Nick's eyes looked so haunted, despite the constant efforts of his Backstreet friends to push warmer, happier thoughts into his mind. Two days had passed since they had found Nick strapped to the bed in Bernardo's mansion. Two days had passed since the policemen started their efforts to track down the psychopath. And two days had passed since Katie was hidden behind bars.
Yet Nick had not said a word. His seemingly tranquil nature disturbed all of them deeply. Even the police had a hard time gathering data and evidence from Nick in order to indict Katie. Although the video was enough evidence, they still wanted Nick to utter those words, admitting the sinful nature of Katie's crimes.
But Nick had refused, claiming that his head whirled and hurt and that he could not think straight enough to recount the horrors that he had lived through. It took Brian all his will not to force Nick. But two days had passed! Nick should at least look more life-like, more responsive. However, to Brian's fear, Nick had become more sedated. Those deep, sea blue eyes were tainted with harsh memories, memories which Nick had made clear he did not want to share with them.
Kevin was making just as little progress as he was. Last night, Kevin had approached Nick and apologized. Kevin was sorry for hitting the young boy, for accusing him of thoughts that he had never harbored, for not protecting him enough against all the evils in the world. And Nick gazed at him with distant melancholy. Nick had told Kevin that he forgave him. Nick gave him the hug that was meant to relieve Kevin of his guilt. And finally, Nick sobbed quietly in his arms. However, the reason why Brian was worried was that Nick stopped his sobs after three fleeting minutes. It was as if Nick wanted to cry, to pour out his emotions, but was holding back because of something that still lingered in his mind. What it was, Brian could not tell.
But what Brian could tell was that something was still bothering Nick, something that had not been resolved yet. And Brian didn't think it had anything to do with not being able to find the psychopath Bernardo. Today, though, Brian would find out. He had to end all this suffering. He had to sway Nick's mind back towards reality. That much, he owed his little brother. He reached into his pocket and felt for the slip of paper. It was still there! Good.
Brian pulled into the parking lot as he spotted Nick's lonely figure on the rocks-the same rocks that he had sat on with the blond boy the day that Nick had revealed his amnesia. Brian's heart skipped a beat. Nick had sat there every night for the past two nights, looking out into the distance. The thought haunted Brian. He was afraid that Nick's mind would wander too much.
Slowly, Brian stepped out of his car and lightly jogged to where Nick sat. Brian could see his slender figure, sitting with legs slightly bent and head tilted towards the dark sky. Brian slowed down before he reached Nick, hoping to invade Nick's privacy in a less conspicuous way. But too late. Nick's head turned around just enough so that Brian knew that Nick was aware of his presence.
"Hey!" Brian called out awkwardly.
"Hey," Nick responded, his voice weak and defeated.
Brian approached the slender figure and sat directly across from it. To his shock, he saw the tears dribbling down those soft, tender cheeks. Brian swallowed a few gulps before he dared start. "You okay?"
Nick closed his eyes and placed his head above his knees. It took all of Brian's will not to lean closer and give him the hug that he desperately needed to keep sane.
Brian interpreted Nick's actions as a definitive 'no', so he continued. "You've hardly said a single thing to us since you came back."
"There's nothing to say," Nick's sullen voice was lulling, hypnotic, deadening.
"How about I ask you questions and you just reply," Brian suggested. He had to break this silent war that Nick was carrying with almost everybody.
"Kay," Nick replied.
"How did you know Katie?" Brian started, staring at Nick's reaction.
Nick's body did not hint at surprise. "She approached me one day in the park. Told me she wanted a friend."
"And what had your relationship been like?" Brian asked, mesmerized.
Nick still kept his head on his knees, never once trying to break out of that position. "At first, lots of cuddling. We'd talk about many things. She drove me around a lot. She taught me a lot. Then one day, it just started happening. She experimented with touching me in certain places and I guess I didn't say no. I was sort of curious, too. Mom never let me learn about sex and stuff. I mean, she even wrote a note to the principal telling me that I was not able to stay in my health courses, that she didn't want me to learn about that stuff, you know, about safe sex and the reproductive system and all that.
I was pretty upset with my mother. I wondered why she did that. I had to learn. And I was growing." Nick paused. His eyes looked darker and all the more mysterious. "So I let Katie explore. If anything, I was just as much to blame as her. I still wonder sometimes why she chose me. I was young. I wasn't yet going through puberty. I wasn't a man, not yet. Well, she began with a little fondling. She never once forced anything on me. She took it slowly, usually one step at a time, until we . . . " Nick stopped, the graphic nature of his words started to irritate him. He let his silence play in Brian's mind and fill Brian's mind with less than appropriate images. "You know the rest," Nick whispered.
"That man that raped you . . . " Brian began, but stopped, not knowing how to approach the question so that it wasn't offensive.
"He was Katie's father, as you probably already know," Nick hugged his knees harder. He stopped, as if not wanting to go on.
Brian didn't push, knowing that that was a cause for heartache if he were to hash it open. Suddenly, he remembered the slip of paper in his pocket. He clumsily took it out, ripping it in the process.
"Umm," Brian fumbled. "I found this poem in your room the night the police found that house burned." Brian held out the crumpled piece of paper to Nick.
Nick finally looked up, and that was the first time that Brian saw any hint of emotion in Nick's big blue eyes-worry! Brian could see the flicker in his eyes, and then, a deep, bloody hatred. But as soon as those two expressions showed on Nick's face, they disappeared only to reveal that calm, gentle Nick again.
Nick grasped the two pieces of paper in his hand and read the poem.
When
night befalls and darkness looms,
When you smell the death and gloom,
Let the doubts and fear subside,
Let the wrath and grief collide.
Don't
you dare forgive those fools
Those who've wronged and tortured you.
Unleash the wrath. Let go your faith.
Fight for what is pure and chaste.
Do what
others did to you.
Let them know your hurt is true.
Show them all that lies beneath-
The shock of betrayal, the pain of defeat.
.