Baking Soda BoB
The true (kind of) story that inspired a generation with new hopes and inspirations: Baking Soda BoB.
After BoB got sent to jail for not being able to pay his last lawsuit, he got to work at a local baking soda factory to earn money. The only reason he got the job is because he bribed the fat cop by giving him his discount card to Hooters. So BoB is now making "quality" Ken Bostic Brand Baking Soda.
Meanwhile at the school, the same class of kids that BoB drove on that fateful trip a month ago piled into the school bus once again. They were going to tour the baking soda factory with thier personal tour guide, the Great Ken Bostic.
"Now kids," said Ken, irritated by the noise on the bus, "baking soda is the most useful product of the world, and is also the official baking product of the olympic games. Now, this may sound like a hoax, but I learned on a golfing trip to Ohio once, that big things can come in small packages-"
The kids knew that Ken was going on about golfing again, so they cut him off and signaled to an 18-wheeler that blew its horn. The vibration made the muffler fall off the bus, and soon, no one could hear anything. The kids cheered. Ken Bostic sat down and grinded his teeth, "nobody else appriciates the morals of golf" he thought.
After an hour of driving, Ken got bored of playing golf in his head and whipped out his portable TV from his golf bag. He turned on the weather and put the closed captioning on so he could tell what the weatherman was saying. Soon, he switched off the TV and said to himself, "that Jack Roper doesn't know a thing, I predicted that today would be sunny, and look:" he looked out the window, a huge thunder strom had started and it was raining like crazy. "I was close enough!" Ken Bostic got mad and pouted.
Soon they arrived at the factory. It was a huge dome with 250-foot tall smokestacks billowing tons of toxins in the air. The bus stopped, so Ken Bostic could talk again.
"Know as you all know, this extremely clean and effecient factory produces half of the worlds baking soda. I myself make sure the factory is in top condition."
Suddenly a smokestack exploded and a huge fireball lit up the air. It was raining so hard that it was soon extinguised and the kids started booing.
"You're a loser Bostic!," Jim said, "if BoB was driving he'd take us somewhere fun!"
"BoB?" questioned Ken, "I don't think I ever met him, does he golf?"
The bus driver was apparently offneded and yelled "Get off the stinkin' bus so I go get that dang muffler fixed!"
The kids ran out ahead of BoB to the entrance of the factory. Ken stepped out and put up his umbrella as he mumbled "I hate weather." The bus drove off into the distance.
At the entance to the factory, there was a small golf shop and a stand where Ken Bostic's wife was selling little crafts. The kids started trowing Ken's wife's crafts into the air. They started playing catch with them as Ken's wife ran around trying to get them back.
"You snotty little brats!" she yelled, "where's my husband?!"
Ken came up and set his golf bag down. "Honey, kids will be kids."
The kids followed Ken into the factory, but not before Susie set fire to the golf shop. Soon a fire truck came and Ken Bostic cut his tour short to save his second-rate golf shop. The kids cheered once again. They wandered aimlessly around the factory, looking for something to do. Soon, they ran into the fat cop.
"What are you kids doing?" the cop demanded.
"Um, this is our field trip." said Billy.
"Where's the chaperones?"
"Over there!" yelled Joey as he spotted BoB at his work station.
The kids cheered for thier old bus driver. They liked him know because they could get away with anything when he was around.
"Oh," said the cop, rubbing his belly, "good ol' BoB, okay then." He walked off.
The kids ran up to BoB.
"BoB!" they all yelled.
BoB put out his cigarette and said: "What are yuns' doing here?"
"It's our field trip!"
"Ya' know, you whippersnappers got me in a lot of trouble! But I've almost got enough money to pay off the last lawsuit."
"I know how we can get some more! Follow me!" said Phil. They walked off, but as they did, Joe found a big red lever that he pulled just for heck of it.
The kids and BoB walked to the exit where Ken Bostic was rummaging through the remains of his golf shop. They took Ken's golf clubs and walked down to the flea market, where they sold Ken's stuff.
"Thanks kids!" said BoB.
The kids cheered because now they would have they're old bus driver back that would let them get away with anything. They arrived back at the factory. Soon, Joe discovered what that big red lever did. The dome to the factory was opening slowly. The smog around the factory made acid rain and the rain landed in the baking soda factory. It foamed up in a huge moutainous wall of foam and the factory collapsed. The kids had sore throats from cheering so much. Ken Bostic walked away into the rain mumbling to himself.
The kids and BoB walked back to the school.
The End (sort of)
Stay tuned for the next installments of this exciting series: "Coneball BoB", and "BoB of the Flea Market."
copyright 1996
