Mandi looked at her watch, then the phone, then back at her watch. Sighing she stood from the couch where she was sitting. Five more minutes, and if she hasn't called... I still won’t say anything. Mandi started pacing the length of Kevin’s living room.
"Mandi, you're wearing a hole in the carpet" a voice said from across the room.
"Sorry Brian." She looked at him and gave him a wan smile. "I have some stuff on my mind." He looked down at the floor and nodded, and Mandi took the chance to observe him. If she didn't know any better she'd think he was the one who loved Em. Sure, he loved her like a brother, but the way he was moping it was as if he'd been dumped. But she knew he was just concerned for his cousin. Like the rest of the guys he had no idea what had caused Emma's sudden change in attitude. Mandi walked over to him and gave him a hug, resting her head on his shoulder. He leaned his head on top of hers and gave her a squeeze. “Her reasons will be clear to us someday. I promise.” She squeezed him back.
“Mandi, we need to talk.”
Mandi jumped at the sound of Kevin’s voice. Turning to look at him, she waited for the interrogation she was sure was on its way. AJ and Howie entered the room from the kitchen, and Mandi went to stand by AJ. He wrapped a protective arm around her shoulders.
"You're her best friend. You know her better than any of us here" he began. He stopped, unsure of what to say next. He knew he was putting her in an unfair position.
"Kevin," Mandi said before he could speak again. "You want to know what happened to make Emma.... do this to you, right?" Kevin nodded. "I can't just come right out and tell you." Kevin's jaw dropped in disbelief and he stared at her. He opened his mouth to speak, but Mandi stopped him. "If I did, Emma would never talk to me again. But, ask me directly and I'll tell you. That way I can say you forced it out of me. OK?" Mandi so badly wanted him to know, and she hated Emma at that moment for putting her in this position.
"What the hell happened, Mandi?" Kevin asked, his shoulders drooping. He sank into his couch, and looked at her. She could see in his eyes all the pain that her best friend had caused. "Why did she break up with me?"
"Her motive was pure, Kevin. You have to believe me on that" she began. She stood up and went to stand in front of the window. She crossed her arms, as if trying to hug herself. She didn't know what to say next. AJ followed her and wrapped his arms around her. His support gave her the courage to go on.
"When Emma was seventeen she was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer." Kevin paled at the words, but motioned for her to continue. "She had surgery, they took out the tumor and an ovary, and she moved on with her life. And before you ask, she never told you because it was over 6 years ago. She didn't think it would come back." Mandi felt the need to defend her friend's secrecy. "She liked to pretend that she was okay with it. But I would hear her crying at night, and I knew that she wasn't okay. But, when I tried to talk to her about it she just brushed it off." Mandi looked around the room at the others, and, had the situation been less serious, she would have laughed at Nick and Brian's identical expressions of disbelief.
"She began having stomach pains about six months ago, I think. I would find her doubled over at the kitchen sink trying to pour herself a drink so she could take some aspirin. I tried to get her to go to a doctor, but she wouldn't... or couldn't. She was terrified. I could see the fear in her eyes everytime I found her in pain. I think she knew then, but was too afraid to get it confirmed." Mandi paused and stepped out of AJ's embrace. It was almost too hard for her to go on. The look on their faces was too much.
"I guess the pain became too much for her, because she went to the doctor two days ago. She told me today that her cancer was back." Before she could go further, the guys interrupted.
"Emma had cancer?"
"Oh gosh!"
Only Kevin remained silent, and Mandi went to kneel in front of him, taking his hands in hers. Shushing the others she continued. "That's why she did it Kevin. That's why she hurt you. She didn't want for you to-"
Kevin stood up abruptly, knocking her over in the process. "I need to see her" he said quietly. "Is she home?" Mandi nodded.
"Kev, it might be best to leave her alone for a while," Brian said, concern creasing his brow.
"No," Kevin said quietly. "Mandi can I borrow your car?" he asked quietly through tightly clenched teeth. His car was in the shop, so she nodded and handed him the keys to her Jetta.
Kevin blew out of the room, and they all flinched when the front door slammed a moment later. Soon, they all heard the sound of Mandi's car starting and the screeching of the tires as he backed out of the driveway.
"Oh no," AJ breathed. The guys just nodded. "Poor Emma."
"Poor Emma?" Brian asked with a bitter laugh. "Poor Kevin!" He stood up and began to pace. "Man!" he said angrily, punching the nearest wall. "Poor Emma." He slid down the wall into a crouch. "She should have told him though." The guys all nodded their agreement.
Mandi stood there feeling miserable for having been the bearer of bad news. No one spoke after that. They all just sat in silence, waiting for Kevin to come home.
Kevin drove blindly and in silence, hands tightly gripping the steering wheel. Why couldn’t she just tell me? I can handle it. Really I can, he thought. He wasn’t quite sure who he was trying to convince, since he was the only one listening… He took a look at his surroundings and realized that he had driven to Emma’s neighborhood. Before he could stop himself he was pulling into the driveway of the house Emma and Mandi had rented. Kevin turned off the car and sat there for a few minutes before getting out. He pulled out the key that Emma had given him for Christmas the year before. She said it represented the trust she had in him. “Trust, ha!” he spat out.
Letting himself in, he called out her name. “Em!” There was no answer. The house was eerily silent, and he knew he wouldn’t find her there. But he needed to check anyway, and climbed the stairs to her bedroom. Her door was wide open and Kevin could see the wild disarray inside. Kevin smiled. Em’s room always looked like a hurricane hit it. He stepped inside and looked around, his heart sinking when he saw her empty closet. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed his house. He was halfway down the stairs when Mandi answered.
“She’s gone, Mandi!” Kevin said, running out to the car. Then he hung up. He was in the car and on the road in less than 30 seconds.
“She’s gone? Kevin?!” But the phone was dead. Mandi slowly placed the phone back on its base.
“Who’s gone?” AJ asked, his mouth full of sandwich. Mandi wrinkled her nose at his manners. AJ swallowed and looked at her over the top of his sunglasses. “Who’s gone?" he asked again. Mandi returned his smile.
“I don’t know,” Mandi said. “Kevin didn’t say, but who else could he mean but Emma?” Mandi knew he meant Emma, but wasn’t going to say that to AJ. Emma did this when she got scared. She ran. Usually she showed up in a couple of days, so Mandi wasn’t really concerned. “If it is Emma, she’ll be back. No worries.” But even she didn’t believe her words.
“Emma wouldn’t just leave without saying goodbye, would she?” Howie asked, disbelief in his voice. He had taken longer to warm up to Emma than the others, she was too much of a free spirit even for him, but he loved her as much as the others did now. “I mean, I know she’s done it before, but she loves us, right?” There was such worry in his voice that Mandi went to him and gave him a hug.
“Emma does what she want to do, Howie. If she left she had a reason. Same as she had a reason for hurting Kev. But she loves you, all of you. Don’t ever think she doesn’t” Mandi explained, as she would to one of her preschoolers. Howie just nodded. The sound of screeching tires was heard, and Mandi went to open the door. Kevin came running in, a panicked look on his face.
“She’s gone! She left… all of her clothes are gone, and her car, and…” He broke off. “You look like you expected this Mandi” he said accusingly. “You could have warned me!”
“I’m sorry Kevin. I didn’t expect this, but I’m not surprised” Mandi said softly. “It’s what she did in college when she got scared or mad or sad…” Her voice trailed off.
“Kev, I hate to be the one to say this, but as hard as it’s gonna be, you need to move on” Nick spoke up. He hated to be the bearer of bad ideas, but someone had to say it. Kevin looked at him. Nick was notorious for his blonde moments, but this was a new level of stupidity for him.
“I’m with Nick, man” AJ said. His sunglasses may have hidden the emotion in his eyes, but when his voice cracked slightly everyone knew how hard this was hitting him. “I know it’s only been a few hours but you don’t know if she’s ever coming back. Worry about how you feel when you see her again.”
Kevin looked at them as if they were all crazy, but he knew they were right. He knew at some point he had to move on, preferably sooner than later, but not just yet. Sighing he fell onto the couch that was closest to the door. He tipped his baseball cap down over his face and sat in silence for a moment. No one else spoke, and when he looked up he saw them looking everywhere but at him. Brian was thoroughly engrossed in examining a non-existent mark on the wall, and the others just stared off into space.
He spoke finally, with some difficulty. “Look, I appreciate everything you’ve done today, but right now I need to be alone.” Everyone nodded and started to move towards the front door. Kevin’s voice stopped them. “Can you do me another favor? I just need to be alone for a while. I’ll call y’all tomorrow.” Once again the group nodded.
Mandi went to Kevin, and wrapped him in a hug. “It will all work out hun. Don’t worry. I’ll let you know when I hear anything.” Then the group left.
Kevin sighed, and stood from his seat. The house was empty now, and in the silence he could hear the tick-tock of every clock in every room. If he listened hard enough, something he tried not to do, he could hear the ghost of Emma’s laugh coming from the kitchen where she used to cook for them. He shook his head to clear the sound, and headed upstairs to his room. His eyes landed on a framed picture on his nightstand, and he groaned aloud. He sat down on his bed and picked up the picture.
It had been taken a year ago, right before they had started going out. Right before they had even admitted that they liked each other. But that admission had come that weekend, in front of everyone so Emma couldn’t deny ever having said it. Kevin smiled faintly at the memory.
~ Flashback ~
“Anyone for a friendly game of Truth or Dare?” Nick asked, waggling his eyebrows at the group in front of him. They were gathered around the kitchen table at Kevin’s ranch, having just finished their first dinner of the long weekend. The guys had found a break in their hectic schedule and decided to take a vacation together for a change, and they had invited Mandi and Emma to come.
“Uh uh. No way, no how, not with you” Emma said, shaking her head. A small smile played at the corners of her mouth as she remembered what had happened last time they had played a “friendly” game.
Nick pouted, and said “Why not?”
“‘Cause you suck at the game” Emma said, and Mandi nodded her agreement.
“You can never think of good questions when someone says truth, and your dares always seem to end with someone hanging naked and upside down from the nearest tree, or with blood coming from somewhere.”
“But, I have good questions this time,” Nick said, trying to plead his case. “I remember them too.” Emma gave him a skeptical look, and shook her head again.
“You mean, you can actually retain thoughts in that blonde head of yours?” she asked in mock disbelief. “Unbelievable.” Nick looked a little hurt, and Emma squeezed his arm.
“I’m all for it” Brian said, pushing his chair away from the table and standing. The other guys nodded in agreement, and Mandi also grudgingly gave in. “Emma?” Brian asked pointedly, knowing full well that she’d agree now that everyone else had.
“Fine,” Emma said as she brought her dishes to the sink. Nick and Brian exchanged a look that made her narrow her eyes. “But if I wind up naked or bleeding, I will kill you Nick.”
A few minutes later they were seated in a circle in front of the fireplace in the living room. Emma crossed her legs, and tried to shake the feeling that something was going on that she didn’t know about.
“Alright,” Nick said with a smile, rubbing his hands together while looking around the circle. “AJ, truth or dare?”
“Truth” AJ said warily. He gave Nick a warning look, and Nick’s smile faded a bit.
“Umm… what’s your favorite… ummm color?” Nick asked. Emma groaned and buried her head in her hands.
“Yellow,” AJ answered, leaning back on his hands. He smiled knowing he’d gotten off easy this time. “Emma, truth or dare?”
“Truth” Emma said nonchalantly. She knew she could trust these guys, but she didn’t want them to know everything.
“Who’s Tony?” AJ asked. The game was about to get interesting. Emma’s heart sank, and she looked at Mandi. Mandi shook her head and gave a little shrug to indicate she didn’t know how AJ had found out. She looked at her hands, and took a deep breath. “Tony is my ex-fiance. Howie truth or dare?” she rushed on.
“Wait wait wait!” AJ put his hand up. “We want the gory details. Spill it, girlfriend.”
“You asked who he was and I answered” Emma pointed out. “It’s time for the next victim. Howie, truth or dare.”
“Dare.”
“Good to know someone has some guts around here” Emma commented. “I dare you to perform for us AJ’s solo. Floor humping and all.” Emma had once seen Howie imitating AJ during rehearsal, and had found it to be quite humorous. Howie shot her a dirty look and proceeded to perform. The rest of the group was doubled over in laughter by the time he finished, and Mandi had tears streaming down her cheeks from laughing so hard. When he took a bow, Emma broke into enthusiastic applause.
“Bravo! Bravo!” she shouted. “Encore!”
“Emma,” Howie said pointedly. “Truth or Dare?”
“I’m gonna have to go with truth again” Emma smiled.
“What’s the deal with why you sometimes give Nick dirty looks when he talks?” Howie asked, a small frown on his face. She wasn’t his favorite person, and he wanted to know why she treated Nick the way she did sometimes. It wasn’t that he disliked her, he just got the feeling that she was trying too hard to hide parts of herself. He, as well as the other guys, wanted to get to know her better, but she refused to let them.
Emma stared at him, and Nick looked at him in surprise. Now, how did he notice that? she thought. She was pretty sure that she had done a good job of hiding her emotions when it came to Nick. Apparently it wasn’t good enough. Again she looked at Mandi, and, again, Mandi shrugged, a concerned look clouded her eyes. She knew that Emma had issues with Nick because of Tony, and that she had carefully avoided telling anyone about what had happened before they had left Massachusetts. Emma sighed, feeling tears prick the back of her eyelids.
“Nick, I had no idea I was shooting you dirty looks,” she began, turning to face the young man sitting next to her. She touched his hand, and he looked at her.
“Neither did I,” Nick said, hurt written plainly on his face. “Don’t worry about it, Emma.” He tightened his fingers around hers and squeezed her hand reassuringly.
“It’s just that you remind me of Tony. You’re identical to him. I mean it. The first time I saw you on TV, my sophomore year of college, I almost sh*t myself.” Emma felt a tear escape and angrily wiped it away. “Tony and I were supposed to be married in August before my second year of school, then I found out he’d cheated on me. Not only had he cheated on me, however, but the tramp was pregnant, too. So, he married her and I moved on with my life.” Or tried to, she thought. “I…” Emma was at a loss for words.
Nick reached over and pulled her into a hug. So far, this game wasn’t going the way he had planned. “It’s okay, Em” he said. She pulled away and smiled softly.
“Nicky, truth or dare?” she asked. It was time to have some fun.
He grimaced. “Dare.”
“I dare you…” Emma paused to think. She was silent for a moment, a look of intense concentration on her face, and Nick grew more worried by the second. “I dare you to call what’s-her-name and tell her who you really are, and how much you like her.” Nick had been pining away for some girl he’d been met online two years ago, and had been chatting with ever since. She lived in Florida like the rest of them, but Nick would never tell the others where. He wouldn’t even tell them her name. The only thing he would tell them was that she had no idea he was a member of the Backstreet Boys.
“I hate you, Emma. I really do.” The other guys laughed at his discomfort. Nick reached for his cell phone, and began to punch in the numbers. “Is Lynn there please?” he asked after a moment. Mandi and Emma exchanged looks, and Emma shook her head. “Lynn, this is Nick… from the internet.” They exchanged pleasantries, then Nick got to the point. “Look, I was calling for a reason. Two actually. First, I really like you… as more than a friend. And I’d like to get to know you better.” He grew quiet as the girl on the other end spoke, then his face broke into a grin.
Apparently things were going well. “There’s… ummm… there’s something else I need to tell you. You’ve heard of the Backstreet Boys, right? Well, I’m one of them.” Nick closed his eyes and clenched his teeth, waiting for her reaction. And when the reaction came the entire room could hear it. Nick held the phone away from his ear and grinned at the others. When it grew quiet he put it back to his ear and said cautiously, “So I guess you don’t mind then?”
“Ask her if she’s always lived in Florida, Nick” Emma whispered. She had a gut feeling about something and she wanted to confirm it.
“Um, Lynn, have you always lived in Florida?” Nick asked after a moment. He waited a second. “One of my friends. She’s kinda nosy, but she’s basically an okay chick.”
Emma swatted him lightly. Nick turned to her and smiled. “She’s originally from New Mexico. And before that she lived in Massachusetts.” Emma looked at Mandi, then grabbed the phone from Nick. Mandi was by her side in a heartbeat.
“Lynny?” she asked excitedly. “It’s Emma!” The guys looked on in amazement as Emma talked animatedly into the little black phone. They had never seen her like this, and it was quite entertaining. Mandi and Emma took turns talking to Lynn, then said their goodbyes with promises to get together in a few days.
“Excellent” Emma said, nodding her head in amazement.
“Obviously” Mandi said, just as stunned.
“Obviously excellent!” They chorused together. They grinned, then yelled at the top of their lungs, “Mass Crew Representin’!”
“Someone wanna fill the rest of us in?” AJ asked, sitting up straight.
“Long story short, Nick’s internet girlfriend is one of our best friends from college” Mandi explained, moving back to her spot next to AJ. He wrapped an arm around her, and pulled her close.
“We all planned to move to Orlando together,” Emma continued. “But she had to do an extra semester at school. She emailed us and told us she had decided to go home to Albuquerque instead of moving to Florida. We all lost touch after awhile because we were so busy with our own things” Emma stopped. “That’s it I guess.”
“I believe it’s my turn to challenge someone” Nick said. He flashed a grin at Brian, then one at Emma who narrowed her eyes in suspicion. “Kevin, truth or dare?”
Kevin raised an eyebrow. “Truth.”
“Are you in love with Emma?” Emma’s jaw dropped, and she could feel her cheeks get hot. She grabbed Nick’s love handle and gave it a pinch. “OW!” Nick cried, turning to face her. “What was that for?” AJ, Mandi, and Howie looked at each other, shock written on all their faces. Kevin suddenly became interested in his living room rug, and tried to stop the flush he could feel spreading up his neck.
“What are you doing?” Emma hissed. She was annoyed, more so than when she first got conned into playing this game.
“Trying to get to the bottom of this game you and Kev are playing” Brian said from across the circle. He looked at her, a challenge in his eyes. Emma glared at him, and, with her eyes, accepted his challenge to stay in the game. Brian nodded at Nick.
“So, are you in love with Emma?” Nick repeated to a now-red Kevin. Kevin looked up at him, then turned his gaze on Emma. He had been waiting for a year to tell her how he felt. Somehow, this wasn’t exactly the setting he imagined it happening in. Sighing, he closed his eyes for a moment. Opening them, he focused on her again. Finally he spoke. “Yes, I am.”
Emma closed her eyes, and tightened her jaw. Beside her Nick pumped a fist in the air and let out an excited, “Yes!” Emma shook her head, trying to clear it. When she opened her eyes she looked everywhere but at Kevin. She locked eyes with Mandi, who shot her a sympathetic look.
“Emma,” Kevin said quietly. She slowly turned to look at him, not wanting to hear what he said next. “Truth or dare?” he asked.
That was such an unexpected question that she almost laughed. Almost. She cleared her throat, then said “Dare.” If I’m gonna play, I’m gonna play my way, she thought.
“I dare you,” Kevin began, stopping when he saw the look in her eyes. Maybe this has gone too far, he thought. He considered it for a moment, then spoke again, deciding that he had to know for sure. “I dare you to show me, and the others, how you feel about me.” He only hoped she didn’t haul off and smack him.
Emma stared at him for a second. I could hit him, she considered. Then he’ll think I feel nothing but anger at the moment. Her eyes locked with his and she knew the time had come to come clean with him. She stood, and took a moment to stretch, making the others suffer a little longer. She looked at Mandi, who gave her a small smile. Poor Mandi, Emma thought with a small inner laugh. Even she has no idea what I’m going to do. Her gaze fell back to Kevin, and she began walking towards him. He was sitting with his legs crossed, leaning back on his arms, watching her progress. She stood above him, her legs on either side of his, then she lowered herself so that her bottom rested on him crossed ankles. Kevin’s hands wrapped around her waist, making sure she was steady. The others stared in wonder at the drama unfolding in front of them.
Emma stared into his eyes, the connection they had always had growing stronger by the minute. She reached out and touched his cheek with one finger before cupping it with her hand. Her thumb stroked his skin lightly, and she reveled in the smoothness of it. Kevin closed his eyes against the emotions her touch evoked, and turned his head to kiss her palm. Emma moved her hand, and lightly traced his lips with one of her fingers. She leaned in slowly, and very lightly pressed her lips to his. After a moment, the kiss deepened, and Kevin buried his hands in her hair. It was only when someone cleared their throat that they remembered they had an audience and broke apart. She rested her forehead against his, and took a few deep breaths.
“Are you all satisfied now?” she finally asked. She stood, shaken, and made her way to the door. “This game is over now.” She turned to leave.
“Emma, truth or dare?” Mandi’s voice stopped her, and she turned to face her roommate.
“Truth.” She couldn’t handle another dare, but one more question couldn’t possibly hurt.
“So, does this mean you’re in love with Kevin?” Mandi shot her a quick smile, and settled herself more comfortably in AJ’s arms.
Emma glared at her, making a mental note to have Nick play an awful joke on the girl in the future. “Yes, I am.” And with that she was gone.
The others were silent for a moment, then they broke into enthusiastic cheers. Kevin just sat there stunned. He’d been waiting for that first kiss for what seemed like forever. Now it was done, and all he wanted was more. Now what? he asked himself. He shook himself out of his daze, not wanting to think too much for the moment. There would be time for that later. Everyone surrounded him, and he smiled at them. From the way they were acting, you would think that another album had gone quadruple platinum or something. He let himself enjoy it, though, vowing to see what the morning brought.
That was the weekend they became a couple, unofficially. Emma was still wary of opening up completely. But he gave her the space she needed. Just knowing that she loved him was enough for the moment.
