Chapter Two
I had met Nick Carter about four years before, when I was a sophomore in high school. Just for fun, I had written to him through the BackStreet Boys website, not expecting him to write back. It was basically a normal "I think you're the cutest, most amazing guy in the world" kind of fan letter, with some "I'd love to get to know you better because you seem like the kind of person I'd really be able to connect with" thrown in. About a week after I had sent the letter, I found a message in my E-mail inbox from Nick. I don't know what made him write or what made me write back, but we started E-mailing each other every day. Finally, around the time of my Junior Ball, we met face to face. I had invited Nick to come with me, not realizing that he might actually take me up on the offer. Nick was everything I expected and dreamed him to be and more. About a week after I graduated from high school, Nick asked me to come on the road with him and the others. He told me that he had made arrangements with Denise McLean so that I could help her with tour things and also learn more about the road and the lifestyle they all led. I don't know what made me agree to go, but I did. And that's where this story starts. About a year after I had left my hometown of Hilo, Hawaii.From the very beginning, I knew that I wasn't going to be able to handle being away from my family and friends, but I wanted to be with Nick. As time went on, it was harder for me to adjust to the hectic schedules and mobs of fans and people around us all the time. But I didn't want to leave for fear that I would make Nick feel that I didn't want to be with him anymore and that I hated the life that he led."Did you get through to them?" Nick asked, walking back onto the bus about an hour later."No," I said, "No one was home. I left a message on the answering machine.""I know it's hard for you to be away from them," Nick said, giving me a hug, "But I love having you with me on the road.""Nick," I said, feeling tears well up in my eyes, "This is really hard for me to say, but I don't know if I can take this anymore.""Take what?" Nick asked gently."All of this," I said, "Being away from my family and friends, from everything I know. Having to be in a different place everyday, sometimes not knowing where I am. Everything. I love being with you and I don't want to have to say this, but I think it'd be better if I went back to Hilo.""No..." Nick said quietly, "Jen, you can't mean that.""I do," I said, "Nick, this is your life. It isn't mine.""You know I'd give all this up if you wanted me to," said Nick, "Just don't go.""I'm not leaving you," I said, "I just need to go back home until all of this calms down a little. Until I'm ready to leave home and start out on another path.""If you're leaving," Nick said, "I'm leaving too.""You can't do that," I said, "I know how much you love this and I don't want to make you give it up. We've made it this long without being together all the time, we can survive a little while more."Nick looked like he was ready to cry. I could feel myself want to cry as well."I don't want to have to be away from you anymore," said Nick, "I want to be able to be with you all the time.""But Nick," I said, "I just can't handle this life right now.""I know," Nick said, "I know.""I'm not saying that I'm never going to want to be on the road with you," I said, "It's just that right now, I don't think I'm ready to be away from home.""I know," said Nick again, "And I'll wait forever for you to come back to me.""I love you," I told Nick, "And I want to spend the rest of my life with you...I just don't know if I can handle this lifestyle right now.""So you're leaving?""I have to."Nick sighed. "Do you want me to take you to the airport?" Nick asked, wiping some stray tears from his eyes."Not if it's going to be too hard for you," I said, wiping away my own tears. "On second thought. Maybe not. It's going to be too hard for me.""Okay," said Nick, "I'll go ask Brian or someone to take you. When do you want to leave?""Not until the morning," I said, "I have to make my arrangements and everything.""Yeah," Nick said softly, "Okay."He stood up and quickly left the bus. I could tell that he was trying not to break down. As soon as I heard the door close, I buried my face in the couch cushion and cried.Once I had calmed down, about two hours later, I started making my arrangements to get back to Hawaii. My hand shook like crazy as I dialed the phone numbers for the airlines. Brian came onto the bus just as I hung up the phone after making my reservations from Oklahoma back to Hawaii."Nick said you're leaving," said Brian, sitting down on the couch."Yeah," I said, "I am.""Why?" Brian asked."You know that I've been having a hard time adjusting to life on the road," I said, "I think it'd just be better if I went back to Hawaii.""Have you even thought about what this is going to do to Nick?" asked Brian, "He thinks that you don't want to be with him anymore. That's why you're leaving.""That's not it," I said, "I want to be with him, but I don't think I'm ready to be an adult and live on my own away from my parents yet.""Can't you just give it another chance?" Brian asked."Maybe in a few months," I said, "But not right now. I just need to go home and think for a while.""I guess there's nothing me or the other guys can say that's going to change your mind, is there?" asked Brian."At this point in time," I said, "No.""Okay," Brian said, "I'll go tell the other guys."Brian left the bus. I wrote down my arrangements on a piece of paper to give to him later. Then I went to start packing since I was going to be leaving at six the next morning.Later that night, I couldn't fall asleep. I went to the back of the bus with my blanket and sat down on the couch. There was so much going through my mind. I wanted to stay and be with Nick, but I knew that I couldn't. I just stared out the window of the moving bus, watching the open road pass us by as we headed to the next town. Before I knew it, the sun was coming up and Brian was entering the room. He stretched and yawned."Sorry you had to wake up so early, Bri," I said, as he sat down next to me."It's no problem," said Brian, "Are you ready to go?""I just have to change," I said, "Everything's packed.""Okay," Brian said, "Do you want to wake Nick up to say good bye?"I had said bye to the other guys the night before. "No," I said, "I don't.""Are you sure?" Brian asked."Yeah," I said."Okay," said Brian.I changed my clothes and got ready to go. Then Brian and I quietly got the rest of my stuff together and then headed off the bus. We were walking towards the van we were taking to the airport when I stopped."Wait," I said."What?" asked Brian."I'll be right back," I said. I had remembered about the letter I had written Nick the night before, just after he had gone to bed. It was still in my pocket."Okay," said Brian, "I'll wait for you by the van.""Thanks," I said. I quietly slipped back onto the bus. Kneeling down next to a sleeping Nick, I pulled the letter out of my pocket and slipped it under his pillow. Nick stirred as I kissed his cheek and stood up. Then I quickly left the bus."Done?" Brian asked, as we got into the van with one of the security guards."Yeah," I said, "Hey, Bri...""Yeah?""Thanks for coming with me," I said."No problem," said Brian, "I know that you're doing what you have to do.""I don't want to leave," I said, "I hope you and the other guys know that. It's just that I don't feel comfortable being on the road all the time. I guess I just need stability.""Don't worry about it," Brian said, "Nick will understand in time.""I hope so," I said, "I don't want him to think that I don't want to be with him. I know I keep telling everyone that, but it's true."We got to the airport a few minutes later. Brian walked with me to the check-in counter. "You know," he joked, "If people didn't know better, they'd think that we were running away together.""Oh, shut up," I said, smiling."Don't worry about Nick," said Brian, "I'll take care of him. You just come back when you're ready to.""Thanks Brian," I said.Brian gave me a hug and then walked me to the gate, where my flight was already boarding. "Call us when you get to Hawaii," he said, "Okay?""Okay," I said, "You guys take care.""You too," said Brian. He gave me another hug and then left. I boarded the plane and found my seat. Trying unsuccessfully to hold back tears, I settled back for the plane ride home. Chapter ThreeBack to Babylove's Stories
