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TV/Movies

Family Guy
    Stewie
  • Flappy! Good news! I've decided not to KILL you!


  • Oh! my...oh, that's better than sex!


  • Momma has candy kisses!
    Lois: Stewie, did you unhook mommy's bra?


  • Oh for gods sake, I'm supposed to entrust my life in a turtle? Nature's D student?


  • I say, the most recent sporting event was most disappointing for our side!


  • I was thinking of joining I Felt A Thigh!


  • Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight.


  • Oh, my god, please tell me we didn't do it.


  • (runs into the room and punches timmy)
    Lois: I got the- oh my god! Jimmy what happened?
    Stewie: Yes Jimmy, what happened?
    Jimmy: I..I fell.


  • Yeah, how bout YOU go back and take a bath.


  • Oh that rice got you bitch.


  • Peter
  • Narrator: One Two Three Four Five Six Seven!
    Peter: Seven Prostitutes.


  • Judge: In fact, if I could, I would put you in a place removed from the general public, locked secure with other dangerous people for a predetermined set time based on the nature and severity of your actions.
    Peter: So does that mean I'm free?


  • Oh I love you so much, delicious french fry wife.


  • Brian, check it out! i made a water slide in the house!


  • Lois: Peter, you're drunk again!
    Peter: No, I'm just exausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking!


  • Chumba Wumba: choomba wooma, gobble-*kick*
    Peter: ahhhh!.....ahhhh!.....ahhhh!


  • Young Peter: why did all the dinosaurs die out?
    Museum Tour Guide: because you touch yourself at night.


  • Brian: Do you really want my advice or are you just asking random questions?
    Peter: What’s a hypotenuse?


  • yeah, that's right, vote for taft, you dirty girl...


  • Brian
  • Lois: Peter, its seven in the morning!
    Brian: Thanks for the update, big ben!


  • It’s peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly time! Peanut butter jelly time!


  • Chris
  • (to Brian) Watch out for the stairs!


  • Other
  • Quagmire: "I've never had a spanish chick before. Ole!"

  • Adam West: "Well, Mr.Toilet...I thought you were in the Hamptons!"

  • Teacher: Notice anything strange?
    Lois: His father isn’t in any of these!
    Teacher: Exactly.

  • (man passing Stewie in a car) Is that a baby in there? Oh my god he’s gonna miss the game!

  • Peter's Boss: No you’re not. I’m giving it to soundwave.


  • ???
  • Is he a fighter who solves crimes with his fists?
    No! He's british!

  • Rub-a-dub-dub. thanks for the grub. yay god!
    wow. how very inappropriate.

  • Well, I will see YOU MONDAY!

  • Girl: Where the leapfrogs leap from bank to banky...
    *smack*

  • We met in a christian chat room.


  • If you need me I’ll be in space.


  • Come and get it big boy.

  • hey, look over there, there’s a woman learning!

  • Michael Eisner! Cover your heart!
Futurama
  • Leela: Why do we have to resort to nonviolence? Can't we just kick their asses?


  • Subtitle: Sound effects added to lessen tragedy


  • Soldier: (after Bender escapes) I guess this is why cheif says no hugging.


  • Leela: And the windchill is about 20 below absolute 0!"


  • Leela: Guess who I just got off the video phone with!
    Bender: NO.


  • Oh, the super heros! or should i say...super ZEROS!
    That was uncalled for. :(


  • We should print up T-Shirts! and F-Shirts for our friends with 2 arms on one side!
American Dad
  • C'mon, it’s not gay, there are guns in the room.


  • I’m gonna make you cry then dip my cookie in your tears.”


  • Oh, I just love it when crap lines up like that.


  • doc! Your fork has magical powers!
Anchorman: The Legend Of Ron Burgundy
  • Brick Tamland: [shouts] Loud noises!


  • Brick Tamland: Where did you get those clothes, at the toilet store?
More soon, that movie was shit funny.

Books

The Virgin Suicides
  • "The Lisbon girls, stranded in seperate home rooms, declined to play, or kept asking to be excused to go to the bathroom. None of the teachers insisted on their participating, with the result that all the healing was done by those of us without wounds." (105)


  • "We wondered how she could do such a thing on her own house, with her parents sleeping nearby. True, it was impossible for Mr. and Mrs. Lisbon to see their own roof, and, once installed, Lux and her parents enjoyed relative safety; but there was the unavoidable prior noise of sneaking down to let the boys and men in, of leading them up creaking stairs in a darkness charged with anxious vibrations, night noises humming in their ears, the men sweating, risking statutory rape charges, the loss of their careers, divorce, just to be led up the stairway, through a window, to the roof, where in the midst of their passion they chafed their knees and rolled in stagnant puddles." (146)


  • "And we'd have to admit, too, that in our most intimate moments, alone at night with our beating hearts, asking God to save us, what comes most often is Lux, succubs of those binocular nights." (147)


  • "Whatever the details, Mr. Lisbon became the medium thrugh which we glimpsed the girls' spirits. We saw them through the toll they exacted on him: his puffy red eyes that hardly opened anymore to see his daughters wasting away; his shoes scuffed from climbing stairs forever threatening to lead to another inert body; his sallow complexion dying in sympathy with them; and his lost look of a man who relized that all this dying was giong to be the only life he ever had." (160)


  • "They had a kind of bomb shelter downstairs, apparently, just off the rec room from which we had watched Cecilia climb to her death. Mr.Lisbon had even installed a propane camping toilet. But that was in the days when they expected perils to come from without, and nothing made less sense by that time than a survival room buried in a house itself becoming one big coffin." (163)
Middlesex
  • "Can you see me? All of me? Probably not. No one ever really has." (218)


  • "What do they charge for a baptism these days?' 'They're free.' Milton's eyebrows lifted. But after a moment's consideration he nodded, confirmed in his suspicions. 'Figures. They let you in for free. Then you gotta pay for the rest of your life.'" (220)


  • "I got a recessive gene on my fifth chromosome and some very rare family jewels indeed." (401)


  • "My parents found my new urge for purity amusing. Often my father would rub my shirt between his thumb and fingers and ask, 'Is this preppy?'" (404)


  • "The men go into the women's longhouse only to procreate. In and out. In fact, the Sambia word for 'vagina' translates literally as 'that thing which is truly no good'". (420)


  • "He didn't tell me to smile. The textbook publishers would make sure to cover my face. The black box: a fig leaf in reverse, concealing identity while leaving shame exposed." (422)