Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!

Forever

By: Sara

I can't believe this happened. She was so young and vibrant and...And why am I thinking about her in the past tense, she isn't dead...yet. I guess maybe that it's because I feel so helpless. I can't do anything for her. She is holding onto life by a thread and it is all my fault. Juli...Why? Why? Why? A thousand questions raced through his mind as he sat and watched the one he loved lying still in the hospital bed. The only sounds in the room were the machines that were monitoring her comatose condition.
Brian sat back in his chair and thought back to the night that it had all happened. It had all been such a blur...
"Brian, no. That's not fair. We had an agreement and I thought that your management had agreed to it as well," Juli said as she crossed her arms over her chest.
"I know, baby. It's not my fault and I really tried to get them to change it. We have to do this short Christmas tour and then we'll be back in time for New Year's," Brian said as he sat next to her on the bed, putting his arm around her.
"That's not good enough. You know that we agreed that you would be here for me while I'm going through this. What if it happens while you're on the road? Answer me that!"
"I said that I tried to get out of it...what more do you want?"
"I wanted you to be supportive of our agreement. It's the only thing I have from you. It's not like we're married or anything."
"Look, you know where I stand on that and you are really not being fair about this either."
"That's it! You pushed it too far. I'm not being fair? I'm not being fair? We had an agreement and you broke it. You see this finger," she said shoving her ring finger in his face, "it is bare because I agreed that marriage could wait because of your career, as long as you agreed to be there for me during this whole ordeal. Now, you're telling me that right at the end, that you have to leave. That's not fair."
"I said I was sorry."
"Sorry doesn't make you stay here when I need you." Brian walked up behind her and tried to comfort her. She pushed him away. "I have to get out of here. I'm going for a drive. Don't wait up." With that, she had walked out the door.
If Brian had known that it would be the last time he would ever see her conscious, he would have followed. But he hadn't, he'd just laid back down on the bed and gone to sleep. A few hours later, the phone had rung. He would never forget the words that came out of the receiver into his ear. "Mr. Littrell, you need to come down to University Medical Center, there's been an accident." After he had gotten to the hospital, and taken his place beside her bed, the time had just seemed to melt together into one big moment of misery.
Brian stood up from the chair that he had been sitting in for the past four hours and walked over to her bed. His tear stained cheeks were pale. He had been crying all night, and he hadn't had any decent sleep since the accident had occurred. He had no energy left.
He knelt down beside her bed and took her hand in his. "You have to get through this. I can't live without you. I need you. I love you. Please hear me," he whispered to her, and then began to cry again, "please come back to me."
He was a broken man, and he had been for weeks now. He hadn't been able to focus on anything but her ever since the accident. His friends had tried to take his mind off it, but they eventually gave up. He was a wreck. There was nothing they could do except be there for him if he wanted to talk.
He hadn't spoken to anyone except doctors and nurses for days and then only to check the condition of Juli. He was slipping farther and farther into depression. He was having a hard time facing reality. The pangs of guilt that he felt all the time now were unbearable. He was still in shock over the whole scene. I caused this. I could have stopped her from leaving and I didn't. I just let her go. She was so mad at me. I thought that I would give her some time to cool off, but now she is dying and it is my fault. I did this. Why did I let her go? His mind was clouded.
He squeezed the hand that he was holding. The doctors had told him repeatedly that she couldn't hear him or feel anything around her. He didn't believe them. They had no idea what kind of bond he shared with her. He kissed the back of her hand and placed his free hand on her face. He sat there like that, with his hot tears running down his cheeks, and through his two weeks worth of whiskers. "Please don't leave me," he whimpered.
He stood up and went over to the chair. He dragged it over to the side of her bed and then sat back down. He took hold of her hand again and then laid his head down on the bed and closed his teary eyes. He didn't expect to fall asleep, but in a few minutes, he sank into the empty blackness of his normally peace-less sleep. Tonight was different, however. Tonight he found peace.
He was asleep for what felt like ten minutes when he felt someone jiggling his arm. He awoke and saw that the room was brightly lit. The sun shone on his face. He picked his head up and looked around the room. Then his eyes rested on Juli. She was sitting up in her bed and smiling at him. His heart was filled with joy and he immediately wrapped her in a hug. "Oh my God, I was so worried. I love you so much. I was so afraid that you would never come back to me. I love you. Please don't ever leave me again," he was crying again, but this time they were tears of joy.
She smiled back at him. "I love you, too. I always have. I always will. I will never leave you again," she cried too.
He smiled at her, then kissed her tenderly on the lips. When the kiss broke, he leaned back and looked into her eyes. His eyes were still teary, and he noted that hers were too. He grabbed a hold of her hands, brought them up to his face, and kissed them. Then he looked at her and said, "I never want you to leave me ever again. Will you be my wife?"
She smiled and replied, "Of course I will, now and forever. I will never leave you again. I will be with you from now until the end of time. Until death do us part."
He smiled the brightest smile that he could and then hugged her close. He closed his eyes as he felt her arms encircle him. The last things that she had said repeated in his mind as if a ghostly echo. "I will be with you from now until the end of time. Until death do us part..."
He heard a buzzing sound in the back of his mind. He tried to ignore it, but when it didn't go away, he opened his eyes to see what the noise was. He looked up and was confused that the room was dark. He looked for the origin of the sound. He was horrified when he saw the screen for her heart monitor. There was only a flat line in place of the familiar peaks and valleys of a heartbeat. He looked at Juli and panicked. "Wake up. You have to wake up. It can't end this way. I can't live my life without you. You can't die. I need you. I love you. You have to wake up," he was crying again. He shook her hand. "Come on. I need you to wake up for me. Please don't leave me. Please don't..." his voice trailed off as the tears flowed.
He stood up and pulled her lifeless body into a bear hug. He stood there hugging her for a long while. He kissed her on the cheek and whispered, "I love you. Please come back to me. I can't live without you. My life seems so meaningless unless you are here to share it with me. I don't want to live without you with me. I am so sorry about the whole tour thing. I never wanted to hurt you. I love you. Please come ba..." his pleas were interrupted by a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and saw that it was a doctor.
The doctor walked over and turned the heart monitor off. Then he scribbled something in her chart. "She's gone, Mr. Littrell. We were prepared for this. She is no longer in pain, and I'm sure you must know that she is in a better place now," the doctor said in a soothing tone of voice, "come on, you need to get out of here. Your friends and family are outside in the waiting room."
Brian nodded and placed Juli gently back on the bed. He took a small box out of his pocket and removed the tiny ring that was inside. He placed it on her finger, then giving her one last good-bye, he followed the doctor into the waiting room. The look on his face told everyone that she had passed, even before the doctor could talk. Mandy's eyes welled up with tears and she turned to Nick for comfort. He embraced her as he wiped the tears out of his own eyes.
Brian's mom ran up to him and gave him a hug. He was so physically tired from staying at her bedside ever since the accident and mentally exhausted from the endless nights of worry. He looked wearily around the room at all of the faces. They all had the same look of pain and sorrow. Then he noticed the small bassinet resting on two of the chairs in the waiting room. He walked over and looked in. His eyes welled up with tears when he recognized the two small babies in the bassinet. They were Katherine Marie and Brian Thomas Jr., his twin son and daughter. He sat down next to the bassinet and gently touched the foreheads of the tiny babies. He smiled sadly to himself.
Three days later, he was home. His and Juli's parents had both stayed to help him out until the funeral arrangements could be made. He picked up Thursday's newspaper and opened it to the obituary section. There he saw a picture of his beloved. He read the caption below:

"Juli Marie Drake, 23, died peacefully in her sleep. She is survived by two children, Katherine Marie Littrell and Brian Thomas Littrell Jr. Funeral services will be held at St. Luke's Baptist Church at 3pm this Sunday."

Brian cut the article out and placed it in the box that contained all of the articles and photographs of their short life together. He picked up the first article and read it.

Three-car collision results in two deaths and a third party being hospitalized
Alcohol was said to be the major contributing factor in this accident. The Blood Alcohol Level of the at-fault driver was reported to have been .33, well above the legal limit.
Eyewitnesses at the scene say that the driver of a blue Honda, apparently intoxicated, was speeding out of control and hit a construction barrier. He then spun out of control and hit a red Chevy head on. The Chevy was sent careening into oncoming traffic and crashed into a white Ford pick-up truck. Both the drivers of the Honda and the Ford died at the scene. The driver of the Chevy, who was also apparently pregnant, was life-flighted to University Medical Center and is said to be in critical condition. There is no word as of yet on the condition of her children.

He replaced the article and wiped his eyes for the hundredth time that morning. He was still having trouble believing that she was gone. It just isn't fair. She was so young. She had her whole life ahead of her. He started to cry again when Juli's mom came in the room.
"Brian, it's time to go to the church for the funeral," she said softly. He looked up at her and nodded. He got up from the kitchen table, where he had been sitting, and walked toward the front door. He knew that he had to try to be strong, for his friends, his children, his family, and most of all for himself.
The funeral was beautiful. Everyone got up and said something nice about Juli, some special reason that they would always remember her. When it was Brian's turn, he decided that he would sing a song that reflected the way he felt now. This was totally unplanned, so there was no music. So, very emotionally and a cappella he sang:

I tried to pick the pieces up
And I can't think of starting over.
We used to share the stars above
I don't wanna think it changed.
And now I've gotta move on;
I've gotta catch up to the world.
Even though I gave you my life
As wrong as it seems I know it's right.
But, is there a place that I can go away
To escape the love that I will forever know?

Where can we go from here?
All I know is that I love you still
Sometimes we do things against our will
I know I cry lonely tears
Where can we go from here?

Why, Why do I cry inside?
When love is gone away
And how, How can I carry on
When I know all the love is gone...

He started crying at this point, and was unable to finish the song. He looked at the picture of Juli that was set up on top of her closed coffin, kissed his fingers, and then pressed them on the picture. "I will always love you. You will always be with me, here, in my heart," he said as he put his hands over his heart. He closed his eyes and tilted his head upward, "I love you, now and forever..."

Email: panda_angelaj@hotmail.com