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Daria Quotes

A pictures is worth a thousand words not worth hearing.
Daria

A high school party? Please, don't you think I'm a little mature for that?
Trent

Hey. I'm Trent Lane, guitarist and philosopher. Janey's my sister. I will not compromise my music, my ideals or my nap schedule.
Trent

A little respect for the stick-modified 2000. Finest glue gun on the market.
Jane

A weekend on the world's tallest pile of seagull droppings is starting to look pretty good.
Jane

Actually, I may just skip college and stay home. It'll save me the trouble of moving back in later.
Daria

And the dish ran away with the spoon. But Hawaii was the only state that would recognize the marriage as legal.
Jane

And what's wrong with my yogurt recipe?
Daria

All hail, Pippi Longstocking. Hey, Trent, come look at this!
Jane

Anyway, I don't think your attitude's so bad. You probably only need one fake boob.
Jane

Are you trying to give the public eye conjunctivitis?
Daria

Aren't you a little worried that there might be a hell?
Andrea

But a voice in his head told him his work here on Earth wasn't finishes. Some of his students weren't wetting the bed yet.
Jane

But, if I baby-sat for you, then technically I'd be doing you a favor. And that simply cannot be.
Daria

Can you rig that glue gun of yours to shoot bullets? I'm ready to end my suffering.
Daria

Can we get on with this? I have someplace to go. Television counts as a place.
Jane

Computers are a great way to meet people you would find revolting in person.
Daria

Dad, these tired bones may be locked behind prison walls but when I play this rusty old harp, my soul flies, free as a bird.
Daria

Damn it! It's my turn to say damn it!
Daria

Daria...Daria...talking toilet.. Daria's boots.. Daria's boots do you know where Daria is?
Jane

Daria did something stupid for a guy.
Jane

Dlavender-5, Dlavender-5, nothing to it.
Jane

Do you know where I'll be this weekend? The Lane family reunion. Dozens of Lanes from all over the country converging in one Midwestern split level to remind themselves why they scattered in the first place.
Jane

Dog collar: Conversation starter. Doubles as a conversation stopper.
Daria

Don't be sad Brittany. He's with the winners now.
Jane

Don't be stupid, Daria. The English one is cute.
Jane

Don't do that, it's downbeat.
Daria

Don't worry, I don't have low self-esteem. It's a mistake. I have low esteem for everyone else.
Daria

Forget it. I don't like kids. I didn't even like kids when I was a kid.
Daria

Hula. Me llama Jane Lane, student, artist, committed young person. My mission: to create broad, sweeping works that comment insightfully on the human condition. Or watch TV, whichever easiest.
Jane

He says I should think back to circumstances that brought me happiness as a child, and replicate them. But I supposed Quinn's here to stay.
Daria

Hey. Does this mean we get to wander in the desert for 30 years?
Daria

Hey, it's almost time for dessert. Could we discuss liposuction now?
Daria

Hey. I'm Trent Lane, guitarist, and philosopher. Janey's my sister. I will not compromise my music, my ideas or my nap time.
Trent

He's a musician, which means he sleeps all day and doesn't have a job.
Daria

Hold it, I think I feel a poem coming on. (burps) Sorry, false alarm.
Daria

How come even in my fantasies everyone is a jerk?
Daria

I always look for security guards leading away someone in handcuffs. Shoplifters are the best judges of merchandise.
Jane

I can't. I signed a confidentiality paper. The other scientists would be mad.
Daria

I can't shoot my own mother. Not with paint anyway.
Daria

I don't like fun.
Daria

I don't like to smile unless I have a reason.
Daria

I have a problem with authority.
Trent

I have no friends. I walk alone.
Jane

I just want to say, how proud I am today. Knowing that I have self-esteem give me even more self-esteem. On the other hand, having all of you know that I had low self-esteem makes me feel kind of bad, like a big failure or something... I, um, I wanna go home!
Jane

I like having low self-esteem. It makes me feel special.
Jane

I love being the hostess. It's so easy to go home at the end of the night.
Brittany

I knew I should have stayed home.
Trent

I know the whole school is turning itself inside out for some egotistical football player. And I've seen you insult or proposition just about everyone you've come across. So, my guess is, you're the football player guy. Congratulations. You must've worked very hard to become such a colossal jerk so quickly.
Daria

I respect my superiors. Now if only I can find some.
Daria

I wish people spoke in sub-titles. Then I could just close my eyes.
Daria

I wish there'd been a schizophrenic shut-in living in our house before we moved in. Course, we've got Trent living there now. That's almost the same thing.
Jane

I used to help with my sister Summer's kids... till they got old enough to run away.
Jane

I'm Daria Morgendorffer, I love to see the first bloom of a wild rose, to smell the salt spray of an ocean breeze, to hear the laughter of little children at play. Oh no, wait, that's somebody else.
Daria

I'm sorry, the maximum occupancy is one. Please exit through the front...
Daria

I've got a bump on my head, a bug bite on my arm, a sandwich on my ass...
Daria

I've got the daily routine down pretty well now. Go to school, avoid making eye contact with teachers, get called on anyway. Walk halls between classes, be ignored by other students. Go home, listen to parents' frantic messages on answering machine about working late, and watch TV. It's a good life. I just hope I can keep up the frenetic pace.
Daria

I've left a place where I don't fit in and moved to a whole new place where I don't fit in. I've made a new friend who is equally unpopular, so that together we really drive people away.
Daria

I've written lots of stuff, it's just not up to my standards. I didn't even know I had standards.
Daria

If I'm not back in ten minutes, don't send help.
Daria

If teachers really had eyes in the back of their heads, school would be a lot cooler.
Daria

If truth is strange than fiction, where are the flying monkeys?
Daria

If you don't mind, I'm going to crawl back into myself for a little while.
Daria

If you play that John Lennon song backwards, it says - imagine all the people, browsing in a mall. Isn't that weird?
Daria

It's reassuring to know that no matter where you go, kids are the same... stupid and shallow.
Daria

It's the soul train. Beep, beep, get on board.
Daria

Maybe I flatter myself, but I think I could be a professional writer if I put my mind to it. A bitter, angry hack who starts fistfights at cocktail parties - I could do that job.
Daria

Mom? If you're going to reminisce, I'm afraid I'll be forced to call Social Services.
Daria

My goal is not to wake up at forty with the bitter realization that I've wasted my life at a job I hate because I was forced to decide on a career in my teens.
Daria

My parents want me to live up to my potential, so I'm careful not to show it.
Daria.

Now future generations will know that "The Good Old Days" was just a load of crap.
Daria

Now how are they going to explain this to the other monkeys?
Daria.

Oh, Daria, don't be shy. Show me your boobs.
Jane

Oh no. The toilet is talking to me again.
Jane

Oh. Is there another tight-pants sale going on at the mall?
Daria.

School activities are for people who haven't figured out the thrill of counting ceiling cracks.
Daria

She has no family. She ate them.
Jane

She's well liked among classmates of both sexes. And yet, strangely, she turns my stomach.
Daria

Smart is not a four-letter word. That would be smar.
Daria

So the witch tore Hansel's arm off, popped it in her mouth, said, "Hey, pretty good." And within minutes had devoured the rest of his body, leaving only the lower intestines for fear of bacteria. Gretel she decided she wanted to hold onto for a while so she crammed her into the freezer the best she could.
Daria

Talking toilet, you can call me Jane.
Jane

Thank you, Mr. O'Neill, for your tireless dedication in reminding the students how out of touch we are.
Mr. DeMartino

That's the problem with you brains. You think lying is child's play.
Quinn

That reminds me. Can I be queen of Brazil?
Daria

That which does not kill us makes up stronger.
Daria

The biggest advantage to prison is getting out and telling your parents' friends you weren't studying abroad.
Daria

The cops did that to you, didn't they. Bastards.
Jane

The future is an enormous question mark, and I don't know what lies ahead. I only know that if it moves, I'm shooting it.
Daria

The only thing worse than actually reading is watching somebody else read.
Quinn

The whole thing's enough to turn your stomach. Which I guess is good if you want to be a model...eases the transition to bulimia.
Daria

There is a fine line between lunacy and insanity and I crossed it.
Daria

There's nothing like watching the sunrise. Except watching the sun set in reverse.
Daria

There's not a sadder sight on this earth, than a football player trying to think.
Daria

Thin thighs for your man. But I don't like men with thin thighs!
Daria

This is an extra assignment for me. They are punishing for being smart.
Daria

Trying to brighten your ho hum life with a little allusion?
Daria

Usually when I have this dream, I'm wearing pink taffeta.
Jane

Waiting here for you. We were born in this room, we grew up in this room, and we thought we would die here, alone. But now you've arrived, and our lives can truly begin.
Daria

We are now entering hell. Please keep your hands and elbows inside the car.
Daria

We tell you over and over again that you're wonderful, and you just don't get it. What's wrong with you?
Helen

Well, I, for one, am very excited about this. I can feel myself getting into the modeling spirit... May I be excused? I'd like to go to the girls' room and vomit up breakfast.
Jane

Well, I guess I'd like my whole family to do something together. Something that'll really make them suffer.
Daria

Well, well. The little dog comes home to Park Place. Park Place with a hotel.
Daria

When they say 'You're always unhappy,' what they mean is 'you think, Daria, I can tell because you don't smile. Now this guy died, and it's making me think, and that hurts my little head and makes me stop smiling. So, tell me how you cope with thinking all the time, Daria, until I can get back to my normal vegetative state'.
Jane

Yes things have really improved in the last twelve months. By which I mean they haven't gotten any worse.
Daria

Yo, I'm Dolores. I'm doing ten to fifteen for armed robbery. What are you in for?
Jane

You just take fictional people and make them do whatever you want. I'd make them crawl. CRAWL! CRAWL!
Jane

You'll have to excuse me. My sister wants me to stay away.
Daria

You're going to end up one of those old ladies who make their houses out of soda bottles, aren't you?
Daria

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