"I wish someone could do something about the voices in my head, voices
that scream over and over and over, why do they come to me to die, why do they
come to me to die?"
(Wayne's World)
"The philosophy of one century is the common sense of the next."
(Shun
Xing Fortune Cookie)
"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in
having new eyes."
(Barnes and Noble Rune Set)
"Imagine Yourself in the Commercials."
(Jenna Elfman)
"My Thunder comes before the Lightning."
"My Lightning comes before the
Clouds."
"My Rain dries all the land it touches."
"What am I?"
(Magic
the Gathering Card)
Answer
"I know we intimidate people-we do it on purpose- because we've mastered the
art of being bastards..."
Nikki Sixx (Motley Crue)
" I bet with the proper amount of manpower, pliers, ropes, belts and duct
tape, you actually *could* lead a horse to water AND make him drink."
(Andy
Overman)
" Sunshine on my shoulder makes me happy. But the next day when my shoulder
is a painful and blistered mess, I get kind of pissed off"
(Doug Finney)
"Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he eats
for a lifetime. Hit a man with a fish -- now THAT'S comedy."
(Ralph Tetta)
"Time flies when you're driving someone crazy."
(Rita Rudner)
"Where did Noah keep the wood-peckers?"
(Autojoker.com)
"I was pretending that my computer mouse was a real mouse, and that the two
buttons were his little butt cheeks. But then I went to go use the wheel and got
totally grossed out, so I don't think I'll pretend that anymore."
(Nick
Danger)
"The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the
disease."
(Voltaire)
"Who gives to all a helping hand,
But bows his head to no command–
And
higher laws doth understand?
Inventor, genius, superman"
(Aquarius)
"I'd like to send a picture of myself
to some distant star, thousands of
light-years away, because by the time
the aliens realize I'm mooning them,
I'll have been dead for centuries."
(Jeffrey Lampert)
The name of almost every object sounds cooler with the phrase "...of DEATH!" tacked on the end. This works especially well with office supplies.
(Nathan Walton)
Misery loves company, especially when the company brings over a twelve-pack.
(J.P. Styskal)
I'll bet it's quite difficult for Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy to be intimate with those two guys underneath them all the time with their hands up their butts.
(James Key)
"In Heaven you have heard no marriage is...."
(John Crowe Ransom, "The Equilibrists")
It's all fun and games until someone
loses an eye. Unless it's a glass eye,
'cause then you can play marbles.
(Jim Lynch)
Did you know that, even with all the recent advancements in technology, you *still* can't fax a weasel?
(John Gephart IV)
http://www.niftyness.com
Remember, there's no "I" in "TEAM" -- but there *is* an "EAT ME" if you're willing to use the "E" twice.
(Lewis Shiner)
Medicine...the only profession that labours incessantly to destroy the reason for its own existence.
(Sir James Bryce)
The moon is nothing
But a circumambulating aphrodisiac
Divinely subsidized to produce the
world
Into a rising birth-rate.
(Christopher Fry)
If love is blind, why is Lingerie so popular?
(Trademart gas station billboard)
Nullius addictus iurare in verba magistri, Quo me cumque rapit tempestas deferor hospes.
Not bound to swear allegiance to any master, wherever the wind takes me I travel as a visitor.
(Horace)
Heaven, as conventionally conceived, is a place so inane, so dull, so useless, so miserable, that nobody has ever ventured to describe a whole day in heaven, though plenty of people have described a day at the seaside.
(George Bernard Shaw)
There is so much good in the worst of us,
And so much bad in the best of us,
That is hardly becomes any of us
To talk about the rest of us.
(Anonymous) -Good and Bad-
As it turns out, the love you take is inversely
proportional to the square root of the love you make.
Paul McCartney needs to check his math.
(Dan Lyons)
I know I am God because when I pray to him I find I'm talking to myself
(Peter Barnes)
Education is simply the soul of a society as it passes from one generation to another.
(G. K. Chesterton)
(The Observer, "Sayings of the Week", 6 July 1924)
If you live long enough, you'll see that every victory turns into a defeat.
(Simone de Beauvior 1908-86 French writer.)
Most women are not so young as they are painted.
(Max Beerbohm)
When the People contend for their Liberty, they seldom get anything by their Victory but new masters.
(Lord Halifax "1633-95")
Good thing the guy's name was Henry Ford and not Henry Anal. Otherwise, a half million Americans would be driving Anal Probes.
(Todd Filener)
Give a man twenty dollars, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man how to make a twenty dollar bill, and he'll be fed for three to five years, with time off for good behaviour.
(Mark Milan)
While it's often hard to tell truth from fiction, I'm pretty sure my friends were kidding about "that great aspirin buzz." I'm also pretty sure I'll never have another headache in this lifetime.
(Joseph Moore)
TOP 10 SEXY LINES FROM STAR WARS
1 "Get in there you big furry oaf, I don't care what you smell!"
2 "Luke, at that speed do you think you'll be able to pull out in time?"
3 "Put that thing away before you get us all killed."
4 "You've got something jammed in here real good."
5 "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?"
6 "You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."
7 "Sorry about the mess..."
8 "Look at the size of that thing!"
9 "Curse my metal body, I wasn't fast enough!"
10 "She may not look like much, but she's got it where it counts, kid."
(An Email)
It seems I'm the only person on Earth who knows how to drive.
(Keychain)
Blood may be thicker than water, but snot has them both beat.
(Jack Gutweiler)
(Concerning boy bands and the like.)
Anything that torturous has to be a fabrication of Satan, I hate their music, i hate the fact that most girls only listen to them because they're "hot" and i dont think it takes 5 people to sing one song.
(~lone_echo~)
From: The Park
"When you can snatch the pebble from my hand . . . HEY!!! . . . Wait a minute!! Give it back . . . I wasn't ready yet!"
(An Email Signature)
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
(Henry Louis Mencken)
Ahhh, necrophilia... The insatiable urge to crack open a cold one...
(bullof7battles)