*********************************
In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent revire
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here (Sarah McLaughlin - Angel)
**********************************
As I walked into Nick's room, a lump rose into my throat as
I realized just what I was doing. The words I was going to say in the next few minutes
would change his life forever. Once they were out, I couldn't take them back. We all knew
that it would eventually happen, but that didn't make it any easier for me. I was going to
be the one to break it to the guys, because Brian had told me that if he were in their
shoes, he'd rather hear it from someone he loved and cared about rather than from a
doctor, a total stranger.
Nick woke up, and it was then that I realized it - he already knew -or at least guessed.
Best friends have a special connection, and when it's gone, you know it.
He bit his lip and, for a minute, I thought he was going to cry. I expected him to; but he
regained his composure. Later he told me he thought he had to be strong for me.
"When?" he asked, and I told him. I sat next to him on the edge ofthe bed,
looking at him as it soaked in. His tangled, silky blond hair hung in his blue eyes, so
much like Brian's, as he hung his head and silent tears streamed down his sunburnt cheeks.
I put my arms around him and let him cry into my shoulder. Strangely enough, I didn't cry
with him. It felt so weird, knowing I should be crying, but not.
"Nick, we gotta go tell everyone else," I whispered in his ear. He nodded and
stood up.
"I thought I prepared myself," he said quietly. "I thought I knew when. I
wanted to be there."
I put my arm around him and we headed downstairs.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Later that day, after talking to the guys and my best friends, I went back into my room
and sat down on my bed. I knew I shouldn't have been alone, but I was in too much shock to
really think about anything except how I was going to live my life without Brian. My eye
caught a framed picture of Brian and me at our senior prom. I looked away, tears filling
my eyes for the first time. I turned on the radio to take my mind off it, only to find
"I'll Never Break Your Heart" playing. I listened to it for awhile, the
harmonies filling my room and the sweet sounds of Brian's voice echoing in my ears.
"But Brian," I said out loud, and mostly to myself, "yes, you did. You
broke my heart."
I knew it would be a risk to love him. I could have broken off the relationship when I found out. But I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't leave him when he needed me the most.
"Now I need you, but you aren't here. You promised
you'd never leave me, but you have," I whispered into thin air. I could still hear
his voice, only hours ago. Was it only hours? It seemed like a lifetime.
~*Flashback*~
"Don't leave me. Not now."
"I will never leave you, baby. I'll always be with you. I love you."
"I love you too, my Baby Duck."
~*End flashback*~
"Love is always a risk," Howie once said. I could never figure out what that
meant until now. It was never more clear to me.
I turned the radio off, buried my face in my pillow, and cried until I didn't have any tears left.
