My Poetry Page

This was a poem I read at my Grandfather's funeral

Beyond The Sunset Should you go first and I remain to walk the road alone, I'll live in memories garden with the happy days we've known, In spring I'll wait for the roses red and the lilacs blue, In early fall when brown leaves fall I'll catch a glimpse of you, Should you go first and I remain for battles to be fought, Each thing you've touched along the way will be a hollowed spot, I'll hear your voice, I'll see your smile, though blindly I may grope, The memory of your helping hand will keep me alive with hope, Should you go first and I remain one thing I'll have you do, Walk slowly down that long, long path for soon I'll follow you, I want to know each step you take, so I may take the same, For someday down that lonely road, you'll hear me call your name.

Too Much Love Will Kill You Written by Freddie Mercury and Brian May I'm just the pieces of the man I used to be, Too many bitter tears are raining down on me, I'm far away from home and I've been facing this alone for much too long, I feel like no one ever told the truth to me, About growing up and what a struggle it would be, In my tangled state of mind I've been looking back to find where I went wrong, Too much love will kill you if you can't make up your mind, Torn between the lover and the love you leave behind, You're headed for disaster because you never read the signs, Too much love will kill you everytime, I'm just a shadow of the man I used to be, And it seems like there's no way out for this for me, I used to bring you sunshine now all I ever do is bring you down, How would it be if you were standing in my shoes, Can't you see it's impossible to choose, No there's no making sense of it, every way I go I'm bound to lose, Too much love will kill just as sure as none at all It'll drain the power that's in you, make you plead and scream and crawl And the pain will make you crazy, you're the victim of your crime, Too much love will kill you everytime, Too much love will kill you, it'll make your life a lie, Ys, too much love will kill you and you won't understand why, You'd give your life, you'd sell your soul but here it comes again Too much love will kill you in the end.

Pain There is only one universal language, Pain, Pain is the same in any culture country or person, We must all endure pain and we all must learn how to cope with it, Though there is no way to prevent, cure or even avoid it We must strive to find a way to end the pain.

There are those who say that life is an illusion, and that reality is simply a figment of the imagination. Well I am one of those who think that whoever this person is was totally right. Back in August of 1995, I felt that my life was all illusionary and needed to be changed, so that's what I did. That was when I made the first step towards helping myself become something that I have always been….alive. I shed the proverbial mask that I was wearing and let the whole world know it by letting them know how I felt about being an outcast with few friends that could understand that I was the way I was because that was all I knew how to be. Simply titled, here is the next choice.

Mask When you look at me you assume I'm someone else, Someone who meets your expectations, Someone who gives a damn, About you, About me, I'm much more fragile than you can imagine, I may be laughing on the outside, But inside I'm falling to pieces, I don't ask for you to analyze me, But to understand me, It's not hard unless you dig too deep, I'm not easily hurt, except by those few I'm closest with, I share my confidence with them and am abandoned, I can't help thinking it's my fault, I'm too naļve, I don't hurt you, You hurt me, Why is it everybody has standards for me to fulfill, And they completely support me, But when I have a problem they back away from me, Like I'm a disease, All I ask is for you to be honest, No lies, Don't analyze me, Understand me, When you can do that then you will know me, And not my mask

One of the things that seemingly plagues our generation is the disturbing glamorizing of suicide, a plague that has claimed a few of my closest friends. Once, I had walked the path of wanting to cause physical harm to myself and end this wretch that I called a life. It was an impossible situation to get out of, if is should choose to stay in this world what good could come out of it, yet if I chose to leave would anyone care. For days I had argued this with myself and finally one night I had decided that enough was enough and I made up my mind. If there is some purpose to my life, God would keep me alive, if there was no point, I would die a lonely death. So I guess by now we all know what the final outcome was, so without further adieu the two-part note I left that would announce my demise.

Part one

A Suicide Note This is a cruel world, in which we live, People always taking from us but never give, How can we always treat each other like shit, Yet when it comes to regret there is none of it, Our souls are cold, dark and there is no hope, The evil that we commit to which we could ever cope, You smile at me, say you're my friend but think I'm insane, Simply because I wish to put a bullet in my brain, Just leave me alone and let me be me, Because in death, I know I'll finally be free.

Part two

Tear Drop There is a feeling of emptiness inside me as the music flows into my head A tear drops onto the cold forbidding floor. It represents a piece of pain in my life, And as it falls slowly yet silently to the floor, the piece of pain the teardrop holds is released. Once the teardrop slashes the floor, Memories escape like a trapped spirit, Free to roam once more in the world, And I feel much better inside.

The next entry is something that is much more than a song from the Rocky Horror Picture Show, it is more like the theme to my life when I ran away from home in 1995. My father and I had a fight some words were exchanged and I pushed him, he hit me and I went into my room, closed and locked the door. Behind my closed door I gathered up a small bag of clothes and I opened up my window and jumped from my second floor bedroom window down to the ground and never looked back. Later that night as I wondered the streets of downtown Raleigh, N.C. I came across this theater that was playing the Rocky Horror Picture Show. Curious as to all the hype about this film, I paid for a ticket, went inside and felt like I was reborn. Throughout the movie there were several songs that I could relate to and then, in the end there was one song that stuck in my mind for the next 4 days. A song about leaving the past behind and returning to where you came from, a song about going home. So after 5 days on the living on the streets of Raleigh, I kept hearing this song and finally I acted upon a quote from the movie, "Don't dream it…Be it." And that's what I did. I picked up the phone, called my father and asked to return home. It seems strange how meeting a bunch of strangers in an environment such as the crowd at the Rocky Horror Picture Show can change someone's life.

I'm Going Home From The Rocky Horror Picture Show On the day I went away, Good-bye was all I had to say, Now I want to come again and stay, Smile and that will mean I may, Cause I've seen blue skies, Through the tears in my eyes, And I realize, I'm going home, Everywhere it's been the same, Feeling like I'm outside in the rain, Feeling free to try and find a game, Dealing cards for sorrow, cards for pain, Cause I've seen blue skies, Through the tears in my eyes, And I realize, I'm going home,

My next entry is one dealing with the greatest thing a person could ever have, yet something I rarely ever had…friends. Those few that would let me call them friend, have either chosen to end the lives that I tried helping them live, or leave me standing alone, the same way they had found me.

Friends Who's gonna be there to hold you when you break down and cry, Who's gonna be there to tell you that everything's gonna be alright, I know that I cannot end all of your pain, As the tears roll down like the pouring rain, I cannot say I truly know, The way in which my thoughts will flow, You know that I'll always be here for you, From the deepest oceans to the sky so blue, Pain must come and then it must go, And that's when you really know, Friends are forever.

*This poem was written by a young girl who committed suicide three years ago. Perhaps if the people surrounding her had shown a little more love, and had paid more attention to her, her death could have been prevented. Remember that when going through life, you can't judge a sad, lonely, or suicidal person by their facial expression. You need to get to know each person you come in contact with, cherish your friendship with them, and show them that you care.*

The Greatest Pain in Life

The greatest pain in life is not to die, but to be ignored. To lose the person you love so much to another who doesn't care at all. To have someone you care so about so much throw a party... and not tell you about it. When your favorite person on earth neglects to invite you to his graduation. To have people think that you don't care. The greatest pain in life, is not to die, but to be forgotten. To be left in the dust after another's great achievement. To never get a call from a friend, just saying "hi". When you show someone your innermost thoughts and they laugh in your face. For friends to always be too busy to console you when you need someone to lift your spirits. When it seems like the only person who cares about you, is you. Life is full of pain, but does it ever get better? Will people ever care about each other, and make time for those who are in need? Each of us has a part to play in this great show we call life. Each of us has a duty to mankind to tell our friends we love them. If you do not care about your friends you will not be pusinshed. You will simply be ignored... forgotten... as you have done to others.

This Next entry is an all time classic from Kansas, and is one of those songs, that always seems to invoke some form of memories, whether they be good or bad. For me, it serves as a reminder to all the things in my life, all my friends, all my family and all those that I have ever loved.

Dust In the Wind By Kansas I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea All we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see Dust in the wind, All we are is dust in the wind Don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky It slips away, all your money won't another minute buy Dust in the wind, All we are is dust in the wind

I know that all of which you have read is orbited around the emotion known as pain, but for me that was all that I had at one point in my life. I was what made me who I was at the time, it was everything to my well being. As time drifted by, things slowly got better for me and I was finally starting to feel something other that pain, I was starting to feel happy. Now I am a more stable minded person with a normal life, and I look back on the person that I once was and realize that my life was crap, and now I am a better person. My words have helped others in the situation that I once shared with them, now I am more devoted to trying to help others and let them know that someone out there cares. That something I wish I had, someone who cares. I guess that fate is a mysterious thing that controls all those around it. I leave you know with this bit of advice. "When we resist our fate, we suffer. When we accept it, we are happy" Think about it.

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Email: callmeszuch@aol.com