You Might be a Soldier if:

1. The only time you and your spouse eat without the kids is at the unit "dining out".
2. You always honk twice before backing into parking spaces.
3. You have to look up your parents phone number, but can dial the CQ, SDNCO, company, battalion and brigade with no problem at all.
4. Your vacation atlas has only two routes marked: primary and alternate.
5. Your favorite author is Mike Malone or Tom Clancy.
6. When your kids are too noisy you yell "At Ease!"
7. You don't own any blue pens.
8. Your vacation always occurs during the last week of September.
9. You keep a box of MREs at home and in the trunk of your car in case of emergencies.
10. When you talk on the phone, you end every conversation with "out here".
11. You refer to your spouse as "Household-6" , "CINC House", or "Chief of Staff".
12. You've seen "Patton" enough times to memorize his speech.
13. CNN is your favorite program.
14. You call the Post Locator instead on Information to find your friends.
15. You take the family camping with no tent or sleeping bags.
16. Your kids speak three languages by age eight.
17. The only suit you own is a Class A uniform.
18. You carry your pager to the shower.
19. Your vehicle is registered on post and in two different states.
20. You convince your wife that all ten guns are necessary for home protection.
21. You have more money invested in TA-50 than in your car.
22. You tell your kids to go to bed at 2100 and then try to explain that it's only nine o'clock.
23. The allotment column of you LES has more entries than the entitlement column.
24. No one understands the stories you tell because of all the acronyms.
25. You can explain the Gettysburg battlefield better than directions to your house.
26. Your kids know the words to "She wore a yellow ribbon."
27. Your two year old calls everyone in BDUs "daddy/mommy."
28. The phone book lists your rank instead of Mr./Ms.
29. Your spouse hasn't unpacked the good china for twenty years.
30. Your monthly BAS goes to the mess hall.
31. You ruin the movie for everyone around you by pointing out the unrealistic military scenes.
32. You live on post so you can hear reveille every morning.
33. Your family members call you "Sir."
34. All your jokes begin with "there was this soldier, a marine and an airman..."
35. Sleeping in on weekends means setting your alarm for 0730.
36. When you tell your child it's time for bed, he/she snaps to attention and you get a salute and a smile in return.
37. Your kids' summer vacation wishes begin with, "When we move next summer, we could..."
38. You spend your Christmas vacation catching up on all the things you didn't get done at work.
39. Instead of saying "yes, hello, or thanks" you yell "hooah"!
40. Every time you pass the flag, you salute and get chills down your spine.
41. When the Star Spangled Banner is played, you turn, salute and get a tear in your eyes.
42. You understand this entire list.
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You might be National Guard if...

1. PT is canceled because of the sun.
2. Your M16 jams and you try to reboot it.
3. You believe "Air Assault" is when the air conditioner breaks down.
4. Your boots were last polished in the factory.
5. You brag about making-tape again.
6. You think D&C is a form of sexual deviance.
7. You want to know more about D&C.
8. You have the IG's number on speed dial.
9. Your GT score is higher than your PT score.
10. When you hear an order, the first word out of your mouth is "Why?"
11. The field is where a farmer works.
12. Training exercises are put on admin hold when the coffee runs out.
13. You think a "Leatherman" is one of the Village People.
14. Your last tactical assignment was during a game of Risk.
15. You hold an ASI for PowerPoint.
16. You think a FARP is something you have to excuse yourself for.
17. You think MKT stands for market.
18. Your last MRE was eaten in Basic Training.
19. Your map is on a computer screen.
20. You think Gortex is a Power Ranger Enemy.
21. You only know one meaning for HooAh.
22. You think all alerts flash on a computer screen.
23 You think a Recall is remembering what you did last time.
24. You think an ISB is part of your security check.
25. You think your HMMWV has a spare tire.
26. You consider Hawaii a hardship tour.
27. Your BDUs look newer then your class-Bs.
28. You think Fast Rope is a Cowboy trick.
29. You think stand-in-the door is what you do at shift change.
30. You think a Master Blaster throws great parties.
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You might be an old soldier if...

1. You know what GDP means and still remember where yours was and how long it took to occupy.
2. You remember when we had tactical nukes and really planned to use them.
3. You remember spending hours in MOPP 4 and doing M256 kits.
4. You remember when the M8 Claymore and M72 LAW were part of CTT.
5. You remember when ARTEPs were 36 hours and you had fun.
6. You remember when Carl Vouno was CG and Max Thurman was head of recruiting command.
7. You know what a Gamma Goat and Goer were and could fix an M151A2 to run off one prop shaft.
8. You remember when the Israelis were bad asses and we all wanted to be like them.
9. You remember when Saddam Hussein was our loyal ally.
10. You remember when Airland Battle was a new concept, and everyone religiously read 100-5.
11. You know what the "Cap Wineberger" Doctrine was.
12. You remember when the M16 was a plastic carbine, and you hoped for an M14.
13. You can remember going to the Club at Graf, drinking, and watching Margaret.
14. You personally know Margaret.
15. You know what is a "smokey" at Hohenfels.
16. You know the difference between the VRC46, VRC47, PRC77, and VRC160 and the requisite installation kits.
17. You know what a CEOI is and you can ecrypt grids.
18. You remember when NTC was a new and cool concept.
19. You remember when it was cool to go to SAMs or be an OC at NTC.
20. You remember when as a new LT/CPT you could go out and train your soldiers and not have an OC tell you how screwed up you were.
21. You remember Bn Cdrs and 1SGs who were Vietnam Vets.
22. You remember Bn Cdrs who drank, swore and mentored.
23. You remember Bn Cdrs who were ruthless about tactics, but didn't give a crap about admin BS.
24. You remember when 2LTs and CPLs demanded respect from PFCs and got it.
25. You can navigate at night without a GPS.
26. You can remember OPDs about Clausewitz (aka dead Karl) which usually ended with beer drinking at the O' club.
27. You can remember when lanes training was a neat concept.
28. You can remember when 25-101 was a new concept.
29. You can remember when the defense budget was 7% of the GNP.
30. You can remember when the main battle area was the only fight.
31. You can remember when every ones career track was 10 years in Germany with 1st Armored Division at Ansbach.
32. You remember when the Soviet Union was a major super power instead (albiet the Russian Republic) of being a basket case for the IMF.
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Military Differences

An Army grunt stands in the rain with a 35 lb. pack on his back and 15 lb. weapon in his hand, after having marched 12 miles, and says, "This is shit!"

An Army Airborne Ranger stands in the rain with a 45 lb. pack on his back and a weapon in his hand, after having jumped from an airplane and marched 18 miles, and says with a smile, "This is good shit!"

A Navy Seal lies in the mud, 55 lb. pack on his back, weapon in hand, after swimming 10 miles to shore, crawling through a swamp, and marching 25 miles at night past the enemy positions, says with a grin, "This really is great shit!"

A Marine, up to his nose in the stinking, bug-infested mud of a swamp with a 65 lb. pack on his back and a weapon in both hands, after jumping from an aircraft at high altitude, into the ocean, swimming 12 miles to the shore, killing several alligators to enter the swamp, then crawling 30 miles through the brush to assault an enemy camp, says, "I love this shit!"

An Air Force NCO sits in an easy chair in an air conditioned, carpeted office and says, "My email's out? What kind of shit is this?"
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Army in Heaven

Two soldiers went to Basic together, AIT, and were stationed together at their first duty station. They agreed to promise that if one died, he would come back and tell the other if there was an Army in Heaven. As the years went on they parted, until one day one of the soldiers was in the field, and was visited by the ghost of the other soldier.

"I've come to fufill our promise" said the ghost.

The soldier said "Tell me please, is there an Army in Heaven?"

The ghost said "I have good news and bad news, which do you want first?"

"The good news" said the soldier.

"Well, they do have an Army in Heaven. Companies, Battalions, Airborne, Infantry, just like they do on Earth."

"HOOAH!" said the soldier. "Now, what's the bad news?"

"You have CQ next week."

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