winger John Sloppyfarty said the season was taking it's toll on players.'Some players are just getting too tired to keep playing after 6 weeks.Some players are just lazy and some players are just running out of toilet paper too quickly!'Balmain Dagpies centre Terry Dill was one of few opposed to the move,saying the season was just fine.'I think it's great.I'm just getting to know an old teammate of mine again after a long time apart.I'm getting some good tips from him for a great end of season party.What he suggests is throwing a big barbecue and inviting the coach along.There,we leave him with the bill and claim he is incompetent and then pay off the board to believe us so he gets sacked.Then a new coach comes in!Pure brilliance!'NRL CEO Allan Moffett said the decision couldn't hold water unless the competition was reduced to 12 teams.'I mean,how can we say it's fair if Brisbane and Melbourne don't get to beat North Queensland by 5 million points twice a year?We can't do anything which could damage Brisbane and Melbourne!It wouldn't be in the spirit of the game!'He then proceeded to say that there was nothing that was being done in order to help Brisbane or Melbourne before he had to go to a meeting with Smiling Wayne Ferrett and Adolph Ribot to discuss an offshore Swiss bank account.RLPA president Tony Butterfingers said that while players appreciated that fans gave them their living,the players couldn't cater for so much demand.'There is no need for players to play so much footy.The players all apreciate the fact that fans pay to watch and in turn they get their money that way,but for once can;t the fans just piss off?They've had so much input into the game ovewr the past few years and got exactly what they wanted!Juniors are coming through the ranks and they know exactly what the game has been through because of the NRL's honesty.' However,a junior player was unable to tell us who the Western Suburbs Magpies were.
Referees bagged.
Rookie referee Steve Christmassong has been sacked after losing control of the cows-fish fingers game at Cow milkers stadium.After an incident where cows prop Tim Goodatnothing tried to stomp and grind the head of fish prop Even Stevens into the ground like a cigarette butt,Stevens proceeded screw in several fencing swords into his boots and kick Goodatnothing.This saw a massive brawl erupt where cows prop John Gottagig and fish players Damien Lostinspace and Paul McDickhead proceeded to bring out the set of the recent world title bout between Kevin Pompous and SugarRay Tosser and proceeded to grab baseball bats and beat each other senseless.Touchjudges Darren Dopier and Phil Warmie had to sit down as they'd never actually opened their eyes before in their refereeing careers.Christmassong decided to dispatch the 3 players to the Judas Bin for 10 seconds and told captains David Plumlike and Paul RobinHood to curl up in the foetal position and start talking to themselves after they told their teams that if they wanted Rupert Poorcocks bonus this week they should get down on the ground beg mercy before the Pox Sports cameras.This incident involving Christmassong was the last straw for referees boss Graham Annually after Christmassong failed to see Sydney Cocks 2nd rower Bryan Patchup build a block and tackle and then drop the entire Sydney Olympic Village on Cows halfback Nathan Hasbeen.Annually said that he would replace Christmassong with a new referee, maybe Matt Cheating.In another incident,Tony Bowandarrow put on a Cocks jersey and proceeded to give Craig Ding a clear run to the line,not allowing Puppies players to tackle him.Bowandarrow went to Video ref Ian Barleysugar to ask him whether they should give a try.In a move which angered Allan Moffett and Steve Parents and incensed Lachlan Poorcock,Barleysugar gave a try despite Ding being on the puppies 40metre line when contact was made.Annually is said to be considering his position after seeing Steve Nark break a nail and pull out for the season,Bill Arrogant go on a hairdressing course,Tim Blander mysteriously disappearing in a haberdashery shop and Shane Pain still being acquainted with his new guide dog,Annually may be forced to call on some good referees.'What is the NRL coming to when referees are competent?'
