(Author's Rantings)------------------------------------------ Okay, truth be told, this is actually not MY story, but my little brother's story. He just let me use it and edit a little for comedy purposes. Oh, by the way, more obscure Cow and Chicken references in this one! Yippee! (Beginning of Story)----------------------------------------- Episode Ten: Red's Revenge (The show begins just outside yet ANOTHER town, Team Rocket are currently working on another variation of the classic hole-trap. Teem and Meowth are digging while singing like miners [bad, untalented miners, that is].) Teem: Sixteen tons... Meowth: An' whaddaya' get... Delet: (Dancing around.) Del, delet, let, let, DEL! ^_^ James: (Digs a little, then stops and looks over at Jessie. He sighs/whines.) Oh... But Jessie, you know this plan won't work, it never does! Jessie: (Stops digging, and whaps him over the head with her shovel.) SHUTUP, James! It'll work THIS time! James: (Rubs his head.) OOOHH!!! > <; Narrator: Oh, brother, you guys aren't using THAT old gag, are you? Jessie: (Fiery background.) Why don't you BUTT-OUT, Announcer- Man!?! Teem: (Looks up.) YEAH! It's a classic gag! We gotta' use it once in a while! Delet: (Sitting on Teem's head.) Del! (Nods.) Jessie: (Still angry.) So GET LOST! Narrator: OKay, fine, I just wanted to say something, I don't have any real lines for the beginning of the show today. Teem and Meowth: (Start singing again.) It's a long way... to Tipperary... and the sweetest girl I know... (Arbok and Weezing appear on the screen holding a sign saying "A Few Minutes Later..." The hole has been covered and what looks like the chewed-up remains of the "tank" from "Chal- lenge of the Samurai" has been placed on it.) Jessie: Now... If all goes according to plan... Meowth: Ashy-boy an' all 'is little friends will walk up... James: See the tank... Meowth: Say "WHAT DA HECK?" Jessie: Walk up to it out of curiosity... James: AND FALL IN! ^_^ Teem: (Sighs hero-worshippingly.) Sheer brilliance! Oh... It does my little Saiyan heart good to associate with geniuses of your calibre! Surely I am living with the greatest cri- minal minds of all time! Delet: (Jumps up.) DEL! ^_^ Jessie: (Blushes.) Awww... You're sweet... James: (Grins.) That's us! Brilliant! Meowth: (Rolls his eyes.) Nice suckin' up, Teem... (Ash and Co. start walking up, Delet jumps up.) Delet: DELET! DEL DEL! Teem: ACK! Hey, guys! Here they come! (They all duck under the bushes.) Misty: (Talking to Togepi.) So you see, Togepi, even if Ash DOES become a Pokémon Master, he'll never be as good as Gary because he's such a LOSER! And I'm sure Gary at LEAST would have paid back my bike damage by now... Togepi: (Waves its arms and smiles.) Glpppliiiii!!! Ash: (Yells.) Shut up, Misty! Pikachu: Pikahahahaha! ^_^ Brock: (Blinks and looks at the box... Er... Tank.) Hey... What the heck is that thing? Ash and Misty: Huh? (They turn to look at it.) Meowth: (Whispers.) See? It's woikin'! Jessie: Quiet! Pikachu: (Hops up to the tank, blinks at it, then shrugs and walks back to Ash.) Pikachu chu. Ash: Hmm... Misty: I guess it's just an old cardboard box. Brock: Well, anyway, come on, guys. (They all walk on by the trap.) Jessie: (Jumps out with an embarrassed look on her face.) What? But... But... They were supposed to fall in! Meowth: What went wrong? James: (Folds his arms.) You see? I told you it wouldn't work! Jessie: (Looms over him.) What do you know? (Meowth jumps at James and starts scratching him.) James: (Runs around screaming.) OW! GET OFF GET OFF GET OFF!!! Jessie: O o; Uh... Meowth... Hey, stop! Don't hurt him too badly! Teem: (Sigh.) I guess I'd better stop this, come on, Delet. (He picks Delet up and stands up on the tank.) Hey, guys... Guys... Um... Jessie... Meowth... Uh... Guys? (They all continue to run around.) Teem: FOR THE LOVE OF DEAR, SWEET OLD GRANNY ON A MOTOR- POWERED POGOSTICK!!! STOP THAT!!! (Delet thundershocks them all and they stop.) Teem: Thanks, Del! ^_^ Delet: Let! ^_^ Teem: Now, come on, we've gotta' catch up with Ash! Jessie: You shocked me, you twerp! (She runs at Teem and the trap finally sets off, Teem, Delet, and Jessie all fall in.) James and Meowth: (Look over.) Whoops... (Meanwhile, Ash, Misty, and Brock walk into the next city. There's a sign that looks like it has been written in crayon saying "Wellkum 2 [TownsVille is written on the sign, but is crossed out] Red'sVill, pleez meet thu maiyer and go 2 thu jimm.") Ash: Oh boy! There's a jimm here! Brock: You mean a gym? Ash: (Sweatdrop.) Uh... Yeah, that... ^_^; (Misty, Togepi, and Pikachu do an anime fall.) Brock: Hmm... It says to meet the mayor, I wonder why? Misty: Beats me. Ash: I dunno, but let's meet him and go to that jimm! I mean gym! (A familiar fat, red, pantsless man rushes up to them.) Red Guy: Helloooooooooo ladies... ^_^ It's me, the mayor, uh, er, uh, OH! Uh... (He screams his name.) Heimey BAREbottom! (He giggles annoyingly.) Seriously... (Misty and Togepi squeal, Pikachu ducks into Ash's backpack, Ash gasps, and Brock turns pale.) Ash: Hey... Brock, are you okay? Brock: Uhhhnnnhhh... (He passes out from fright.) Red Guy: Hmm... (To the camera.) I seem to get that reaction from a LOT of people! (He laughs.) Well, men, COME ON! I'll show you the Town Hall! (He grabs them all, rushes into his office in Town Hall, and plants them all squarely into a chair.) Soooo... You want to visit RED'SVILLE, do you? Well, you'll have to sign THESE first! (He hands them all contracts.) Brock: (Having recovered from the initial shock.) Hey... This contract says "I hereby sell my soul to the Red Guy"? Red Guy: Is that a cri-em? (Crime, just mispronounced funny.) Brock: Well, yes, it is. Red Guy: (Freaks out.) Okay, I admit it! I'm not the real mayor! I never even graduated from MAYOR schoooooool... (He cries and throws open a closet where a short, little white- haired man is standing.) TownsVille Mayor: (Scratches his head.) What's going on here, Red? Can I be the real mayor again? Red Guy: (Runs out of the office screaming.) NOBODY LOVES meeeeeeee..... Officer Jenny: (Runs after him.) Stop! You're under arrest for impersonating the mayor! Red Guy: Come and GET me, COPPER!!! BWWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!! (Dramatic/action music starts playing.) What? OH NO!!! (Three little girls dressed in pink, blue, and green outfits fly in and start beating him up.) Brock: ::blinkblink:: That was disturbing... (The scene changes to Team Rocket, Meowth and James are hol- ding a rope over the side of the hole, Teem and Jessie are climbing out.) Teem: (Flops over the side of the hole and onto the ground.) Sorry about making Delet blast you, Jessie, but SOMEone had to calm you guys down... Jessie: (Mutters and brushes dirt off of her vest.) Yeah, yeah, yeah... But now you've got me all dusty and messed up my hair... James: (Smiles a little.) I think you still look great, Jessie... Jessie: (Her stare softens and she looks at James with that starry-eyed look she gets.) Thank you, James... ^_^ Teem: Hey! I think you look good, too! Jessie: Quiet, Teem > <; Teem: (Sighs and mutters in English.) Yeah, okay, whatever... Delet: ::blinkblink:: Delet... (She hugs Teem.) Meowth: Awww... ain't dat cute? Hehehe. (The scene changes back to Ash and Co. standing in front of "Ben's Sumo Gym." There is the sound of a fight going on, a bit of yelling and a few things breaking. Everyone looks a little unsure of what's going on and then Gary Oak walks out of the gym muttering in Japanese.) Ash: GARY! What are you doing here? Gary: (He looks up.) Hmm? Oh... It's YOU! Hi, Ash. You're not planning on fighting the lunatic in THERE, are you? (He points to the gym.) Gary's Cheerleaders: Give me a L, U, N, A, T, I, C, what's that spell? LUNATIC! YAYYYYY!!!! Misty: (Rolls her eyes and makes that frustrated noise of hers.) Bimbos... ¬ ¬; Brock: (Blushes and walks up to one of the girls.) Uh... So, you lovely ladies busy tonight? Ash: Well, I was planning on fighting with the leader, why? Gary: Don't, man! He's crazy! It's a waste of time! I mean, that guy is a super-LOSER! Ash: Oh... Gary: Hehehe... Of course, maybe you two would get along well, though! HAHAHA!!! Gary's Cheerleaders: A, S, H, what's that spell? LOSER! YAY!!! Ash: Grrrr... (He chases Gary around yelling.) Come back here, you jerk! I oughtta' beat the stuffings out of you!!! Gary: (Razzes Ash and dances around.) HAHAHAHAHA!!! Misty: (Sighs.) Those two boys are so stubborn. Pikachu: (He nods agreeingly with a sweatdrop take.) Pika... (At the same moment, Team Rocket walks up to the gym. Gary bumps into Meowth and falls over, Ash jumps Gary and starts a huge fistfight.) Brock: (He turns around after being shunned by all the cheer- leaders.) ::blinkblink:: Hey, what are you guys doing here? James: Well, I'm sure it's no surprise that I too, have dreams of being a Pokémon Master, and every little badge helps! (He holds up a rose and a peace sign.) ^_~ (Background of mil- lions of badges piled up behind him and Jessie.) Brock: Uh huh... (Brightens and little hearts and bubbles float around his head.) By the way, Jessie, what are YOU doing tonight? Hmm? Jessie: Back off, Squinty! (She punches him.) I'm with James! Gary: OW! HEY! Get off, Ash! I was just kidding! (Swings at Ash.) Ash: Oh yeah? Then take back what you just said about my MOM!!! (Kicks him.) Misty: (Tries to pull Ash off of Gary.) Leave him alone, Ash, if he wants to be a jerk, let him! (Togepi, Pikachu, and Delet all start talking together.) Pikachu: Pika... chu chu chu pika. {No, Delet, I don't think it's normal for a pokémon to be attracted to it's owner.} Delet: Del, let delet del, let, let! ^_^ {Well, just askin', hehe, it seemed like a funny idea! ^_^} Togepi: Brrreeee!!! {?} Teem: ::blinkblink:: Well, all this witty banter is lovable and all, but are we going to go into the gym or not? (Everyone gets those weird faces and sweatdrops, making those "Waaaaagh" noises.) Ash: (After Misty pulls him off of Gary.) Good idea, Teem... For once ¬ ¬; (Everyone walks into the gym. And, big surprise, a fat, red, pantsless guy rushes up to them.) Red Guy: Helllllooooooooo ladies! ^_^ It's me, the gym leader! Ben Panced! Cant'cha tell? Hehehe... Everyone: NOT YOU AGAIN!!! Teem: Hi, Red - -; Red Guy: (Ignoring them all.) Welcome to "BEN'S SUMO GYM"! Only sumo pokémon alloooowwwwwed, of course! ^_^ (He rolls around on the ground, laughing like an idiot.) Misty and Brock: There's no such thing as a sumo pokémon!!! Red Guy: (Jumping up.) WHAT? You meant to tell me you've never heard of SNORLAX? (He heaves a large snorlax doll in front of them.) Snorlax, GO!!! (There's a weird noise, the background goes purple with little black squiggly lines and everyone sighs in frustration.) Meowth: Dat's a DOLL!!! Red Guy: I know, isn't she cute? Meowth: I MEANT A TOY-DOLL!!! > < Teem: Uh... Red, this is great and all but uh... I think you need to get some more help... That's a toy. Red Guy: No it's not! Everyone: YES IT IS!!! Red Guy: Eh, uh... NO! It uh... it... dances... (He grabs the feet of the doll and shakes them.) OOH! Cha cha cha and a choo choo choo! That's right, Snorlax, baby! Dance for your FAT trainer! ^_^ James: OOOOH!!! Look, Jessie! It IS real! (Everyone sighs.) Jessie: James, that devil-man's just shaking it around. Red Guy: (Behind the doll.) I AM NOT!!! Ash: I hate to admit it, but Gary was right, this is a waste of time. Pikachu: Pika... Chu... Misty: Yeah. Brock: I say we just go on to the next town. Teem: Yeah, come on, guys. (He picks up Delet.) Meowth: Yeah. Jessie: (She nods.) Come on, James, dear. (She grabs his hand.) James: But, but it's real! It IS!!! (They all walk out of the gym, from inside Red Guy's voice is heard.) Red Guy: What? You... You... (Screams.) You don't LOVE me any- mooooooore!!! (An eevee doll flies out of the gym door and lands in front of James.) Red Guy: (Still inside.) And if any of you other pokémon don't love me, you can SHARE the same FATE as that eevee over there! (His voice gets deeper, trying to sound like lots of voices.) Oh, NO, Red Guy! We all LOVE you! Don't throw us outside! James: (Looks down and gasps.) NOOOOOOOOO!!!! Ash: Oh brother, come on, Pikachu... (He walks off with Brock and Misty trailing behind.) James: (Picks up the eevee doll.) It's not breathing!!! Teem: James... Jessie: It's not... Meowth: Alive... James: OH NO!!! It can't be!!! (He tries to give the doll CPR.) Come on!!! Live! Live, darn you! LIIIIIIIIVE!!!! (He bursts into tears.) Delet: Del? (She jumps up and pats his head.) Jessie: James, it's just a stupid toy! James: Jessie! Don't you see? That man in there just killed a poor, innocent animal... And you... you... And you JUST DON'T CARE!!!!! Teem: Oh, criminy... (He shakes his head.) Jessie: I'm sorry, James, I... I didn't think about it... (She hugs him.) James: (Sniff.) As God is my witness... I WILL have my revenge on him! Eevee, you will not have died in VAIN!!! Come on! (He grabs the Team and rushes to a store.) Jessie: (Looks up at the sign.) James, what are we doing here? James: It's simple, Jessie! We can only fight with a sumo pokémon, so Meowth just volunteered! (He picks up Meowth by the tail.) Meowth: OW OW OW! (He tries to scratch James.) Why me? James: Because Arbok and Weezing aren't very good, and Teem won't let Delet fight. Meowth: Well, Teem has a tail, he could be a pokémon! Teem: (Grabs his tail.) NO WAY!!! (Jessie rolls her eyes. Team Rocket walks into the store. Everything in the store is simply clothes for sumo wrest- lers. [ie. those little diaper-things].) James: (Grabs a cloth with roses all over it.) Hey! This one's cute! ^_^ Jessie: This one's better! (She holds up one with arboks all over it.) Teem: ::blinkblink:: (He impersonates a fashion critic and grabs a cloth.) When choosing your "sumo-diaper," you should always look for something airy, yet not so loose as to fall off, exposing your hindquarters and-- Jessie: (Interrupts him.) Teem, shut up. What do you know about sumo wrestling, anyway? Meowth: You're not even Japanese! Teem: Okay, sheesh, I was just kidding around - -; James: (Holds up one and laughs.) Hehehe... Look, Jessie! This one's even small enough to fit me! ^_^ Jessie: Yeaaaaahhhhhhhh... (She smiles and goes into a dream sequence with James wearing only the cloth. Teem and Meowth blink fearfully and turn pale. Delet smiles and giggles a little.) Teem: (Adjusts his glasses and impersonates Woody Allen flaw- lessy.) Oh, gosh, you're makin' me nuaseous... Meowth: (Pops the dream balloon with his claws.) Okay, dat's enough o' dat! Jessie: Killjoys... > < (Later on, Jessie and James are standing outside the gym, James is burying the eevee doll in a shoebox and crying, Jessie is hugging him and trying to convince him it's okay.) Teem: (Rushes up with a glass of water in one hand.) Okay, guys, Sumo-Meowth is ready to begin!!! (Delet plays a little pokéflute and thunderous footsteps are heard. Teem looks down at his glass of water, which is vibrating with the footsteps. Everyone looks up and sees an enormous Meowth.) James: WHOO! Jessie: WHAA... Teem: HOOHAA! Delet: DELET! ^_^ Meowth: When's lunch? (Red Guy runs out of the gym.) Red Guy: What is this? You think you can fight with that? HAHAHAHAH!!! You'll never win the BUTTbadge that way!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! James: If you're not going to accept my challenger, then FEEL MY WRATH!!! Red Guy: (Holds up his hands defensively and shakes his head.) WHOA! Steady, men! Don't do anything you wouldn't want to do to RED GUY!!! (James leaps on the Red Guy and starts beating him up. The rest of the Team watch.) Teem: WOW! James really has a good left hook! Meowth: Hey, Delet, got any Meowth Mix? Delet: (Shrugs.) Delet, del... {I dunno, Jessie may...} Jessie: What did Delet just say? Teem: I dunno... James: This oughtta' teach you to abuse poor, defenseless animals!!! Red Guy: Okay... Okay... I bow to your mastery of the martial arts... Here, take the badge... (He pins the badge on James' vest.) James: OW! Jessie: (Rolls her eyes.) My hero. Teem: Hey! A badge! Cool! Meowth: I want it! (He grabs the badge and succeeds in ripping James' shirt off with his newly-found bulk--er--strength.) Delet: (Whistles.) Delet, DEL, del, hehehehehe... {Lookin' GOOD, James, hehehehehe...} Teem: Hahaha, good one, Del. (High-fives Delet.) (Jessie hugs James. James winks and holds up a rose.) Narrator: James finally has a badge of his own, maybe he too, will start on his own honest pokémon journey, just like Ash. And hopefully that Red Guy... or whatever he is has learned his lesson. Aside from that... just look at Jessie and James... aren't they the cutest together? Awwww!!! Red Guy: (Beaten up, he looks at the screen pathetically.) Iris out already... EEEEEEND!!! The End Red Guy: Thanks.