Nick was surrounded by happy people enjoying themselves. He covered his ears and closed his eyes to shut them out. He was not one of them.
The MTV Video Music Awards had not long ended and he now sat where the aftershow party took place, not wanting to talk to anyone. The other guys had left him alone and gone off with their dates.
He opened his eyes and watched a couple of girls going crazy with their boyfriends. Celebrities were all around. People were drinking and socializing. Nick felt out of place and left out.
The actual ceremony hadn't been too good for Nick either. Even though the Boys had won an award, he had hated sitting through the whole show with no date beside him, performing while he still felt ill and just wished he was in bed. The rehearsals had worn him out and he missed his family.
Nick went into bathroom, and as he left, he caught a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror. He looked a mess- his clothes were creased and his hair a long greasy mess. He couldn't be bothered to look after himself any more. There's nobody to make an effort for now, he thought.
Brian caught sight of Nick. "Hey Frack, come have a drink with us," he said, feeling sorry for his friend. Brian had noticed how sad Nick had been and always tried to cheer him up. But nothing seemed to make Nick happy any more.
Nick shrugged. "OK," he said, following Bri and Leigh to the bar.
They got drinks and sat around talking. Nick wasn't really listening to them though, he was drifting off into his own little world.
I wonder what Sarah's doing now? Breaking some other guy's heart?! He tried to push her out of his mind but he couldn't.
Nick downed his drink quickly, then got another. He didn't drink often but that night he needed something to make him feel better.
"Go easy on the drink Nick!" Brian warned.
"I'll be OK!" Nick assured.
They were soon approached by a guy and his camera crew. "Can we have an interview?" he asked, holding a microphone. He was an interviewer for a TV station reporting on VMA winners.
"OK, but only a quick one," Brian said.
"How do you feel about winning?" he asked Brian.
Brian looked at the camera. "It's cool. And it was voted for by the fans so I'd like to take this chance to thank them!".
"And this is your date, Brian?" he asked, motioning towards Leighanne.
Brian nodded. "Yeah," he answered, smiling at Leigh.
"Where's your date Nick?" he then asked.
Nick looked at the ground. Brian jumped in to help his friend. "Nick didn't have a date- he is free and available girls!".
"I'm glad I didn't have a date," Nick said without thinking.
"Why's that?" the interviewer asked curiously.
"Because if I had had a date it would have been my bitch of an ex girlfriend! I hate her,".
Brian looked at Nick in shock. Nick himself could not believe he had said that in a TV interview.
"Um, can you cut that part out?" Brian asked quietly.
"No, the world deserve to know what a nasty bitch Sarah Hunter is!" Nick said angrily. "She used me and hurt me! If you're watching Sarah, I hate you. I hope you rot in hell,".
"Nick," Brian warned.
The interviewer looked pleased to have such a thing on tape. "That'll do, thanks guys," he said, dashing off with the camera crew.
"Wait!" said Brian. "Make sure you cut those parts out!".
But they didn't hear him. Brian glared at Nick. "What the hell are you on?! Not only are you going to give us a bad name but this is gonna cause huge trouble! Think before you open that big mouth of yours next time Nick!".
Nick went red. He already regretted saying all that. "Sorry," he muttered. "I'd better go before I cause more trouble,". He stood up and finished his drink.
"Nick, I didn't mean to yell at you," Brian said, hoping he hadn't upset Nick.
"I know you didn't. Look, I'll see ya later,".
Nick left the party, he couldn't face it any more. He wanted to be alone. He found a limo and went back to the hotel.
Alone in his hotel room he flicked on the TV. He saw the interviewers face on the screen and groaned. He knew that he would see himself in a moment.
Sure enough, the station showed the clip of him talking about Sarah. He had been worse than he thought.
Nick turned the TV off in disgust and threw the remote across the room. He then burst into tears.
"I thought I was over her," he said to himself. "But it's clear that I'm not. I never will be,".
His cell phone then rang. He had a suspicion who it might be.
He was right. "Nick you bastard!" Sarah yelled. "Saying all that on TV! You're gonna pay for this!". She then hung up.
Nick cried even more. Everyone hates me now. Brian does, the other guys will, Sarah does... they'd all be better off without me. He looked at his arms where faints scars could still be seen. He hadn't harmed himself since the day the guys had come over and seen him.
"I need to release some pain," he said aloud, getting a razor from the bathroom. He started on his upper arms, gradually getting lower. It hurt but in a strange way he felt better.
He moved the blade near his wrists. Suddenly he felt a cold rush through his blood. He knew that he could finish himself off with one big slit.
His hands shook. Could he go through with it?
No one would miss me. The fans will just start liking Brian instead, my parents have my other siblings, Sarah will be happy... he thought, sobbing.
His cell phone rang again. Nick sighed, it wasn't a good moment to call!
"Hello?" he snapped.
"Nick baby, it's your mom. I was just seeing how you were...".
"I'm fine," Nick answered quickly. His eyes were filling up again. This will be the last time I talk to her he thought, his heart beating fast.
"Good. I saw the VMAs, great performance. The fans must have loved it,".
"Uh huh,".
"Aaron and your sisters miss you so much. They're watching one of your concerts right now which is being repeated on TV. They all say hi,".
"Tell them I say hi," he said.
They said goodbye and Nick lay down. He was still shaking.
"OK, let's get it over with," he said, picking up the blade again. He looked at his arms, they were still bleeding a little from the smaller cuts he had already made.
First he flicked on the TV and found the station playing the concert that his siblings were watching. The guys were performing Don't Wanna Lose You Now.
The song made him cry even more. "I never thought that I would lose my mind, that I could control this...".
"I really am losing my mind," Nick said to himself.
Nick put the blade down. "I don't think I can do this," he said, shaking his head. He watched on the TV as fans in the crowd held up banners declaring their love for him. "They would be heartbroken. So would my family,".
"Don't wanna lose to loneliness, girl I know we can win..." he sang along. "Maybe I can win this. I can get through it if I try," he said, tossing the blade in the wastebasket.
Nick cleaned up his cuts and got into bed. He was tired and still didn't feel too good. He drifted off to sleep but was awaken when he heard voices outside his door a few hours later.
"I hope Nick's calmed down now," he head Brian say. "I didn't mean to yell at him, I hope it didn't upset him. Anyways, we all say things we regret,".
"Why don't you go and talk to him if he's still awake," Nick heard Leighanne say.
"He's probably asleep," Brian said. "But I have a key for his room. I'll go in and check he's OK,".
Brian let himself in and quietly stepped across the room to Nick's bed. "You awake?" he whispered quietly.
Nick sat up. "Yeah," he said.
"Are you OK now?" Brian asked, sitting next to the bed.
Nick flicked on a light. "I'm fine," he said.
"You look happier," Brian noticed.
"Yeah," Nick said, nodding. "I told myself that I've got to go on, with or without Sarah. It's over now and I have to carry on,".
"That's the spirit Frack! That's really... hey, your arms! Why are they bandaged?".
Nick sighed. "I got a bit stupid when I came back earlier. I was really depressed so I... well you can guess. But I stopped myself before going too far...". He started to cry again, realizing how close to death he had been.
Brian put an arm around him. "You were sensible to stop yourself. I don't know what we'd do without you. We all love you and want you to be OK. Your family, the fans, us guys, me,". Brian had tears in his own eyes, he couldn't imagine losing his best friend.
"Well I'm OK now," Nick told him. "I won't do it again, I promise,".
"Good, I hope you mean it,".
"I do," Nick said sincerely. "Thanks for being here for me Brian,".
"No problem. I know you'd do the same for me,".
They said good night to each other Brian left.
"I've got sort my life out," Nick said to himself as he drifted off to sleep. "It'll be hard but I will try my hardest,".