BoB of the Bus
An Original Work of Fiction
By Jordan Mitchell, Stephen Spears, and James Pritchett
This is the shocking untrue story that held a nation in suspense, "BoB of the Bus."
BoB, your not-so-average sixty-eight year old bus driver, who reeked from relentless cigarette smoking, was driving down the left lane on the highway at a whopping twenty-three miles per hour.
"Hey, BoB!" said Joe, an innocent passenger, "Can't you go any slower?!" he remarked sarcastically.
"Okay!" said BoB, as he slowed to fifteen miles an hour. Just then a farm tractor roared by honking it's horn.
"BoB!" said Jim, "You're squandering our time!"
Just then BoB slammed on the brakes, causing the kids to go forward and recoil, which, as you know, causes whiplash. BoB already had eighty-seven lawsuits against him for whiplash. BoB had stopped in the middle of some railroad tracks because the rail guards had gone down and the red lights were flashing.
"BoB!" said Sue, "Get off the railroad tracks! I don't want my enlightened life to end in such brevity!" Her voice quavered as she spotted the Amtrak car getting closer.
"We'll be okay, kids! It's a statute that we have to stop at all railroad crossings." garbled BoB. Johnny was not listening as he ran up the aisle, shoved BoB aside, and put his foot on the gas to forestall the situation. He was too short to reach the steering wheel and the bus ran off the road into a small rivulet.
The kids got angry and yelled a staccato remark to BoB. "It's okay," said BoB, "I think the mud is only up to our axles. I think it will only be about four dollars a person to call a tow truck." Nobody was a proponent to that idea, and they were getting pretty tired of BoB. So they threw BoB out the emergency door and pulled the bus out themselves.
As they drove away, Johnny divulged to BoB, "You only THOUGHT you were in control!" "Get back here you whippersnappers!" BoB shouted in a demure manner, but they were already too far away to hear.
"All right, where do yuns want to go? We got the whole state to ourselves now," said Clyde as he drove down highway twelve. "Let's go to Burger King," suggested Peter, "I'm in the kids club!"
"There's a Hooter's over yonder, let's go!" said Clyde.
"Yeah, yeah!" everyone shouted in comport, except Peter. "I want to go to Burger King!" he whined. "FINE!" they shouted, and they threw Peter out the emergency exit just as they drove past Burger King. They saw him roll out into the parking lot, still a little dazed at what had happened to him.
They drove on to Hooter's and went in. "Our bus driver will be in soon." they told the waitress as she took them to their seats.
"Look who it is!" said Sue, "It's Ken Bostic, the 'weatherman'! He's my hero!"
Ken and his golf bag were sitting at the table in front of them. "So, what's thew eather going to be like?" asked Joe.
"What? The weather? Oh yeah, that! Well, it'll be mostly clear and about fifty."
They looked outside and it was snowing so hard they couldn't see the bus, which was parked right outside the window.
"I bet you play golf as good as you predict the weather." said Phil.
"No, I think I predict the weather a little bit better. We've been doing pretty good lately. Just today I hit a positive forty-eight! That's my best yet!" said Ken proudly.
All the kids jumped up and grabbed Ken by the ears, threw him in the snow, and rolled him around in it. He stood up and brushed himself off. "Well, the good news is that this will all be gone by the time I want to go play golf." he said.
Just then, a police car drove into the parking lot and out jumped a fat cop and BoB.
"Hey, what are you doing here?" they asked BoB.
"Just stopping for a bite to eat!" he said.
As the cop asked the waitress for an owl-shaped donut, the kids and BoB snuck away. "Glad you kids had fun!" said BoB.
Epilogue
The bus had deteriorated from the wreck and the snow so much that it depreciated in value. The school got rid of it and BoB got laid off. BoB was unable to recoup after his 117 lawsuits against him. When he couldn't pay them all BoB was put in jail for life.
THE END?
Stay tuned for other exiting stories!
_ Copyright, 1996,
