Nick felt like his heart had stopped, like someone had punched him in the stomach. He tried to keep walking. He knew he had to before all the resentment of the last months slipped away and he went back to loving
the figure that he had just seen across the street. All the time his mind trying to do so many things at once, to explain away the sight, to repel the love he felt dissolving the hate he had lodged in his heart,
to think what he would say, to encourage his frozen legs to move. Then he heard the voice and felt her touch on his shoulder.
"I still remember, Nick, the holiday in Hawaii," she spoke softly. He turned around, how dare she? How could she use this, after nearly a year of not speaking to him? How could she use that to make him listen? It wasn't fair, she didn't even give me a chance to get away, to forget the good times, he thought. This is emotional black mail, this isn't
right. He looked once again into those slate grey eyes, the eyes that had been so unfeeling, so cold. She was waiting for him to say something, he knew that, but he couldn't.
"Hi, Nick…" she said, trying to encourage a reaction. She had imagined so many scenarios but silence was not one of them. He spoke before he
knew what to say; the words formulated themselves in his mouth before his brain was aware of them.
"Don't make me do this." He turned slowly away from her and started walking. Fighting the tears that were threatening to spill. 'I won't let her see me cry again' he thought bitterly.
"Nick, Nick…please… don't let it happen again." Nick spun round; she couldn't land that on him.
"You can't say that, you have no right, no right at all."
"Nick, I'm sorry, I didn't know what I was doing, what I was losing. Please, can't you even spare a few minutes to listen to me?"
"How dare you? How dare you lay a guilt trip on me, you've had a year Chloe, twelve months to make me listen. Why should I make time for you now?" Chloe was silent for a minute, she had known she had hurt him a year ago, but she had hoped that maybe now he would just be angry or sad but she could see the hurt remained in his eyes, and in his voice now. 'Why did I do it?' She thought 'Maybe I should walk away
again, he's right I have no rights here. I should walk away again.' But she knew why she didn't; it would hurt this time.
"Why are you here Chloe? What do you want from me this time? I gave you the spotlight last time; I gave you everything you wanted. Did the tabloids or the talk show hosts stop calling, or isn't your book
selling so well anymore? So you thought you'd look me up again, screw me over again and break my heart again. Then you can write another book." The bitterness and hurt screamed out in his voice and spoke louder than the words.
"Is that all you remember, Nick? What about all the rest, Hawaii, the basketball champ, the tour bus? For gods sake Nick is that all you can remember?" she tried to remind him of all the good times, the fun they had had together.
"You're not being fair Chloe. That stuff was a long time ago and you can't use that. Those memories are sacred. I can't listen to you right now, I won't listen to you right now. We're in town for a while, but you know that don't you? Call me sometime if you really want to talk to me, 755 5924," he turned and left her standing in the street realising at last what she had done to him and how it may be impossible to undo it. To get back into his heart. She turned and continued with her shopping.
As soon as he got in Nick picked up the phone, he put it down again, who was he gonna call anyway? Brian. He always knew what to do when it came to Chloe, he had seen right through her from the beginning. Not that he had been willing to listen. He stood up and walked over to the window of the hotel room he was staying in. All the people were rushing
past, oblivious to anyone watching them. Just wanting to get on with their lives, not caring about anyone else around them, just about themselves and what was happening to them. He wanted trying to guess what each person was like, what was going on their lives. If only to get away from what had just come back into his life. The 'phone rang, he turned around to look at it. He couldn't move to pick it up, so he just stared at it. He didn't want to fall in love with her again, he
couldn't, but he knew if he let her back in. If he let her explain he would have no choice. She would win his heart again and he would have no control over the conflicting feeling that were even now pulsing
through his veins. It stopped ringing but he still stood straying at it, not thinking about talking to her now, not thinking about what would happen if he fell again. Just remembering how much he had loved
her, how much fun they had had and how it had all been a fake. How she had exploited his pain on the talk shows to the newspapers, and in her book.
There was a knock at the door.
"Nick, are you in there? Why aren't you answering the phone?" It was Brian, Nick shook off the memories, good and bad and went to answer the door.
"Hi, sorry I was miles away." Nick sat down and returned to his contemplation. After a few minutes when neither Nick nor Brian had said anything Brian stood up.
"OK, spill it. What is wrong? I haven't seen you like this since…for ages," Nick looked up and he could see her in his eyes, the look he had when she was on his mind. Brian hadn't seen that look for months, he
dreaded finding out what had set off this bout of nostalgia.
"She's back. She wants to talk to me." Nick wasn't going to tell him, he knew exactly what was coming. A round of what are you doings, some don't you remember what she did, and a couple of you can't do this to
your self, type remarks.
"She's back? What? Chloe's back? Oh shit Nick what happened?" Nick explained what happened, he didn't do it consciously, he just needed to say it aloud to get his brain to process it. Brian just happened to be
listening.
"You told her to call you? Come on Nick you know what I'm gonna say, and I know you don't want to hear it." Brian stood up, he couldn't stop Nick doing this, he could only help pick up the pieces afterwards. Nick
had to make his own mistakes, even if that meant repeating them before he learned. "Just try not to get hurt."
Chloe sat in a park the next day with her mobile phone in her hand. She wanted to call him so much. Talk to him; capture the best time in her life back again. Explain to him… 'Explain what?' She hadn't left him for any valid reason, it wasn't like she was scared of loving him too much, and she didn't have any mini-trauma that stopped her from being able to commit to him. She had just got bored and she hadn't realised how special he was, she hadn't realised what she was losing. She hadn't realised what she had lost until the whirlwind of publicity had stopped. True, she had been cruel, heartless and she had milked the situation for all it was worth. And she hadn't thought of him the entire time. She hadn't thought that possibly she was killing him, tearing his heart to shreds with every article, every TV appearance. She saw now and the more she thought about it the more she knew that he was right to turn her away, he had every right to tear her to shreds. She also knew that she should leave him to get on with his life. She knew that for his sake she shouldn't call him but she knew that she couldn't just leave it now. She wanted the good times back, she wanted him back.
Nick stood by the window, watching the people again. Different people, different lives. He had thought a lot about what had happened yesterday. He thought about what had happened while he and Chloe had been together, he thought about what had happened after she had left. When he was away from her he could hate her he could ignore the instinctual attraction that wasn't a merely physical attraction but something deeper. When he was away from her he could see it from
Brian's point of view and he knew all the reasons why he should have nothing more to do with her, why he should never speak to her again. He made up his mind he wouldn't let her in, he wouldn't let her hurt him
again. His mind was made up.
The phone rang, he knew it was her. He didn't know how but he was sure it was her. He hardened his resolve to let her have it, he would really let rip, hell hath no fury like Nick. He picked up the phone but said nothing.
"Hello, Nick." His resolve started to fade, maybe he should forget about the hell fury bit…
"Hi."
"I missed you so much," his hate dissolved into a puddle of forgotten emotion, distant and inaccessible. "I'm sorry Nick I know I can do nothing to make up for what I did to you but" he wanted to be close to her again he wanted to kiss her and hug her, and oh god he needed her again. His decision and fury and bitterness was gone he couldn't not be in love with her. He didn't care what he was letting himself in for. He
needed her and that was all he knew.
"I missed you too, Chloe."
I've moved on
I don't want this anymore
I resent our time
Because it ended
You left me on my own
When I needed you the most
I was alone
My heart still needs you
But my mind is closed
Don't open the door
I may just need you more
