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There is a new 1st grade teacher at the local elementary school who is introducing herself to her class on the first
day of school. As she's describing herself, she says "I'm a State Fan". "How many of you are
State Fans?". The first graders not knowing what a "State Fan" was,
all raised their hands, as they wanted to please
the new teacher. All but one young lady in the back. Teacher: "Sarah,
are you not a State Fan?"
Sarah: "Nope. I'm a Carolina Fan."
Teacher: "Sarah, Why are you a Carolina Fan?"
Sarah: "Well my daddy is a Carolina Fan, my mom's a Carolina Fan, so I'm a Carolina Fan"
Teacher: Trying to get Sarah to decide for herself: "Well if your daddy was a moron, and
your mom was an idiot what would you be?"
Sarah: "Oh, then I'd be a State Fan.
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State's library burnt down the other day. It's a real shame about that book.
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Starkle, starkle, little twink,
Who the hell are you I think.
I'm not under what you call
The alcofluence of incohol.
I'm just a little slort of sheep,
I'm not drunk like thinkle peep.
I don't know who is me yet,
But the drunker I stand here the longer I get.
So just give me one more fink to drill my cup,
'Cause I got all day sober to Sunday up.
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A UNC student, a State student, and Pamela Anderson are sitting together in a train traveling through Switzerland when the train enters a tunnel and the car goes completely dark. There's a kissing noise, and then the sound of a really loud slap. When the train comes out of the tunnel, Pamela Anderson and the UNC student are sitting as if nothing happened, and the State student is holding his slapped face.
The State student is thinking, "That UNC guy must have kissed Pamela and she swung at him and missed, slapping me instead."
Pamela is thinking, "That State student must have tried to kiss me, accidentally kissed the UNC student, and got slapped for it."
And the UNC student is thinking,"This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel, I'll make another kissing noise and slap that fucking State punk again."
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Four Alumni were climbing a mountain one day. Each was from a different ACC school and each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater. As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all.
They continued to argue all the way up the mountain. Finally, as they reached the top, the NC State Wolfpacker hurled himself off the mountain, shouting "This is for the Pack!" as he fell to his doom. Not wanting to be out done, the Wake Forest Demon Deacon threw himself off the mountain proclaiming "This is for the Deacs!" Seeing this, the North Carolina Tarheel walked over and shouted, "This is for everyone!" and pushed the Duke Blue Devil off the side of the mountain.
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Recently, a Dook University basketball player was almost killed in a tragic horseback riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death.
Fortunately for him, the manager of the K-Mart came out and
unplugged it.
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Why don't they have Christmas in Raleigh?
They can't find a virgin and three wise men.
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Why is it so windy in Chapel Hill?
Because Durham sucks.
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What's the first thing a NC State girl does when she wakes up in
the morning?
Walks home.
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Did you hear that the Dook basketball coach is dressing only 7players for the tournament?
The rest can dress themselves.
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What do you get when you put 32 NC State cheerleaders in the same room?
A full set of teeth.
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Did you hear about the UNC student who transferred to State?
The average IQ of both schools improved.
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What do you get when you cross a pig with a NC State graduate?
Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do
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Why do State graduates put a copy of their diploma in the window of their vehicles?
So they can park in handicap spaces.
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Top Ten Signs That You're Suffering Semester Burnout:
10. You're so tired, that you now answer the phone, "Hell."
9. Mom calls to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream "Get off my back, bitch!"
8. When your parents inquire about your grades, you sing them the Cookie Monster song: "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me..."
7. You wake up to discover your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don't care...
6. You've got so much on your mind, you've forgotten how to pee.
5. Just to take a break from studying, you actually exit your dormitory when the nightly fire alarm goes off.
4. You sleep more in class than at home.
3. You leave for a party and instinctively bring your bookbag.
2. Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through Monday.
1. You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now.
-------- College Habits to Bring Home
1.Try to use your dorm key to unlock your bedroom door.
2.Have your mom scan your ID card for meals.
3.Look for a tray to carry your dinner to the table with.
4.Walk two blocks to go to dinner.
5.Forget to dial the first three digits of your friend's phone number.
6.Dial 9 when calling out of your house.
7.Use your calling card when calling your friends.
8.Walk to the post office to get your mail.
9.Yell "FLUSH!"
10.Jump out of the shower just in case someone does flush.
11.Try to latch the bathroom door because you think you're in a
stall.
12.Take all your shower items to and from your room.
13.Get dressed in the dark.
14.Go nuts looking for the quarter slots on the washing machine.
15.Make junk food runs at 11:30 at night.
16.Make popcorn just because you miss the smell.
17.Order pizza every Friday night.
18.Have one of your friends spend the night because you can't sleep in a room by yourself.
19.Move another bed, dresser, and desk into your room because there is too much extra space.
20.Hang pictures of your college friends on the wall so you don't
miss them.
21.Hoard food under your bed for when it snows and you don't want
to go out.
22.Walk around the neighborhood looking for a computer lab (e-mail withdrawal).
23.Fight your mother for quarters for the imaginary snack machine
and pay phone in the house.
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