Some of these won't make sense unless you read the ones before and after it;
Some won't make sense anyway
Q: What's grey on the inside and pink and white on the outside?
A: An inside out elephant.
Q: What is grey and not there.
A: No elephants.
Q: Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkled?
A: Because if they were small, white and smooth they'd be asprins.
Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Have you ever tried to iron one?
Q: How many legs does an elephant have?
A: four, two in the front, two in the back.
Q: How do you get two Tarzans in the fridge?
A: You cant, silly, there is only one Tarzan!
Q: Why are there so many elephants running around free in the jungle ?
A: Tarzans fridge is not large enough to hold them all.
Q: How many elephants can you actually put in a fridge?
A: Depends on the number of elephants.
Q. What do you call two elephants on a bicycle ?
A. Optimistic !
Q. What do you get if you take an elephant into the city ?
A. Free Parking.
Q. What do you get if you take an elephant into work ?
A. Exclusive use of the elevator.
Q: How do you get an elephant out of a tree?
A: Stand it on a leaf and wait 'till autumn.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
A: Bloody great holes all over Australia.
Q: How do you know if there is an elephant under the bed?
A: Your nose is touching the ceiling.
Q: Why do elephants wear sandles?
A: So that they don't sink in the sand.
Q: Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
A: To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandles.
Q: Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
A: So that they can hide upside-down in bowls of custard.
Q: Did you ever find an elephant in your custard?
A: No? Well, it must work then.
Q: Why do elephants live in herds?
A: To get a wholesale reduction on the shoes with yellow soles.
Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look, a herd of elephants in the distance"
Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses
in the distance?
A: Nothing. He doesn't recognize them.
Q: What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
A: "Ha-ha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"
Q: What is the difference between en elephant and a plum?
A: An elephant is grey.
Q: What does Jane say when she sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
A: "Look! A herd of plums in the distance" (Jane is colorblind)
Q: How do you get an elephant into the fridge?
A: 1. Open door.
2. Insert elephant.
3. Close door.
Q:How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?
A:1. Open door.
2. Remove elephant.
3. Insert giraffe.
4. Close door.
Q: How do you know there are *two* elephants in your fridge?
A: The door won't close.
Q: How can you tell that an elephant has been in your fridge?
A: By the footprints in the butter.
Q: How do you get two elephants out of the water?
A: One by one.
Q: How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?
A: Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him "lunch".
Q: What has two grey legs and two brown legs?
A: An elephant with diarrhea.
Q: What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
A: Lots of room!
Q: What do you call an elephant with a machine gun?
A: Sir.
Q: What do you call an elephant wearing pink earmuffs and a dress?
A: Anything you want, it can't hear you.
Q: Why do elephants drink so much?
A: To try to forget.
Q: What's grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow?
A: An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!
Q: Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmellow?
A: So she wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.
Q: What's grey and white on the inside and red and white on the outside?
A: Campbell's Cream of Elephant soup.
Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.
Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a green elephant?
A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!
Q: How do you get an elephant to sit on a cherry tree?
A: Plant a seed and let the elephant stand on it.
Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It was glued to the first one.
Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
A: It thought it was a game.
Q: And why did the tree fall down?
A: It thought it was an elephant.
Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: Chicken's day off.
Q: What was the elephant doing on the motorway?
A: About 5 mph (8kph in the rest of the world)
Q: How do you know if you pass an elephant?
A: You can't get the toilet seat down.
Q: How do you get an elephant into a VW?
A: Open the car door, put the elephant inside, close the door.
Q: How do you put an elephant into a fridge?
A: Open the VW door, take the elephant out, close the VW door, open the fridge, put the elephant inside, close the fridge.
Q: How do you get 4 elephants into a Volkswagon bug?
A: 2 in the front and 2 in the back
Q: What did the fifth elephant in the VW bug discover?
A: The sun roof.
Q: The Lion (Animal king) gathered all the animals for a meeting, all of them showed up except the elephants. Why?
A: They were stuck in the VW bug.
Q: How many giraffes can you fit in a VW bug?
A: None, the elephants are in there!
.
Q: How many elephants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Don't be stupid, elephants can't change light bulbs.
Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant with a whale?
A: A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
A: Elephino.
Q: How do you get an elephant on top of an oak tree?
A: Stand him on an acorn and wait fifty years.
Q: What if you don't want to wait fifty years?
A: Parachute him from an airplane.
Q: Why isn't it safe to climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the afternoon?
A: That's when the elephants are skydiving.
Q: Why are pygmies so short?
A: They climb oak trees between 2 and 4 in the afternoon.
Q: Why do ducks have flat feet?
A: to stamp out forest fires.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To stamp out flaming ducks.
Q: Why are elephants feet shaped that way?
A: To fit on lily pads.
Q: Why isn't it safe to go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon?
A: That's when the elephants are walking on the lily pads.
Q: Whay are frogs so short?
A: They go onto the lily pads between 4 and 6 in the afternoon.
Q: Why shouldn't you go into the woods at 5 o'clock?
A: Because that is when the elephants practice their parachute jumping.
Q: What is a furry alligator?
A: A bear that went into the woods at 5 o'clock.
Q: Why are pygmies so short?
A: They can't tell time.
Q: What is that stuff between elephants toes?
A: Watchless natives.
Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
A: 5 O'clock (trick question - not "Time to get a new fence..)
Q: What do you know when you see three elephants walking down the street wearing pink sweatshirts?
A: They're all on the same team.
Q: How do you know if there's an elephant in bed with you?
A: She has a big 'E' on her pajama jacket pocket.
Q: Why won't they allow elephants in public swimming pools?
A: Because they might let down their trunks.
Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit card.
Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.
Q: Why do elephants lay on their backs?
A: To trip low flying canaries.
Q: Why did the elephant have a yellow spot on his butt?
A: He wasn't lying on his back.
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with an ant?
A: A dead ant.
Q: How many elephants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, but you need a real big bulb.
Q: What has two tails, two trunks and five feet?
A: An elephant with spare parts
Q: Why did the elephant cross the road?
A: To pick up the squashed chicken.
Q: What is more difficult than getting an elephant into the back seat of your car?
A: Getting TWO elephants into the back seat of your car!
Q: What's grey and puts out forest fires?
A: Smokey the Elephant.
Q: What happens when an elephant sits in front of you at the movies?
A: You miss most of the picture!
Q: What did one elephant say to the other elephant when he realized he'd stepped on a pygmie?
A: Look what I just stepped in
Q: What do elephants use for slippers?
A: Sheep!
Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant?
A: Nothing, peanuts can't talk.
Q: What's big and green and slimy, and hangs from tall trees?
A: Elephant boogers.
Q: What is beautiful, gray and wears glass slippers?
A: Cinderelephant.
back to the top
