Niblets for Lovers
Married men prefer kissing a mouth that tastes like toothpaste.
Single men prefer a mouth that tastes of liquor.
By the time she's married, the average American woman will have kissed 79 men.
Passionate kissing burns 6.4 calories a minute; a Hershey's kiss contains 25 calories.
Husbands who kiss their wives before leaving home in the morning live five years longer than those who don't.
The Romans were among the first to adopt and document the erotic kiss.
The erotic kiss is the most widely practiced form of intimate behavior in the United States.
More than 92 percent of American teenagers have engaged in erotic kissing.
Affectionate kissing is found in over 90 percent of recorded cultures.
One theory is that kissing arose from various gestures symbolizing the union of souls.
For example, Indians believed that the exhaled breath was part of the soul.
Therefore, kissing represented the intermingling of souls.
Is it in? That's it? You've got to be kidding me. (phone rings) Hello? Oh nothing and you? Do I have to pay for this? Do I have to call you tomorrow? You look better in the dark. Don't tell my husband/wife. I think you might get the job for this. Damn! Is that all you know how to do? Did I tell you I have herpes? Now we must get married. Hurry up, the game's about to start. I'm hungry. I'm thirsty. zzzzzzzzzzzz. Do you know what some female spiders do after sex? You're so much like your sister... Your mom's cute. What's your name again? Do I have to be here in the morning? A second time? I barely stayed awake the first time! But you just started! Smile for the camera, honey! I think the condom broke 10 minutes ago. Cover me boys, I'm going in! DIVE! DIVE! DIVE! Fire one! Your best friend does it much better. Stop moaning, you sound so stupid. Shut up, bitch! (worse if the girl says it) I have to take a shit. Its OK honey, I can just imagine that it's bigger. God I wish you were a real woman. Oh Susan, Susan... I mean Donna... Shit. All of a sudden I have a headache. You're boring. I like your tits. Suck my dick, bitch. How much do I owe you? Of course you can't be on top, you're too fat, you'll kill me! Your ass is hairy (the guy says this). Just use your finger, its bigger. We'll try again later when you can satisfy me too. Get off me, I'll do it myself! Damn girl! My tits are bigger than yours! If you can't do it, I'll find someone else who can! I haven't had this much sex since I was a hooker! I was once a woman... You wanted me to use a condom? OK start... Oh! that feels so... YOU'RE DONE?! You ever see Basic Instinct? Of course I don't love you.
You can GET chocolate. "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft. You can safely have chocolate while you are driving. You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to. You can have chocolate even in front of your mother. If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind. Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names. The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate. You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped. You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate. With chocolate there's no need to fake it. Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant. You can have chocolate at any time of the month. Good chocolate is easy to find. When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake. With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always good
10) They have a lot of data, but are clueless 9) There is always one that is better made, right around the corner. 8) They look attractive till you bring them home. 7) It's always good to have a back-up. 6) They'll do whatever you want, if you push the right buttons. 5) The best part of having one is the games you can play. 4) In order to get thier attention, you have to turn them on. 3) Their lights are on, but nobodys home. 2) Big power surges, knock them out. 1) Lastly...............Size does matter!
Online Romance Tips
By Lorilyn Bailey
Adapted from The Little Book of Online Romance
- Try to limit your search to your geographical area. It makes life easier.
- Never lie. You'll pay for it later.
- NEVER give out your address or phone number until your cyberfriend has earned your trust. That may take a long time. (There's more information about this in The Little Book of Online Romance .)
- Consider any online relationship, at first, as an online friendship. Consider it a romantic relationship only after you have met and decided to continue the relationship. If it doesn't work out romantically, you still have a friend.
- Don't wait too long before you talk on the phone. You'll learn a lot from each other's voices.
- Everyone is attractive. Not everyone finds everyone else attractive. If you don't find someone attractive, it's not HIS or HER fault.
- Before spending money on traveling to meet each other, exchange casual photos and videos. When you meet for the first time, you should get to know each other, not be shocked out of your mind.
- When you meet for the first time, meet with a group at a public place, such as a restaurant. Never meet a stranger alone.
- Beware of people pretending to be single (or of an opposite gender). They must be extremely ignorant people because surely if they understood the suffering and damage they caused, they would not play such vile games.
- Never end an online relationship by dropping out of sight. The least you owe someone is a sensitive "goodbye." It is not that person's fault if he or she does not fulfill your requirements.
- Get a fast modem.
Kiss like you have all the time in the world, don't rush it
Pretend like is the first time your ever kissed.
Kiss like you will never kiss again
Start kissing with little kisses first, to warm it up!
Add another soft little kiss when the big one is over.
Throw a kiss
Kiss her hand (if your partner is a girl)
Kiss his/her cheek
Kiss your finger and touch his/her lips
Kiss his/her neck
Kiss his/her eyes
Kiss his/her nose
And there's the BIG WET kiss on the lips.
1. The female makes ALL The Rules.
2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without notice.
3. The male cannot possibly know all The Rules.
4. If the female suspects that the male has learned The Rules,
then she must immediately change some of The Rules.
5. The female is never wrong.
6. The female may change her mind at any time.
8. The male cannot change his mind without consent of the female.
9. The female can, at any time, be upset or angry, scream or
throw things, with or without cause or reason.
10. The male must remain calm at all times unless the female wants
him to be angry or upset.
11. If the female has PMS, the male is hereby notified that he
probably won't do anything right for the next several days.
12. The male is expected to mind read at all times.
13. The male must be ready for anything at any time.
14. Face reality, the male is always wrong.
*Always try to be sexy or look your best for your man. They like to come home and see a beautiful sexy woman waiting for them.
*Tell him how much you love him very softly and sexy. Then take him to bed, insinuating what you are waiting for.
*Take off his and your clothes with an intriging look.
*Give him a massage and ask him where would he like to be caressed.
*Whenever you are making love, always tell him how you feel about it. For example: Encourage him and tell him how and where does it feel good.
For the gentlemen…
*Come home with a rose, and seduce your woman with it.
*Start kissing her neck, and carry her over to the room (or where ever you're going to make love).
*Ask her were would she want to be caressed.
*Take it slow, why would you want to spoil a romantic mood?
*Always make sure to ask her how she feels, and tell her what would you want her to do to you.
Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her....
Show up naked, with beer....
The Kiss as a Statement
On the cheek---------------JUST FRIENDS
On the neck----------------I WANT YOU
On the ear-----------------I REALLY WANT YOU
On the lips----------------I LOVE YOU
On the nose----------------I MISSED
On the stomach-------------GOT ANY BACON?
On the elbow---------------I'M LOST
Anywhere else--------------DON'T GET CARRIED AWAY!!!!!
The Three Commandments
Thou shalt not squeeze too hard!
Thou shalt close thine eyes, for it is rude to stare!
Thou shalt kiss on every opportunity!
SPICE UP YOUR LOVE LIFE WITH THESE NUMBERS…
Victoria's Secret Catalog_800-888-8200
Playboy Catalog_800-423-9494
Frederick's of Hollywood Catalog_800-323-9525
![[Horoscopes from the Heavens]](http://www.lionart.com/hscopesc.gif)
When your heart doesn't know which way to turn, just from the "SITE" of someone special.
When "one" kiss can make you fall to pieces....
Meeting in the middle
When you're so confused, you play silly games.
When you feel like he has YOUR heart in the palm of his hands.
This is dedicated to the one's we LOVE !
To Touch You
To hold you in my arms and hear the beat of your heart
To behold your beauty and see in your eyes the light
Of all within your soul, the depth, the breadth of your emotion
As it moves to engulf us both in the dance of the heart.
To lightly touch your silky skin and feel the heat arise
Into my fingers coursing through ‘til it reaches deep inside
My lips brush yours when we embrace our passions rise
And fall headlong into night touching loving even tears abide.
What have we found when we explore
What have we done to open the door
Of what we’ve hidden and were afraid to share
Of what has hurt so before our hearts to tear.
Our hearts laugh so much
Our hearts beat as one
For us love has already won
When you and I touch.
1998 Copyright © by MichealAngel. , All Rights Reserved.
by The JavaScript Source