I held Andrea's hand as she lay in the hospital bed. She looked so
cold and pale. There were tubes through almost every part of her body.
I watched as her stomach slowly rose up and down. That and the constant
beeping of the respirator were the only signs that she was still alive.
Andrea had been in a coma for the past month. The worst and longest month
of my life. I don't think I left the hospital once since she was admitted.
Only a month ago, she and I were walking down the sidewalk...
"I'm so happy you're finally home, Brian. You don't know how much I've
missed you" Andrea told me. She squeezed my hand tighter. I smiled at her,
wrapped my arm around her shoulders and kissed her forehead.
"It was hell without you" I replied. My heart ached, thinking of the
past 3 months without her. Andrea nodded and bit her lip.
"I have to go into the hospital next week" she replied. My heart froze and I
stopped in my tracks.
"What? Why? Are you okay? Is it serious? Why didn't you tell me before"
I asked, confused. Andrea closed her eyes briefly. Then she took my hand again
and led me to the bench. We sat down and she again let go of my hand.
Her eyes closed again and my mind raced.
"I'm sick, Brian. The doctors don't know what it is" she explained. My stomach
started to ache and I felt about to throw up.
"Is it serious?" I asked. Andrea nodded and looked at the ground.
"Yeah it is. I would've told you earlier, but I couldn't tell you over
the phone" she replied softly. I stared at her and my heart was about to
burst.
"Are you going to be okay?" I asked. Andrea sighed and shrugged her shoulders.
"I don't know" she whispered. A single tear rolled down her cheek. I put
my arms around Andrea and held her tight. I felt her trembling in my arms.
A few minutes later, Andrea said she felt tired and said she wanted to
go home. I took her hand and we began walking again. Suddenly her hand
let go of mine and she calapsed to the ground.
"Andrea!" I cried, kneeling to her side. Andrea sat on the ground, looking scared
and pale.
"I can't feel my legs! I can't feel my legs!" she exclaimed. Andrea began
to panic and pulling on my shirt. My mind was racing, but I remained calm. I
took my cell phone from my coat pocket. I dialed 911 and reported Andrea's
incident. I tucked the phone back into my coat and put my arms around Andrea
again.
"It's gonna be okay. I'm here baby" I said gently. Andrea was sobbing and
gasping for air because of her tears. I held her until I heard her stop
crying. I could also hear the wails of the sirens in the distance. I let
go of Andrea and she slumped to the ground. She was now lying down.
"Andrea?" I asked. No answer. Andrea's eyes were closed, but she was still
breathing. Did she fall asleep? I quickly erased that idea and picked
Andrea off the ground. I carried her to the bench and whipped the strands
of blonde hair away from her pale face. Then the ambulance pulled up on the
street.
Tears rolled silently down my face as I stared at my girlfriend. I was ordered to
leave the room so that the doctors could check up on her. I kissed her cheek and
left the room. I sat down in the chair outside Andrea's room. I placed
my head in my hands and more tears rolled down my face. How could this
happen to Andrea? Suddenly a burst of anger rushed through my body.
I jumped from my chair and ran down the hall. Doctors and nurses called
for me to stop, I ignored them. I ran down the eight flights of stairs
and emerged in the April sunshine. I calapsed to my knees and began crying
uncontrollably. Crying for Andrea, crying for myself. But most of all, crying
for us. After almost three years together, we had hardly talked about
our future. Where we thought the two of us would end up. Would we be together?
Would we be in a new relationship? My life was so crazy and I never
noticed until now how patient Andrea had been. She would wait for months
on time before she could see me again. She was so understanding of my situation.
And I had never told her thank-you for it. I also noticed that I had never told
Andrea that I loved her. She had told me everytime she talked to me, I just
said, "me too". But those three wonderful words never were in the same
sentence when I talked to her. I stopped crying and stood up slowly. I
whipped my eyes and raced back into the hospital. I took the elevator this time,
figuring it would get me there faster.
The elevator doors opened and I stepped into the hallway. I took a deep breath
and gathered my thoughts. I began my journey down the crowded hospital
hallway. I hesitated at Andrea's room. The door was closed. I clasped my hand
around the metal door knob and froze. Through the tiny window on the door, I saw
about ten doctos gathered around Andrea's bed. What is going on? I turned
the knob and opened the door. I stepped into the room, unnoticed. It was when I
closed the door behind me that a doctor turned around. He ran to me and put his
hand on my shoulder.
"You'd better leave Mr. Littrell. I don't think you want to be here" he replied
opening the door. I slammed it shut again and turned to face the doctor.
"Yes I do. Let me see Andrea please" I demanded sternly. The doctor backed off and
let me walk to Andrea's side. I grabbed her hand. It was freezing cold. I stared at
Andrea's sweet face. Her cheeks no longer held that rosy glow that I remember so
well. They now held a yellowish, haunting color. I reached out and put my hand on
her cheek. My eyes began to water. A single sob excaped from my throat. Another
doctor put his arm around my shoulders.
"I'm sorry" he said gently. I shrugged his arm off my shoulder.
"No!" I cried. I fell to Andrea's bedside and rested my head on her stomach.
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I felt nothing. No beep from the respirator, no
up and down of Andrea's stomach. Nothing. Andrea was dead. I got to my feet and
leaned over to Andrea's face.
"I love you" I whispered. I kissed her lips softly and stepped back from the bed.
Even though Andrea wasn't breathing, I knew she heard me. And that's what gave me
the power to walk out of her room.
Knowing that she heard me that day, I was able to continue on living.
Email: panda_angelaj@hotmail.com
