Adam is now 27 months old. He is a happy and smart little cookie!! I nursed him for about 9 months. I had a very difficult beginning. Although I had trouble with morning sickness, I was a picture of health in my first pregnancy. I walked a mile almost every day. I avoided everything from caffine to food colorings. My labor was very short and not difficult. I had a natural birth with no medication. I couldn't believe I had been so lucky! Then they handed Adam to me so that I could nurse. He didn't latch on, he fussed and kept rooting everywhere else, it seemed but in the right place. The lactation consultant came in to the room to give advice and support. The first thing she said is, "I can't believe they didn't put him to your breast until one hour after birth. He should have nursed right away!" She was so specific about how I positioned my arm, relaxing, how his head and body were turned, etc.. After I had been on a "high" from such an easy birth, everything came crashing down. I felt like a failure. He was able to latch on, but with about 15 min. or more of work. Even then, it wasn't a very good latch on. A nurse aid did come in once and helped me to get him to latch on. She was very calm, and didn't care if I held my breast wrong or how he was positioned. I left the hospital extremely frustrated. Adam was a little jaunice, so I really felt that I had to continue trying. Nursing for the first two weeks was so trying!! I would wear nipple cups in between nursing. Then when it was time to nurse, I would put pillows on the bed, lie down and put Adam on a pillow beside me. Then I would use an inverted siringe to pull out my nipple that I was going to use. My husband would drip water on my nipple to get him to try to latch on. I would work at getting my body positioned so that he would latch on. He would cry like he was so frustrated and mad at me. But finally with my husband's help, he would latch on. Then we would try the other side. I wasn't able to consistantly nurse in a chair for about 2 weeks. Adam latched on better to one side than the other, so I would nurse him more on that side. My breasts were not equal in size, but I just didn't want to deal with the frustration of trying to get him to latch on to the one side. Adam started his colic after about two weeks and it lasted until about 12 weeks. I know that breast milk is easily digested, but sometimes I felt as if his colic had something to do with my trouble nursing. It had made me so uptight and nervous from the start. It took me a long time to feel that I was doing a good job as a mother, and I think he sensed that. Now I feel proud that I stuck it out. Being a first time mom is hard enough even when there are no problems. Having to deal with nursing problems is especially tough. Hang in there!

Alex is doing much better than Adam did, but he is only latching on to one side about one of every four times I try. I am again frustrated, even though he is only one week old, but I look at my older son and know that we made it through together. It can happen again.

Deb, Indiana

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