| |
CLASSIFIEDS
1.
Mel Gibson's Black Men's Dress Oxford Shoes With 4 1/4 Inch Cork Elevation!
|
|
What Hollywood Stars Wear;
Gimli, Winnipeg
|
|
|
|
A Genuine Pair Of Shoes Worn By the famed Anti-Semitist, alcoholic, Mad Max, Lethal Weapon, Passion Of The Christ actor! Available to you at an affordable price! Yes! This Austro-American millonaire midget's shoes can be yours for under $10,000!!! Reduced to fit! For Enquiries Call Karl GoldBerg 555-3478
|
 |
|
|
2.
Saddam Husseins Beard!
|
|
Notorious Dictator's Body Hair Emporium;
Main St, Moncton, NB
|
|
|
|
After being captured in unflattering circumstances down a rabbit hole in December 2003, an Iraqi bodily hair cleaner, Ali-Khalil Ahmed scooped up Saddam's beard and mailed it to us. We have now decided the time is right to sell it to you! Our dedicated team of bodily hair carers have painstakenly stuck the former Iraqi dictators beard together for you to proudly hang up. This fully lifelike beard has been mounted on our best papyrus and framed for collector appeal. At $55,000 this is a real bargain! Don't delay enquire today! All offers will be taken in this strictest of confidence! Call 555-HAIR
|
 |
|
|
3.
Wanka Chocolate! China's Finest Chocolatery.
|
|
Wanka's Chocolate Co.;
Beijing, Beijing Province, China
|
|
|
|
China the fastest growing economical powehouse on the planet is proud to offer it's top of the line brand of Chocolate - 'Wanka'. loosely designed from the Charlie & The Chocolate factory movie, this 3 bar complimentary chocolate combo includes one bar of Salt & Vinegar and Water Nut, one bar of Jalapeno and Water Cress and One bar of Murky Dark Rice Cake. Get all three for our special import offer of $30.00 today! Call 555-WANK
|
 |
|
|
4.
10.5 Inch Stainless Steel Egg Beater.
|
|
Edna's Edible Appliances;
Spoon Cove, NFLD
|
|
|
|
We are giving away 500 of these unbeatable egg beaters! When you purchase our product you get our lifetime guarantee and our certificate of genuine stainless steel authenticity! Beat your eggs silly if you want this egg mashing monster will never fail! You can be rest assured that when you buy our egg beater it'll be your egg beatin' buddy for life! Order now and get a 50% rebate on my mum's hand knitted woollen socks! Call 555-7845
|
 |
|
|
5.
Baxter's 2.5% Homo Milk.
|
|
Ted's Convenience Stores; Derby Avenue, Moncton, NB
|
|
|
|
Take this opportunity to buy some New Brunswick dairy produce today! Baxter's 2.5% 'Homo' milk is aimed to bring out the queer in you. It's wholesome taste and value for money 2-litre cartons will more than satisfy your curiosity as well as give you all the calcium you need. Drop by or pop in and visit us today. Come experience New Brunswick Milk. Made the 'Homo Way'. Call 555-1245
|
 |
|
|
6.
Katyusha Rocket.
|
|
Saul Rubin's Unexploded Ammunition, Riverview, NB
|
|
|
|
I was in Haifa recently and was appalled by the destruction inflicted on my people. Imagine my disbelief when I came across an unexploded Katyusha Rocket resting at the bottom of my brother's swimming pool! My shock and anger turned to dollar signs when I realised how significant this object could be to the western world. I had this rocket fast tracked to Canada so you could own a piece of anti-Israeli warfare. My offer is reasonable and proceeds of this sale will go to my 5th cousin Betty who owns an respectable clothing outlet in Highfield Square, Moncton to help her financially during her hour of need. Call 555-7845
|
 |
|
|
7.
His And Her's Anti-Terror Action Doll Combo!
|
|
Arnies Action Doll's; Miramichi, NB
|
|
|
|
Vintage Collectors don't miss out! This one time offer applies to you! Get your hands on this unique his and hers anti-terror Mr & Mrs set before they sell out! These are a limited one time offer only! These figures stand 12 inches tall and are fully equipped with weapons and come with almost limitless poseable appeal! They even come equipped with make up, sexy lingerie and condoms! Recreate your fantasies with these wartime dolls today! Call 555-8965
|
 |
|
|
8.
Chuck Norris's Patriotic Jock Strap! Signed!
|
|
Betty's Boutique, Highfield Sqaure, Downtown Moncton, NB
|
|
|
|
It happens just once a month! Only At Betty's Boutique! Come visit our store for all our unique gift set of Chuck Norris Jock Straps. 60% off! Get the love of your life something special today only at Betty's Boutique and remember - they are 60% off! These Jock straps never looked so good! 555-2378
|
 |
|
|
9.
Pet Removal System.
|
|
Vern's Veterinary Products, Moncton, NB
|
|
|
|
Get your environmentally safe pet disposal system today. Designed to hold 1 to 2 dogs or cats. Comes with foot operated lid opener. Made in the USA. It's durable, easy to use and clean and is made from non-rusting plastic. Call 555-3333 and ask for Bernard.
|
 |
|
|
10.
30-Year Old Ant's Nest For Sale.
|
|
Ricky; Sackville, NB
|
|
|
|
I'd been cultivating this thriving example of The Ant Kingdom for some years now as part of a three year art project I undertook at University. Several decades have passed by now and my parents recently pointed out that the nest had grown a little. Please save my Ants from certain annilation and give them a new home! Only caring Ant lovers please. Call Ricky, 555-ANTS
|
 |
|
|
11.
For Sale! Traditional 1920's Maritime Motel. Cheap!
|
|
Orzabal's Abandoned Retreats; St. Margarets, NB
|
|
|
|
Built in the 1920's this old dilapidated property (formerly the Moonshine Motel) reeks of nostagia and comes with a unique odour of damp, dry rot and mold! Own this piece of hostelry history at literally next to nothing! This property comes with a reception area and four roofless guest rooms. All windows have been painstakenly boarded up. Prime location. Just 37 km's from the nearest highway! Asking $590,000.00 OBO. Call 555-2897
|
 |
|
|
12.
For Sale! Old Abandoned Gas Bar. Huge Potential!
|
|
Orzabal's Abandoned Retreats; St. Margarets, NB
|
|
|
|
This 1950's Gas Bar has been closed since the community relocated but remains in remarkable shape. A lick of paint will liven this beauty up and invite tourists back in time to the sights and sounds of long since forgotten Northern New Brunswick communities. Asking $760,000.00 OBO. Call 555-7845
|
 |
|
|
13.
Rusty Old Diesel Passenger Train. Affordable!
|
|
Orzabal's Abandoned Retreats; St. Margarets, NB
|
|
|
|
1960's Diesel passenger train. Fantastic earner! Renovate and relocate! A luxury office suite? A penthouse apartment? The sky's the limit. Save this hunk of rotting metal from the breakers yard and see the $$$ flash by! Take it for $9.99 today! Tracks sold separately. Call 555-2897
|
 |
|
|
14.
Double-Decker-Dealz!!!
|
|
Dealz On Wheelz; Riverview, NB
|
|
|
|
Double Deckers like these are rampant in Britiain. Here in Canada they are an absolute goldmine! Yes I have one currently on my lot. The only catch however is my valet reversed it into my newly excavated swimming pool location at the back of our parking lot. I'll pay to tow if you aim to throw! (Money at me that is!) All yours with doors for $400,000.00! Call 555-DEALZ
|
 |
|
|
15.
Own Your Own Roof With Wheelz!
|
|
Dealz On Wheelz; Riverview, NB
|
|
|
|
A Bargain Buy! Own a once in a lifetime opportunity! Dealz don't come nearly as close as this! Amaze your friends! Be the talk of the town! Get this amazing 'car in the roof' deal right now! I'm going soft! I'll even throw in my Grandfathers old wooden roof ladder at no extra cost to you! Buy this lot for the unbelievable asking price of $296,000.00! Call 555-DEALZCall 555-DEALZ
|
 |
|
|
| Greater Moncton Cavalier is not suitable for minors. © Copyright 2002-2006 Naughty Nigel Productions & Swordfish Designs
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| |
