(Author's Rantings)------------------------------------------- (The Narrator and Author are fighting as we walk in on them.) Narrator: What sort of tripe ARE you writing lately, anyway? Author: Pardoné moi? Narrator: Read this filth! What's the deal with Delet becoming two characters? All these horrible plot holes with the badges? Growly, Tangela, and any other pokémon that you feel like putting in here... I'm beginning to think that you just don't care anymore! Author: ... and what's your point? Narrator: Even your DESCRIPTIONS are getting bland! What's with you, man? These stories suck wastewater! Author: Excuse me, bub, but I don't remember asking for your opinion... Narrator: You'll never win a Pulitzer Prize with this trash. Author: It's a series of fanfics about a little blue American space-alien cartoon and some extra Pokémon characters. Do you think I EVER planned this to amount to much? Narrator: You disgust me! Author: JUST GET TO WORK! (Beginning of Story)------------------------------------------ Episode Twenty-Five: Saiyan Vs. ... Whatever Narrator: Yeah, yeah. Everyone's together again and Delet doesn't love Teem anymore, but her counterpart, Melissa, does. That's it pretty much. (We see the gang goofing off, as usual. They're sitting around a late lunch and talking cheerfully. In the background is a hooded figure whom no one seems to notice.) Brock: So... Melissa... (He looks at her and Delet in a sick/ confused way.) You're 100% the same thing that Teem is now? Melissa: Yep! I'm the same species as widdle Teeeemy-kins! (She hugs Teem, who starts giggling shyly again.) Misty: (Staring in disbelief at Teem's muscle tone.) He doesn't look all that little anymore, Delet... I mean Melissa... Melissa: He's still my widdle Teemy-babe! Awen't you, hunny? Teem: Yes I am, my widdle Mewissa! (He hugs her and she, in turn, starts giggling. The figure in the background looks over at them and growls angrily.) Delet: Ugh! Let delet del del delet! {I can't believe I used to act like that!} (Everyone agrees with a sense of disgust.) Brock: But back to what I was saying... what... ARE you guys anyway? Ash: They're Saiyan, Brock! Don't you EVER watch DragonBall Z? Meowth: Some of us have betta' tings ta' do dan watch car- toons, Ashy-boy! Teem: Well... I'm only about 1/4 Saiyan... Melissa: So we're really more like... Jessie: A couple of whatevers! (Everyone starts laughing.) Teem and Melissa: (Roll their eyes in mock anger.) Haha, okay you guys! Verrrry funny... (The figure growls louder.) Jessie: I think it's very funny, blueboy! (Pokes Teem's nose.) Teem: JESSIE! CUT IT OUT! (He whines and the figure starts to walk over to them.) Jessie: Come and make me, Saiyan! You're so big and strong... (She makes the ever-classic face of pulling one eyelid down and sticking her tongue out at him.) Teem: Okay, you asked for it, Jessie! Everyone: OOH FIGHT! (Everyone forms a wide circle around Teem and Jessie. They all begin to chant "Fight!" over and over in unison, like when a fight breaks out in a school. The figure stops for a moment, still a little far from them, almost expecting Teem to win the fight. Not surprisingly, Jessie wins in a few moments, barely scratched, while Teem whines painfully on the ground. The figure clenches its fists in fury.) Meowth: (Hops up on Jessie's shoulder.) Da' winna' and new champeen... Jessie Roquét!!! Teem: You just won 'cause you're a girl! Jessie: Quit whining, spacey! You lost and you know it! (Suddenly, a deep, authoritative voice is heard over every- one.) Voice: TÁEM RŘKATĘU!!! (Everyone falls silent except for a few quick jokes from the "peanut gallery.") Ash: Uh, boy! Now ya' done it, Teem! The Narrator's really mad at you! Narrator: No I'm not... well, not anymore than usual. James: It must be the voice of God! O o; (He looks upward and clasps his hands together.) I'm sorry, God! We don't steal anymore! I promise!!! ...wait... you already know that, don't you? Teem: (Turns around and looks directly at the figure, who I'm sure you've figured was the guy who yelled.) Excuse me, maybe you don't know this, but I really HATE my first name! Just call me Teem, ... kay? (He tilts his head to one side and there is a massive CRACK!) Figure: (Ash, Misty, Brock, and Melissa are standing in a line between Teem and the Figure. [Delet is standing by James' feet, Pikachu is on Ash's head, and Meowth is still sitting on Jessie's shoulder.] Anyway, the guy walks up to Teem and separates the people in front of him like opening a gate door, they just sort of slide out of the way for humorous effect.) Can it be, young Táem, that you've already forgot- ten your heritage? Teem: You mean growing up in America and then moving to Japan when Giovanni gained control of Team Rocket? Figure: No... I mean your unknown heritage... (Although he sounds ominous, everyone looks at each other as if he sounds like Homer Simpson.) Teem: Gee, it's kind of hard to forget whatcha' never knew, doncha' think? (He grins to everyone for approval, and they all laugh. The Figure grabs Teem by the throat and squints its glowing red eyes at him.) Melissa: TEEM! Delet: DEL! (They're both about to jump the Figure when Teem grins half- assuredly.) Teem: I'm okay... I think... Figure: (He starts wheezing (no, not Weezing) asthmatically and his voice gets deeper.) Táem... you are not from this planet... (Gasp. Wheeze.) Misty: Wow! When did you figure that out? Figure: (Ignoring her.) You were bred to kill, murder, and destroy... (Gasp.) Meowth: Ain't dose da' same ting? (He looks at Jessie.) Jessie: (Nods.) I'm pretty sure they are. Ash: Maybe he just has a wide vocabulary and wants to impress us. Figure: (Still ignoring.) Join me and we can end your in- destructive conflict with the human race... Join me in the Dark Side!!! (Wheeze.) Teem: NO! I'll never join you! ... unless it pays well... Brock: Teem would never leave us! He's our friend! Pikachu: Pika chu chakupika! {And if he does leave us, we'll kill him!} James: You've already killed me, Pikachu. Let's not go crazy here. Figure: Yes... the Force is strong in this one... Táem... do you not even recognize me? (Wheeze, gasp.) I am... your... Brock: (Deep voice.) Father! Jessie: (Deep voice.) Uncle! Melissa: (Deep voice.) Chiropractor! Figure: Cousin! (He pulls his hood back and throws the cloak off, revealing himself to be an almost perfect lookalike of Goku from DragonBall Z, except he still has a tail, is wearing Saiyan armor, and his hair is longer.) Everyone: (Shrugs.) That works too... Teem: What? But Giovanni is my cousin! Giovanni: (He's suddenly there as if he's been here all this time.) YEAH! I'm his cousin! ...well, sort of... Figure: I am your biological cousin... Karáru Rřkatęu! Delet: Delet del. {Sounds like a tongue-twister.} Karáru: Let me explain your past, Táem... (He sets Teem down.) Teem: Why? ::blinkblink:: Karáru: Because that's what evil relative characters always do in stories like this and it's about time the fans knew what the #$%@ you were... Teem: Okay, but lay off the %#$@in' swearing! Meowth: Yeah! We're trying to #@$% appeal to %#$@in' kids here! Karáru: Good enough. (He starts narrating over a long, drawn out illustrative story.) Táem... Teem: (Interrupts.) Call me Teem! Karáru: No. (He continues.) You were born far off in the Northwestern side of the Durellian Galaxy... Teem: ::blink:: Groovitatious! (He starts talking in a Wisconsin accent.) 'Ey, Melissa! We're frum da' ever-gosh luvin' Northwest, now, don'chaknow? Melissa: Well, gollygosh fercryin' in da mud now! Just makes me wanna' watch a Packers game! Both: Packers! WHOOOOO!!! Karáru: SHUTUP! (Continuing...) You were bred to be a ruthless killing machine. Your mother was one of the most cunning, vicious Saiyan warrior women ever born... Brock: OOH! Warrior Women! Just like the Amazon! (Drool.) Beh heh heh heh... Karáru: (CONTINUING...) And your father was one of the strong- est Ginyu ever born... unfortunately, he was far too kind- hearted. Teem: Wait a minute! I'm a Ginyu? COOL! That would explain my fangs! (He grins, revealing two tiny little pointed teeth.) Ash: Teem... a Ginyu is what space mutants are called... Teem: What? I'm a GINYU? KUSO! Great... so now I'm some mutant space-freak... > < Meowth: Like ya'z weren't befo'a? Karáru: As I was SAYING! (Very angry now.) Your father was too kind-hearted. After he had fulfilled his usefulness, he was destroyed. Teem: How do you know? Karáru: I killed him. Teem: YOU KILLED MY DAD?!? DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE! (He leaps at the Figure, but is suddenly frozen and falls to the ground. Everyone's eyes widen.) Karáru: I suggest that the rest of you stay silent. Táem... can you still hear me? Teem: (Muffled.) S'alright... Karáru: Good. Now, when you were 3 months old, your training was to begin. We left you on this planet, as is the usual custom for our race. We were hoping that you'd inherit your father's strength and your mother's evil brilliance. Sadly, I return to find that you have your father's strength... and his personality. Teem: (Muffled.) I'm a chip off the old block. Karáru: (Grabs Teem and shakes him about savagely.) HAVE YOU NONE OF YOUR MOTHER'S TRAITS??? Teem: (Unfrozen.) Er... I'm semi-evil... I pick pockets. And I'm an idiot~savant. (By now, everyone but Teem and Karáru have fallen asleep during the boring story.) Karáru: You are completely worthless as a warrior... I have no other choice but to destroy you. Teem: Do you really? That bit gets so old... Karáru: Yes, I'm afraid so... (Starts charging up to blast Teem.) Teem: (Fakey English accent.) Right, let's do it then. (He walks 10 paces from Karáru and spins around quickly, flipping his tail around nonchalantly and double-blinking.) Ready? Hehe... (He raises his hand, ready to throw a green energy orb at Karáru.) Karáru: (He throws both palms forward at Teem, surrounding him in a blinding light. Teem is blown back and slams into a tree, then falls to the ground, completely blackened and with the cliché X's on his eyes.) Yes. (He walks over and checks Teem's pulse.) Hmm... dead with one hit. What a shame. 16 years wasted... (He turns around to see the Rockets grabbing everything that the group has.) Alex: Wow! That Kaka... Kuso... whatever he is sure is great, huh? He puts everyone to sleep and we get EVERYTHING! ^_^ Sirius: Indeed. The thought that a Rřkatęu was useful is highly laughable! (Grabs a pokéball.) Alex: I hear ya' man! (Picks up Delet carefully.) Max: ::blink:: Wow... Melissa is so beautiful... I wonder if she might like me in any way... (Drool.) Jolteon: Just grab da' goods, Don Juan! Abra: (Picks up Pikachu carefully.) You know... Teem may be our enemy, but... he's still our friend... Sirius: Not my friend! Max: No way! Alex: I hate his freakish blue guts! Abra: Well, Jolteon and I like him... and that big guy may actually be able to hurt him... even kill him! Jolteon: Jolt! (He looks up worriedly.) Dat's right! (Abra and Jolteon turn around to see Karáru glaring at them.) Karáru: Idiots... Jolteon: Whadja do ta' Teem? Karáru: That useless fool has been disposed of... Alex: WOOHOO! Way to go, big guy! Karáru: ...as will you... (He starts charging up for the same attack that he used on Teem.) Alex: WHAT? NO! Max: Sirius! Do something! Sirius: I'm afraid that I'm not qualified to fight against him... Jolteon: Gee, you'ah da' big help hea'h... Abra: I'm too young and beautiful to die! (Hugs Alex.) Alex: I have so much to do! I wanna' grow up! (Hugs Abra.) Abra: Go to RocketCollege! (Hugs him tighter.) Alex: Get married! (Hugs her tighter.) Abra: Have children! (At this, Abra and Alex both look at each other and blush, then look away.) Jolteon: Darn... and I was gonna' go to da' movies dis weekend. Sirius: (Looks at Max.) You know, Max... there's something I've always wanted to tell you... (Looks nervously at Karáru.) Max: Yeah? What? (Does the same.) Sirius: Max... buddy... I... Max: What? Sirius: I lo... Oh darn, too late. (The same explosion and flash of light occurs, but when the dust settles, everyone is alive... except for Karáru. All that is left of him is a smoldering crater and a few broken peices of armor. Teem is sitting up, still a blackened, dusty, mess. His hand is smoking a little and he has a cold, calculated look in his eyes.) Teem: ::blinkblink:: (His eyes regain their vacant expression.) Wow. I can't believe that worked! To Be Continued... (The Last Word)------------------------------------------------ Sirius! What were you about to say to Max? O o; Sirius: I... I... I LOVE THREE STOOGES SKITS!!! ::bursts into tears:: I know... I'm a Saiyan. I'm supposed to be evil... ::sniff:: But I can't help it! OOh... sorry, man.