The next morning, Nick woke up to something wet on his cheek. He slowly opened his eyes to see one of his pugs licking his face.
"Down Willie," he commanded, sitting up. He looked at his alarm clock. It was already noon. His head ached and his arms felt sore. He put his bare arms out in front of him and looked. Small cuts covered them.
Oh no... he thought, remembering the night before and what he had done. That was really dumb of me. I won't do that again. Luckily the cuts weren't very deep and hadn't seemed to had done any harm.
Two of the other pugs came in the room and jumped onto Nick's bed. They wagged their tails expectingly.
"Sorry dogs, I haven't taken you out for a walk for a while have I?" he said to them. He hadn't felt like going out the day before, he had been too sad. "I'll take you out soon," he promised them.
The dogs licked him happily. Nick got up and went to his wardrobe. He pulled out the first thing he found and quickly got dressed. He stood by the bathroom mirror and looked at his reflection. He looked terrible. His eyes were lifeless and dull, his hair messy and his skin pale. He glared at himself disapprovingly.
Outside, the sun was shining and the sky was blue. This cheered Nick up a little. "I should go outside," he said. "Mikey! Willie! Houston! Nicky!" he called. The dogs came running in excitedly.
Nick put them on their leashes and got ready to go out. He would walk them around the block, maybe to the park too if not too many people were there. He didn't feel like seeing fans in the condition he was in. He put on a sweater to cover the cuts on his arms and threw on a hat and some shades, then took the dogs outside.
The fresh air and sunshine did Nick good. He managed to smile a little bit. He reached the park and let the dogs off their leashes.
Nick sat on a bench and watched his pugs running around. A few other dog walkers were in the park too. A pretty young woman passed Nick with her two Dalmations and smiled at Nick. He smiled back.
As Nick and the dogs walked back home, they passed a young couple walking hand in hand. They looked so in love, this upset Nick. He wanted to feel loved again, to be able to hold someone's hand. He hated being alone. A few yards before reaching his house, he saw a girl wearing a shirt that Sarah had. Being reminded of her made his eyes start to fill up. He had tried to forget about her and carry on with life but he couldn't. When inside, he went into the kitchen to eat. The food always comforted him.
Nick filled up with a couple of candy bars and a huge bag of potato chips. "But I don't wanna get fat!" he exclaimed to himself, going into the bathroom to throw up. If I want to get a new girlfriend I'll have to be thin, he thought.
As he flushed the toilet and washed his face, the phone rang. He ignored it. He didn't feel like talking to anyone.
As he walked into the living room, the answer phone came on. He listened to the caller's message.
"Nick, hi! This is AJ. The guys and I wondered if you wanted to go out with up someplace later. Call me back,".
Nick shook his head. He didn't want to go out. He'd rather mope around alone.
After playing some Playstation, he switched on the TV. He channel-surfed but couldn't see anything worth watching. He eventually found a movie to watch. It took his mind off things for a while.
After the movie finished, Nick put it on MTV. It was playing a cool rock song so Nick turned up the volume and started singing along. But straight after, a love ballad that Sarah had liked came on. Nick frowned and quickly turned the TV off. He couldn't bare to hear that! He flung himself on the couch and started to cry. It had been building up inside him all day and he couldn't hold it in any longer.
As he sobbed, the phone rang again. Nick ignored it. It was Kevin this time, saying pretty much the same as AJ had.
"Leave me alone!" Nick shouted through his tears, even though they couldn't hear him. He hated it when they bothered him and tried to interfere, although really they were just concerned about him.
He ran upstairs and into his bedroom. I know I told myself I wouldn't do it again, he thought, crying as he picked the blade off the dresser. But I can't help it. Shows what a weak person I am!
***
"He's not answering," Kevin said, hanging up the phone. "I betcha he's in, but ignoring us,". He and the other guys had gotten together to call Nick.
Brian nodded. "I think you're right, Kev. Nick didn't seem to want to talk to anyone yesterday,".
"Poor Nick," Howie said. "I feel so sorry for him. He built his whole world around Sarah and now she ruined it all for him. He must be devastated,".
The other three guys were silent, they knew this was true. No-one knew what to say.
AJ broke the silence. "What the hell, let's just drive over to his place now anyways!".
They all agreed so they piled in to Kevin's car and drove to Nick's house. When they knocked at the door, there was no answer, just the sound of the pugs barking.
"His cars are here, so he can't be out," Brian noticed.
"Maybe he's just in the bathroom," Howie suggested.
"I hope he's OK!" AJ said.
They walked around the side of the house and found the gate of the back yard open. They walked in and waited in the yard.
Brian tried the back door. "It's unlocked!" he told the others. "Let's go in,".
Nick was walking down the stairs when he saw the guys. "How did you get in?" he asked. His eyes were still puffy and red from crying.
"The back door was unlocked," AJ informed him.
"Why are you all here?!" Nick asked demandingly, his hands behind his back.
"Nick, what's in your hand?" Kevin asked, walking towards Nick.
Nick backed away nervously. "Nothing!" he said innocently.
The guys didn't believe him. "You're hiding something, Frack," Kevin said. ""Let us see,".
Nick couldn't get out of it now. He had to show them. He put his hands in front of him. There was nothing in his hands as the guys had thought, but it was his arms- they were bleeding.
Howie gasped. "Nick! Did you do that on purpose or was it an accident?"
Nick looked down at the ground and said nothing.
Brian put an arm around Nick. "Look, you're upset and depressed. But harming yourself isn't a solution to your problems. It'll make things worse,".
Nick sat down and put his head in his hands to hide his tears. He was getting blood over his clothes but he didn't care.
"Let's clean up those cuts," AJ said. Nick agreed and sat still while the guys cleaned the cuts up.
"You shouldn't be alone," Brian said. "Go to your family's house for the summer. They'll take care of you and take your mind off things until the tour starts again,".
"No," Nick said weakly. He didn't want his brother and sisters seeing him in the state he was in.
"It'll do you good Frack," Howie said. He picked up the phone. "I'm calling them up to say you're going,".
Nick let him. He was too weak to argue; he was making himself ill.
Howie hung up after telling Nick's parents that he was coming to stay. "They look forwards to seeing you," he said to Nick. "I didn't mention what's happened- you can tell them,".
Nick nodded. "Thanks D," he said gratefully. He could see the sense in staying with his family. They could take his mind off things and keep him company.
"Well we were here to ask you if you wanted to go out tonight," AJ said. "But I guess it's a little late now. Want us to stay with you here this evening?".
Nick shook his head. "Thanks guys but I know y'all want to get home to your girlfriends. I appreciate the offer though,". He managed a smile. The guys were being great.
AJ, Howie and Kevin soon left but Brian stayed. "I'll help you pack your things. Why don't you try and fly out tomorrow? I'm sure you could get a flight,".
Nick shrugged. "Yeah," he answered, lying down on the couch.
Brian felt Nick's forehead. "You're burning up," he said, worried.
"I don't feel great," Nick admitted.
"Go to bed now and I'll sort your flight out for you," Brian offered.
Nick thanked him and went upstairs. He got to sleep quickly.
After Brian had ordered a flight to LA, the phone rang. He answered it.
"Hello? Is that you Brian?".
"Oh hi Jane," Brian said. It was Nick's mom.
"Where's Nick?" she asked curiously.
"He went to bed. He didn't feel too good,".
"Is something up with him?" she asked.
"Well... yes," Brian answered. "He's had a tough time the past few days, I'm sure he'll tell you himself when he arrives tomorrow,".
"Tough time?" Jane said in a panic.
"I guess I better tell you," Brian said. After all, he couldn't keep it from Nick's own mother. He told her about Nick's breakup.
"Oh my poor baby!" Jane exclaimed after Brian had explained it all. "He should have called us when all this happened. At least he's coming home tomorrow. We'll take good care of him,".
"Yeah- good job we persuaded him to go to your home," Brian agreed. "Well Nick's flight is booked for tomorrow at noon so you'll see him soon,".
They hung up and Brian went to check on Nick. He was sound asleep, lying peacefully.
"I'm going now," Brian whispered.
Nick woke up. He looked at Brian. "Thanks for everything," he whispered.
"No problem," Brian said. "That's what friends are for,".
"Did you get the flight?" Nick asked sleepily.
"Yes Nick- tomorrow lunchtime. I write all the details in the notebook by the phone. Your mom phoned just now and I told her when you would be arriving. I'll make sure someone looks after the pugs too,".
"OK," Nick said, drifting off to sleep again.
"See ya soon. Take care Frack," Brian said, walking out of the room and heading downstairs to leave.
Poor Nick, Brian thought as he drove home to Leighanne. I hope staying with his family does him good. I can't bare to see him in such a state.