Nick danced onstage singing Larger Than Life, a month into the tour. Girls screamed his name and he waved and smiled at them.
The fans had really helped him get through the last four weeks. Their love and support had kept him going and cheered him up. If he hadn't had their love, plus the support of the guys and his family, he didn't like to think what he might have done.
Nick started the dancing routine with one of the girl dancers. At least on stage he could act sexy, offstage he hardly got any action any more, now he was without Sarah, although there were a few times when he had had too much to drink when out clubbing with the guys and done things he had later regretted.
Girls shrieked at his sexy moves, he smiled at them and thrusted his hips. Acting like this cheered him up.
Later in the show, the guys sang Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely. Nick felt very sad singing this song cos he was lonely himself.
"Show me the meaning of being lonely, is this the feeling I need to walk with...". As he sang, a few tears slipped from his eyes.
Brian noticed, and patted Nick on the shoulder. He hated his friend being so sad. He was glad that Nick was coping better than before but knew that Nick still wasn't over it.
The show ended with I Want It That Way, Nick managed to smile as he flirted with the dancers and thrust his hips at the crowd. Girls screamed even more when he threw his bottle of water over his head then into the crowd. Seeing one lucky girl catch it and grin cheered Nick up.
"Coming to the club with us?" AJ asked Nick as they travelled back to the hotel on the bus.
Nick shook his head. "I'd better not, Bone. You guys go ahead without me,". Nick didn't like clubs much, although he had gone a few times recently as it was better than moping around on his own. That night he just felt like a quiet evening on his own to play some Nintendo.
Back in his room, he heard a knock at the door. He went to open it, wondering who it could be.
"Hey Kevin," Nick said, letting his bandmate in. "Why aren't you at the club with the guys?".
Kevin sat himself down on the couch. "I didn't feel like going either, it's not much fun on my own...".
"You miss Kristin don't you," Nick said.
Kevin nodded. "Yeah. I wanted her to tour with us but she's busy with her job. At least I get to see her for a few days next week..." he trailed off, realizing that talking about girlfriends upset Nick.
"Well thanks for coming to see me, I get bored just being alone with my video games," Nick said.
"No problem," Kevin replied. "I was bored too,".
They watched some TV until midnight. "I don't feel tired yet," Nick said. "I really should be going to bed now as I need my sleep but I've had problems sleeping,".
"I'm worried about you Frack, you're not yourself any more," Kevin said.
Nick nodded. "Well you know what happened, I just can't get over it...". Tears threatened to spill from his eyes again.
"You haven't done anything stupid again have you?" Kevin asked, concerned.
"No, not in a while,".
"Not since the night of the VMAs?".
"How did you know?!" Nick asked, shocked that Kevin knew.
Damn! I forgot I wasn't supposed to say anything! Kevin thought, annoyed at himself. "Um, Brian told me. Well we are cousins, we tell each other just about everything,".
Nick sighed. "I suppose he told the others too. Everybody must know now. Y'all must think I'm such a loser!". He looked down at his bare arms where faint scares could just about be seen. "But I haven't done it since," he said. It was true- although he had often thought of it, Nick had managed to stop himself.
"I'm glad to hear it...".
"I've gotta talk to Brian about this," Nick muttered, angry at his friend.
"Nick, Brian was concerned. He told us three because he was worried," Kevin argued. "Don't be mad at him,".
Nick didn't listen. "Oh no! He shouldn't have said anything! I won't trust him again!".
"Nick it's in the past, forget about it," Kevin said. "Don't be mad at Rok, he's your best friend...".
"Was my best friend," Nick corrected. "I supposed you came over to lecture me, and say that I have to get on with my life...".
"No," Kevin said. "I came over to keep you company, I though you might want someone to talk to,".
"Or you came over to check up on me in case I was trying to finish myself off again!".
"No Nick!" Kevin said loudly, almost shouting. "Can't you see that we're all trying to help you? We care about you. We're your friends,".
"I don't need any help, I'll sort myself out," Nick said stubbornly.
"Sarah was a user. She hurt you and didn't love you. You should forget about her now, be thankful that you discovered what she's like before you got too serious," Kevin reasoned. "You're only nineteen- you have years yet before you need to settle down, you'll find the right girl one day,".
"I won't find anyone else. Sarah said no-one else would want me,".
"The bitch! She said that? Don't listen to her. There are plenty of girls that would want you,".
"Maybe they'd like me cos I'm famous and got money. But once they find out what a loser I am they wouldn't be interested in me...".
"That's not true Frack!" Kevin said. "Don't put yourself down. Like I just said, you'll find a girl one day,".
"It's OK for you to say that, you've got a girlfriend. You're OK,".
"I know, and I'm lucky to have her. But love didn't come easily. We had problems you know. But we turned out OK in the end and I'm going to propose to her soon. One day you'll turn out fine in love too, with the right girl, not someone like Sarah".
"I miss her," Nick whispered. "I know she hurt me but I can't forget the good times we had,". He remembered their first date, their nights together, their time shared on the beach. Those were days when he was happy. "She made me happy, Kev," Nick said. "Maybe I should take her back...".
"She made you sad too remember!" Kevin said. "Can't you move on?".
Nick shook his head. "I don't think I can. It's been two months since we split up and look at me. I'm a mess,".
"You'll get over her eventually," Kevin reassured him.
Nick yawned. "I better go to bed," he said.
"OK, I'll go now. But remember everything I said,".
"Thanks for coming over," Nick said with a weak smile.
Kevin smiled back. "No problem. 'Night Frack,".
"'Night,".
Nick got into bed and thought over what Kevin had said. "He was only trying to help," he said to himself. "But he should mind his own business!".
As he closed his eyes in his mind's eye he saw Sarah's face. I miss you baby, he thought.
Then he remembered her conversation with Brian when he had discovered what she was really like. I hope she burns in hell! he thought angrily.
Nick drifted off to sleep feeling very confused.