Here we are…the greatest pay per view of all time. It don't get no better than this one. I decided to rant on the slightly cropped 2-hour commercial tape rather than the 3-hour ppv version, but this is a must-see show either way.

The show starts off with a 14-man King of the Hill battle royal, which was the finals of a series of smaller battle royals that took place at house shows leading up to the ppv. There are two rings, and a man is eliminated from one ring to the next, then from ring two to the floor. Eventually the two remaining men in the two rings converge for the finals. Participants include: Kevin Sullivan, Mike Rotunda, Wild Bill Irwin, Ron Simmons, Scott Hall, Brian Pillman, Ranger Ross, Eddie Gilbert, Steve Williams, Rick Steiner, Scott Steiner, Terry Gordy, Dan Spivey and Sid Vicious. Simmons gets tossed first by Ross. Spivey ends up in ring two powerbombing Ranger Ross into oblivion. Ring one is down to Sid Vicious and Brian Pillman. Pillman with chops, but Sid swats him off. Pillman makes a dive for Sid, but Sid drops down and Pillman sails over into ring two. Sid Vicious is the survivor of ring one, while his partner Spivey is just dominating ring two. Ring two gets down to Spivey, Steve Williams, and Rotunda…Williams powerslams Rotunda and ducks a clothesline attempt to send him out. Williams dazes Spivey and goes to clothesline him over the top also, but Spivey will not budge. Rotunda trips Williams from the outside and when he turns around to confront Rotunda, Spivey knocks him over the top. Dan Spivey wins ring two. Now, in theory the two of them were supposed to fight at this point, but manager Teddy Long insisted that the Skyscrapers would split the $50,000.00 prize and would be co-winners of the battle royal. Eh, 1/2*

Flyin' Brian Pillman taking on Wild Bill Irwin next, and they start off quickly as entrances on the commercial tape are cropped. Irwin has control until a Pillman dropkick and a nice flying clothesline. Elevated splash gets a two count. Pillman goes to the far side of the ring and misses a flying dropkick that would have traveled the entire length of the ring had he hit it. Irwin with a side saulto suplex for a one count. Irwin beels Pillman across both sets of ropes and into the second ring. Pillman mounts the top rope in ring two and nails a cross bodyblock into the other ring for the pin. *1/2

The Skyscrapers take on the Dynamic Dudes next, and this one too is joined in progress, with Sid whipping Shane Douglas into various turnbuckles before locking on a type of claw hold on the small of the back. Spivey is tagged in and hits a sideslam. Shane goes for a cross body but takes a backbreaker instead. Spivey misses a headbutt attempt from the second rope. Shane goes between Spivey's legs to tag Ace, who is a house of fire on Spivey. Sid breaks up a pin attempt and all four are going at it in the ring. Douglas gets shitcanned but the Skyscrapers miss a double team attempt. Spivey takes a double hiptoss and Ace attempts a headscissors, but it's countered. Spivey botches a powerbomb to pin Ace. Not terrible *

JIM MUTHAFUCKIN' CORNETTE is on his way to the ring for the manager's tuxedo match against Paul E. Heymanously. Cornette pops Paul in the mouth and takes off Paul E's coat. Dangerously responds with powder to the eyes and removes Cornette's jacket also. They go to the floor where Paul E works over Cornette's knee. On the pay per view version Paul E. gave an inspired promo where he footnoted Cornette's scaffold bump from Starrcade 86, which legit blew Cornette's knees out, and said that was his gameplan. Dangerously slaps Cornette around a little, but misses an elbow. Cornette responds with furious rights and strips Paul E. of his shirt. Both men are taken down by a shoulderblock. Paul E goes for powder again but Cornette kicks it into his face and strips Heyman of his pants to get the win. *1/2, fun blowoff match.

The Steiner Brothers are out next to take on the Varsity Club in a texas tornado match. Sullivan cracks Rick with a chair, which he no sells and cracks Sullivan with several times himself. Rick gets crotched on the railing while Rotunda works over Scott in the ring. Sullivan rams Steiner into the timekeeper's table, so Rick picks it up and throws it at Sullivan. Rick goes into the wooden steps on the outside as Scott takes over inside the ring. All four men are in the ring momentarily until Scott gets bumped over the top. Sullivan hits a clothesline off the second turnbuckle, but the Steiner takes over shortly after, hitting a big belly-to-belly and a powerslam on Sullivan. Rick gets bumped to the floor and they double-team Scott in the ring. Rotunda holds Rick for a double-team, but Scott cradles him for a two count. They double-backdrop Scott in the ring while Rick goes for a chair, that gets used against him. Sullivan scoops Rick up for a slam but Scott goes up top and cross-bodyblocks his brother for the double pin. **1/2

The Great Muta is out next to take on Sting, in a match that realistically did a lot to *make* both of these guys famous. TV champion Sting is seconded by "Hot Stuff" Eddie Gilbert for this one, there to counteract Gary Hart. At the time Muta was undefeated and Sting was on a hot streak, this one would start the feud. They dispute over which ring to contest the match in, so Sting dives over both sets of ropes onto Muta, popping the crowd less than a minute in. Stinger chases after Hart, but turns around and gets caught with a judo chop from Muta off the top. Muta hits the handspring elbow into the corner and follows it with a backbreaker, the setup for the moonsault, but Sting moves and no sells a kick attempt from Muta. Muta with a tope onto Sting, who the crowd is solidly behind. Sting clotheslines his way back in and gets a two count. Sting tries a tope but Muta moves so Sting lands on his feet and hits some punches before tossing Muta back in. Muta counters a slam attempt with a sleeper. Sting powers out of it and press slams him, but misses a dropkick. Muta with a pretty corkscrew elbowdrop and a reverse chinlock. Muta rolls around and hooks an abdominal stretch, grabbing the ropes for leverage. Muta slides into a pining combination for two. Sting rolls to the floor but rolls right back in and takes it to Muta before taking an eye gouge which puts momentum back on Muta's side. Muta attempts a second handspring elbow but Sting moves and clotheslines him. Face bulldog by Sting and a standing dropkick which sends Muta scurrying to the floor. Muta spits red mist but Sting ducks and Nick Patrick takes the mist. Sting goes the Stinger Splash but Muta moves and connects with the moonsault. Tommy Young is in to ref, and Sting becomes the first man to kick out of Muta's moonsault to a huge ovation. Sting ducks a big spinning heel kick and hits a belly-to-back suplex, and gets the three, but both men's shoulders were down for the count. Sting is announced as the winner, but the referees are having an argument over who won the match, and during the confusion, Muta grabs up the belt and escapes. The finish would be lifted several times in recent years, and the belt would eventually be held up and won by Muta later on. Very hot match ****.

Rick Steamboat comes out being carried on a platform by a group of jobbers and carrying a kimono dragon with him. The kimono dragon is wearing a spiked leather vest giving the impression that he's into S&M. Cool entrance. US Champion Lex Luger poses atop a pedestal for his entrance before making his way to the ring. In one of those moments of cool irony, Jim Ross makes a reference to Luger's cockiness by saying "mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the cockiest of them all" (Luger would go on to use a mirror heavily as part of his "Narcissist" gimmick in the WWF four years later). Luger gets on the mic and demands that the No DQ stipulation be dropped or else he will not defend the title. Bob Caudle and Ross do a marvelous job of getting Luger's heel cockiness over, counteracting his popularity with the Baltimore crowd. They lock up and Luger powers out of it, Steamboat starts quickly with chops and an inside cradle. Steamboat dropkicks Luger and opens up with some more chops. Nice backdrop from Steamboat, who is bumping Luger around like a bitch early on. Lex is sucking wind and tries to slow down the pace by keeping Steamboat on the outside. Steamboat continues to chop the crap out of Luger's chest. Steamboat goes for a chop off the top rope, but Luger counters it, and pounds on Steamboat some in an attempt to slow him down. Gorilla press slam on Steamboat and a double axehandle to the small of the back. Luger complains to the ref about slow counts and Steamboat rolls him up for a quick two count. Luger rolls out of it and nails Steamboat with three clotheslines in quick succession. Steamboat goes back to the chops but Luger cheapshots him to gain an advantage again. Big powerslam from Luger gets two. Steamboat ducks a clothesline and gets a cross body for two. Luger picks him up in an inverted atomic drop. Lex goes for a backdrop, but Steamboat catches him in a swinging neckbreaker. Luger goes for a clothesline but Steamboat drops down and Luger sails over the top. Steamboat with a couple of rights to Luger on the apron and tries to slam him back in but Luger falls on top for a quick two count. Luger ends up in the corner and Steamboat charges but eats a boot. Luger goes up top and takes the Flair bump from Steamboat. Dropkick from Steamboat and some stinging punches and chops. Steamboat goes up top and hits a big chop for two. Steamboat gets backdropped over both sets of ropes and ends up in the other ring. Luger grabs a chair from ringside, but Steamboat takes the legs out from him and slingshots him into the buckle. Steamboat takes the chair and levels Luger several times with it, causing the DQ. Somewhat screwy finish, but a great match…Luger's best singles match ever that did not include Flair. ****

And now it's time for War Games. The Freebirds (Hayes, Gordy and Garvin) come out to enter alongside the SST (Samu and Fatu, aka Rikishi). Their opponents are lead by Jim Cornette, as the Midnight Express and Doctor Death Steve Williams enter to "Iron Man" followed by Hawk and Animal on Harleys. Jimmy Garvin starts off for the Birds/SST and Beautiful Bobby Eaton, the Great One, starts off for the babyfaces. They tie up and Bobby gingerly smacks Garvin twice with the trademarked right cross. Eaton scores with a neckbreaker and an atomic drop before Garvin takes over. Eaton grabs onto the top of the cage and kicks Garvin in the face. Hayes does a terrific job of taunting Eaton as Garvin rakes his face across the cage. Eaton with a side backbreaker and a slam, trying to wear Garvin down early with a Boston crab. Terry Gordy enters and Eaton is in a two-on-one for two minutes. They pound on Eaton for two minutes before Dr. Death charges in and takes both 'Birds down with a double clothesline. Doc goes after Gordy in the other ring immediately and press-slams him against the roof of the cage. Gordy takes Doc down with a clothesline in the corner while Garvin and Eaton brawl in between the two rings. Samu enters next and levels Williams with a thrust kick and a headbutt. Gordy and Samu double team Williams with Garvin rips at Eaton. Animal charges and pounds Gordy and Samu without hesitation. A shot of the outside of the cage shows Michael Hayes encouraging Fatu to "kill! kill! eat!" as he prepares to enter the cage. Fatu enters next and goes right after Animal. Eaton and Garvin are still fighting in the corner while the Samoans double team Animal. The crowd chants for Hawk, but they make them wait for it and send Sweet Stan Lane in instead. Lane tosses all four heels into the cage immediately and then goes after Fatu. Again, Paul E and Hayes are shown conversing outside the cage…Hayes: "I gotta go?"…Heyman: "You *gotta* go"…Hayes: "Damn!" LMAO. Lane saves Bobby from a double team as Animal and Doc control the Samoans in the other ring. Michael PS Hayes enters and immediately DDTs all four babyfaces before escaping to the empty ring. The Samoans bring Animal into the otherwise empty ring and double team him. Doc and Gordy continue to pound on each other as Hawk enters as the final man. He immediately takes out both Samoans and then goes to work on Gordy. Hawk tosses Garvin face-first into the top turnbuckle as Eaton DDTs Hayes. Hawk dives over both sets of ropes onto Samu. Paul E tries to slip the phone in to Fatu, but can't and as a result he gets chastised by Tommy Young. Hawk clothesline Garvin off the top and Garvin's neck whiplashes. He then picks Garvin up in a hangman's neckbreaker to which Garvin submits. The Midnights, Williams, and Hawk head out of the cage, but the heels grab Animal, and then barricade the cage door closed as Samu and Gordy pound on Animal. Stan Lane climbs to the top of the cage, but still can't get in, as the heels continue to beat on Animal. Hawk and Williams eventually rip the door open and run the heels off. Whew. Hell of a match. *****

And now we go to school. Terry Funk, accompanied by Gary Hart takes on Nature Boy Ric Flair. This is what happens when you get the two greatest wrestlers of all time together. Flair enters with four women and a moderate pyro blast (by 1989 standards at least) for his comeback match, following the beautifully done injury angle with Funk two months prior. They start out on the floor where the cocky Flair disorients Funk quickly. Flair goes back outside and hammers Funk who is laying atop the timekeeper's table. They lock up and Funk gains the upperhand with some chops, but Flair reverses and chops the holy hell out of Funk, sending him to the floor again. Funk sends Flair into the post. Funk punches Flair a few times while heading in the ring and then slaps Flair a few times before bringing him in with a suplex. Funk attempts a second suplex but Flair blocks it and rolls to the outside. Funk chops the back of the neck of Flair as the crowd begins to rally behind the champion. Flair goes to suplex Funk over the top to the floor, Funk counters it somewhat, and they both tumble off the apron. They exchange chops on the outside before Funk gains an upperhand by going to the eyes. Funk goes for a piledriver but Flair backdrops him out of the ring. Flair snapmares him on the floor and begins to go to work on the neck of Funk. Flair puts Funk facedown and then drops the big knee on the back of the head twice. The Nature Boy covers for two. Flair picks up Funk and connects with a piledriver of his own, which Funk sells like a champ. Flair picks him up and drops him with a second piledriver, which sends Funk crawling on the floor. Flair follows him and continues to twist the neck of Funk. Flair slaps Funk and then takes him down with a forearm for a two count. Flair with a belly-to-back and the Nature Boy pops right up and goes for the figure four. Hart slips the branding iron in to Funk and he nails Flair with it, busting Flair open. Funk connects with a piledriver, which sends the crowd into a stunned silence. Funk goes for the pin, but Flair slips his foot over the bottom rope. Funk removes the padding from the floor and then brings Flair out, attempting a second piledriver, this time on the floor but Flair blocks it and catches Funk with a backdrop. Funk pulls Flair back in and connects with three swinging neckbreakers. Flair gets ahold of the branding iron and knocks Funk to the floor with it. Funk is bleeding at this point also and Flair mounts the ropes, hitting ten punches in quick succession. The Nature Boy tries to charge with a high kneelift but Funk moves, and locks on the spinning toehold, but Flair counters it with an inside cradle. Funk reverses the inside cradle, but Flair re-reverses it and scores the pin. ***** Muta hits the ring and sprays Flair with green mist, and they begin to double-team the champion. They attempt to piledrive Flair onto a chair, but Doug Dillenger breaks it up so they beat him up too. Sting runs in but it's still two-on-one until Flair gets back up and all four brawl throughout the ringside area. All four brawl up the aisle and towards the back of the building to close one of the greatest shows I have ever seen. Seriously, it just does not get much better than this.

Final analysis: Dude, it's Great American Bash 89! If you have never seen this, it is must see. Highest recommendation.