Sad news was awaiting Kevin as he came home. He parked the car and immediately noticed that his own wasn't there. But it's 16.00 PM, Kevin thought. Tim should have been home by now...

'Ah, there you are.' Jerald said as Kevin walked into the kitchen. His eyes searching for his brother Tim.

All he sees is his mother, sitting in a chair crying and Jerry, standing at the window staring outside.

'What happened?' Kevin asked.

Jerald placed a strong hand on his shoulder pushing him onto a chair. 'We know you took Tim's car this morning.' Jerald started.

'Is this about the car?! 'Cuz I'll go apologize to Timmy.' Kevin promised.

'Kevin. Tim took your car this morning.' Jerald continued. 'They found it...'

'Where?'

'At the bottom of Jay's cliff.' Jerald replied.

'What?!' Kevin cried. 'Tim! Is he okay?'

'We don't know Kevin... The cops are still searching for his body...'

Kevin covered his face and cried.

'Do you have any enemies?' Jerry asked.

Huh, that sounds ironic coming from you! Kevin thought but shook his head. 'Not really, why?'

'The brakes of you car where... somebody disabled them.' Jerry explained.

'They fucked with your wheels man!' Oh God! It suddenly hit him! It was me... I was supposed to be in that car! Me... not Tim... I was supposed to be dead! Kevin cried. Me... not Timmy! Oh God!

'Kev, you okay?' Jerald asked. 'Why don't you lie down. Jerry, take your brother upstairs please.'

'Sure thing dad.' Jerry said and helped Kevin upstairs. Kevin walked into his room as Jerry closed the door behind him. Kevin fell onto the bed, his face buried in the pillow.

'It wasn't supposed to go this way...' Jerry whispered.

'What?! What do you mean?' Kevin asked. Jerry just stared at him.

'It wasn't supposed to be Timmy... You where supposed to get into that car...' Jerry hissed. Kevin shot up.

'YOU?!' he cried. 'You fucked with the car!'

'I failed... It was supposed to be YOU!' Jerry cried, turned around and left.

Kevin fell back onto the bed. His was shocked. Jerry never really Kevin, but he never tried to kill him before. What's wrong with him?! Kevin asked himself. He got up and turned on the stereo. A new song by a band called The Backstreet Boys was playing. A really depressing, yet beautiful song called Show me the meaning of being lonely. Inside his head, Kevin changed the words into: Show me the meaning of being hated. He wasn't really into boy-bands, but these five guys caught his attention with every single song the brought out.

So many words for the broken heart
It's hard to see in the crimson love
So hard to breath
Walk with me and maybe...

Nights of light so soon become
Wild and free I can feel the sun
You're every wish will be done
They tell me...

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart

Life goes on as it never ends
Eyes of stone observe the trends
They never say, forever gaze if only
Beauty rose to an endless love
There's no control
Are you with me now
Your every whish will be done
They tell me...

Show me the meaning of being lonely
Is this the feeling I need to walk with
Tell me why I can't be there where you are
There's something missing in my heart

There's nowhere to run
I have no place to go
Surrender my heart, body and soul

How can it be your asking me to feel
The things you never showed

Tell me why can't I be there where you are

Kevin caught himself singing every word to this sad song. Eventhou he swore to never have heard it before, the words came easily. He just knew them, by heart... Did I hear it before? He asked himself. I don't think I did. Then how come, I know every single word? This is so weird! It's almost scary...

'Kevin!' Jerald called from downstairs. 'Dinner.'

I'm not coming dad. Kevin said to himself... I'm leaving forever...

Hours passed. Kevin was lying on his bed just staring at the ceiling. His father had called him for dinner a minute or two earlier. But Kevin wasn't hungry. He was scared. Scared of Jerry. Scared of his mother's reaction, knowing she blamed him for Tim's accident. Kevin felt so guilty that he figured he'd might as well help Jerry a hand, by taking his own life. I'm gonna end it, he said to himself. He got up and went down, lied to his mother about not being hungry and walked outside, oblivious to the fact that his worried father was following close behind. Kevin hated himself and cursed himself as he walked into the barn, suddenly remembering where the family guns where hidden.

No one will miss me. I killed Timmy, my own brother. I don't deserve to live! He said to himself as he unlocked the cabinet revealing a beautifully polished Colt. Kevin looked at the gun and picked it up. One bullet is enough he figured and placed one bullet in the chamber. The gun was loaded... waiting in his hand for Kevin to pull the trigger...

Kevin raised his arm placing the gun against the side of his head. This is the only way, the only... he kept repeating.

Gavin: Yeah! Pull the trigger! End your pitiful life! You don't deserve to live! You killed Tim! You're a cold-blooded murderer! Die bastard, die!

Kevin: I don't think I can...

Gavin: Need me to help ya out then buddy? I can do that, ya know.

Kevin: No! Stay where you are! I won't have you hurting me or anybody else! I'll fix this myself! I don't need you or anybody else helping me!

Gavin: Okay, soothe yourself. Or should I say: SHOOT YOURSELF!

Kevin: I will!

And just then when he was about to pull the trigger, he saw his dad... Standing across the room with tears in his eyes.

'I have to go this dad...' Kevin whispered. 'I killed Timmy...'

'You didn't kill Tim... Please Kevin, put the gun down.' Jerald begged. 'Please...'

'I'm sorry dad... I killed 'em!'

'Please son... don't make me lose two of my boys in one day.' Jerald pleaded.

'Please, don't do it.' Kevin stared at his father. He'd never seen him cry before. Kevin could see the pain in his eyes and on his face as he stood there, a gun in one hand the other resting against the wall.

'I have no choice dad...' Kevin whispered.

'Please don't son...' Both men where now crying.

Jerald was worried sick about Tim but right now, Kevin was the one who needed him most. 'Let's talk about this Kevin.' He suggested. 'Let's talk this through like adults. Please.'

'There's nothing to talk through dad.' Kevin said, his hands where shaking.

Gavin: Come on smart ass! Pull the fucking trigger! You're not a wuss are ya?! Do it! NOW!

Kevin: Not with my dad watching!

Gavin: Then get rid of him!

'Okay. Then remove your finger. Take it of the trigger.'

'Leave me alone dad!' Kevin cried. 'I'll do it! I swear I will!'

'No Kevin, I'm not letting you go without a fight.'

'Just go!' Kevin yelled. 'I don't want you to see me like this! Please dad... go inside!'

Gavin: Yeah daddy. Go inside: let Kevin die in peace!

'No Kevin. Let's talk about this.' Jerald said. 'I'm gonna sit down. I'm not coming any closer. Just eh... hear me out.'

Gavin: Okay, talk never killed anybody...

Kevin: But the gun in my hand did!

Gavin: Of course it kills! That's what it's fucking made for you dumb shit! Kill yourself! End your pitiful life!

Kevin nodded and released the trigger.

Gavin: He's gonna tell you to put the gun down. Don't listen to him Kevin!

Kevin: But he's my dad!

Gavin: He's gonna send you away again...

Kevin: He won't...

Gavin: He did it once, he can do it again!

Kevin: No! He's my dad! He loves me!

Gavin: Who told ya that?! Wasn't he the one who put you in that institution 4 years ago? The place who looked like hell? You hated it there! But I helped you out! Have I ever lied to you?

Kevin: No, but...

Gavin: See, I've been your only help for ages. He'll send you back...

Kevin: Gavin, trust me on this one okay?

Gavin: Kevin, No!

'That's better.' Jerald smiled. 'Relax kid. It wasn't your fault Kevin. You didn't kill Tim.'

'Yeah I did! I was supposed to be in that car! If I took my own car this morning... Tim would still be alive! It's all my fault!' Kevin exclaimed and cried.

'Did you fuck with the breaks?' Jerald asked.

'No.' Kevin replied.

'Did you tell Tim to take your car?'

'Yes, I did.'

'So you knew that Tim was endangering his life!'

'No! I didn't!' Kevin cried.

'You didn't kill him Kevin.' Jerald said as he slowly came closer.

'I'm so sorry daddy.' Kevin whispered through his tears.

Gavin: He's gonna take the GUN!!

Kevin: It's okay. Let him have it.

Gavin: You fucking loser!

'It's okay Kevin. Give me the gun.' Jerald stretched his arm out to Kevin. Kevin hesitated for a second but, then he placed the gun in his father's waiting hand.

Gavin: LOSER!

Kevin: SHUT UP GAVIN!

Jerald took it, threw it away and enveloped his son into a big hug.

'It's okay son.' He whispered as he rocked Kevin back and forth. 'It's okay.'

'I'm so sorry daddy...'

Gavin: I failed this time Kevy-Kev. But next time your dear daddy won't be there to stop you!

>>>>> 

.