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This page and its pictures are property of ~SAGE~ so don't save them or anything
and please do not forward the URL to anyone without permission of the wondrous
~SAGE~  Thankies very much ... :-)

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!  Welcome to The Sage Chronicles!

What is The Sage Chronicles?  Well, there is no one specific answer to that question... you must first examine The Sage Chronicles and then you must examine yourself and only then can you decide what it is for you...  Take it as a warning... take it as a blessing... take it as a joke... but DO NOT take it for granted...  it will be the greatest mistake of your life...

THE SAGE CHRONICLES

 Here we see The Sage creature in her early stages... it's obvious from the pink fur and giant ears that she is a hatchling recently free of her shell. The giant ears are to listen for innocent animals to attack and eat raw and the red nose is to sniff out the dens of baby rabbits and other cute animals which she promptly tears to shreds.  Those are just the more apparent factors relating to the survival of the evil Sage... Then there's the cute factor... notice how cute she is...  She lures her prey in with her camouflage of cute so she can senselessly beat them to a bloody pulp. Sages in this stage are considered highly dangerous and should not be approached in few situations. In the remaining majority of the situations the Sage should be shot repeatedly with a high powered rifle at close range.

BEWARE!

Awwwwwwwww.... Isn't she cute???  NO!  The clothes this little tart is wearing in this picture may be similar to the average prostitute's clothing but the intent is for a much more evil purpose.  In all actuality, prostitution is mild by comparison.  The clothing is the uniform of The World Democratic Resistance Liberation Army;  a fanatical group of guerrillas bent on political anarchy.  The clothing is designed for both style and functuality. The hair piece is actually a headset with microphone, ear-piece to listen to orders, tracking device, and satellite dish to connect her surgically implanted bio-computer to the massive stores of information on the internet.  Her tawdry mini-skirt is bullet proof and specially designed to withstand the rigors of the road to world domination.  Also notice the pale stockings which prevent hypothermia and the leather half boots which are used to kick your ass into submission. Her tenure in the WDRLA was brief but her training was extensive and gave her the background needed to enter the world domination scene

Just look at her....  Isn't it awful? Look at the ferocity... the aggression... the unbridled hatred...  This is a creature with a mission. What does Sage want at this point in time? Several things... she wants your souls. She wants your heads. Above all she wants your chocolate. Her paws are already covered in the deviled substance which is her species version of crack cocaine; yet, her hunger for its taste is still unsatiated. Her addiction to chocolate and other drugs eventually led to her involvement in various chocolate, asparagus, cocaine, and Star Wars merchandising cartels.  It was through these cartels that she raised money and made certain connections which helped her on her plan for world domination.

The apathy is unbelievable. It's so thick you could cut it with one of those Conan the Barbarian swords that you order out of the comics for $200.  Notice the relaxed look that still manages to give off an air of "I want to kill you till you die from it".  Sage is obviously in the later stages of the Sage Cycle and is undoubtedly full of cynicism and a general disregard for YOUR welfare...  Her moodiness and irritability are from the painful beginnings of the growth of her wings. Also notice the presence of the knee high ass kicker leather boots which are needed to kick your ass and to help with landing and take of during flying practice. The cold stare is not staring at a picture of her enemies as most think. It is actually a look of hatred directed at a basket full of kittens which Sage remains, to this day, jealous of their cuteness.

Here we see Sage with one of her many lovers: Colin AKA The Terror of Fowlerville. This picture was taken at a meeting of the leaders of the various cartels and world domination organizations. Colin heads The Temple of Light which is a supposedly benign nature-based cult but has major under currents of violence and anarchic tendencies. His persuasive techniques are so profound that his mouth is considered a dangerous weapon in all 29 states out of which he's been kicked. The extent of their involvement with each other is still unknown but it is known that Sage made a fool of him and was only after him to learn his hypnotic persuasion and to find out if the rumors about his sexual deftness were true. The woman to the right of Sage is one of Colin's strong arms and is no doubt expressing her displeasure of the ease of which Colin has taken to Sage. Colin's cool, satisfied expression and Sage's smirk are no doubt the result of the placement of her right hand. All in a days work for a mistress of evil.

Depending on how you look at it, this point in Sage's life is either her lowest or her highest. As this picture suggests, Sage became the harlot of one Ronald McDonald: the undisputed Dark Master Evil Clown Demon of the century. Being the concubine of Lucifer caused many to believe Sage had stooped to a new low in her expedition to take over the world. However, when weighing the pros and cons of the situation she undoubtedly came out on top and, through her pact with him, is well on her way to world domination. This picture is actually an advertisement in a secret clown cult magazine. The caption which is unseen in this picture gives details about how giving your soul to Lucifer will cause women as beautiful as Sage to flock to your feet. Other advertisements with the same picture simply state "Uncle Ronald Wants You".

This is Sage in her trophy room. When the boys of Kiss decided to challenge Ronald's title of Dark Master Evil Clown Demon, Sage resolved the conflict by easily turning Kiss into pumpkins clowns and cutting their heads off. She then ate their bodies whole and urinated on their gravestones. For weeks Sage, Ronald, Colin (who was still obsessed with her), and Pauly Shore all paraded around the country; each with a Kiss pumpkin head on a large pike. The heads were later taken to the taxidermist. This photo was put into various Ronald propaganda fliers to show what happens to the enemies of the Dark Master Evil Clown Demon.

This vintage photo was actually found by a graduate student researching the civil rights movement. The student did further research and discovered that the riot wasn't caused by civil rights tension, but by Sage herself! This suggests that either Sage is much older than we had anticipated, or that she has the power of time travel. Both thoughts are severely disturbing and have far reaching implications. If Sage was around during the civil rights movement, who's to say that she hasn't been shaping our history all along? I tried to interview the Grad student, but his family (the few I could contact) said that the experience had made the student go crazy and that he was currently living in the hills as a wild goat man. His immedeate family mysteriously disappeared.

This poor little monkey is shocked. And for good reason. If you could see what Sage was doing to this poor monkey's mother and father, you too would be shocked. The spectacle drew a crowd and got Sage in trouble with Greenpeace, PETA, the EPA, FCC, FTA, FBI, CIA, NAACP, Christian Coalition, and her parents. The little monkey was especially upset and even attacked Sage shortly after this picture was taken. Sage, like she does with all cute things, destroyed the little creature.

This disturbing picture shows Sage's manipulative side in high gear. When confronted by this wild goat man did she panic? No! She offered him VEGETABLES! But these weren't just any vegetables. These were vegetables with various psychoactive properties. Using these brain altering veggies on the hapless wild man enabled Sage to better brain wash him and make him serve her dark purposes. What dark purpose is that you ask? The poor wild man is now a member of both a boy band and a YMCA.

This is a picture of Sage and her dog 'Plague'. As you can tell, this is Sage's underground catacombs and is where she keeps the remains of her less useful former lovers. Sage, unlike most Black Widows, lets her lovers live for a while after she is through with them. You see, first she dates them, and then, after she spreads her deamon seed, she breaks up with them. The former lover thinks they are through, but Sage is actually watching him very closely. She watches to make sure that the man is spreading her deamon seed to other victims. After the man has spread the deamon seed to another two or three, Sage steals him back and kills him. That way, her seed is being spread around the world. The corpses are first used as a host for the Sage minions and then the remains are stored in the catacombs.

Here is another picture of The Terror of Fowlerville and Sage. She has returned to him to experience his sexual deftness and to use him for more dark purposes. Colin had recently gained entrance into the Secret Royal Order of the Post Modern Viking Scourge. This particularly violent faction appealed to Sage so she decided to use Colin to win them over to her side. Once the Secret Royal Order of the Post Modern Viking Scourge realized how evil and nasty Sage was, they quickly joined her cause.

An epitome of coldheartedness. This shows just how cold and nasty Sage can be. She broke Mr. Bean's heart! How evil is that? Mr. Bean loves everyone and everyone loves him. Not quite everyone it seems. Bean came to her professing his love and she shunned him. Shame on her. If Mr. Bean isn't exempt from her icy stare, then no one is.

The above picture is an artists rendering of Sage battling the forces of good, the Jedi, from the point of view of an eye witness.  There were several witnesses and all say she disarmed the hapless jedi and then murdered them in cold blood in front of small children.  Her powers are unrivaled and it's only a matter of time before her reign as national villain extrordinare is expanded to international villain exordinare and then she will make her final steps towards the inevitable world domination which she so eagerly seeks.  Her hunger is vast and the reach of her wrath is even more vast. We will all one day feel her icy touch and till that day it's best that we live each one to the fullest-as if it's your last- for you never know when Sage will come knocking and when you do know...

It's already to late.........