Andrew's breastfeeding Story
All throughout my pregnancy I just knew that breast feeding was for me. I read "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" and attended a breastfeeding class. Had the names of lactation consultants in my area. I was ready. Or so I thought. Andrew was born on October 12, 1996 at 11:20 a.m. I was expecting to be able to put him to my breast immediately. But there was a problem. He was pale. Never got any color at all. Stayed grey for 2 minutes. Finally some color. He turned pink. My husband was allowed to carry him to the nursery to be weighed and measured, etc. The nurse said he'd be back in 3 minutes and we could start breastfeeding then. Well 10 minutes passed and nothing. Finally my husband came back, but he was empty handed. I freaked! He said the doctors were looking him over because he went pale. Was all grey again. The nurse said this sometimes happens if the baby was in the birth canal for awhile and not to worry. We'd be breastfeeding momentarily. More time passed and I frantically sent my husband to find out where my baby was. He came back and said they were going to transfer him to another hospital. I was devastated. I begged them to let him stay with me. Just for 10 minutes. To bond. To suckle at my breast. Even for a minute or so. Please! They said no. He was already hooked up to all kinds of machines and had wires everywhere. They agreed to keep him in that nursery but if his conditioned worsened they would have to transfer him. I still had not held my baby. Not even for a minute. To say I was hysterical would be putting it mildly.
After 2 hours I was allowed to go into the nursery and hold him. The nurses in there were very kind. I told her I was supposed to be breastfeeding. She said we could try right now but that he had already gone into that sleepy phase that lasts a day or so. Needless to say, he just slept. I went home the next day, empty handed.
When I came back, he had been transferred to the pediatric department to avoid him being transferred to another hospital. I told the new nurses that I was supposed to be breastfeeding and under no circumstances were they to give him formula. They said that was fine but he probably wouldn't eat anything because he was on an I.V. and would not be hungry. But "feel free to try". No luck. When I could get him to wake up long enough, all he did was stare at me. I asked one of the nurses for help, but we couldn't get him to latch on. And honestly, she wasn't very helpful. I should have called the nursery for help. It just wasn't going well. That afternoon the doctor told me that if he didn't eat breast milk or formula he wouldn't be going home.
The next day, I gave in. Fed him formula. I brought him home on the 4th day and that day my milk came in. I thought, great!! He'll be fine. I was so engorged that it was like trying to suck on a baseball: hard and nothing to wrap your lips around! But milk was just running out of my breasts. I called a lactation consultant and she came right over. I pumped a lot or milk out and we then tried to get him to bf, but he wouldn't do it. So we fed him my milk out of a bottle. I was crying. Told her I felt like a failure. I explained to her that if I didn't give him a bottle in the hospital they wouldn't have let him come home. She told me that she was a nurse at that hospital and if she'd found out about that, well, she would have helped me. I should have called earlier.
Andrew and I tried for weeks to get it right.I think he really only latched on maybe 5 times. I would pump my milk into bottles and give it to him that way. I felt that at least he was still getting my milk. I think it was at about 5 weeks that I gave up trying altogether.
Right after that I stumbled onto the Parents at Home forum. The support there was unbelievable. Still is. I wish that I had found you all earlier. I would have stuck with it for sure. I guess it was inexperience. But next time, I am absolutely not giving up! If, God forbid, something happens during birth the next time, I will be persistent. I feel guilty sometimes that I didn't try harder. But I just couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel. The woman on the forum saw it...they could have helped me see it too. I do feel good though, knowing that he did have my milk for a short time, even if it was out of a bottle. And Andrew is now a happy, healthy 10 month old. And he has never, knock on wood, been sick or had a cold. Next time though, that baby will be permanently attached to my breast! (Would you remind me of this when I'm complaining that I'm a milking machine?? *G* )
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