***********************************************
And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you're feelin' hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And then you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you (Mariah Carey - Hero)
************************************************
Months passed. Brian got sicker and finally had to stop performing, which was one of the
hardest things he had to do. The guys, not wanting to go on without him, postponed all of
their shows and events until further notice. I had a feeling that "further
notice" would never come.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Winter and spring came and went as Brian grew sicker and weaker. Early one cool summer
morning, I woke up with a start from a bad dream. I ran into Brian's room to check on him.
There he was, in
his bed, like always. He heard me come in and sat up, loud coughs shaking his once -
muscular body. He patted a spot on the bed next to him, inviting me to sit with him.
I accepted and rested my head on his shoulder. We talked for awhile, mostly about nothing:
the latest basketball scores, how the Wildcats had played, stuff like that.
Sometimes I wish I could go back and fill up that empty space with so many things I
want to say to him right now.
About an hour after I came in, Brian held out his arms for a hug. I didn't think it would be one of our last.
"I think I'm gonna go to sleep now. Would you hold me until I'masleep, hon? You know I hate sleeping alone when I'm sick," he murmured.
"You hate sleeping alone anyway!" I grinned.
"True," he admitted.
I kissed him tenderly on the lips, then hugged him close.
"Don't leave me. Not now."
He looked at me through his tears and smiled. "I will never leave you. I'll always be with you, watching over you."
"I know. It's just...."
"Shhh." He put his finger to my lips.
"Baby...." I trailed off, at loss for words. What do you say to a dying boyfriend?
"I love you. Always, forever...." he said, singing a bit of "That's What She Said".
"I love you, too, my Baby Duck. Always, forever," I said softly.
He closed those electric blue eyes I loved so much for the last time. His hand, fingers entwined with mine, went limp. Brian, my B-Rok, my Baby Duck, my first real boyfriend, my best friend, the first person I ever really loved, was gone.
You might think that after all those months of waiting and wondering, knowing but not knowing, all my emotions would just spill out right there. You'd be wrong. Even though that's what I thought would happen, it's not. I sat there on the bed, tracing the lines of his pale, peaaceful face with my fingers, as if to engrave them into my memory. I kissed his lips, already starting to become cool, let go of his hand, smoothed back his ruffled hair, and went to break the news.
