Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!

Ended Happiness

By: Amber

I rose quickly from my bed. My pillow was soaked, tears covered my pillow. My hands were shaking and my eyes were soggy from the tears. I looked at my clock, it was barely 3 a.m. I must have had a dream about him. I do not remember any of the dream except a faint outline of his face. His sweet face with those blue eyes and the blonde hair. I started to cry again.
Four more hours and then I would start my usual day alone. Wake up Haze, who is my daughter. Haze is her nickname her full name is Hazel-Skyye. I remember when I was 13 years old, I wrote down many names of girls and boys that I would name my children..I promised myself I would name my first daughter Hazel-Skyye, I loved that name. My teenage days...those I will never forget. Those were my days of love and hate, freedom and pain. If I could back I would, I would in a second.
In June of 1998 I was 13 years old. The one morning my cousin called me and told me some hot guys would be at the fairgrounds performing. I was not real into 'guys' when I was 13, I was in love with Mariah Carey's music and Tony Braxton...guy groups where not for me, yet. She said they were called the Backstreet Boys, I heard their songs and saw their videos..but a concert, nah I was not total in love with them enough to go to a concert, so I said no. Then, one July day I was walking through The Wall and saw their CD, I said what the heck and I bought it. I listened to it when I got home, I loved their music. I wanted to go to the concert, so I told my mom and she gave me money and the next day I rode my bike to the ticket sellers and bought ONE ticket. I was going to a concert to a concert, alone, oh yea!
September 5, 1998 came and it was the best night of my life, not including my trip to Australia. They sang, and it felt like they were singing to me, and only me. I cried, I screamed, I jumped, and I lost my voice. But it was worth it...at least I thought it was.
After the concert I was a BSB freak. My pink walls turned into pictures of AJ, Brian, Howie, Kevin, and Nick. There was actually a whole wall full of just Nick and his little brother Aaron. When I ran out of wallspace I used the hall and my ceiling. I got BSB stickers, diarys, shirts, hats, pens, notebooks, and tons of other goodies. I had about 5 tapes full of TV appereances, all of their home videos. All of the BSB books, the pocket books, and the Nick Carter book. I got so in love with them, I disliked people who did not like them. Most of my friends thought I was obsessed, but I did not care, I was in love with them. For my 14th birthday I got yet another BSB shirt, necklaces and bracelets with their names on them or their faces. I got their newest CD 'Millenium' and about 4 import CDs and 2 singles from Germany. I got a BSB watch, a BSB bandana, a pillow, and a blanket. I was so happy. I was determined to be a BSB Girl. I wanted to meet them, sing with them, tour with them, just be with them. But all my happiness would have to end sometime, right?
Well it ended alright. One day before my 16th birthday. I came home from school and turned on the TV to channel 54, which was MTV. TRL was about to come on, in about 10 minutes. I hoped BSB got #1 again today, it would be their 24th day at #1. It is their song Spanish Eyes, I remember when I first heard that song 2 years ago, it was so pretty and now the video...so peaceful. All the guys looks so much older then when they started in the music buisness. Oh darn, MTV news was coming on, nothing ever interesting is on their but oh well, might as well watch it. Blah...Blah...Blah, boring...wait. Something about BSB, I turned it up.
''This morning there was a tragedy in the very succesful boy band, Backstreet Boys. We all know that Brian from the group has had some heart problems in the past. This morning Brian Thomas Littrell died due to a heart failure," I put my hand over my mouth and started to cry. "There will be a public funeral May 14th and a private funeral for close friends and family on May 15th. If you would like to send donations send them to P.O. Box.." I shut the TV off. My eyes were foggy, I could not see. I ran to the phone..I had to call Jynks and tell her about Brian. I dialed and there was no answer so I hung up and fell to the floor. I could not stay here, I needed to walk so I walked to the park and sat under a tree. I sat there for nearly 2 hours crying and crying. Then I looked up, the sun was dissapearing behind the mountains. It was so beautiful..yet I still cried. I stood up and reached for the sky, I thought maybe Brian would come down from Heaven and be here again. But it was inpossible, and I knew it, I fell to the ground. When I finally looked up it was pitch dark all around. All I could see was a street lamp a block of two away. I only felt the coolness of the night. I got up and slowly walked home. When I arrived home my mother was on the couch, she looked at me and jumped up..out of her seat and with the questions. I didn't answer any, she looked at me and I could tell what she thought. My hair was all messed up and my eyes were poofy and red, she probably thought I was stoned. She said, "Sweety, what happened?" I looked at her and said Brian died. Can you believe she said, "Brian who?"
I tensed up and yelled, "Brian, from BSB! He died this morning!" She turned red, "You mean you were gone for nearly 7 hours because some singer died? I was so worried I called the police! You can not live only thinking about them! You don't do anything but sit in your room listening to them! Your walls are not walls they are a magazine!" She probably would have kept yelling at me but I ran to my room and slammed my door. She did not understand, Brian was not just a singer he was a Backstreet Boy. She did not understand, she just didn't understand.
I woke up early the next morning, I went downstairs for breakfast, but I was not hungry. So I turned on TV. I thought to myself, maybe I dreamed that Brian died, maybe it was all a dream, until there was a picture of him, under it said 'Brian Thomas Littrell 1975-2001.' I started to cry. I turned the TV off and walked to the fridge. There was a card there with a box under it. I took them out and opened the card. There was a poloroid of BSB, the card read:
'Happy Birthday! We know you are saddened by the tragedy of Brian, so are we. We would like to take you with us to the personal funeral for Brian on the 15th. Your mom said it was ok, so it is up to you. You will be getting a phone call around 10, give us your answer.
Love,
BSB'

A tear ran down my face, I was happy about the invite but I was still hurt inside. I opened the box and inside was a silver necklace with a cross on it. In the middle of the cross it read 'B-Rok 4 ever' I held the necklace and the card with the picture inside close to my heart. I sat on the couch and cried. About an hour later the phone rang, I looked at the clock and it was 10 o'clock. I answered it and it was Nick Carter. I thanked him for the card and the present and told him to thank the rest of the guys. Then they told me to pack my clothes and things because tonight we were leaving for the funeral. After I hung up I packed up my things and called my school and told them I would be out for the next week because I was going to a funeral.

When school was out I was still keeping in touch with the boys, especially Nick. We grew close because he was Brian's best friend, so he knew he could talk to me. They did not tour that summer, but they did make a song and video about Brian. That was the last song and video of BSB. Even though they were not together, Nick and I were. In November/2009 we were engaged. We got married January 28, 2011 which was his birthday. As if it could not get any more perfect it did. About 5 months after the wedding we found out I was pregnant. Driving home from the hospital we got in an accident. A trunk had gotten out of control and hit us on the side, the driver's side. I had good news and bad news, the good news was the baby survived, but the bad news was that Nick didn't.
Haze is 7 now, and she listens to her daddy's cd's and looks at his picture. She looks like him, blonde hair, bright blue eyes. She is in the school chorus and sings solo whenever she can. She is going to be just like her daddy.

Email: panda_angelaj@hotmail.com