"Anyone home?" I screamed through the house listening to my voice echo off the walls. There was no answer, I remembered that Lisa was probably still on tour with the Backstreet Boys and probably wouldn't be home for a while. Disappointed with the welcome home to be to an empty house I made my way up the stairs and unpacked. I felt sort of relieved to think that the boys wouldn't be home, the sooner they come home the sooner I'll have to face...him again. It's a small area and everyone is always running into someone and everyone. The bad thing was I was alone, by myself with no one but the dog who was probably with the Carters.Unpacking my things from my suitcases, I unpacked my little carry on bag. Inside was a picture of me and Nick, my favorite one, it was when we were horse back riding right before we left for the trail, we sat under a tree and had lunch, Brian and Lauren came with us. He looked so happy, and goofy, he had his arms around me and I was sitting in his lap. I was happy then too now that I think of it...I really was. In the wall over my bed there is a secret like storage passage. Were I keep like my old journals and song/poem writing books. I placed the picture at the far back of the velvet wall. I was depressed again. And to think it was only a picture...

After singing 'That's the way I like it' we went into 'Just to Be Close to You.' I was paying attention while A.J sang, I scanned the audience looking at all the people. I was a little disappointed knowing that Sam was watching, she always said she enjoyed watching me and the guys perform. She said she liked watching me dance. I laughed a little of the thought of her saying that and Brian elbowed me in the side. I realized I laughed pretty loud. I went back to looking at the audience while singing the chorus. I saw everyone singing along, and there she was smiling and singing like nothing had ever happened. I stared at her and she stared back. I kept singing getting more furious with each word. When my part came on tears flooded my eyes. And I sang with such anger that she was caught off-guard. She jumped back a little bit, with her hand on her chest. After the lights dimmed I stormed off stage.

"Nick...NICK!" A.J called from behind me and pulled me over to the side of the room.

"What!?"

"What the hell were you thinking?"

"What was I thinking!? What was SHE thinking showing up here like that!"

"SHE is here for the concert what the hell are you talking about!?" I looked from behind stage and showed A.J, Sam.

"There! Wait a second..." I stared at the girl who was talking to her friends, and it wasn't Sam not even close!

"Oh boy...What was I thinking.." Was that right? I mean what's wrong with me how could I? I couldn't apologize she'd think I was crazy. I'll just sing to her during a slow song. I feel horrible but she's haunting me. Why though? All of a sudden? She's millions of miles away! This is crazy.

I think that taking a shower in my own house is the nicest feeling in the world. I went down to the kitchen after retrieving my lost slippers. I looked in the refrigerator, there wasn't much food because Lisa usually throws-out all the food that won't keep fresh...Like Milk. I had a glass of coke with was in the pantry and a couple of graham crackers. I decided I would go food shopping in the morning. I sat on the counter reading through all the old mail that Lisa had forgot to put away. I came across a letter with my name on the envelope.

Dear Sam,

Sorry to have you come home to an empty house, You might not be home before me but in case you are I left this here for you. Charlie is with the Carters, and I threw out practically everything in the kitchen, but you probably already figured that one out. I can't think of anything else, so just be careful and I'll hopefully see you soon. Love you lots!

Love,

Lisa

Well she was right about one thing...I am home before her, and I was right about the dog...oh well I guess I'll go pick him up so I have some company in the house the only thing is well I'll have to see the Carters...maybe I'll wait. I went into the game room in the back of the house in the left wing, it's the most isolated section in the whole place besides my room. I watched a little T.V and then decided to go read a book I had just got before I left Germany.

The show was finally over, when I reached the tour bus I turned around and took a quick look of the last concert I'd be doing for a while and climbed aboard. Brian came over to me after washing up.

"Hey A. J told me about that whole thing with that girl on stage, I was going to ask you if you were OK, I mean you were laughing onstage, but A.J said it was anything humorous more serious..."

"Oh well it was just a misunderstanding nothing to get worried about."

"He said you thought you saw well um...Sam." I felt my face turn red, I was embarrassed and upset and angry.

"Well, it was just, funny I don't really know why I thought that, I mean A.J should have really said anything it's no big deal really." He looked at me with 'Are-you-Sure' look on his face.

"I'm sure." He walked away to the back of the bus. I washed up and got changed I kicked back on the couch and watched reruns of Saturday Night Live with A.J, Howie and Brian. Kevin and Lisa are basically with each other 24/7. And after they started going out Caitlin quit. It was too hard to find someone to replace her so Lisa is doing both now. The 3 of them were talking about what they were going to do when they got back home.

"I cannot wait to see Lauren again, I miss her so much."

"I can't wait to get out on the beach and scoop out the babes." A.J grinned. He had liked Lisa for some time but no one found out except me and that was after Kevin and her were going out. Howie said something about his girlfriend and life long friend was living in Mexico with her family now for the summer so he was going to visit her.

"Nick what are you planning to do?" Under my breath I murmured "kill myself."

In unison they replied "What?"

"I said I'm going to catch some Z's. I can't wait to sleep in my own bed" they all looked at me, and I smiled "What?"

"Nothing....nothing...Oh hey look this one's my favorite." I shot Brian a grateful glance that he changed the subject and watched the rest of the show.

I must have doozed off for awhile when I woke up from the couch it was already dark. I figured since I was by myself I woulld check my answering machine and my e-mail before heading off to bed. It's funny how people you never talk to call you when ur career starts off sky-high. People from my school I've never talked to before in my life called me leaving me messages.

My favorite was:

Um Hey Sam It's me, Jordan. I met you at Ground Zero. Well just thought I'd call you and see if you'd want to get together some time call me back at 679-6854. Bye. Ground Zero is a local club were high school kids go to smoke up and drink I've never ben there before in my life!

There was a message from my Aunt and a few were for Lisa about a renting space for her shop. She has always wanted to open her own beauty salon, I suppose she'll take a look at the place. She very determined, and I'm sure that she will have it done by the end of a 2 year period. I got online and it was total kaos, I felt bad o delete the stuff but I couldn't even begin to read it. I got suddenly sick to my stomach when I came over all the e-mails from Nick. I read them, every single one of them. First it was begging for my forgiveness, than for me to respond, than he went from upset to mad to angry to pissed. Was that right? Should he have wrote that stuff? Should I have said that stuff? Should I have written back? No I shouldn't have. My life was finally looking ok, I was going to upset myself over this again. He did what he had to do. I guess what he wanted to do. And I hope he has moved on as well. I want him to be happy. Even thinking to myself about him moving on makes me sick. I lvied my life without him and I realized that he was the best part of me. All of that is over now though so I shouldn't have to worry about it anymore. I climbed in bed and turned off the lights. I left my stero on so I could fall alseep to the soft music.

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