“Well?” I asked Nick in anticipation.
“Peyton, I’ve got to be honest with you. I really enjoyed hanging out with Tristan today, but that was just today. I don’t know if I could do it everyday,” he stated, his blue eyes looking sort of grayish.
“What are you saying Nick?” I asked, thinking I already had a pretty good idea of exactly what he was trying to say.
“I’m just not ready to be a dad. I’m still young and I don’t want to have to grow up and be a parent to someone. Especially when he’s not mine,” Nick said, searching my face for a reaction.
His words hurt and shot pain through my heart. The words ‘he’s not mine’ kept ringing in my ears. I knew that my son wasn’t Nick’s, but for this one day, everything had seemed so perfect. Everything was like we were a happy, normal little family…Nick, Tristan, and I.
“Peyton, please say something,” Nick brought my focus back to the situation.
“I don’t know what to say,” I said, glancing down at my hands that were now shaking.
Nick reached over with his free hand (the other one was holding my son) and took mine. “Peyton, I love you. I really do, but I can’t handle being a dad right now,” Nick said, trying his best to look me in the eye.
“Well, sorry, but we’re sort of a package deal,” I said, forcing a half smile.
“Yeah, I know. That’s why this is so hard for me,” Nick told me.
“I guess I knew this was going to come up sooner or later. It was only a matter of time. This makes my news a little easier to tell you, then,” I said, taking a deep breath to steady my shaky voice.
“What is it?” Nick looked at me concerned.
“I was offered at job at a medical firm in Los Angeles. I wasn’t going to take the job, but I think I might now. I don’t really have a reason not to go anymore,” I stated, as tears welled up in my eyes. I just stared down at my hands or on the ground. I couldn’t look at Nick or I knew I would burst into tears.
“So you’re going to go?” Nick asked blankly.
“Probably. I was going to see how you felt about it, but that doesn’t really matter to you, I guess,” I said, as a single tear slid down my cheek.
The moon was shining on half of our faces, so I knew that Nick could see the tear glistening on my cheek, even though he couldn’t see the rest of my face.
“When are you leaving?” he asked, reaching up to wipe my tear away with his hand.
“We’ll leave in two weeks. Not much time, but I could get all my stuff packed, if I need to,” I replied.
“Will you keep in touch?” Nick asked, his voice cracking a bit.
“I think it would be better if we didn’t. I would miss you too much and I would get too attached to you,” I told him, allowing my heart to just pour out the truth.
“Like now?” he grinned, assuming my answer.
“Yeah…” I trailed off, not wanting him to know just how much he was breaking my heart.
“Pey, I’m sorry. I really am. I love you so much, but I just don’t want to settle down and have a family and help raise a son at this time in my life,” he apologized.
“I’m sorry, too. I didn’t think I could love or trust someone again after what Craig did to me, but I did. I never meant to fall in love again. It was great while it lasted and I have you to thank for that,” I said, leaning over kissing him lightly on the cheek.
“I’m sorry,” Nick repeated.
“It’s okay…I understand. I’ll miss you very much, though. I love you,” I said getting up from the hammock and leaning over kissing Nick on the top of his hair. I smelled the sweet scent of his hair and the soft smell of his cologne. I knew I would remember the way he smelled at that exact moment for the rest of my life. I took Tristan from him and he stood up to kiss me goodbye. We shared our last kiss and I walked to my car and drove silently home, crying the entire way.
