This is a poem made for me by a very funny person I met in my chat room. His nick is Ohno and I love him to death. Oh yeah, he is single ladies! Thank you for doing this poem for me Ohno!
I have got to be fair about this sorry girls!
Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of just being friends.
Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche that way.
I think hairy butts are really sexy.
Hey, get a whiff of that one.
Please don't throw that old T-shirt away, the holes in the armpit are just too cute.
This diamond is way too big!
I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.
Wow, it really is 14 inches!
Does this make my butt look too small?
I'm wrong, you must be right again.
Cmon...This place is a mess!
You and me need to clean up.
Your pants are on the floor
and you'll have no clothes
if we don't do laundry now!
C'MON....blah, blah, blah
YOU AND ME blah, blah, blah
blah, blah ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, NOW!
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist.If you stay home and do the housework, you're a sissy.
Men are like department stores.... their clothes should always be half off.
Men are like vacations.... they never seem to be long enough.
Men are like computers... hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
Men are like coolers... load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Men are like chocolate bars.... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like coffee.... the best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
Men are like horoscopes.... they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like plungers... they spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
Men are like cement.... after getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.
RED: People who like red tend to be tigers in the sack. They are easily aroused and enjoy sex in every way imaginable. Once the sexual spark is ignited, it may take hours to extinguish.
YELLOW: If you tend to favor yellow, your sexual drives are complex and turn toward the adaptable. The favorite color of homosexuals is yellow. But don't panic - not everyone who wears yellow is queer.
PINK: Persons who like pink show a reluctance to mature in sexual matters: women tend to tease, to promise more than they intend to deliver. In some cases they flaunt their femininity - but because they secretly hate men.
PURPLE: Lovers of purple frequently consider themselves to be too sophisticated for a fun romp in the sack. Women sometimes are the type who hate to mess their hair. Men are business-like in their approach to lovemaking. In both sexes purple partners are more concerned with their fulfillment than anyone else's gratificatification.
BLACK: These people are the misfits of the sex world and seek out each other in kinship. They tend to prefer perverted sex and are usually masochistic or sadistic in nature. They are moody people and often perform at their peak when under stress or during unhappy times.
GREEN: Those who prefer green are fresh and innocent in their approach to sex. Green lovers are gentle, but not passionate. If chosen as a mate, one will never need worry about infidelity.
ORANGE: Lovers of the color orange lean toward sexual fantasies. The sex act is regarded as a dramatic one-act play in which they are the star. Foreplay is as important as the act of love.
BROWN: If you love brown, you're a real treasure for the right mate. Brown lovers tend to be warm and deep, sensitive to the needs and desires of their partners. Sex is a 24 hour a day thing.
GRAY: The color gray a preferred by people who are indecisive. They can't get excited about anything - including color - so they choose a noncommittal shade. But when teamed with another color, the gray spouse considers the other's infidelity a blessing. When gray marries another gray, the marriage is made in heaven.
BLUE: Lovers of blue are wonderful sex partners. They are sinners, affectionate and sensitive to their partner's need. They consider love making a fine art and their approach is elegant. Both women and men enjoy foreplay and the aftermath of lovemaking, as much as the sex act itself. In marriage a blue person is a wonderful mate - never seeking outside interests.
WHITE: If a person is infatuated with white, sex often seems filthy. These people are puritanical in nature. French kissing is obscene and to make love in the daylight in unheard of. Women who love white will undress beneath the covers. Men will shower before and after the sex act. These people still use pet names for their genitals.
BEDROOM SEX: After you have been married for a while you just have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX: After you have been married for many, many years, you just pass each other in the hall and say, "F**K YOU"
COURTROOM SEX: Your wife and her lawyer f**k you in the divorce court in front of lots of people for every penny you've got.
A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show
A window was something you hated to clean
And Ram was the cousin of a goat
Meg was the name of a girlfriend
And gig was your middle finger upright
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bytes
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3½ inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out
Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while
Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode
Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu
I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead
Ingredients:
1/2 a cup of Affection
A pinch of cuddles
3 tablespoons of pure sweetness
A great big kiss
Directions:
Dim the lights then mix them very slowly together.
2 pair laughing eyes
2 pair loving arms
2 well shaped legs
2 firm milk containers
1 large banana
1 fur lined mixing bowl
2 nuts
Look into laughing eyes, spread well shaped legs, squeeze and massage milk containers, leaving fur lined mixing bowl well greased... add banana. Gently work banana in and out until well creamed. Cover with nuts. Cake is done when banana is soft. Be sure to wash utensils and lick the bowl. If cake rises, leave town immediately.
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